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Belonging: Remembering Ourselves Home

4.48  ·  Rating details ·  483 ratings  ·  79 reviews
2017 Nautilus Award Gold Winner for Personal Growth

The world has never been more connected, yet people are lonelier than ever. Whether we feel unworthy, alienated, or anxious about our place in the world the absence of belonging is the great silent wound of our times.

Most people think of belonging as a mythical place, and they spend a lifetime searching for it in vain. But
Paperback, 1st edition , 259 pages
Published December 15th 2017 by Her Own Room Press
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Toko-pa Turner Available now on Audible, Amazon & iTunes! xoxo

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Average rating 4.48  · 
Rating details
 ·  483 ratings  ·  79 reviews

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Mar 01, 2018 rated it it was amazing  ·  review of another edition
I don't have a clue where I first saw this book. I didn't hear about it. It certainly wasn't on my radar. Somewhere I got a glimpse of this most beautiful cover. When I looked at the title and a little bit about the book, I was maybe a bit put off. Dreams and archtypes, fairytales, didn't beckon. It didn't seem like something I would be interested in. But I found myself going back and looking at it again and again. I was intrigued.

"Archetypes show us that we aren’t just leading insignificant
Apr 24, 2019 rated it did not like it
Recommended to Victoria by: Debs
Shelves: non-fiction
So, this book. There's a lot of good stuff in here, but somehow it managed to consistently rub me the wrong way.

Partly, I think, because it speaks mainly to a particular kind of trauma that isn't mine, and generalizes as if everyone must experience things in a similar way.

Partly, also, because there's a lot of baked-in gendered stuff about yin and yang, "Death Mothers," "masculine" and "feminine" energies, that felt really sexist and/or gender essentialist.

Then there was repeated, systemic
Elaine Mansfield
Apr 25, 2018 rated it it was amazing
'Belonging: Remembering Ourselves Home by Toko-pa Turner will transform the reader and the world. I found this book to be unique, transforming, and validating. My copy is underlined and dog-eared with notes in the margins. From the first pages, I found myself shaking my head in agreement. Yes, we are estranged and align ourselves with values that don’t nurture our deepest selves. Yes, we’ve forgotten how to love ourselves and life’s wild sacredness. Yes, we feel exiled from our bodies, our ...more
Jul 22, 2018 rated it it was ok
I wanted so much to love this book but alas it wasn’t meant to be. While generally accurate, authors ideas are far from novel and are basically covered fully and then some in Brene Browns books. Sentences and paragraphs felt so repetitive and overstated, it almost felt like the author cared more about writing pretty than filling the book with substance. Disappointed, I’m returning this to the library after 200 pages of reading.
Feb 11, 2018 rated it it was amazing
Shelves: favorites, own
I keep trying to find some really beautiful words to say about this book that would perfectly capture how exquisite it is. Until I find the right way to say it, here goes something: this book is beautiful. I had pre-ordered it because I love what Toko-pa does with her writings on dreamwork and her light sculptures are so beautiful, and I looked forward to when this book arrived. When I received it, I immediately jumped in and it had me at the cover design. Then with the foreword, it had me for ...more
Zornitsa Tomova
Wonderful book, going deep into the topic of one of the core human needs - belonging. I listened to the audio version and it was wonderful to hear it narrated by Toko Pa herself. It felt like a very soulful share, rich in symbolism, wisdom and depth. It's so beautifully written, touching and vulnerable, it feels almost like poetry. I'd highly recommend it to anyone looking to dive into the question of belonging, dreams, subconscious, emotions, intuition, beauty, nature, artistic expression and ...more
Christina Houen
Sep 21, 2018 rated it it was amazing
Belonging is the other side of becoming. When we are becoming, we are always in flux, not fixed, not stationary. When we are belonging, we don’t need to be fixed or get stuck in a particular frame. It was true, in the past, for the majority of people who were not nomadic or displaced, that they lived their lives in one place, in a known community, an enclosed space with rules, mores, codes, rites and punishments. There was connectedness and security, but if you were scapegoated or exiled, if you ...more
May 09, 2019 rated it it was amazing
So much wisdom and experience in this book, and it is written beautifully. Took me a long time to get through, it kind of asks to be read slowly and I found it helped me in day to day living, and I loved all the thoughts on ritual, community, time, nature...and how patriarchy and capitalism are responsible for so much of our dislocation from the act of belonging.
Apr 11, 2019 rated it liked it

There was a lot of wonderful ideas and stories in this book and I definitely gained some value from ingesting the content! However, mostly, my experience with this book was that of feeling frustrated.

I found it painful to listen to (I bought the audiobook) as the mic she used sounded like she recorded into her phone and the editing was choppy and awkward, in my judgement. I didn’t enjoy the way she spoke—not her voice but her inflections. It felt very patronizing. It felt like I was being
Sep 07, 2018 rated it it was amazing
Shelves: favourites
If I could give this book ten stars, I would.

Being a recipient of this work of generosity felt sacred and restorative.

Beautifully written and filled with deeper truths that went all the way through to my soul. I found myself many times moved to tears reading this.

I listened to the audiobook version and it was a delight hearing the author speak her writings.

I loved it so much that I ordered a hard copy to read and keep as well. This is one of those books that I feel I'll want to open regularly
Jan 28, 2019 rated it it was amazing  ·  review of another edition
This is a deep and provocative consideration of belonging. Turner begins with an exploration of the inner self, challenging us to fully accept ourselves despite group pressures. A highly worthwhile read and beautifully written.
Jul 19, 2018 rated it it was amazing
Shelves: non-fiction
I stumbled across this lovely book and I have been blown away by the beauty & eloquence of Toko-pa Turner's work with myths, dreams, and stories as a path to healing and authenticity. This book feels like 'Home' I will be reading & rereading this book for a long time to come.
Kerr Twood
Nov 13, 2018 rated it it was amazing
Probably the best and most grounded spiritual and self-help book I've ever read and listened to.
Nov 03, 2019 rated it it was amazing
Really enjoyed and related to this book more than I even expected to, and appreciated the depth of digging into generational and cultural layers of the roots of alienation and outcasts. As with many books of this genre it spends more time on discussing belonging and lack thereof than solutions, which is always a little frustrating, but I think that’s the nature of these sorts of issues/books - they are challenging issues to solve and change (especially when saddled with any additional barriers ...more
Toni Rahman
Oct 24, 2019 rated it it was amazing  ·  review of another edition
There are just so many things I want to say about this book. Toko-pa is a muse. Her combination of knowledge and heart weave a tapestry of such richness and resonance that make this book a permanent fixture in my house and my heart. It is a song to my soul. Belonging is a topic that needs to be a bigger part of our conversation as mothers, neighbors, sisters, daughters, sons, fathers, teachers, social workers, counselors, healers, schools, communities, organizations, etc. As a trauma therapist, ...more
Carolee Wheeler
Jan 11, 2020 rated it really liked it
3.5 stars. As a “sit down and read from start to finish” book, this suffered, because the messages become repetitive. I think this book would be better kept on the shelf and dipped into with intent.
Dec 10, 2019 rated it it was amazing
Totally singular. Ground-shaking. Stirring. Seminal, except a different, less masculine-centric word. Endlessly quotable. Nourishing. So, so good. I thinned out my owned book collection a few years back and rarely buy books when I can use the library instead. However, this is one I plan to own. As soon as possible.
Mariagni Ellina
Nov 09, 2018 rated it it was amazing  ·  review of another edition
Heartwarming and inspiring

I have been reading this book with a great longing to see what's coming, what's more. I have been moved, even when I was not sure what was the deeper meaning of the words and notions.
Sep 23, 2019 rated it it was amazing
Just finished a glorious and gratifying saunter through this testament of love, beauty and hope. I am beyond-words grateful that something that covers most everything imminent exists in one place. So accessible to a wide variety of readers. Toko-pa Turner brings it ALL together - interbeing, 21st Century issues, mindsets, nature, humanity, our beautiful walk home to the center of all things under one roof. It's heart, it's soul, it's intellect and it's body. Passing it on to my daughters because ...more
Rosy Shackleton
Aug 02, 2018 rated it it was amazing
It’s been probably close to 2 years since I happened across a post from Toko-pa, that signalled my journey of belonging. It was about feeling displaced from your homeland, and what that creates. My family is very new to New Zealand, and while my hometown during my childhood was the most multicultural city in the world, the general vibe during my schooling was, if you ain’t that colour, you don’t get to join in. This left me without any culture to immerse myself in, freefalling into myself, and ...more
Jan 21, 2019 rated it it was amazing
Just finished this amazing book by author and dream-worker, Toko-Pa. I had to read it slowly to digest and assimilate all the truths, insight, and wisdom on each and every page. Even so, it’s a work that demands to be read a second and third time, for it’s richness and depth can’t be plumbed in one reading. This is not your typical self-help book, focused on improvement or banishment of personal flaws, but is, rather, a book for one’s soul, a book that provides encouragement and sustenance for ...more
Helene Montpetit
So much to discover (and rediscover)

Anyone struggling with a feeling of alienation or estrangement can find fresh understanding and different ways if seeing life and connection in these thoughtfully written pages.

I started reading and lost patience at first, but then picked up the book a few weeks later and found I was ready to let go of my staunchly held ideas and open myself to the poetic adventure on which Toko-Pa Turner takes her readers.

There is a lot to discover and rediscover in this
Apr 16, 2019 rated it really liked it
3.5 stars. Like most books of this genre, some parts really resonated while others not so much (and other parts yet seemed poetic for beauty sake). There is a strong leaning on dream interpretation, which I was not aware of when I picked this up. As someone who rarely remembers their dreams, this was interesting, but not useful in my case. The book is more of an introduction of concepts rather than a how-to. I'm happy to have read it and will take key concepts to reframe some of my thoughts.
Jan 27, 2019 rated it it was amazing
Shelves: favorites
I had to read this wonderful book pretty slowly in order to digest it and allow space to reflect. It seemed like I continually made connections and important discoveries throughout, it felt like a gift to read Toko-pa's words. I also loved the artwork by molly costello, made it that much more lovely.
Sally Boyer
May 01, 2019 rated it it was ok
I read this book while traveling solo in Japan. My sister recommended it, saying for her it was like a bible. For me, the book didn’t hit the spot.

It touched on concepts in mediation, such as being with the issue, the feeling, the situation, making room for it, no matter how uncomfortable. To be patient but also focused and dedicated to a purpose or cause. These are all good points, but it wasn’t ground breaking for me having spent years dabbling in mediation.

She also talked about the
Renee Layberry
Sep 21, 2018 rated it really liked it
This is a lovely, heartfelt, meaningful book by Salt Spring Island dreamworker Toko-pa. I was drawn to it because, throughout my life, for a variety of reasons, I have often felt irrelevant and a bit disconnected and sad (despite some great friends and a wonderful partner). I suspect most people struggle with feeling like they don't belong somewhere, so I am confident that this book would speak to many—primarily those who are informed about and interested in self-care, holistic lifestyles, yoga, ...more
May 28, 2018 rated it it was amazing
This book is about a lot of things and very dreamlike in the way that it is written. She points to the loss of our inner knowing and how we can turn toward it again. Inner knowing comes from the intuitive, the irrational, from dreamtime. We all experience dreamtime but have been conditioned to dismiss it, and so, we don't trust our gut much less our vision, can't sleep at night, and take pharmaceuticals to quell the resulting emotional and psychic storms.

My dream life has been very vivid all my
Dec 27, 2019 rated it really liked it
This review has been hidden because it contains spoilers. To view it, click here.
This book has become a treasured companion for me. It is deep and rich in its exploration of the wound of wanting to belong that we all carry, whether acknowledged or not. It goes deep into the dream stories of real people and brings in archetypes and Jungian shadow work to understand what compels us to want to be with other people and how to handle that inner need through growing in self-awareness and self-acceptance. The language is stunningly beautiful and draws you deeper into the heart and ...more
Josh Workman
May 18, 2019 rated it it was amazing
Shelves: feminism, 2019-read
This is a beautiful read. I savoured Toko-pa’s writing, seeking to appreciate the care and thoughtfulness she put into each word, sentence, and idea within the book.

Her ideas presented within Belonging for me weaved together many disparate threads I have been exploring in the realms of social change, Jungian psychology, ecological philosophy, and the strengthening of community. I think what I love most in this book is the resounding and powerful message that in our endless yearning for
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“Our longing for community and purpose is so powerful that it can drive us to join groups, relationships, or systems of belief that, to our diminished or divided self, give the false impression of belonging. But places of false belonging grant us conditional membership, requiring us to cut parts of ourselves off in order to fit in. While false belonging can be useful and instructive for a time, the soul becomes restless when it reaches a glass ceiling, a restriction that prevents us from advancing. We may shrink back from this limitation for a time, but as we grow into our truth, the invisible boundary closes in on us and our devotion to the groupmind weakens. Your rebellion is a sign of health. It is the way of nature to shatter and reconstitute. Anything or anyone who denies your impulse to grow must either be revolutionised or relinquished.” 13 likes
“There is really only one way to restore a world that is dying and in disrepair: to make beauty where ugliness has set in. By beauty, I don’t mean a superficial attractiveness, though the word is commonly used in this way. Beauty is a loveliness admired in its entirety, not just at face value. The beauty I’m referring to is metabolized grief. It includes brokenness and fallibility, and in so doing, conveys for us something deliciously real. Like kintsukuroi, the Japanese art of repairing broken pottery with powdered gold, what is normally seen as a fatal flaw is distinguished with value. When we come into contact with this kind of beauty, it serves as a medicine for the brokenness in ourselves, which then gives us the courage to live in greater intimacy with the world’s wounds.” 6 likes
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