The Demigod Files (Percy Jackson and the Olympians, #4.5)

by Rick Riordan

Age: 13 and a half (and apparently way more mature than me)

Status: Why does everybody think Annabeth and I are a couple? She’s just my friend, seriously!

Body type: Big and ugly and real mean-looking.

I did the only the thing I could. ‘Mrs White,’ I said, ‘can I go to the restroom? I feel like I’m going to puke.’ You know how teachers tell you the magic word is please? That’s not true. The magic word is puke. It will get you out of class faster than anything else.

Now, I’d like to tell you that I did something heroic, like stand up against a raging team of fire-breathing horses with only my sword. The truth is, I ran. I jumped over a trashcan and an exhibit fence,

I could hear their little minds whispering, Son of the sea god! Son of the sea god! It’s great when you’re a celebrity to squids.

I couldn’t kill him. He was immortal. But you wouldn’t have known that from his expression. The fear god looked afraid.

‘When you, uh, had that vision about your friends…’ ‘You were one of them,’ I promised. ‘Just don’t tell anybody, okay? Or I’d have to kill you.’ A faint smile flickered across her face.

It was hard for anyone to look cute in combat armour, but Annabeth pulled it off.

Beckendorf walked up with his helmet under his arm. ‘She likes you, man.’ ‘Sure,’ I muttered. ‘She likes me for target practice.’ ‘Nah, they always do that. A girl starts trying to kill you, you know she’s into you.’

‘If I was going to pick one person in the world to reattach my head,’ I said, ‘I’d pick you.’ I just blurted it out – to give her confidence, I guess – but immediately I realized it sounded pretty stupid. ‘Awww…’ Silena sniffled and wiped her eyes. ‘Percy, that is so sweet!’ Annabeth blushed. ‘Shut up, Silena.

‘If somebody twisted my eyeballs, I’d wake up,’ I agreed.

We ran past the ants, but they ignored us. For some reason they seemed to consider the dragon a bigger threat. Go figure.

He looked awful, partly because his camouflage armour was now the colour of garbage.

I silently cursed Beckendorf for being so brave, and I don’t mean for facing the dragon. After three years, he’d finally got the courage to ask Silena Beauregard out. It wasn’t fair.

We locked eyes. Our faces were, like, centimetres apart. My chest felt a little funny, like my heart was trying to do jumping jacks.

But Annabeth just smiled and put us in jail. As she was heading back to the front line, she turned and winked. ‘See you at the fireworks?’ She didn’t even wait for my answer before darting off into the woods. I looked at Beckendorf. ‘Did she just… ask me out?’

Connor: You are never lonely. I mean seriously, new kids are always coming in. So you always have somebody to talk to. Travis: Or prank. Connor: Or pickpocket. One big happy family.

Of all your Camp Half-Blood friends, who would you most like to have with you in battle? Annabeth: Oh, Percy. No contest.

I mean he’s not dumb. He’s actually pretty intelligent, but he acts so dumb sometimes. I wonder if he does it just to annoy me. The guy has a lot going for him. He’s courageous. He’s got a sense of humour. He’s good-looking, but don’t you dare tell him I said that. Where was I? Oh yeah, so he’s got a lot going for him, but he’s so… obtuse. That’s the word. I mean he doesn’t see really obvious stuff, like the way people feel, even when you’re giving him hints and being totally blatant. What? No, I’m not talking about anyone or anything in particular! I’m just making a general statement. Why does everyone always think… agh! Forget it.

Very beautiful, especially on a winter day! And the dryads up there – wow! Oh, wait, can you edit that part out? Juniper will kill me.

Hades is best known for the romantic way he won his wife, Persephone. He kidnapped her.

Ugly bodies, faces like vultures, beautiful singing voices. (Hey, that sounds like my elementary-school choir teacher…)

Odysseus put a stop to this practice by eating a magic herb, then holding the sorceress at knife-point until she released his polymorphed crewmates. Circe promptly fell in love with Odysseus. Go figure.

Now: The giant Polyphemus hangs out in a cave on a deserted island, where he herds sheep and enjoys simple pastoral pleasures, like eating the occasional Greek hero who happens to sail by. Then: The giant Polyphemus hung out in a cave on a deserted island, where he herded sheep and enjoyed simple pastoral pleasures, like eating the occasional Greek hero who happened to sail by. (Some monsters never learn.)

But the next thing I knew, Thalia, Nico and I were standing in a garden, all three of us still screaming in terror, which made me feel pretty silly.

I drew Riptide. I’m sure I looked terrifying with a potted carnation in the other hand,

‘Iapetus shall crush you!’ one shouted. ‘Who?’ I asked. Then I ran her through with my sword. Note to self: if you vapourize monsters, they can’t answer your questions.

As we walked, I tried to think about positive things: my favourite basketball players, my last conversation with Annabeth,

you’re even uglier than your son,’ I taunted the Titan. ‘I can see where Atlas gets his stupidity from.’

‘Hello,’ he said. ‘Who am I?’ ‘You’re my friend,’ I blurted out. ‘You’re… Bob.’ That seemed to please him greatly. ‘I am your friend Bob!’