Bill the Vampire (The Tome of Bill, #1)

by Rick Gualtieri

I distinctly heard him whisper, “Good luck, Darkwing Duck,” as I passed.

That he knows the quote elevates his status. Not a douche.

A small voice in the back of my head was telling me I was only doing so because of how she looked. If she had been an ugly chick, I probably would have staked her ass myself and rolled around in the ashes to celebrate. Maybe. Hey, I never said I wasn't shallow.

Needs to pull his head out his ass and smarten up quick.

I was rapidly learning that enhanced senses didn’t mean shit if you weren’t paying attention.

I am reading a book about the worlds most pathetic vampire.

I hadn't realized that I looked like someone who had run away from a murder scene

Also seems he is lacking in intelligence as this statement is just stupid.

Some people just had no sense of humor.

And some are just idiots.

“Besides which,” said Ed, “need I remind you, you're a scary-ass vampire now? The criminals should be afraid of you, not the other way around.”

Have I mentioned pathetic recently?

Motherfucker! I almost got myself killed because she was too busy being babied by Starlight to bother with little details like a whole ass-load of vampires that were going to be out for my blood.

And he could not be bothered to check his messages. He needs to nut up and take some responsibility.

“Yes,” she continued her tirade. “They are disgusting, putrefying corpses. But you know what? They are keeping their fucking mouths shut and not walking around looking like a goddamned retard, unlike you.”

Very true.

Huh, I had never even bothered to wonder whether Sally wasn't her real name.

Was told it was her coven given name, now he is just being thick on purpose, or is he really this stupid?

“All vampires have a profile,” he said with a sniff. “Gods, Sally, don't you people at least give the newcomers an orientation down there?” “Nope. Not even a flyer for my troubles,” I quipped, right before I felt her foot hit me in the side of the leg.

This part is one of the few things I have to agree with him on. Do not bitch about someone fucking things up when you will not tell them the rules.

Oh, I think I got it. I'd seen this in the movies before. Any second now, I was going to be asked to leave the room and then they'd settle their differences the old-fashioned way.

OH MY GOD, HE IS SO STUPID!

Ed brought the Escalade up to around eighty as soon as traffic eased up a bit.

Speeding in the stolen crime scene, sorry I meant car, speeding car. Yeah, that is going to go just fine. . .

“Then how about katanas, or a battle axe, or hell, some dynamite?”

This is the point the rating plumetted. This is just to much stupid.

I needed to fight his brawn with my brains.

He is doomed.