Powerless (The Powerless Trilogy, #1)

by Lauren Roberts

“I know you feel it too,” he says quietly. “Feel what?” “Feel alive. Feel on fire. Feel.”

“Pae, when I look at you… I’m devastated. I’m drowning. I’m dying to catch my breath.”

“Look at me and tell me you don’t feel the same.” Silence. And then— “I don’t feel the same, Kai.” Lies. Lies. Liar.

“Now answer again,” his murmur is amused, “but without tapping your left foot this time.” My mouth falls open. His lips are smiling against my ear, and I’m trying not to focus on the feel of it. “I… I don’t—”

“God, you’re stunning.” Rough fingers have never felt so gentle against my skin as he brushes a strand of wet hair out of my eyes. “But so damn stubborn.”

I can’t do this anymore. I can’t not give in to the temptation that is him. I’m suddenly unable to think of a single reason why I’m fighting this, why I sh...

His lips meet mine. Barely. It’s the whisper of a kiss, a promise of passion. And yet, I ...

He knows exactly what he’s doing. And yet, he’s taking me in as though he doesn’t want to rush this moment. His thumb has found my bottom lip where it’s now trailing lazily, igniting a fire inside me. “You promised that I could touch you when I was sober.” My breath hitches and the corners of his lips twitch in response. I was not expecting him to say that. I was not even expecting him to remember my hasty promise from the last ball. He ducks his head, his mouth suddenly a breath away from mine once more. “But I’m never sober around you, Pae. Never not drunk on every detail that is you.”

I’m speechless. Utterly speechless that this boy could feel so much. Feel so much for me.

“If I kiss you—really kiss you, like how I’ve wanted to, how I’ve waited to—should I expe...

She flicked my nose. I never knew a heart could feel so much, could be so affected by the flick of a finger.

“I guess you’ll have to kiss me to find out.” Oh, and I plan on doing just that. I’ve barely been able to hold myself back from wanting to hold her.

She’s so beautiful, I can hardly believe it, hardly breathe. Her soul is stunning. Her very being is bright and bold and so unbelievably better than I am. She is a good beyond my grasp, one that I a...

It’s a privilege to look into those eyes, to drown in the e...

Because everything about her is too right and everything about me is too wrong. But I’m selfish. I take what I want, and what...

Her mouth is pulled into a soft smile that only draws my lips closer to hers. She doesn’t pull away. Perhaps the beast can earn the beauty after all.

Her eyes flutter shut against the rain still relentlessly falling on us, and I don’t think I’ve ever witnessed a more beautiful moment. “My pretty Pae, what have you done to me?” I murmur, my nose brushing hers.

“I hope whatever you have to say is worth losing your tongue over for interrupting us.” I see the Imperial shift on his feet out of the corner of my eye, equally uncomfortable and concerned. “Sir, um, you are, uh—”

Paedyn looks like she wants to stab him, and I’m considering letting her do just that. Still not deeming him worthy enough to look at, I speak toward Pae as I say to the Imperial, “Spit it out before I make you. Or before I let the lady do the honors.”

“It’s the king,” the Imperial blurts, no doubt knowing he won’t be able to get my attention again once my mouth has met hers. “It’s urgent.” It was not, in fact, urgent. And I am, in fact, seriously contemplating carving out that Imperial’s tongue because of it.

Fortunately, I’ve never been one to lust after love. Especially that of our father. I gave up on that the day his blade met my skin for the first time.

And then I see her. Silver hair pinned up, swaying with each stride. Twenty-eight freckles dotting her nose, though I can’t count them from here. Lips I have yet to truly taste pressing together, and ocean eyes crashing into mine.

I give her something then—a smile. One that is meant only for her.

There’s nothing I can say to her, no time to taunt her with teasing words, if only to ensure she will stay alive long enough to punch me in the face when this is all over. So I don’t say a thing. I raise my hand and flick nothing but the air in front of me as I hold her gaze. Plagues, the glowing grin she gi...

I stagger forward, tripping into a run. I force myself to go faster, ignoring the protest of pain shooting up my foot. “Adena?” This can’t be right. This can’t be happening.

Her beautiful form is broken and bleeding. Her knees sink into the sand, and her hands are tightly tied behind her back. Tears streak down her once glowing, dark skin, now dull and drenched with blood.

I’ve never heard Adena cry. Even after losing her parents as I had, after being beaten for attempting to steal those sticky buns she loves so much, after shivering on the streets—nothing has ever broken her. Nothi...

And I know in this moment that I will see it every time I shut my eyes. All it takes is one brutally blunt branch. One single, broken branch to break her. The gnarled wood flies, guided by an invisible force before it meets her back, skewering her right through the chest. The scream couldn’t even tear from my throat fast enough. “Adena!”

Then her gaze slowly climbs up to mine as I stumble into a sprint, tears blurring my vision. The sound of screaming fills my ears. I think it might be coming from me. She crumples.

I reach Adena before she hits the ground, gathering her into my arms as I gently lower her into the sand. I’m cradling her head while her bloody body is draped across my lap. Tears are streaming down my face. Screams are crawling up my throat.

“You’re going to be fine, A.” My hands are shaking as I tenderly touch the wound, my voice shaking as words spill out of me as quickly as my tears. “You hear me? You are going to be fine and when you are, I’m going to get you so many sticky buns that even you will grow sick of them. Okay?”

“Help! Please, somebody help!” But my cries are drowned out by the cheers of the crowd, leaving me to whisper my pleas. “Help her. Please. Please.” I look down at Adena through the tears in my eyes. “You have to stay with me.” My voice breaks. I break. “You have to promise me you’ll stay—”

Even in the face of death, she smiles. Death. She’s dying. “No, no, no…” My words are a sob, a shaky cry. “Don’t say that. You’re fine. Everything is going to be fine!”

“Promise you’ll wear it for me?” I blink at her, only blurring my vision with more tears. “What?” “The vest.” Her voice is barely a whisper, forcing me to lean forward to hear her as she says, “Th-the green one with the pockets.” She takes a wheezing breath before ragged coughs rack her body. Blood stains her lips and slips from the corners of her mouth, but she continues, determined as ever. “The stitching took me ages and I’d hate for all my… h-hard work to go to waste.” An equal part sob and hysterical laugh escape me. “I promise, A. I’ll wear it every day for you.”

She smiles the kind of sad smile one would think the sun does when setting. Warm and wonderful. Worn out and weary. Ready to say goodbye, to take a break from having to be a constant source of light. Relief at the prospect of rest.

Her eyes flutter shut, and I’m suddenly so terrified I’ll never get another glimpse of that hazel gaze again. “Please,” I whisper, pulling her closer to me. “Please don’t leave me, A. You’re a...

Death is too dark for Adena, too bleak for her brightness, too undeserving of her dazzling soul. Her eyelids crack open, revealing a sliver of those hazel eyes for me to memorize one last time. She struggles to speak, struggles to take shallow breaths. “Thi...

My body shakes with sobs as I stroke her beautiful face, remembering those words as the same ones she had said to me before I left Loot. Only then, her phrase was accompanied by smiles and waves, so sure that she would see me again. And now she never will. It should have been me. It was supposed ...

A wave of guilt crashes over me, threatening to drown me like my tears. This is all my fault. She’s only here because of my forgetfulness, my selfishness. I brought her here after I ha...

“I need you to know that I will never forget you, A,” I choke out through my sobs. “Not in this lifet...

She barely manages a nod before her eyes flutter shut. I sob, my body slumping over her as I press my forehead to ...

With lips pulled into a soft smile, I hear her take a shuddering breath. Take her final breath. Leaving me shaking. Leaving me screa...

Utter anguish. Utter agony. Utterly alone. That is what I hear in her cry. I’m rooted to the spot, unable to tear my feet out of the sand or my eyes from her crumpled form. I barely saw the branch before it ran the criminal through. No, not a criminal—Adena.

Paedyn is sinking into the sand, rocking back and forth as she clutches the lifeless form of her best friend against her chest. I heard countless stories about the two of them together during the first Trial. Paedyn’s love for her friend was evident then, but now it’s written all over her face, riddled with each cry. I never imagined I would see her weep, but even the strongest among us break down, burdened and buried by grief.

I barely hear the cheering crowd over the roaring grief in my head, my heart. I clutch her against me, my forehead resting atop her soft curls. I can still smell the faintest scent of honey on her, sticking to her hair and body. She always smelled like honey. She always smelled like home.

They broke her fingers. They are bent at odd angles, bleeding, bruised. Those small and slender hands are mangled, a mockery of what they once were, of what they could do. Before death, the thing that made her feel most alive was taken from her. Her sewing hands. Her talented fingers. Broken. Then they broke her.

This man has taken everything from me. This king has killed the only family I’ve ever known. First my father, and now Adena.

He knows because he showed me that tunnel and its key. He knows because he trusted me with that information. Kitt knows that I betrayed him. He holds my gaze, looking so hurt, so horrified, so full of hatred. His eyes are so cold that I nearly shiver under his stare. The boy glaring down at me is devoid of every bit of warmth, every bit of charm I’ve come to know. He is cold. He is callous. He is like this because of me. He is his father.

Grunts echo from the contestants near me and my gaze lands on Kai only a few paces away, eyes squeezed shut against the pain. My heart constricts at the sight of him clutching his head, sinking to his knees in the sand.

The Silencer standing before Kai stiffens. His eyes are wide, sweat slicking his brow. He opens his mouth as if to shout something, a warning. And then— Kai erupts in flames.