Justin’s Comments (group member since Mar 13, 2016)

Justin’s comments from the Science Fiction Microstory Contest group.

Just make sure they are docked and it'll be fine...where's my flamethrower...

I fastidiously avoid all eclipses and any type of shooting stars. They tend to blind the observer while making the plants come to life and become carnivorous...

Great work Jot! The dialogue was brisk, clever and really moved the story along very well.

John wrote: "Justin wrote: "I submitted my US Army sci-fi entry earlier last week. If anyone is interested in reading it, I'm happy to email the Word document."

Good luck with your army submission Justin.

John"
Thanks John! I'm hoping it is picked but I'm not going to hold my breath! Regardless, it was a good writing exercise. I need all the practice I can get!

John wrote: "Crititique by John Appius Quill of 9) Irreconcilable Differences by Justin

I loved the mythological quality of your story. The descriptions of Lux´s and Tenebris´s journey to meet each other amid..."

Thank you John, much appreciated!!

Thanks Paula, whenever. Just thought I'd throw it out there.

I submitted my US Army sci-fi entry earlier last week. If anyone is interested in reading it, I'm happy to email the Word document.

Chris wrote: "Justin, thanks for your critique. I appreciate your input and definitely found it helpful. I suppose my story does share a certain recurring theme. Anyways, thanks again! :)"

You're welcome Chris! The "recurring theme" was the only nit I could tug on. Overall a very good story!

Justin Sewall’s review of “No Peace Without Order” by Chris Nance

Deftly fulfilling this month’s requirements for irreconcilable values and diametrically opposed societies, Nance portrays a galaxy conquered by a violent coalition and resisted to the end by the peaceful equivalent of Switzerland.

The first three-and-a-half paragraphs are dedicated to background exposition, a real necessity that increases the impact of the ending. Finally the two opposites meet as the final bastion of civilization is brutally invaded and all hope seems lost. Yet the fate of the galaxy turns on a knife edge, literally, as the pacifist kills the warmonger. Now all the weapons stored from every prior conflict deescalated, negotiated and ended by the “oasis of neutrality” are turned loose on the attacking hordes, restoring peace and order to the galaxy. It is like Revenge of the Sith and Return of the Jedi in a concise 744 word package.

Nance’s writing is crisp and the story never wallows or stalls at any point. The dialogue pulls the reader along through to the ending twist and vividly draws a mental movie that is easy to follow. My only criticism is I felt like I had seen this movie before. Based on this month’s story requirements, I knew after reading how the Wardens were peaceful and the Velcrux Coalition as bad as the Reavers in Firefly what the outcome would be. I was also reminded of an earlier story entry from this group where a religious leader garroted a vicious pirate leader. Be as innocent as doves and shrewd as serpents indeed.

This is only a mild criticism, as most of us writing these stories have read or seen so many science fiction stories that pieces and parts often bleed into our own, mine included. Guilty as charged. “No Peace Without Order” is solid science fiction, well-crafted and fun to read.

Tom wrote: "Critique by Tom Olbert of -- "Irreconcilable Differences" by Justin

Justin delivers a sad and gentle look at the apocalypse viewed simultaneously from opposite viewpoints. Half the world sees the ..."

Tom, you're doing a great job keeping up with the reviewing this month. I appreciate the thorough and thoughtful review/critique of my story and the others you've generated in short order. I had to tread carefully and not stray too far into "Nightfall" territory (thank you Mr. Asimov!). It was an interesting concept of a planet that only rotated every thousand or so years, and the ensuing chaos and panic it would create when the respective societies were forced into their direct opposite environment. Lots to explore around this! Thanks again!

Irreconcilable Differences

“… For what do righteousness and wickedness have in common? Or what fellowship can light have with darkness?” II Corinthians 6:14

The world was ending, and there was nothing Lux could do but watch helplessly. Total darkness slowly and inexorably crept across the hemisphere, driving a terrorized population before it. Those who had lived their entire lives in the light were overcome by panic as their whole civilization fell into an impenetrable gloom. One by one the great cities had been consumed by shadow and all communications lost.

His deployment orders to the demilitarized zone were worthless. It had been the first place to fall. Most of the troops there had pulled out in time, but several units had stayed behind to fight a delaying action. No one knew what had become of them. Lux sighed deeply and opened the small locket around his neck. It was a likeness of her, what he could see of her of course, yet it was the soft glowing of her blue eyes that had melted his heart. Lux knew where he had to go. Amongst the chaos at his mobilization center he was able to requisition an armored skimmer. Armed and supplied, he headed west at full speed along the exclusive motorway reserved for the military. He prayed he would make it in time.

The world was ending, and there was nothing Tenebris could do but watch helplessly. Total light slowly and inexorably crept across the hemisphere, driving a terrorized population before it. Those who had lived their entire lives in the dark were overcome by panic as their whole civilization fell into a luminous incandesce. One by one the great cities had been consumed by radiance and all communications lost.

Her deployment orders to the demilitarized zone were worthless. It had been the first place to fall. Most of the troops there had pulled out in time, but several units had stayed behind to fight a delaying action. No one knew what had become of them. Tenebris sighed deeply and opened the small locket around her neck. It was a likeness of him, what she could see of him of course, yet it was the brilliant flame of his blue eyes that had melted her heart. Tenebris knew where she had to go. Amongst the chaos at her mobilization center she was able to requisition an armored flitter. Armed and supplied, she headed east at full speed along the exclusive tunnelway reserved for the military. She prayed she would make it in time.

Lux slid the skimmer’s canopy back and enjoyed the feeling of light and warmth on his face. The wind tousled his short blond hair and pulled at the collar of his white uniform. He saw the darkness in his rearview mirror. It stalked him and he felt guilty for deserting his post. He also felt fear, yet a small hope strove within him. He desperately hoped she could help him.

Tenebris opened the skimmer’s cockpit and enjoyed the feeling of dark and coolness on her face. The wind tousled her long black hair and pulled at the collar of her black uniform. She saw the light advancing in her surface sensors. It stalked her and she felt guilty for deserting her post. She also felt fear, yet a small hope strove within her. She desperately hoped he could help her.

Lux arrived first at their meeting place with the darkness nearly upon him. It had been only a few short months ago when while on patrol they had both stumbled into a shallow fissure along the DMZ. Laying on their respective sides nearly nose to nose, they had remained motionless, simply staring at each other in wonder and amazement.

“You’re so…” said Lux.

“As are you...” replied Tenebris.

Both of their communicators had begun squawking for a SITREP and both were ignored.

“Please, keep this to remember me by.” Lux had tossed his locket into the darkness. A similar one returned from the black.

“When the apocalypse comes, will you meet me here?” asked Tenebris.

“Yes, I will. With my whole heart I swear to you I will.” answered Lux.

Now the apocalypse was upon them.

Lux stood trembling uncontrollably in the sea of obsidian around him. He heard the lift fans of a flitter but could see nothing in the darkness.

“Tenebris! Is that you?”

“Yes Lux! I’m here. It’s so bright I can’t see you!”

“Tenebris, follow my voice!”

“I’m scared Lux!”

“So am I.”

(748 words in story) Justin Sewall © 2017
Reviews/critiques welcome

A very creepy story Tom!

Yes, excellent story Tom!

Hey everyone! I have not had time to do reviews this month since I'm focused on the US Army sci-fi competition. But I wanted to say that you all made voting incredibly difficult!

I've really enjoyed reading all of your stories this month! Great work by all!

Tom wrote: "Critique by Tom Olbert of -- "Across Time and Space" by Justin Sewall

Justin Sewall weaves a story that uses the instruments of science fiction to deliver the forms of classic fantasy and fairy ta..."

Tom, I really appreciate the great critique and feedback! I will admit that perhaps the story does not end with a "zing" as you indicated, with most of the writing dedicated to build up with very little payoff at the end.

The three "acts" are not balanced, so the end got the short end of the stick. Maybe her wicked stepmother forced her into cryo-stasis against her will, or the mirror on the main view screen indicated she was the fairest of them all and Malificent cast her adrift in the icy cold of space, marooned for all eternity...

Thanks again for taking the time to review my work!

Hi ho, hi ho, it's off to kill I go! To rend and tear humans everywhere! Hi ho, hi ho, hi ho, hi ho!

Glad you enjoyed the story!

I won't be reviewing this month as I'm trying to get my entry for the Army's sci-fi competition ready for combat, so I apologize for that.

When it's ready, perhaps a few of you might enlist to read it and provide return fire, er, feedback.

Thanks!

Across Time and Space

“Commander Hotchkiss?” The comms officer swiveled in his seat.

“What is it Stiles?”

“We’re picking up an automated distress call sir. It’s very faint.”

“Let me hear it on the box,” answered the fresh faced Skipper.

“Aye sir, patching it through.”

Hotchkiss tilted his head to listen. The static threatened to overwhelm the cry for help, but it was there.

“Navigation get me range and bearing. Calculate an intercept course.”

“Right away sir!”

The bridge hummed with the efficiency of crew and computers.

“Now receiving a Priority One dispatch order from Argosy Station Commander. We’re the closest ship and-"

“Got it,” Hotchkiss interrupted.

“Coordinates are locked into the navi-computer sir.”

“Very well. Engine room this is the bridge. All ahead flank.”

“Engine room acknowledges All Ahead Flank. Full power at your command sir.”

“Understood. Engage primary drive systems now.”

The deep space Coast Guard cutter Excalibur rocketed forward. Its gleaming white hull pierced the darkness of space, cutting through it like the sharpest of ancient blades.

“Probably some stupid merchant ship foundering on a stray asteroid,” complained the weapons officer.

“You know the drill Phillips. Someone drops the ball we get the call. Cheer up. Maybe it’s pirates.”

“One can always hope sir.”

“Warm up the deck gun and bring targeting sensors online as a precaution.”

“Already ahead of you sir.”

“Very well.”

“ETA seven minutes Commander. You going out yourself Skipper?” asked the navigation officer.

Hotchkiss ran a hand through his short blond hair.

“Matter of fact, I think I will. Phillips, prepare to deploy the boarding launch and have the rescue team meet me in the starboard well-deck.”

Stiles leaned over slightly to Phillips and pitched his voice lower. “Is it just me or does the Skipper seem a little too excited about this unexpected excursion?”

“Man gets bored like the rest of us,” muttered Phillips, dusting off the button that fired the deck gun.

***
Excalibur approached the distressed vessel, its white hull a stark contrast to the muted gray of the other ship.

“Searchlights!” ordered Hotchkiss.

Immediately giant circles of light caressed the hull looking for signs of damage – and more importantly, docking ports. The illumination revealed a name: Enchanted Forest.

“There!” pointed the senior chief.

“Good eyes COB.”

“I’m not Chief of the Boat for nuthin’ you know Skipper.”

“Never doubted you for a minute COB. Prepare for docking and hard seal.”

The boarding launch matched Enchanted Forest’s gentle roll perfectly to align their docking ports.

“Any bio signs over there?” asked Hotchkiss, holstering his sidearm.

“One possible life sign sir near your location.” answered Stiles. “I can’t find any schematics on this ship but she’s an old one. Apparently she disappeared in an area of space known as the Black Cauldron over 50 years ago.”

“Thanks Stiles. We’ve made hard seal and are going in now.”

“I copy you five by five Skipper.”

Hotchkiss adjusted his helmet.

“Chief would you do the honors?”

“My pleasure sir. Stand back.”

The hatch opened easily with only the barest wisp of atmosphere entering the boarding launch.

“That’s a good sign, she’s still pressurized.” noted COB.

“Thanks Chief. Let’s go.” Hotchkiss stepped into the darkened ship.

***
Finding the life sign was easy. The power signature emanating from the sleeper tube was low but distinct and the corridors leading to it surprisingly uncluttered by debris. All the other tubes were dark. Hotchkiss brushed the accumulated dust and frost off the tube’s observation port revealing its occupant.

He heard the rescue team’s collective inhale. She was stunning, of course, with long blonde hair, a silver crown upon her head and the fairest features Hotchkiss had ever seen. She was truly a sleeping beauty.

“Doc, is she..?” The medic quickly checked the tube’s diagnostic displays.

“This is pretty old technology Commander, but from what I can tell she’s alive and in perfect hibernation.”

“Can we safely move her?”

Before the medic could answer the tube suddenly went dark and multiple alarms rang out at once. Vital signs jumped erratically on small displays.

Stunned, Hotchkiss looked around frantically. His eye caught a fire axe mounted to the bulkhead.

“Stand back!”

Plexiform cracked, then shattered under the desperate assault. Hotchkiss reached down and pulled the woman up and out.

“She’s not breathing!” cried the medic.

Laying her down gently, Commander Jared Hotchkiss ripped off his helmet to administer CPR. After his first deep breath he realized she was looking at him with radiant green eyes.

“Thank you Prince Charming…” she whispered softly.

(750 words in story) Justin Sewall © 2017
Reviews/critiques welcome

Way to share you two! Congratulations on your great stories!

Heather wrote: "(Hey Justin, are you feeling a bit jaded by all that Elf on the Shelf's surveillance activity? Looks like you were half thinking "Sinister Claus" ... going by the spelling! :) )

Best Wishes to all..."

The Elf on the Shelf has been taken away by the Men In Black in a
non-descript black van with a sliding door and a bag over his head. LOL!

Putting presents under the tree for the kiddies now. Ho, ho, ho!! Sinter Claus