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Becoming Us: Using the Enneagram to Create a Thriving Gospel-Centered Marriage

4.29  ·  Rating details ·  220 ratings  ·  83 reviews
Do you ever feel baffled by the person sleeping beside you? What if your spouse came with an instruction manual? Beth and Jeff McCord, founders of Your Enneagram Coach, have helped over 250,000 people discover their unique personality type and apply that knowledge to their relationships.

Becoming Us pulls back the curtain on marriage and weaves the Enneagram through the
Paperback, 264 pages
Published October 1st 2019 by Morgan James Publishing
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Average rating 4.29  · 
Rating details
 ·  220 ratings  ·  83 reviews

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Kaytee Cobb
So glad I got to pre-read this new title from @yourenneagramcoach (Beth McCord and her husband Jeff).

This is a true Gospel-based/centered, birds-eye-view, Christ-pursuing view of the Enneagram and the way it can bless our lives and relationships.

Beth and Jeff unpack their relationship as well as some of the interactions of their closest friends, to get to what is at the core of each type (fear, desire, weakness, and longing) in a concise way. They also help us to relate to each other. You can
Aug 29, 2019 rated it really liked it
I love that Beth McCord, an Enneagram coach, chose to write a specific book for marriage based on Christian principles. As I consider the topic more and more, I recognize that filtering marriage + Enneagram through a Christian worldview produces an enlightening and highly applicable text for those believers who want to not only stay married but happily stay married. Some can be rather hard on tools like the Enneagram as they relate to "self-discovery," but I'm going to argue that figuring out ...more
Sep 20, 2019 rated it really liked it
This is the fourth Enneagram book I have read in the past 12 months or so, and while some might expect a certain amount of “Ennea-burnout” by this point, this has not been the case for me, and I have truly appreciated each book for how it has presented the Enneagram from a unique perspective. Becoming Us is certainly no exception, and I believe its strength lies in the authors’ (husband and wife team Jeff and Beth McCord) willingness to be vulnerable and open with their marital struggles, ...more
DeAndra Mullen
Oct 24, 2019 rated it liked it
This was definitely written as a tool not a “how to”. Filled with great insight on each type. However there is more “how to use the book information” than actual information. The sections with information for the spouse for each type are the smallest sections.
Diana Cissell
Sep 22, 2019 rated it it was amazing
What a treat! I was so fortunate to receive an Advanced Reader Copy of Becoming Us and have been delighted with their stories and all the information packed in the pages of this book. If you are new to the Enneagram and are looking for a Faith based approach, it is a great book to start with! It is directed to couples, but I believe every kind of relationship can benefit from this book.

If you are new to the Enneagram, this would be a great book to start with. They do a great job of explaining
Aug 26, 2019 rated it it was amazing
This is the most complete explanation of the enneagram and how to apply it to relationships that I've read to date. The enneagram has shown me how to see and understand my spouse with more grace, but this book has given me direct actions to apply in our every day easy and stressed out interactions. I highly recommend it for relationships of all ages. This will be the cheapest, most effective therapy session you will ever receive.
As I was reading Becoming Us: Using the Enneagram to Create a Thriving Gospel-Centered Marriage, I was reminded of a sales call many years ago when I tried to control the conversation and talk “over” the prospect. I mean, I had to tell him about our product, didn’t I, or how would he ever consider it?

Seeing I wasn’t getting through, I recognized his personality type – a man who needed control himself. As soon as I let go and allowed him to dictate the meeting, good things happened. Shortly
Caitie Sheppard
Sep 26, 2019 rated it it was amazing
If you only buy one Enneagram book or are new to the Enneagram world....this is for you!!!

The best thing about this book is the practical, simple, yet profound way this book was written and organized. So many helpful truths about yourself and the relationships in your life. While this is written from a perspective of a spousal relationship, this book has helped me gain perspective on my personal and professional relationships... It makes it easier to interact with grace and love when you
Emily Furnival
Sep 25, 2019 rated it it was amazing  ·  review of another edition
I’ve been dying to read this book since the moment Beth and Jeff shared about it on Instagram! I’ve learned so much from just following on Instagram, that I knew their book would be filled with even more knowledge. It did not disappoint!

I’ve known my type for awhile, but my husband, who read the book with me, wasn’t aware of his type or a lot of the basic enneagram knowledge. The beginning of the book shared so much information, that even if you didn’t have prior Enneagram knowledge, you wouldn
Sep 22, 2019 rated it really liked it
The enneagram is a great tool to help understand others and their motivations. Communicating with others in relationships can be tough, especially when you’re married to them. I loved the second half of this book where they go through each of the 9 types and describe what they are, what their motivations are, childhood tendencies, and how to relate to this type. It’s even color coded. The whole book is heavy on the gospel, as it says in the title. I found the first part a little bit repetitive ...more
Joshalyn McHargue
Sep 28, 2019 rated it it was amazing
Becoming Us is a true insight. I appreciate John and Beth’s emphasis on the transforming power of the gospel. Its message is shared so simply and not only helps you believe it for yourself, but also for your spouse. The guide in the second half of the book helped point me back to my true glory in Christ, and I now have eyes to see who He has created to be, and I can cheer my spouse on and contribute to his transformation in a healthy way! We’ve already used this book for a group of married young ...more
Nov 13, 2019 rated it it was amazing
Want to understand yourself and your spouse better and value the uniqueness you each bring? An enneagram is an amazing tool for this discovery and Beth McCord helps us to understand the different types and apply that understanding to our marriages.
Brandon Hall
Sep 02, 2019 rated it it was amazing
Loved everything about this book! Beth and Jeff’s easily relatable and conversational, but is full of wisdom and truth. It is going to be a game changer for many marriages that pick up this book and just for relating to others in general.
Sep 21, 2019 rated it it was amazing
This book was amazing. I can’t wait to read it WITH Nate sometime this winter. I found it insightful. The two of us have often said that “we are worth fighting with because we’re worth fighting FOR” and this book has helped me understand him and where he’s coming from in a lot of areas. It puts into words a lot of things I have thought but couldn’t quite verbalize. I recommend this book highly.
Jessie LaBelle
Oct 21, 2019 rated it liked it
The index in the back was helpful for different combinations of enneagram numbers in a married but the writing was a little cheesy for my taste
Oct 14, 2019 rated it liked it
A fairly surface-y, typical intro to the enneagram and how to use it in a “Gospel-centered” marriage.
Hope Nordstrom
Aug 20, 2019 rated it it was amazing
This review has been hidden because it contains spoilers. To view it, click here.
Jul 20, 2019 rated it it was amazing  ·  review of another edition
Know Thy Self

Good read, informative and solid biblical foundation. I really love how the authors use the enneagram as a tool to help you really grow into who God made you to be and the couple he made you to be.
Oct 11, 2019 rated it it was amazing
As I've come to observe over the past couple of years, the Enneagram is a controversial topic. What I found to be an illuminating, liberating way to explain myself is perhaps not that simple for everyone. And of course, thanks to the Internet, it's accompanied by a proliferation of memes which can, I think, make people skeptical of its viability. I mean, if it's so popular as to inspire people to type their favorite TV show characters, what real life merit can it hold?

That's why I love this
Oct 01, 2019 rated it really liked it
Shelves: tbr2019, own
I know my Enneagram number.
I am a Type 6.

Truth to tell, I was miss-typed as a Type 2 when I took a test/assessment the first time. I didn’t think much of it or do much with that information at first, but then as more resources came available I started to question my own Type.

Using a different assessment, I have learned I am accurately a Type 6. This information has been quite useful understanding my own motivations and reactions to situations – specifically stress.
When I learned the McCords
Brian Dale
Oct 03, 2019 rated it it was amazing
Light In A Dark Place

I've heard of the Enneagram and took a test once and I tested as a five. But never did anything with it. I went through a divorce that forced me to look at myself. My failure caused me to feel shame, self-doubt and self-condemnation. I was the worst version of myself during the separation. Through another book and assessment I found out that I was a type nine. Which caused great pain and sorrow in my soul. But it shined a light of self-awareness on my soul and opened a door
Sep 30, 2019 rated it really liked it
If you're curious about the Enneagram, are looking for new material on the Enneagram, or have never heard of the Enneagram and just want to help grow your marriage, Becoming Us is just the book you're looking for! Enneagram coach Beth McCord and her husband Pastor Jeff McCord have put together a wonderful, easy to use resource for anyone who wants practical steps and tools to better understand themselves, their spouse, or really anyone they have a relationship with (friends, parents, children, ...more
Sep 18, 2019 rated it really liked it
I received an advance reader copy of the book and couldn’t have been more excited! I had already pre-ordered my copy, as I’ve become a follower of Beth on her website Your Enneagram Coach. I’ve listened to her on podcasts, taken her tests and read her material on her website. I really appreciate her affirming, Gospel perspective on the enneagram.

Becoming Us is the only book I know of that is specifically about marriage and the enneagram. My husband and I already know our types, but Part 2 of
Keith Hudson
Sep 30, 2019 rated it really liked it
When I first picked this book up I had heard about the enneagram but I didn’t know much about it and to be honest I just wasn’t sure about it. I had taken different personality assessments in the past, but boy, am I glad that took the time to begin and work through this book!
Beth and Jeff McCord do a fantastic job in this 2 part book. The stated goal of the book: “We want to help you strengthen your marriage while living out your truest and most authentic self in Christ (7).” If the reader
Sep 27, 2019 rated it it was amazing
For those who don't know about the Enneagram but are seeing all kinds of buzz about this book, the Enneagram is a personality tool that works differently than any other tool you may have encountered such as the Meyers-Briggs. The Enneagram "reveals not what we do, but why we do it" to quote the authors, Beth and Jeff McCord. It reveals our core motivation, our core fear, our core longing and our core weakness. In studying the Enneagram, we learn that these core desires are where our behaviors ...more
Scott Wozniak
Oct 05, 2019 rated it really liked it
This is mostly a book about the personality system called the Enneagram (9-sided shape). It's a little bit about marriage, and there's a bit of memoir in there as it was co-written by a couple.

It's a great book on the Enneagram. I learned as much (maybe more) about that system here than I have in any of the other books I've read. For that purpose, I highly recommend this book.

It's an interesting memoir (little bits shared throughout the book, not too much and all relevant to the Enneagram). But
Sep 30, 2019 rated it it was amazing
This book does a great job of explaining the enneagram and going over the details of wings, health, and unhealth. It's a great tool to use for insight and discussion with your partner but would also work in a friendship or professional setting for leaders.

The 1st half of the book gives a lot of examples of how understanding types has helped in relationship building for others... almost like case studies. It starts with generalities and then begins explaining the how the the enneagram actually
Melissa Chambers
Oct 01, 2019 is currently reading it
As an Enneagram 5 I was beyond hesitant to be labeled or think anyone could tell me anything useful about myself, I’m just too weird (there’s that wing 4). But once I hear Beth McCord on Annie F Downs Podcast, That Sounds Fun it became something I quickly added to my special interests. I’m an avid reader and even enjoy a deep academic dive and while building my faith and growing closer to God are my first literary and study interests I read any and everything. But when it came to the Enneagram ...more
Oct 01, 2019 rated it it was amazing
Beth McCord is the best Instagram-Enneagram coach out there and she has wrapped her expertise you can find online into this book she co-wrote with her husband, Jeff. Through stories of their own marriage, and short stories from other couples, Beth and Jeff illustrate how learning about ourselves through the lens of the Enneagram can help us grow and help our relationships thrive.

Becoming Us features a great introduction to what the Enneagram is and how a life in Christ helps us grow. The
Alyssa Osegard
Oct 02, 2019 rated it really liked it
Becoming Us is a great read for learning how to use the enneagram to navigate relationships.

While it is marriage specific, much of the information can apply to any close relationship in your life.

Part one is a dive into how knowing your enneagram number and that of your spouse can help you work through specific issues that tend to arise within marriage. There are a lot of anecdotal pieces to this part, which may help you provide context for when using the enneagram would be helpful in a
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Beth McCord, founder of Your Enneagram Coach, has been an Enneagram speaker, coach, and teacher for more than fifteen years. Having been trained by the best Enneagram experts and pouring hundreds of hours into advanced certifications, Beth is passionate about coming alongside individuals and helping them rewrite their story, allowing them to see that lasting change, meaningful relationships, and a ...more