Battle Hymn of the Tiger Mother in Pick-a-Shelf

Jul 20, 2014 Ozma rated it it was amazing · review of another edition

Shelves: borrowed-from-the-denver-public-lib

I was surprised and shocked at how much I enjoyed this book! I was fully prepared to hate the author. I had heard about her mean parenting ways, aka the Chinese Model of parenting or being a "Tiger Mom". Very early on in the book, I realized that I was raised by Tiger Parents myself! I had joked about this with my mom, and, to be honest, my mom wasn't as harsh (but she was pretty close; my dad is spot on! Even to this day, he is still Tiger Parenting me! I'm 40!). But this book is not a validati I was surprised and shocked at how much I enjoyed this book! I was fully prepared to hate the author. I had heard about her mean parenting ways, aka the Chinese Model of parenting or being a "Tiger Mom". Very early on in the book, I realized that I was raised by Tiger Parents myself! I had joked about this with my mom, and, to be honest, my mom wasn't as harsh (but she was pretty close; my dad is spot on! Even to this day, he is still Tiger Parenting me! I'm 40!). But this book is not a validation of Tiger Parenting. It's just a story about it. It's very human and very brave, I think, of the author to share the inner workings of her household. I appreciate that she did it because I think those of us who survived Tiger Parenting really appreciate reading this. It is "therapeutic" in a way (to quote yet another permissive Western parenting standard/guideline). I also realized that I am a Tiger myself -- a Tiger Daughter, Wife, Sister, Boss, etc. I expect the best from everyone and will ask for it. (Unlike the author though, I do not engage in emotional blackmail, bullying, mind games etc to get it. I just push myself to articulate and express why I want this person to act in this way. It usually works, and, at least I know I have been true to myself and my own voice.) I don't know if I will change, and I certainly don't have the energy to be a Tiger Mom. But this book does raise a lot of questions: are Western parenting ideas (like building self-esteem, not pushing kids to come in 1st) silly, fluffy ideas? Do we need to push kids, and ourselves, harder? I was both pushed hard by my Tiger Parents (and Tiger Teachers) and also by myself. Now, at 40, I can say that I feel burnt out to some degree, or at least that I have achieved as much as I can on my own, that the next steps will take that much more work. The problem with Tiger Ways is that it is very much focused on what you, as an individual, can do on your own. The day you have to work with others, and rally troops or organize non-existent volunteers, the Tiger Way won't work. I have led many efforts where my Tiger Ways came in handy. But if you can't get the people there, then being a Tiger of no one is useless. Practicing violin or piano for hours is one thing; leading a group and being a Tiger on them and getting stuff done, that is another! I think the next milestone would be to achieve a balance between the Tiger Ways and nurturing/creating leaders. Perhaps the children of the same sex couples will be particularly gifted at this, or the children of mixed race couples, the best of all worlds. Again, really liked this book. Those who didn't have Tiger Parents may still enjoy too. I meet many of those people who say they wish that their parents had pushed them harder. I think all parents and children should read this book and talk about what works for them. ...more

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Jul 30, 2012 Abbyb1 rated it really liked it · review of another edition

I'm afraid much of this book was appreciated by me because in some ways I'm a "Chinese mother" just as Chua is. In fact, my 15 year old even told me, "You're a little like that mom. Is that why you're reading the book?"

OUCH!

Except not. Unlike others, I didn't hate Amy Chua as a mother so I wasn't offended by my son's words. I didn't feel like she was doing her daughters an injustice or - if she was - that was not her intention. I understood her. In the end, I may not push my sons like she pushe ...more

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Aug 29, 2015 Alka rated it liked it · review of another edition

Shelves: e-book

It is about a mother who is Chinese and has a predetermined take on parenting, which is diametrically opposite to the American way of parenting. Predetermined by her heritage as well as her present setting. The husband is American so he doesn't have similar philosophy but is supportive in a silent and non obstructive way. Kids are rebellious though talented and resist all attempts at disciplining and baulk at hard work. Most of our stories. It is fairly detailed and so doesn't hold interest thro ...more

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Sep 03, 2011 Sabrina rated it really liked it · review of another edition

This book as a selection for my face-to-face book club this month, and I was really intrigued when the members of the book club picked this as a selection. I suspect that is was because of the controversy that the book as stirred.

I must admit that the timing for reading this book was good for me because my husband and I had just gone to a showing of the documentary The Race to Nowhere, so my reading of this book is probably somewhat tempered by the viewing.

While I understand the controversy surr This book as a selection for my face-to-face book club this month, and I was really intrigued when the members of the book club picked this as a selection. I suspect that is was because of the controversy that the book as stirred.

I must admit that the timing for reading this book was good for me because my husband and I had just gone to a showing of the documentary The Race to Nowhere, so my reading of this book is probably somewhat tempered by the viewing.

While I understand the controversy surrounding the book, especially the reactions to some of the harsher exchanges in the book between Chua and her daughters. Honestly, however, I expected it to be much more disturbing of a read than I anticipated, and I expected to find myself angrier with Chua's parenting approach much more than I was.

Overall, I found the book well-written, insightful, and often very poignant as Chua recalled raising her daughter's and carefully explained the differences she sees between Chinese Mothers and Western Parents. One of the more interesting aspects is her explanation of Chinese Mother as she carefully notes that a parent does not have to be either Chinese or a mother to be a Chinese Mother, but rather it's more of a philosophical stance or belief system about the role of the child and the parent and beliefs about education. This does, however, mean, that much of this philosophy is not informed by the Chinese culture for those Chinese Mothers who are indeed Chinese.

As I was reading this, I found myself reflecting on my own upbringing and my parents approach to various aspects of child-rearing, including their beliefs about the value of education. And, I reflected on my recent viewing of The Race to Nowwhere. The one thing that I keep thinking was that it's really all about balance and helping your children find a balance in life while still understanding that school should be a priority.

I must admit that I do see value in some of Chua's parenting strategies but others, including the inability for a child to pick the musical instrument that he or she would like to learn, a bit too harsh. For instance, we have a piano and a trombone, neither of which my son has been interesting in learning to play. Instead, he wanted to learn to play the guitar, so after some discussion with family and friends, we have decided to pursue this desire. I will admit that I still hope that he will want to tickle the ivory at some point, but unlike Chua, I am not going to force piano lessons on him.

What I do think is appealing about this book is that as you read you realize that Chua does really want the best for both of her girls, and she does come to learn that she cannot push each of them in the same way or in the same way that she was pushed. However, there are times that the book will make readers very angry as they view the way she talks to her daughters and the way she often manipulates them to get them to succeed in the way she wants them too. ...more

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Jan 15, 2011 Sara rated it really liked it · review of another edition

Shelves: parenting, autobiography, non-fiction, memoir, read-2011

3 3/4 stars
This is not a book all will love. As a lover of non-fiction, and a parent, I can see it for what it is. After all the hype, it is a good non-fiction book. She is not out to tell us that our Western ways are wrong. Even though she mostly discusses the "chinese way" she fully admits that other cultures have similar practices. We are all set in our ways of parenting and I am sure we've all been criticized at one time or another by our peers. We all publicly or privately compare our child ...more

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Jul 07, 2011 Amy 💖 rated it liked it · review of another edition

Shelves: biography-memoirs, culture-or-country, kindle

I really liked the first half, but the second was monotonous.

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Mar 25, 2011 Stephanie rated it liked it · review of another edition

Shelves: non-fiction, memoir

An interesting memoir, and an honest portrayal of her 'Chinese style of parenting'. Not my style of parenting, but interesting to read her point of view. ...more

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