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Becoming Us: Using the Enneagram to Create a Thriving Gospel-Centered Marriage

4.06  ·  Rating details ·  974 ratings  ·  141 reviews
Do you ever feel baffled by the person sleeping beside you? What if your spouse came with an instruction manual? Beth and Jeff McCord, founders of Your Enneagram Coach, have helped over 250,000 people discover their unique personality type and apply that knowledge to their relationships.

Becoming Us pulls back the curtain on marriage and weaves the Enneagram through the len
Paperback, 264 pages
Published October 1st 2019 by Morgan James Publishing
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Average rating 4.06  · 
Rating details
 ·  974 ratings  ·  141 reviews

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Kaytee Cobb
☕ So glad I got to pre-read this new title from @yourenneagramcoach (Beth McCord and her husband Jeff).

☕ This is a true Gospel-based/centered, birds-eye-view, Christ-pursuing view of the Enneagram and the way it can bless our lives and relationships.

☕ Beth and Jeff unpack their relationship as well as some of the interactions of their closest friends, to get to what is at the core of each type (fear, desire, weakness, and longing) in a concise way. They also help us to relate to each other. You
Aug 29, 2019 rated it really liked it
I love that Beth McCord, an Enneagram coach, chose to write a specific book for marriage based on Christian principles. As I consider the topic more and more, I recognize that filtering marriage + Enneagram through a Christian worldview produces an enlightening and highly applicable text for those believers who want to not only stay married but happily stay married. Some can be rather hard on tools like the Enneagram as they relate to "self-discovery," but I'm going to argue that figuring out wh ...more
Jillian Vincent
Dec 23, 2019 rated it really liked it
Really helpful read in understanding enneagram to help with marriage relationship. The whole second part is the “road map”. It is so well designed and organized with all the different tenets to both understand yourself and your spouse. I took pictures of Tim and Is types to reference later. I think the roadmap would be helpful in understanding any relationships, not just marriage, so I would encourage singles to pick it up for reference too.
Brooke Fradd
Sep 01, 2020 rated it really liked it
I appreciated the perspective shift the book provided for both conflict and how to encourage. I already knew our types, so those portions weren't as necessary. But the authors break the book into 2 parts to use as best suits the reader, which is helpful given the various levels of Ennea-awareness readers may have. ...more
Sep 20, 2019 rated it really liked it
This is the fourth Enneagram book I have read in the past 12 months or so, and while some might expect a certain amount of “Ennea-burnout” by this point, this has not been the case for me, and I have truly appreciated each book for how it has presented the Enneagram from a unique perspective. Becoming Us is certainly no exception, and I believe its strength lies in the authors’ (husband and wife team Jeff and Beth McCord) willingness to be vulnerable and open with their marital struggles, illust ...more
Susan Elwart
Jan 29, 2020 rated it it was amazing
❤️❤️❤️ I highly recommend reading this, especially right after The Road Back to You. Super insightful & helpful!
Ruth Cook
Apr 10, 2020 rated it really liked it

This is the fourth book I have read about the Enneagram and, in my opinion, what makes it stand out from other books about the Enneagram (even Christian books) is that the Gospel, not the Enneagram, is the core of the book. I really value how Beth and Jeff initially make that clear in the Introduction: “The Enneagram is an insightful tool, but the Gospel is the transformation”. They reiterate all throughout the book th
DeAndra Mullen
Oct 24, 2019 rated it liked it
This was definitely written as a tool not a “how to”. Filled with great insight on each type. However there is more “how to use the book information” than actual information. The sections with information for the spouse for each type are the smallest sections.
Diana Cissell
Sep 22, 2019 rated it it was amazing
What a treat!  I was so fortunate to receive an Advanced Reader Copy of Becoming Us and have been delighted with their stories and all the information packed in the pages of this book.  If you are new to the Enneagram and are looking for a Faith based approach, it is a great book to start with! It is directed to couples, but I believe every kind of relationship can benefit from this book. 

If you are new to the Enneagram, this would be a great book to start with.  They do a great job of explainin
Aug 26, 2019 rated it it was amazing
This is the most complete explanation of the enneagram and how to apply it to relationships that I've read to date. The enneagram has shown me how to see and understand my spouse with more grace, but this book has given me direct actions to apply in our every day easy and stressed out interactions. I highly recommend it for relationships of all ages. This will be the cheapest, most effective therapy session you will ever receive. ...more
Taylor Barkley
Feb 02, 2020 rated it really liked it  ·  review of another edition
Practical and short. It was my entree to the enneagram world. Sparked good discussion between Rachel and I!
Caitie Sheppard
Sep 26, 2019 rated it it was amazing
If you only buy one Enneagram book or are new to the Enneagram world....this is for you!!!

The best thing about this book is the practical, simple, yet profound way this book was written and organized. So many helpful truths about yourself and the relationships in your life. While this is written from a perspective of a spousal relationship, this book has helped me gain perspective on my personal and professional relationships... It makes it easier to interact with grace and love when you underst
Sep 22, 2019 rated it really liked it
The enneagram is a great tool to help understand others and their motivations. Communicating with others in relationships can be tough, especially when you’re married to them. I loved the second half of this book where they go through each of the 9 types and describe what they are, what their motivations are, childhood tendencies, and how to relate to this type. It’s even color coded. The whole book is heavy on the gospel, as it says in the title. I found the first part a little bit repetitive a ...more
Aug 19, 2020 rated it it was amazing
This is one of the best enneagram book I have ever read in relation to being a christian and applying this to your marriage. In the beginning the author explains how the enneagram is to be a tool and let God do the rest. It gives you a lot of AHA moments where it explains why their spouse reacted the way they did and how to better communicate going forward. Beth and Jeff breaks down the types so well it helps better understand you and your spouse and still point you to Jesus.
Joshalyn McHargue
Sep 28, 2019 rated it it was amazing
Becoming Us is a true insight. I appreciate John and Beth’s emphasis on the transforming power of the gospel. Its message is shared so simply and not only helps you believe it for yourself, but also for your spouse. The guide in the second half of the book helped point me back to my true glory in Christ, and I now have eyes to see who He has created to be, and I can cheer my spouse on and contribute to his transformation in a healthy way! We’ve already used this book for a group of married young ...more
Nov 13, 2019 rated it it was amazing
Want to understand yourself and your spouse better and value the uniqueness you each bring? An enneagram is an amazing tool for this discovery and Beth McCord helps us to understand the different types and apply that understanding to our marriages.
Brandon Hall
Sep 02, 2019 rated it it was amazing
Loved everything about this book! Beth and Jeff’s easily relatable and conversational, but is full of wisdom and truth. It is going to be a game changer for many marriages that pick up this book and just for relating to others in general.
Sep 21, 2019 rated it it was amazing
This book was amazing. I can’t wait to read it WITH Nate sometime this winter. I found it insightful. The two of us have often said that “we are worth fighting with because we’re worth fighting FOR” and this book has helped me understand him and where he’s coming from in a lot of areas. It puts into words a lot of things I have thought but couldn’t quite verbalize. I recommend this book highly.
Jessie LaBelle
Oct 21, 2019 rated it liked it
The index in the back was helpful for different combinations of enneagram numbers in a married but the writing was a little cheesy for my taste
Oct 14, 2019 rated it liked it
A fairly surface-y, typical intro to the enneagram and how to use it in a “Gospel-centered” marriage.
As I was reading Becoming Us: Using the Enneagram to Create a Thriving Gospel-Centered Marriage, I was reminded of a sales call many years ago when I tried to control the conversation and talk “over” the prospect. I mean, I had to tell him about our product, didn’t I, or how would he ever consider it?

Seeing I wasn’t getting through, I recognized his personality type – a man who needed control himself. As soon as I let go and allowed him to dictate the meeting, good things happened. Shortly after
Hope Nordstrom
Aug 20, 2019 rated it it was amazing
This review has been hidden because it contains spoilers. To view it, click here.
Emily Furnival
Sep 25, 2019 rated it it was amazing  ·  review of another edition
I’ve been dying to read this book since the moment Beth and Jeff shared about it on Instagram! I’ve learned so much from just following on Instagram, that I knew their book would be filled with even more knowledge. It did not disappoint!

I’ve known my type for awhile, but my husband, who read the book with me, wasn’t aware of his type or a lot of the basic enneagram knowledge. The beginning of the book shared so much information, that even if you didn’t have prior Enneagram knowledge, you wouldn
Oct 17, 2019 rated it it was amazing
I really enjoyed this book. For people who are interested in the enneagram and also looking for helpful, gospel-centered marriage principles, it definitely provides that. I have previously read books on the enneagram, so I did find some of this book a bit repetitive with things I already knew, but if you don’t know much about the enneagram, it gives a really good amount of insight (not too in depth but you’ll get a well-rounded working understanding of it). I found the last two chapters of part ...more
Sep 26, 2019 rated it it was amazing
This book is a good read! Helpful, practical, and full of hope. Even if you aren’t an enneagram junkie (like me) you will find it a helpful tool to move your marriage toward growth. Any tool that promotes healthy communication in marriage is worth it. Their tips and insights are simple and powerful.

Personally, I loved that it combined the helpfulness of the enneagram and the truth of the gospel. That’s where our hope for a healthy marriage is found!
Jul 20, 2019 rated it it was amazing  ·  review of another edition
Know Thy Self

Good read, informative and solid biblical foundation. I really love how the authors use the enneagram as a tool to help you really grow into who God made you to be and the couple he made you to be.
Jacob Lungaro
Jan 13, 2020 rated it it was amazing  ·  review of another edition
Decent. The last chapter could be all that one needs to read to understand what the rest of the book is trying to conflate.
Oct 11, 2019 rated it it was amazing
As I've come to observe over the past couple of years, the Enneagram is a controversial topic. What I found to be an illuminating, liberating way to explain myself is perhaps not that simple for everyone. And of course, thanks to the Internet, it's accompanied by a proliferation of memes which can, I think, make people skeptical of its viability. I mean, if it's so popular as to inspire people to type their favorite TV show characters, what real life merit can it hold?

That's why I love this book
Sep 30, 2019 rated it really liked it
If you're curious about the Enneagram, are looking for new material on the Enneagram, or have never heard of the Enneagram and just want to help grow your marriage, Becoming Us is just the book you're looking for! Enneagram coach Beth McCord and her husband Pastor Jeff McCord have put together a wonderful, easy to use resource for anyone who wants practical steps and tools to better understand themselves, their spouse, or really anyone they have a relationship with (friends, parents, children, c ...more
Oct 01, 2019 rated it really liked it
Shelves: own, tbr2019
I know my Enneagram number.
I am a Type 6.

Truth to tell, I was miss-typed as a Type 2 when I took a test/assessment the first time. I didn’t think much of it or do much with that information at first, but then as more resources came available I started to question my own Type.

Using a different assessment, I have learned I am accurately a Type 6. This information has been quite useful understanding my own motivations and reactions to situations – specifically stress.
When I learned the McCords we
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Beth McCord, founder of Your Enneagram Coach, has been an Enneagram speaker, coach, and teacher for more than fifteen years. Having been trained by the best Enneagram experts and pouring hundreds of hours into advanced certifications, Beth is passionate about coming alongside individuals and helping them rewrite their story, allowing them to see that lasting change, meaningful relationships, and a ...more

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