Last Light

by Claire Kent

His jaw softens. “I’m a decent guy, Layne. I’m not gonna hurt you or ask for anythin’ you don’t wanna give.”

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“How is it?” he rasps at last. “G-good. Real good. You feel really…” “What?” “Big.” “Yeah?” Once again, I hear that note of surprised pleasure in his tone. I huff with strained amusement. “You like it when I say that, don’t you?” “Course I do. How big do you think I am?” “Very big.” I wiggle my butt, making both of us moan. “Very, very big.”

He feels sated to me. Like he’s close to falling asleep. I want him to. I want to give him what he needs. Not just in sex, but in other things too. It matters, taking care of someone else, even at the end of the world. I’d almost forgotten I had it in me.

“I wish we had ice,” I say. One of those stupid, futile comments that everyone says now and then. Remembering when things were better. Easier.

He huffs in amusement and rocks his hips. “Layne, I’m inside you, and it don’t get any better’n that. It’s gonna feel good to me. I promise.”

“I

like crows too. They have such attitudes. It always seems like they’re talking right at you.” “They probably are. Crows are one of the few birds that can identify specific people.” “Really? I didn’t know that.” “Yep. Crows are real smart. When I was a kid, the boy next door used to scream and throw things at a couple of crows who would hang out on our street. Wasn’t long, every crow in town would squawk their heads off at that boy anytime they saw him. I’m pretty sure the crows on my street told all the other crows about him. They all hated that kid.”

He’s still as good a traveling companion as I could ever hope for, but it’s not the same. We feel like partners. That hasn’t changed. But we don’t feel like a couple anymore. And there’s no sense in lying to myself. I want to be a couple with him. I want to be everything with him. I’m not silly enough to expect it will happen. Happily-ever-afters don’t exist in the world anymore. There’s still a good chance that one or both of us will die before we make it to Fort Knox.

“And I’ll kill myself before any of you can touch me,” I say, trying to sound as fierce as Travis. I’m terrified.

It happens so fast I can barely process it. He reaches into my neckline and pulls one breast out of my tank top, taking the nipple into his mouth. Teasing and nipping until I’m whimpering loudly. “Travis, please,” I gasp, squeezing his abdomen between my thighs. “I can’t wait. I need it now. Now!”

It matters—even at the end of the world. Doing right by the people you love. I’ll hold on to him tonight. And I’ll let him go tomorrow.

“The women can decide for themselves,” Mack says, meeting Travis’s eyes. “But look at me, man. You think, even before it all went to shit, I had a lot of days when I wasn’t somebody’s target?” I stare at him, strangely affected by his words. He’s big and handsome and rock hard. He’s still a soldier even though the Army as we knew it doesn’t exist anymore. Travis’s mouth tightens almost imperceptibly as he holds Mack’s gaze. “Yeah. Yeah. Got it. Thanks. Be glad to have you with us.” He looks over at Anna. “You’re in too?” “I’m in. I’ll talk to Maisey and Jenna, but I’m sure they’ll follow our lead.” “Okay. It’s a plan then. We wait till dark.” Travis catches my eye. His expression softens just slightly. He raises a hand to brush his thumb along my cheek.

I don’t have anyone in my life like that. Just my ninth grade English teacher.

All the other people I share a history with are dead and gone. I don’t even have Travis anymore.

I jerk in surprise when I hear Travis’s hoarse voice saying, “I get a bullet in the chest, and she decides to take a li’l nap.” I straighten up with a gasp. His eyes are open and resting on me. They’re bleary but aware, and the corner of his pale mouth is turned up.

I say the most irrelevant thing. “You took a bullet in the shoulder, not the chest. It didn’t even do much damage.” “Hurts like the devil.”

His eyes never leave my face, and the look of them makes my heart clamp down tight.

How do people handle feeling this way? How do they live every day and go about their business with this kind of storm of emotion inside them? How do they ever manage to share the feelings with someone else? “What were you…?” Travis clears his throat. He drops his eyes. “I wanted to ask… I was wonderin’ what you were thinkin’ about doin’ now?”

His face twists. “Darlin’. I’m doin’ a terrible job of sayin’ this. I’ll try again. You’re not gonna lose me. Not unless you want me gone. I’m gonna do whatever you do. If you wanna join Maria, then I’ll trail around behind you like a lost puppy. Me and the dog. Or if you wanna hook up with Mack or some other man, I’ll make myself a third wheel and I’ll practice deep breathin’ so I don’t beat the man’s face in for gettin’ to touch you like I… Or if you wanna stick with

the caravan after all, I’ll learn to be

patient and put up with not bein’ in control. You’re not gonna lose me, Layne. But I’m tryin’ to tell you that you don’t have to fuck me to keep me. You have me, even if you never want me to touch you again.” ...

His face changes. His eyes blaze. “If you want him… if you really want him… this old hillbilly is already yours.” I’m

I’m wearing one of the house’s former occupant’s oversized shirts. I slide my hand down to Travis’s groin and massage him through his underwear. “I’ve been doing my best to take care of you.” “I got no complaints about that.” He’s starting to get hard under my hand, and he rolls his hips into my touch. “But I love you. And some kind of miracle happened, and you love me back. And because of this damn gunshot, you won’t let me make love to you. It’s enough to make a man crazy.” I lean over to kiss him, still caressing him through the fabric of his underwear. “It won’t be forever.” “It feels like forever.” “I don’t want you to do anything to hurt yourself more.”

He spends a long time, just kissing and caressing me. Both my heart and my body are ready when he finally spreads my thighs apart and lines himself up at my entrance. “Oh darlin’,” he murmurs as he eases himself in. “I’ve missed you like this. I’ve missed you so much.”

“We all live our lives in just a snapshot of time. Maybe it was never the sun setting on us. Maybe it was always the sunrise.” He moves his coffee cup into his left hand so he can twine his fingers with mine. “I think maybe it was.”

“I know I stink too, so you don’t have to say it.” He shakes his head. “You don’t stink.” “That lie is not very convincing.” “Not a lie. I like how you smell.” He doesn’t appear to be trying to flatter me. Just saying what he believes to be true. “How do I smell?” I ask, genuinely curious. He clears his throat and glances away. His cheeks are slightly flushed, and I can tell he’s self-conscious. This is the same man who got embarrassed from getting a look under my shirt and holding a box of tampons and

He hasn’t changed that much. He’s still adorably shy. But he tells me the truth right now. “You smell like mine.”

When I don’t answer immediately, he shoots me a quick look. “What?” “Nothing. Just that you’re going to get some really goo...

“Yeah?” “Oh yeah.” “Before or after the showers?” “I don’t know yet. We’ll ha...

He kisses me and kisses me and kisses me some more. Then he takes off my clothes and caresses me until I’m arching and whimpering. I’ve been working on his clothes as much as I can, but he finally gets impatient, stands up, and strips down to nothing in about three seconds. Then he turns me over on my hands and knees and fucks me until I come. I’ve barely caught my breath before he’s rolling over onto his back and pulling me on top of him. I straddle his hips and ride him eagerly until both of us reach hard releases.

A ring. A gold ring with a pretty little diamond solitaire. An engagement ring. I gape down at it, utterly stunned. He clears his throat again. “It’s okay if you don’t… I know it’s not the most important thing. But I wanted… I wanted to make it official. That I love you. That you’re everythin’ to me. That I’ll be yours forever. If… if… that’s what you want.” My eyes are swimming in tears as I finally drag my gaze from the ring in his hand. “Where did you get that?” “Found it. Been lookin’ for a while now. And Mack helped me dig up a couple of wedding bands. I think they’ll fit us. Cheryl said there’s been a preacher moved into their little town. So he could probably…” He shifts from foot to foot. “If you want.”