Now each job takes longer and longer to accomplish. I continually wonder how much more a body can take. I don’t consider suicide—not now, after all I have come through—but I can understand how others might see it as a reasonable option in these circumstances. For me it is always easier to struggle on. To give myself courage, I tell myself that my hell could be worse, that it might get worse and I must prepare for that. My body is certain to deteriorate further. I tell myself that I can handle it. Compared to what others have been through, I’m fortunate. I tell myself these things over and
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