Satori in Paris & Pic

by Jack Kerouac

And we go into a record store at’s full of men fishin through the record racks and jumpin up and down while they do so like they jess can’t wait.

“Whee! Look what I found!”

Ain’t nothin but music and noise in there, and a whole bunch of men out front jumpin jess the same way. Whoo, what fun! Slim, he went fishin and jumpin like ever’body else, and come up with a record, and yelled “Whee! Look what I found!” and ran to the man and throwed him a dollar.

Well, there was Sheila, and I liked her jess as quick as I laid my eyes on her.

Well, there was Sheila, and I liked her jess as quick as I laid my eyes on her. She was a slim purty gal ’at wore glasses with red horn rims, and a purty red sweater, and purty green skirt, and fine jigglets on her wrists, and when we come in she was standin at the stove makin coffee and readin the paper all at the same time, and looked at us s’prised.

“Looky yonder your new son, mother dear, ain’t he somethin fine?”

“Baby!” Slim yelled out, and run up and hugged her, and spun her round, and kissed her smack upon the mouth, and said “Looky yonder your new son, mother dear, ain’t he somethin fine?” “Is that Pic?” she said, and come over and took both my hands, and lookt at me down in the eye. “I can see you’ve been havin lots of trouble lately haven’t you, little boy,” she said, and I don’t know how she could tell that, but she did, and I tried to smile to show I liked for her to be so nice but I was jess a little too bashful. “Well won’t you smile sometime?” she said, and I had to go freeze there so foolish and said but jess “Uh-huh” and look away. Doggone it!

Slim said “I’ll buy him clothes first thing in the mornin,” and Sheila said “How you gonna do that without money?”

“Doggone it. what are we goin to do now?”

“What do you mean no money?” Slim said, and Sheila said, “I don’t like to tell you and Slopjaw, and everybody, and Pic here, but I went and lost my job day before yesterday because they’re tearin down the building where the restaurant was down on Madison avenue and puttin up a new office building.” “Office building?” Slim yelled. “Did you say office building? What’s they goin to do with a office building? Ain’t nobody get to eat in no office building.” “You talk silly,” Sheila said, and look at him sad. “Why shoo, all they’ve got to do is go round the corner to eat in a restaurant.” “Then they put up another office building there and then where do you go?” said Slim, and then heaved a sigh. “Doggone it. what are we goin to do now?” He turned off the record, and looked round the kitchen, and began walkin up and down in it, and worried himself to death. I seed then how Slim had worried before about a lots of things. His face dragged down awesome and his eyes jess went starin straight ahead and his bones of his face stuck out from his cheeks and made him look old. Poor Slim, I never forget that look on his face when I think about him now. “Dog-gone,” he jess say, over and over, “dog-gone.” Then he look at Sheila and she didn’t know it but his face flinch a little bit like if they was pain way down deep in his heart, and he come back to say “Dog-gone!” and be starin straight ahead after that, and for a long awesome time. Lord, Lord, Slim always tried so hard to explain to me and ever’body else the things on his mind, like he done then. “Dog-gone it, are we goin to be beat all the time or ever make a livin around here? When will our troubles end? I’m tired of bein poor. My wife is tired of bein poor. I guess the world is tired of bein poor, because I’m tired of bein poor. Lord a mercy who’s got some money? I know I ain’t got some money and that’s for sure, now look” and show his empty pocket.

“It’s so hard to get a job that you can’t stick to all your life,” Slim said.

“It’s so hard to get a job that you can’t stick to all your life,” Slim said. “I wish I could get a job playin tenor in a club and make my livin that way, and express myself with that horn. Show ever’body how I feel by the way I play, and make them see how happy I can be and ever’body can be. Make them learn how to enjoy life and do good in life and unnerstand the world. A whole lot of things. Play sometimes about God, by the way I can make my horn pray in the blues and get down on my knees to signify. Play in such a way as to show ever’body how hard a man tries all the time, and make somebody learn that. I want to be like a schoolteacher with that horn, or like a preacher, but show ever’body that jess a musician can do so simple a thing as take a horn in his hand, and blow in it, and finger the stops, yet be a preacher and a schoolteacher in the result of what he’s doin. I tear my heart out wherever I go. All over this country I’ve been, and “ain’t been liked because I was colored, by people who don’t mind their own personal business, and don’t want me to do good, but I’ve tore my heart out with that horn. That horn is the only way people come to listen to me. They won’t talk on the street, but they’ll clap and yell hooray when I’m on the bandstand, and smile at me. Well I smile back, I ain’t cool about people, nor cool about nothin. I like to respond and listen and be with people. I feel good most of the time, and do it. Lord a mercy, I sure wantsa live and have my place in the world like they call it and I’m ready to work if I can only work with my horn, because that’s the way I like to work and I don’t know how to run a machine. Well, I ain’t learned yet anyway, and like my horn better, I do. Ar-tist, I’m a ar-tist, jess like Mehoodi Lewin and the columnist in the paper and whoozit. I got a million ideas and can shore pour them out of that horn, and I ain’t doin so bad pourin them without the horn. Sheila,” he say to her, “less eat some supper and worry about ever’thing tomorrow. I’m hungry and want my strength back. Throw some beans in there, and after supper make a lunch for tomorrow noontime.”

I had me a fine cot-bed to sleep on all night.

He’s been fired more times than he’s been hired.”

“I jess can’t work any more today, my arms is tied in a knot.” And that’s all he said, and we went home with one mornin’s pay in a envelope, $3.50.

Shoo, what’s I goin to do with a thirty-five-dollar paycheck any how when the groceries theirselves cost about twenty, and the rent’s took up the rest.

“Yes, thass right, a job, and not only that I got a horn for you.”

“Do I have to wear a suit?”

“Do I have to wear a suit?” Charley said he shore did have to because the boss man at the Pink Cat was jess complete persnickity about such things and wouldn’t pay Slim no five dollars if he didn’t like him.

Grandpa, life ain’t happy, and then it’s happy, and goes on like that till you die, and you don’t know why, and can’t ask nobody but God, and He don’t say nothin, do He?

“that suit of yours is a little beat.”

“Only thing, Slim,” Charley said, “that suit of yours is a little beat.” Slim’s suit was his onliest suit, and it was a old blue coat with the whitebelly insides showin out under the arms, and there was a rip in the pants he didn’t have time to sew up. Charley said “I know it’s the only suit but this Pink Cat joint is s’posed to be a cocktail lounge, you know, nobody’s satisfied anymore with a regular old saloon.”

“less go play some music.”

“Well,” Slim laughed, and didn’t care, “less go play some music.” And we all went in the Pink Cat Club suit or no suit, on time or early or what-all, you know. Well, it was early. The boss wasn’t there yet. The bandstand wasn’t lit up. Folks was drinkin at the bar and playin the big jukebox machine and talkin low. Slim ran up the bandstand, and clicked on the light. “Come on Charley, let’s have some piano.” Charley allowed it was too early and hung back shy, but Slim allowed no such thing and dragged him up there. Charley said the other boys in the band wasn’t here yet but it made no difference to Slim. The other man that was with us, he was the drummer, and didn’t say nothin, but just sat down behind Slim and knocked the drum and chewed his gum. Well, when Charley seen this he decided to sit down at the piano and play the music too.

Sheila bought me a Coca-Cola and made me sit down in the corner by myself to watch. She stood up right in front of Slim whilst he played his first number and didn’t ever move from there till he was finished, and he played the whole first song to her.

Ever’body at the bar jumped when they heard him.

Slim, he was walkin up and down where he was and jess carryin along that jump-song goin as fast, well, like that bus I was tellin you about earlier.

Slim, he was walkin up and down where he was and jess carryin along that jump-song goin as fast, well, like that bus I was tellin you about earlier. He was pushin the horn to go ever’ old way zippin here and zoopin there, he then all drawed-out himself on one breath way high up, and threw it way down “BAWP” and back again in the middle, and the drummer-man looked up from his crashing sticks and yelled “Go Slim!” jess like that. Charley, he was poundin on the piano with all his fingers spread, blam, jess when Slim is catchin his breath, and blam again when Slim comes back. Grandpa, Slim had more breath than ten men and could go on all night like that. Wow, I never heard anything like it, and anybody makin some noise and music by himself. Sheila, she jess sat there grinnin at her old Slim and knocked her hands together under the table to the beat of the drum. Well, I done the same thing. I shore wished I could dance right then.

Oh, he talked and talked with that thing and told his story all over again, to me, to Sheila and ever’body.

He was holdin, and pushin that horn in front of him like it was his life he was rasslin with, and jess as solemn about it, and unhappy. And ever’ now and then he made it laugh too, and ever’body laughed along with it. Oh, he talked and talked with that thing and told his story all over again, to me, to Sheila and ever’body. He jess had it in his heart what ever’body wanted in their hearts and they listened to him for some of it. That crowd rocked under him, it was like the waves and he looked like a man makin a storm in that ocean with his horn. One time he let out a big horselaugh with his horn, and hung on to it when ever’body yelled to hear more, and made all kinds of designs with it till it didn’t sound like a horselaugh no more but a mule’s heehaw. Well, they axed him to hold that but he moved on to a high, long drawed-out whistle that sounded like a dog whistle and pierced into my ears, but after awhile it didn’t pierce no more but jess was there like ever’thing was made dizzy like Slim felt from holdin that long note. It made you sympathize before he jumped on down back to reg’lar notes and made ever’body jump and laugh again.

“You ought to be with a big band and start makin yourself some money. You don’t want to play for peanuts in a place like this all your life, with a taped-up horn. Go down see an agent.”

I’m havin a big holiday crowd tonight and it’ll be pretty toney

And that’s how we come to decide to go to Californy, on that day Slim lost two jobs.

And you know how Slim was always talkin about Californy, and seemed to hint to Sheila about her comin there with him. I didn’t tell you. but he come from Californy to marry her before he come to get me, and was out there most of the time since he left North Carolina in his boyhood. Well, Sheila took all that and wrapped it up in one package for Slim, like a Christmas present, and said “Let’s use that hundred dollars in my girdle and go to California. I’ll tell my mother we have to do it and can’t help it. We’ll stay at my sister’s house in San Francisco to start with. Then we can get jobs, there as well as here I guess. What do you think?” “Baby,” laughed Slim and hugged her, “that’s just what I want to do.” And that’s how we come to decide to go to Californy, on that day Slim lost two jobs.

“Future of the United States was always goin to Californy, and always bouncin back from it. and always will be.”

Well, I didn’t tell you about the money, but there wasn’t enough for all three of us to go by bus.

Well, I didn’t tell you about the money, but there wasn’t enough for all three of us to go by bus. Sheila was goin to have her first baby before six months so she had to take sixty dollars of the hunnerd and go by bus and eat good. Me and Slim, we had the forty dollars and some more him and Sheila still had, and because rent was due in two days we was movin out, and sendin clothes and dishes in two big old suitcases and a smaller one, by railroad, and then me and Slim, with that $48, was hitchhikin to the Coast right away, and eat good too but be on the bum with our thumbs and sleep in beds only part of the time, mostly in cars and trucks and parks in the afternoon.

“Three thousand and two hundred miles,” he said, “over a plain, a desert and three mountain chains and any and all the rain that feels like fallin down.

“First we’ve got to go three thousand and two hundred miles,” sighed Slim, and I remembered that later. “Three thousand and two hundred miles,” he said, “over a plain, a desert and three mountain chains and any and all the rain that feels like fallin down. Praise the Lord.”

“You be extra careful with yourselves hitchhikin,”

“You be extra careful with yourselves hitchhikin,” she said. “Still seems to me Pic is too little for such hard travelin, well, and I don’t feel right about it.”

So Sheila went, and was gone, and now me and Slim had to catch up with her hitchhikin over that land.

Most of them was listenin to the speeches of the Salvation Army.

Lord, there was a couple two, three hunnerd men on one side of the street. Most of them was listenin to the speeches of the Salvation Army. Four Salvations took turns makin speeches, and while one was speakin the other three jess stood there like ever’body else lookin up and down the street to see what else was goin on.

It was a purty balloon, and hovered around the longest time, and had to fight with the wind, but tacked and rassled right up there for Times Square.

those Salvation Army speechers howled right along in the noise and roar.

A number of things like this was goin on, and those Salvation Army speechers howled right along in the noise and roar. The Lord this and the Lord that is all they kept sayin, and I don’t remember exactly, except about burning in the fires of repentance and them talkin to ever’body like they was sinners. Well, maybe ever’body do be sinners but it ain’t innerestin on the street corner to hear it challenged, ’case there ain’t nobody likely to step up and confess all his sins in front of the policeman that’s always teeterin on his heels right there. What’s I goin to explain to the police-man about the fire I started in Mr. Otis’ cornfield that cost him twenty dollars of feed and nobody ever knowed it was me. Well, no New York man that lives right there is goin to step up and tell how he threw his cigarette away and burned down the hospital in his block, and any such thing. Besides of which, why don’t the speechers go into detail about their own sins they keep repentin and folks could work from there and judge.

“Ladies and gentlemen of the world, I have come to tell you about the mystery of television.

“Ladies and gentlemen of the world, I have come to tell you about the mystery of television. Television is a great big long arm of light that reaches clear into your front parlor, and even in the middle of the night when there ain’t no shows going on that light is on, though the studio is dark. Study this light. It will hurt you at first, and bombard your eyes with a hundred trillion electronic particles of itself, but after awhile you won’t mind it no more. Why?” he yelled way up loud and Slim said “Yes!” The man said, “Because while electricity was light to see by, this is the light comes not to see by, but to see—not to read by, but to read. This is the light that you feel. It is the first time in the world that light has been gathered up from the sources of light and shot through a tube in a way that it can be watched and studied instead of blinked at. And it has taken the shape of men and women who are real flesh and blood at the studio but come streaming into your parlor in light with all their sounds shot in sidetrack. What does this mean, ladies and gentlemen?”

while electricity was light to see by, this is the light comes not to see by, but to see—not to read by, but to read.

“It means that man has discovered light and is fiddling with it for the first time,

“It means that man has discovered light and is fiddling with it for the first time, and has released concentrated shots of it into everyone’s house, and nobody yet knows what the effect will be on the mind and soul of people, except that now there is a general feeling of nervousness among some, and sore eyes, and twitching of nerves, and a suspicion that because it has come at the same time as the A T O M there may be an unholy alliance betwixt one and the other, and both are bad and injurious and leading to the end of the world, though some optimists claim it is the opposite of the atom and may relax the nerves the atoms undid. Nobody knows!” he moaned way out loud, and looked at ever’body frank. Well, ever’body was innerested and paid no attention to the speeches about repentance, and Slim agreed, most amazed. “And ladies and gentlemen,” he said, “it is the old-time Depression traveling salesman that used to put his foot in your door and now has got a leg in your parlor, except he looks so doggone strange in light you just can’t believe his transformation. And don’t think he ain’t more nervous than the Depression days jiggling behind all that light and looking out into the unknown America. Yes ladies and gentlemen and I seen a salesman on television last night who put on a mask for fun and yet his eyes looked awfully scared peeking from behind that mask at a million other better-hidden eyes. What does this mean?” he demanded, and ever’body was ready to kneel to find out, so to speak, and Slim yelled “Go!” and socked his hands together. “The day shall come when one giant brain shall televize the Second Coming in light and everyone in the world shall see it in their brains by means of a brain-television that Christ Himself shall cause to be switched on in a miracle and no one shall be spared from knowing the Truth, and everyone shall be saved forever, and men and women of the world I warn you, live as best as you can and be hereinafter kind to one another and that is all there is to do now. We all know this.” And off he trots jess as calm as you please, and Slim looked after him with the most satisfied and glad look and clapped his hands, so that a whole bunch of others clapped their hands too, and the speecher vanished in glory. Grandpa, it was as strange as that.

Then the Salvation Army man howled out at us “Don’t you realize the Lord is coming?”

Are you ready Pic?” he said, and I said “Yes,” and off we go.

Well, it was time to go, and Slim said, “We’ll come back to Times Square sometime, but now we gotsa go across that night, like the old man with the white hair, and keep goin till we get on the other side of this big, bulgin United States of America and all the raw land on it, before we be safe and sound by the Pacific Sea to set down and thank the Lord. Are you ready Pic?” he said, and I said “Yes,” and off we go.

IT WAS EIGHT O’CLOCK when we went and stood in front of the Lincoln Tunnel in all that yaller light, and it started mistin jess a little, enough to worry me and Slim even before we was begun on the road.

It took some hours to get to Pennsylvania where the man was drivin to, and about five to get to Harrisburg, Pennsylvania, where he lived.

There was big gray bridges, and the Susquehanna river below them,

“That was a good ride,” Slim said, “and I wouldn’t of got one like it alone. Ever’body’ll sympathize with you bein so little and we’ll make time to the Coast.

Lord, you didn’t give me any money but you gave me the right to complain.

We crossed over the town, and pretty soon there we was on the highway and there was the Susquehanna River runnin right with us, most solemn and black and not makin a sound for miles.

Had grits and brains in Hippensburg two weeks now, and wasn’t hungry for three days.”

And he kept talkin, and walkin, till all we could see was his shadow fadin in the dark and gone like a ghost.

He’ll never find the Canady and he’ll never get to Canady because he’s goin the wrong way all the time.”

“Slim, I’m scairt,” I said. “Well don’t be scairt, we’ll walk back to town and get back to those lights and folks can see us. Whoo!” “Slim, who was that man?” I asked him, and he said, “Shoo, that was some kinda ghost of the river, he’s been lookin for Canady in Virginia, West Virginia, West Pennsylvania, North New York, New York City, East Arthuritis and South Pottzawattomy for the last eighty years as far as I can figure, and on foot, too. He’ll never find the Canady and he’ll never get to Canady because he’s goin the wrong way all the time.”

“That old man is goin to walk west all night, and he wants to get to the North to Canady,” said Slim, and it was the God-awfullest truth, and we was talkin about that Ghost of the Susquehanna for the next three months I tell you when we got to Sheila in San Francisco.

“If you’re a Pottzawattomy from Canady and your mother was pure-bredded Cherokee I’m James Roosevelt Turner.”

He didn’t not ever tell me how long it was to Oakland for fear I’d get scairt.

we saw a church, with a cross on top on it.

Slim said it was the Have-a-Maria,

It was chilly-like but there was a runnin heat comin from the furnace in the bottom down-be-lows, and a man upstairs was playin the big organ piano, Slim said it was the Have-a-Maria, and then a fellow come by with a lighted stick and went rush-up lightin candles at the front part, “The Halter,” said Slim (said it laughin), and outside it was rainin cats and dogs.