Magic Slays (Kate Daniels, #5)

by Ilona Andrews

“Good morning, Ms. Daniels. I’m calling to inform you that Julie has left our premises.” Not again. Curran’s arms closed around me and he hugged me to him. I leaned back against him. “How?” “She mailed herself.” “I’m sorry?” Parker cleared his throat. “As you know, all of our students are required to perform two hours of school service a day. Julie worked in the mail room. We viewed it as the best location, because she was under near-constant supervision and had no opportunities to leave the building. Apparently, she obtained a large crate, falsified a shipping label, and mailed herself inside it.”

“Let her walk. A hundred miles over rugged terrain, it will take her a couple of days.” When I was a kid, Voron, my stepfather, would drive me into the woods and drop me off with nothing but a canteen and a knife. Julie wasn’t me. But she was a smart kid, good on the street. I had no doubt she could make it to the Keep on her own. Still, better safe than sorry. “Two birds with one stone: it’s a good punishment for running away and when she gets here and we let her stay, she’ll feel like she earned it.”

“Look up above the door. You see a metal paw bolted to the wood?” “And?” “This business is the property of the Pack. If you break the door down, you’ll have to appear before a judge and explain why you invaded these premises without a warrant, arrested guests of the Pack, and caused damage to Pack property.” “We can do that,” the cop said. “No, you can’t—because I’ll testify that you had no reasonable cause to enter said building. Unless you’re planning on killing me, in which case, start praying now, because I’ll put a bullet through the head of every man in your squad before you get off a single shot.” “I wouldn’t call that bluff,” I said. “I’ve seen her shoot. She’s being modest.”

The tension in his voice eased. “You sure you don’t need your Prince Charming to come and save you?” The knot in my stomach evaporated. My Prince Charming, huh. “Sure, do you have one handy?” “Oh, I think I could scrounge one up somewhere. As often as I have to rescue you . . .”

“The PAD probably wants to shut me down, the People will find some way to blame me for the slaughter of the vampire and expect restitution, and Curran found out that I risked my life to save a Master of the Dead, which means I’ll have a lot of explaining to do at dinner, because Curran believes I’m made of glass. If I had been shot and the Pack found out that the Beast Lord’s mate and sugar woogums had been injured as a result of the People’s fuckup, they would have collective apoplexy and storm the Casino.”

“Would you like to work here with me?” Andrea stared at me. “We have no clients and the pay is shit.” She kept staring. I couldn’t even tell if she heard me. “Even if business were booming, I still couldn’t afford to pay you what you’re worth.” No reaction. “But if you don’t mind sitting in the office drinking motor oil coffee and bullshitting with me . . .” Andrea put her hands over her face. Ah crap. What do I do now? Do I say something, do I not say anything? I kept talking, keeping my voice as light as I could manage. “I have an extra desk. If the PAD comes to shut us down, I might need sniper support, and I can’t shoot a cow from ten feet. We can turn our desks over and lob grenades at them when they storm the door . .

“It’s not a loup cage, you know,” I told her. “It’s a holding cell. Or safe room. Or secure room. I don’t think Jim ever settled on a term he could live with.” “Aha. It’s a loup cage.” Andrea cleared her throat. “I touched it with my finger and it hurt. Is that in case of marital problems?”

Are you happy? With Curran, I mean.” “When I can get out of my own way.” She glanced at me. “And the rest of the time?” “The rest of the time I’m in a state of silent panic. I’m afraid it will end. I’ll lose him. Lose Julie. Lose everyone.” “I’ve done that,” Andrea said. “Lost everyone. It’s a bitch.”

Rene looked at Grendel. “What in the world is that?” “That’s our mutant attack poodle,” I told her. “Is he chewing on a gun?” “It’s not a real gun,” Andrea said. Rene sighed. “Of course not. That would be irresponsible of you, wouldn’t it?”

“A third party explained to me in detail that when you’re running a business, people judge how successful you are based on your appearance. If you’re driving a shabby vehicle, they think you need money and your business is struggling.” “That sounds like Raphael,” Andrea said. And she nailed it. “Yep.”

He was in the bouda clan house for some sort of business-related thing and Tara came up and grabbed his balls. Apparently she wanted to check if they were still there. He punched her in the face. She shifted into a warrior form and went for his throat. From what Aunt B said, he didn’t just kill her, he ripped her to pieces. He hasn’t been to the clan house since.”

“If the phone is working, I’m going to call Teddy Jo.” “You’re calling Thanatos? The guy with the flaming sword?” “He is Thanatos only part of the time. The rest of the time he’s Teddy Jo, who isn’t that bad of a guy. He bought a mortuary freezer a few months ago for a job he had to do. It’s sitting in his shed.” I knew this because the last time I stopped by Teddy’s place, he bellyached for an hour about how much the damn thing had cost him. “I’m going to make him an offer and see if I can take it off his hands. I think he might have a body bag or two to throw in with the freezer.”

“You think he’s got ‘government badass’ tattooed on his chest?” I murmured. A faint grimace skewed Luther’s mouth. “And ‘I’d tell you but I’d have to kill you’ on his ass.”

I couldn’t help but note that the structure was beginning to resemble a castle. Maybe we needed a neon sign to brighten things up. MONSTER LAIR, WIPE YOUR PAWS AND CHECK YOUR SILVER AT THE DOOR.

You’ve been forgiven and you may visit the Temple, provided you give them twenty-four hours’ notice.” To mobilize their forces, no doubt, and lay out an adequate supply of paper and pens to counteract whatever trouble I unleashed. Jewish mysticism was difficult to study, but it gave its practitioners great rewards. When rabbis said that the pen was mightier than the sword, they meant it.

“You’re supposed to take a hot bath with this in it. And I have to watch you very closely from a very short distance to make sure your knee doesn’t fall off.” Aha. I’m sure Doolittle said it just like that, especially the watching from the very short distance part. “Would you like to sit in my nasty medicated bath with me?” And why did that just come out of my mouth? Curran’s eyes sparked. “Yes, I would.”

“When you offered me this business, did you think I would stay in the office all day baking cookies?” “Nobody ever died of being shot by a cookie.” He had me there. I groped about my brain for a snappy comeback. “There is always a first time.” Oh, now that was a brilliant response. No doubt he’d collapse at my feet in awe at my intellectual magnificence. “If anybody could manage being shot by a cookie, it would be you.”

“Why is everyone calling me Consort?” “Jim designated you as Consort in official papers. You don’t want to be called Mate, calling you Alpha is confusing, and ‘Beast Lady’ makes people laugh.” “Why is it necessary to attach a title to me at all?” “Because you are attached to the Beast Lord.”

Barabas sighed dramatically. “Kate, you make me despair. Let’s try that again from the top, except this time pretend you are an alpha.” “I don’t need a lecture. I just need the book.” “Much better. Little more growl in the voice?” “Barabas!” “And we’re there. Congratulations! There is hope for you yet. I will look into the book.” I hung up the phone

“I’ve been assigned to bodyguard you.” You’ve got to be kidding me. Derek snorted. Ascanio pretended not to hear it. “The Beast Lord spoke to me this morning. I’m responsible for your well-being, and if you get injured, I’ll answer to him personally.” Oh, that bastard. Found the kid an impossible job, did he? Derek laughed quietly. Ascanio finally deemed it necessary to acknowledge Derek’s existence. “Is something funny?” “I don’t even know you, and I feel sorry for you.”

“Curran!” “I love it when you say my name. It sounds so sexy.” “I’m investigating people who sacrifice trained killers to dark gods.” “Perfect. It will keep him occupied.” Aaargh. “No.” “He needs an outlet for all that energy, and you could use him.” “In what capacity?” “Bait.”

“What precipitated you quitting your job?” He looked up at the night sky above us. “Curran and I had a conversation.” I wondered if kicking him in the head would make the whole explanation pop out of his mouth in one chunk. “What did he say?” “He said that I was doing a good job. He asked what would be the highest a bodyguard could go in the Pack. And I said, protecting the Beast Lord and his mate.” “Aha.” “He nodded and asked how old I was.” Curran knew perfectly well how old he was. “You said, ‘Nineteen,’ and?” “He said, ‘Okay, what’s next?’ ”

“I’m serious, Kate. I can be useful to you. Besides, you need somebody to ride shotgun. You gave Grendel to Andrea, so you don’t have a wingman. I can vomit better than a shaved poodle, I promise. And honestly, you could use a driver.” “What are you implying?” “I’m not implying, I’m saying it. You’re the opposite of Dali. She drives like a maniac, you drive like an old lady . . .”

Screwing with Aunt B was like sticking your hands into a meat grinder.

The ground shuddered under my feet. I took a step back. The edge of the porch quaked and rose, up and up, rocking a little, and beneath it huge scaled legs dug into the ground with talons the size of my arms. Holy shit. The legs moved, turning the house with ponderous slowness ten feet above the ground: corner, wall, another corner, Evdokia in a rocking chair sitting on the porch.

There was only one person in the entire Slavic mythology who had a house on chicken legs: Baba Yaga, the Grandmother Witch, the one with a stone leg and iron teeth. She was known for flying around in a mortar and for casual cannibalism of wandering heroes. And I’d walked to her house on my own power. Talk about delivering takeout.

Legend says, in savage times, back when Ukraine was home to Slavic tribes, they made war with the Khazarian Empire to the east. During one of those raids, all the men from the village were taken. Magic was still in the world back then, although it was growing weaker, and the old ways were strong in the area. The women worked a charm on themselves, the power of enchantment, to make people want to please them. They got their men back. The power came with a huge price—most of them went barren after that—but if they wanted the shirt off your back, all they had to do was smile and you’d give it to them. That’s where your mother’s power comes from.”

I glanced at the summary. “It says here that when Sandra woke up, you were nude and carrying a bouquet of sticks.” Ken turned a shade redder, but I couldn’t tell if it was from embarrassment or outrage. “They were roses. I tore the petals off and put them on the carpet.” If Curran were here, he’d be closing his eyes and counting to ten in his head.

“Suppose there were a man working in your office. A much larger, stronger man. Let’s say a render. He came into the office wearing a new leather jacket. You had a friendly chat, you complimented his jacket, and that night you woke up with the man standing over you, nude and holding a bouquet of roses.” Kenneth’s eyes went wide. “But I’m not gay!” “It’s not about being gay; it’s about being confronted by someone larger and stronger than you are when you are at your most vulnerable. If you were to find this dude standing in your bedroom, would you be upset?” “Hell yes, I’d be upset. I’d tell him to get the fuck out. But she didn’t tell me to get out. If she had said, ‘Ken, get the hell out!’ I would’ve left. She shot me eight times.”

“Do you know what I did after I discovered the Beast Lord in my apartment?” Ken realized he was on shaky ground. “No.” “I put a knife to his throat,” I said. “And I changed the lock on my door. Besides that, I had encouraged the Beast Lord prior to him breaking in. I flirted with him, I kissed him, and I paraded around in front of him in my underwear.”

“You acted like an idiot and got eight bullets for your trouble. Count yourself lucky that she didn’t shoot you where it counted. If it had been me, I would’ve cut off your head and filed a police report after you were done bleeding out on my carpet. Suck it up, learn from it, and move on. You get nothing. Apologize to Sandra for scaring her and then causing her a load of embarrassment by having this matter dragged before the Pack assembly.”

“It’s been fun,” I said. “The game ends now.” “What game?” Jennifer asked. I shrugged. “You have three choices. First, you can quit fucking with me and walk away. Second, you can challenge me, and I’ll kill you. It would be good for me. I need the practice.” Jennifer bared her teeth. Daniel put his hand on her forearm. I could take her alone. Both of them with magic down would be hard. “Third, you can keep pestering me, in which case at the next Pack Council I’ll move for your removal. I can do that, can’t I, George?” “Yes, you can,” George said with a big smile. “On what grounds?” Jennifer snarled. “Incompetence. I’ll cite this proceeding as evidence. This matter concerned two members of the wolf clan, which placed it under your authority. So either you didn’t know how to deal with it, or you didn’t want to deal with it, due to laziness or due to actively condoning rape. Either way, you should be removed and an investigation must be launched into the

You’re a human. The only reason you’re here is because you’re fucking Curran.” Nice. “I don’t know much, but I’m learning fast.” I rose. “And I’m here because I killed twenty-two shapeshifters in two weeks. I’ve earned my place. How many challenges did you have, Jennifer? Oh, that’s right. None. Enlighten me, how did you become an alpha again?” I turned to Daniel. “Help me out here. Who was she fucking, Daniel? Was it you? It must be especially good for you, because that’s the only way you’d have gone along with this for so long.”

His sexual practices were . . . odd.” Dear God, what would Saiman find odd? Never mind, I didn’t want to know.

The Beast Lord walked out of the warehouse. The screen went dark. My knight in furry armor. Saiman opened his mouth. “This is why I didn’t. Personally, I think your smile is inappropriate.”

“Curran?” “Yes?” Today was apparently the day for finding out what mating with me really meant. I nodded at the men. “One of them has my blood on his forehead. The blood must be destroyed or it can give me away if someone scans it.” Curran gave me a look usually reserved for the mentally challenged. “Someone would have to find the bodies, first.” Behind him the sounds of enraged boudas tore through the silence, followed by a cacophony of screams.

“The usual price is a penny, not a dollar. Had I known how bad you were with money, I would’ve reconsidered this whole mating thing.” “I didn’t want to go through all the haggling.” He held the dollar in front of me. “Look, here is a nice dollar. Tell me what’s brewing in your head.”

People, especially unhappy people, want a cause. They want something to belong to, to be a part of something great and bigger, and to be led. It’s easy to be a cog in a machine: you don’t have to think, you have no responsibility. You’re just following orders. Doing as you’re told.”

“Before Erra died, she spoke to me. She said, ‘Live long enough to see everyone you love die. Suffer . . . like me.’ ” “Why are you letting the dead woman fuck with your head?” he asked. “Because I don’t think I will ever become Roland. It’s not in the cards. But give me enough time, and I could turn into Erra.” Fighting her was almost like fighting myself.

“Then why bother with sedation at all?” Doolittle must’ve done it for a reason. He must’ve had some glimmer of hope. Curran reached over and covered my hand with his. “It’s not for her. It’s for you. Doolittle is using all of his skill to keep her alive and comfortable. He’s giving you time to come to terms with it . . .”

“No,” he said, pronouncing the word slowly. “You can’t tell me what to do.” Curran roared. The blast of noise erupting from his mouth was like thunder. I clenched up, fighting the urge to step back. “Yes I can,” he snarled. “Listen: this is me telling you what you will not do.” I raised the cookbook and tapped him on the nose. Bad cat.

“If I keep you from doing this, you will leave me,” he said. “I didn’t say that.” Giving an ultimatum to Curran was like waving a red cloak in front of a mad bull. “You will. Maybe not right this second. But eventually you’ll walk away.” Curran took a long deep breath. “I sit in on every meeting.” I had won. “As long as you’re honest with me about your chances, I’ll support you. Kate, if you lie, it’s over.” I crossed my arms. “You expect me to lie.” “I don’t. I’m just getting it out there so there are no surprises.” We stared at each other. “Are we cool?” he asked. “I don’t know, you tell . . .” He pulled me over to him and kissed me. It was a hell of a kiss.

A furry creature lay at the white volhv’s feet. It looked like a medium-sized dog with gray fur. A pair of large feathery wings lay folded along its back, stretching on the floor behind it. A celestial wolf. Holy crap.

I came to the table, pulled up a chair, and sat. “Everyone brought a pet. I feel left out.” An enthusiastic howl broke the silence, and Grendel bounded through the doorway. He galloped through the steak house, skidded on the floor, smashed into my chair, and dropped a dead rat on my lap. Awesome.

“You maimed him?” I asked Vasiliy. The white volhv sighed. “We warned him. He didn’t listen. Durnoi chelovek.” Foolish man. That’s putting it lightly. “The head is bright,” Vasiliy continued, “but no wisdom. His father was very respected in the community. Did a lot of good for a lot of people.” “It was that or kill him,” Grigorii said. “Can’t trust him. He’ll build something else and kill us all.” “Can’t build anything now,” Adam said. “Can’t hold a screwdriver. Can’t hold a wrench. Or a brush. Finished. Zakonchen. My life’s over.”

“The gorgeous blonde, does she work with you?” I glanced to where Andrea stood by the doors. “Andrea? Yes.” “Oh, that’s a pretty name,” Roman said. “Bad idea,” I told him. “Why? Married?” “No. An ex-boyfriend. A very dangerous, very jealous ex-boyfriend.” Roman grinned. “Married is a problem. Dangerous, no problem.”

“I don’t trust tragedies much. It’s easy to make a person sad by showing him something tragic. We all recognize when sad things happen: someone dies, someone loses a loved one, young love is crushed. It’s much harder to make a man laugh—what’s funny to one person isn’t funny to another.”

“What about the Pack?” His upper lip trembled, betraying the edge of his teeth. “Fuck the Pack. I gave them fifteen years of my life. I fought for them, bled for them, and the moment my back was turned, they attacked my wife. I owe them nothing.” Curran reached over and covered my fingers with his hand. “I’m serious. Say the word right now and we’re gone. We can take Julie with us, if you want.” “Jim would find us.” “No. I covered my tracks. If Jim does find us, he’ll wish he hadn’t. Besides, Jim is a friend. He would understand and he wouldn’t look for us very hard.”

“If I fought for them and was crippled, they would all say nice things, and then they would replace me and forget I was ever there. You would stay with me. You would take care of me, because you love me. I love you too, Kate. If you ever became hurt, I would not leave you. I’ll be there. Wherever you want ‘there’ to be.”

“I’m starving.” “Got to keep your strength up.” Curran grinned. “So you can keep up.” I clasped my hand to my throat and made some strangled noises. “Help me, I can’t breathe, your ego is pushing all the air out of the room.”