Hammered (The Iron Druid Chronicles, #3)

by Kevin Hearne

<You’ve never done that for me! Why haven’t you done that for me?> Because I can’t. Bacon lattes don’t exist. <Untrue! Logically it must be so. Vampires exist, werewolves exist, and faeries exist. If all those impossible creatures exist, then so do bacon lattes! We could go get one at Starbucks right now.> Oberon, seriously, I don’t believe there’s any such thing. I was just making a point. <You can’t fool me! It has to be on their secret menu! That mermaid on the cup is smiling because she knows where the bacon lattes are!> Come on, Oberon, you’re being silly. <No, I’m not! What’s silly is paying five bucks for hot milk and flavored syrup! But now I see what’s really been going on all this time! They charge you all that money because they need it for the R & D! Somewhere on the outskirts of Seattle, there’s a secret facility with higher security than Area 51, and inside there are men with poor eyesight and bad haircuts wearing white lab coats, and they’re trying to make the Holy Grail of all coffee drinks.> The bacon latte? <No, Atticus, I already told you those exist! I’m talking about the prophecy! “Out of the steam and the foam and the froth, a man in white with poor eyesight will craft a liquid paradox, and it shall be called the Triple Nonfat Double Bacon Five-Cheese Mocha!”> Oberon, what the fuck?

Got this hound a sword for his quest