I'm With the Band: Confessions of a Groupie

by Pamela Des Barres

It was time to move out of Mommy and Daddy’s house in the Valley and become a grown-up.

my mom sat on the couch with her head in her hands; her only baby bird was ditching the nest for digs of her own.

It’s so weird how she was living with them this whole time but really left out any relationship with her parents stuff. Like what was her day to day life like??

I truly believe in myself and my ability to dream . . . they sometimes come true (if I dream long and hard enough).

I was worried that Frank might hear about all the needles floating around the Landmark Motel, where Christine, Cynderella, and Mercy had taken up residence. I watched them shoot heroin only once, and went running back to my car, shuddering.

I feel like this sounds deeper and different than the story she’s telling. Was she a Mark of this group?

didn’t know how soon I would cry, cry, and the tears of sadness would more than equal that pure happiness I gushed so sappily about. I spent the night with him, and succumbed savagely to my new womanly desires, moaning love words in his ear all through the long sweet night. In the morning, when he climbed over me, ice-cube cool and silent as a sting, I realized he didn’t want me to be his new wife:

As usual I expected too much from Chris and gave too much to Chris.

female things that I must know (and, oh, how they come naturally!)

Eyeroll

was determined to fit the mold I imagined he had hammered out, bending and folding myself into the shape of woman I hoped he required.

They were supposed to be gone for six months; half of me collapsed with good riddance and the other half just knew I could have made Chris love me if I had had more time.

David. He was the last holdout of the heavenly hippies, his pudgy body always naked as he passed around humongous bowls of coke and pot. He played us the tapes of his new group, Frozen Noses, and they sounded blissfully beautiful; the most ethereal harmonies I’ve ever heard. They changed their name, thank goodness, to Crosby, Stills and Nash,

When Frank caught the sinful scent on the wind, he postponed our album indefinitely and cancelled our allowance. Naughty naughty GTO’s!

So there were rules? Why not tell us this?

I developed strep throat whenever I abused my tender body, and my mom would bring me Campbell’s chicken noodle and rub my chest with Vicks. She and I would talk the nonsense out, and I would leave feeling like I could never really go wrong.

It was impossible to tell if she was enjoying herself or living a nightmare. Someone else was getting it right on the table. Horrible things were going on,

Jesus Christ

Jimmy Page sat apart from it all, observing the scene as if he had imagined it; overseer, creator, impeccably gorgeous perfect pop star, and he was staring right at me. I turned away, and luckily he couldn’t see me blushing in the dark. Mercy leaned over and whispered, “Dangerous man.”

How close they are together; love and hate, good and evil, pure and impure. They are really the same and you draw the lines yourself.

I took a Greyhound to somewhere in Kentucky and then got a ride from three Kentucky teen-boys who tried to put their big paws all over me as we cruised through the blue grass. I cried and screamed so hard that the one boy with a thin shred of decency made the other two remove their mitts from my tits, and I was able to hurl myself onto the highway.

Wtf

I called Mom. I started crying and telling her about the religious thing I’m going through, and she said the relatives’ way of life is different from mine and that I was a good person, and I was young and had a lot of life to experience. She said I definitely wouldn’t go to Hell.

So was she telling her mom about all the things?

the whole planet earth was my place of worship.

Jimmy Page is coming to town today, I don’t know whether I want to be with him or not, who knows what diseases I’d get?

underneath the flowing curls and ruffles lurked slippery, threatening thrill bumps.

What a sentence

jailbait.

Led Zeppelin live in 1969 was an event unparalleled in musical history. They played longer and harder than any group ever had, totally changing the concept of rock concerts. They flailed around like dervishes, making so much sound that the air was heavy with metal.

Twenty long minutes later,

Damn that’s a long wait for an encore today

I kissed and slobbered all over the inside crease of his slim white arm until he rolled his head back against the plush seat, gasping, “Oh, Pamela, yes, yes, yes.” Yeah yeah yeah.

<.<

Catherine James, the most gorgeous rock courtesan alive.

He knew what to say all right; he could have given a Master’s course in how to turn a fairly sane girl into a twittering ninny. No one had ever gushed over me, or given me all the lines before, and I could feel myself falling apart and turning into one of those gooey unrecognizable substances.

I’m amazed at his sadistic tendencies; they’re such a part of him that I doubt if he’ll ever stop. It was really frightening, he changed into another person, but all he did was chew me and slap me a little.

Erm

Jimmy’s whips

We talked about how much better it would have been had we met before all the pop-star-groupie business started and got in the way of a meaningful and honest relationship.

Mmhmm

impossible monogamy

The roadies, even Robert and Bonzo, began to tease us about how long our fling was lasting, how Jimmy never spent so much time with a girl on the road before.

Some sideburned grease monkey appeared after the show, asking Jimmy if he would like to meet Elvis. He said, “No, thank you,” and I never quite got over it.

I had taken some very intense mescaline, and Jimmy watched over me, making sure I was having a good time. He liked to be in control, and didn’t take many drugs or drink much alcohol.

with. He was always in the mirror, primping on his splendid image, and putting perfect waves in his long black hair with a little crimping machine.

I went to see Crosby, Stills and Nash, and they were so inspiring; goosebumps sprang up all over me. Oh, I was so happy for David. Praise God for them all. Even though I’m miserable about Jimmy. I’m always thankful that I’m living in these times and that I appreciate what I appreciate.

The next three days on the road with Led Zeppelin were classic rock and roll heaven; I was exactly what I had always aspired to be: the girlfriend of the lead guitar player in the world’s biggest and best rock and roll band.

Peter Grant. I had heard horrendous tales of Mr. Grant’s kneecap-breaking escapades; his reputation as being a teeming Goliath preceded his paunch, but he and I developed a special relationship, and I was bounced on his knee on many occasions. He was always right there for “his boys,” and nothing, not even his family, took precedence.

The end of the night was sad though, Bonzo was so stoned, Peter had to carry him off stage and they couldn’t do an encore. Jimmy was so worried he couldn’t sleep, and he tossed and turned all night.

It’s hideous being 21. It makes me feel as if I should run out and do something before it’s too late.

lol

Does it matter what someone does, or rather who he IS?

Waylon Jennings—the

The most bizarre party I ever went through was for Frank Sinatra, Jr. He was so desperate to be talented, it broke my heart.

Rod Serling.

Twilight Zone

Why would Rod Stewart need to crash at some groupies house? Just pretense?

Noel Redding also wrote to me, announcing the date of his arrival and asking me to please make myself available to him.

Mmhmm

Gram noticed what was going on from the stage, and said into the microphone, “Watch out for Miss Pamela, she’s a beauty, but she’s tender-hearted.”

Wtf does this mean

Mick, Keith, and I sat around the fireplace, listening to Mercy predict profundities through her beaten-up tarot cards. She carried her cards everywhere, hoping to bump into the likes of Keith Richards, spread them out on the rug in a triangle, explain the Tower and the Hanged Man, and create answers for unasked questions.

When other people are asked to leave by big roadies, we’re asked to stay on, and I feel so privileged. MJ was supposed to sleep with this chick, but he was with me every second; they finally had a conversation and she split.

girl I’ve met here, I really mean it.” Mercy told him that Jimmy was my boyfriend, and I’m sure he snickered.