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736 pages, Mass Market Paperback
First published January 1, 1980
If you can love and respect yourself in failure, worlds of adventure and new experiences will open up before you, and your fears will vanish.
My boss scheduled a meeting with me out of the blue. I immediately started thinking that I hadn’t been doing a good job recently, so I began to panic, sure I was about to get fired. Eventually, this panic turned to indignation, as I convinced myself of the injustice of the situation, since I worked hard and tried my best. So, literally trembling with anxiety and outrage, I went to the meeting and sat down; and my boss said: “We’re giving you a bonus, because you’ve been doing so well. Congratulations!” Suddenly, all my negative feelings turned into joy.
(1) All-or-nothing thinking: Everything is perfect or everything is imperfect; everything is good or everything is evil; everything is correct or everything is incorrect; etc.Those are the Big Ten, and obviously there is a lot of conceptual overlap. They amount to what are called logical fallacies in critical thinking or informal logic, but which here are being used to identify problems in thinking.
(2) Overgeneralization: One instance of something is used to explain all other instances.
(3) Mental filter: A matter of focusing on negative situations.
(4) Disqualifying the positive: Explaining away otherwise positive things as not so positive or maybe outright negaive.
(5) Jumping to conclusions, which comes in two flavors: (A) Mind reading, when you assume what others believe or how you think situations really are; or (B) Fortune telling, when you assume that the future will always be bad.
(6) Magnification of minimization: Making small things seem very seriously negative or big positive things trivial.
(7) Emotional reasoning: Assuming that because you feel a certain way that you are a certain way, for example feeling helpless and so believing you're helpless.
(8) Should statements: Expecting the world to conform to your criteria of what people should and shouldn't do and the way events should and shouldn't be, even though the world is not like that at all.
(9) Labeling and mislabeling: Incorrectly type-casting someone or something, assume someone is an idiot, for example, because they make a mistake.
(10) Personalization: Assuming responsibility for things and actions of other people that are clearly (if you think about it) out of control.