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POWER: Surviving and Thriving After Narcissistic Abuse: A Collection of Essays on Malignant Narcissism and Recovery from Emotional Abuse
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POWER: Surviving and Thriving After Narcissistic Abuse: A Collection of Essays on Malignant Narcissism and Recovery from Emotional Abuse

4.44  ·  Rating details ·  582 ratings  ·  66 reviews
"Shahida Arabi weaves life wisdom and insight with empowering scientific research, not leaving any room for misunderstanding or doubt about the harmful nature of this form of abuse." —THE SHAKTI JOURNAL

Pathological mind games. Covert and overt put-downs. Triangulation. Gaslighting. Projection. These are the manipulative tactics survivors of malignant narcissists are unfo
Kindle Edition, 355 pages
Published January 18th 2017 by Thought Catalog Books (first published January 11th 2017)
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Average rating 4.44  · 
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 ·  582 ratings  ·  66 reviews

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Start your review of POWER: Surviving and Thriving After Narcissistic Abuse: A Collection of Essays on Malignant Narcissism and Recovery from Emotional Abuse
Nov 08, 2017 rated it it was amazing
I cannot express how helpful this book has been to me. I checked it out from the library, thinking that it would help me overcome trauma from an old relationship. Little did I know that I would come to realize, in the process of reading the book, that my current partner was also abusive. The book helped me decide to go No Contact with him 2 days ago. It has helped me to release over a decade of deep shame from my old relationship, and to not go there this time around. It explains the way brain c ...more
~☆~Autumn♥♥☔ Wells
Jun 13, 2018 rated it it was amazing  ·  review of another edition
Recommends it for: Everyone
Everyone should read this as its a real eye-opener! Living with a narcissist can destroy your health!
Cathy Wasserman
Mar 06, 2017 rated it it was amazing
Shahida Arabi’s book Power is an absolutely outstanding, insightful and, indeed, powerful examination of power: how narcisstic abusers use it to harm and even destroy their targets and how victims can access their inner power not only to heal, but to thrive and become more of who they are meant to be. In this way, Shahida provides a detailed roadmap for survivors of narcissistic abuse to access their authentic power at each stage of their recovery and to dismantle the “atomic bomb” of the false ...more
Corrie Ventura
Mar 18, 2018 rated it it was amazing
Great book for anyone wanting to understand the inner workings of the narcissist as well as a profoundly supportive perspective for survivors of this abuse. As a victim of this kind of abuse I really appreciated how she helped me take my power back, ignore and even transcend victim shaming, while regaining my power step by step. I’m very grateful for this book. It will remain in my library as a resource for years.
This book may have saved my life. When I was reeling from the fallout of an abusive relationship and finding myself absolutely gobsmacked that my circle of friends was falling prey to the charms of my toxic ex-girlfriend and cutting me out of their lives, I felt like my life was ending. Thank goodness I found Arabi's blog. I was finally able to understand what had happened to me during the relationship and why people who had been my friends for years suddenly started dropping me like a bad habit ...more
Rebecca Denise
Jan 28, 2018 rated it it was amazing
Really tough to read- how could I let this happen to me? But very empowering.
Sep 15, 2018 rated it it was amazing
The woman is a gift from the universe. I read this about a year ago and I think it's well worth a second reading. Her YouTube channel is also excellent. ...more
Mar 08, 2020 rated it liked it
As others have pointed out, it gets repetitive towards the latter half. The whole thing could have used better editing, and the layout feels unprofessional. That said, there is some good material included. People should view this "book" as raw material, like a melon. You don't eat the rind. You don't eat the seeds. But there is some fruit in there to be utilized. ...more
Jan 13, 2018 rated it really liked it
Fast read if the material is familiar... worth the read just to read the concept language. Best chapter was on pathological envy. Read this if you have any doubt in your mind about whether the behavior of a narcissist is intentional or not.
Jean Fauntleroy
Feb 14, 2018 rated it really liked it
Shelves: 2018
Great read for when you are emotionally prepared to start recovering from traumatic relationships. My interests were geared toward family issues not love interests but I still found the book to be quite helpful.
Sep 12, 2019 rated it really liked it
An empowering read.
Sarah Misakian
Feb 09, 2020 rated it it was amazing
So incredibly helpful and encouraging! This book helped put so many things into perspective and I know I will reference it again and again.
Sydelle Keisler
May 27, 2020 rated it really liked it  ·  review of another edition
This whole book is written with a lot of compassion; Arabi has been through abuse herself and makes it very clear that abuse is not the victim's fault, that it has lasting effects, and that we are all resilient and powerful enough to come out stronger on the other end (with a lot of work).

The most useful chapter was on the neuroscience of being in a toxic relationship, but I think it might have been even more helpful to have that essay at the beginning of the book rather than at the end. I know
Oct 05, 2020 rated it it was amazing
Shelves: 20s, 2020
The majority of this book is framed from the narcissistic partner being the abuser, but there is validation throughout the book (even whole chapters) dedicated to being raised by a narcissistic abuser (such is the case for me). The information in this book is incredible and has already been a cornerstone of my healing journey since going No Contact in March 2020. Highly recommend this validating read to anyone who is a survivor of this abuse. The language and psychology is very approachable to b ...more
Feb 18, 2021 rated it liked it
This is a hard read, but I appreciate the education, and hope offered that a person who suffers this type of trauma can regain power over their own lives and go on to live a rich, rewarding and peaceful life, even though they may never fully recover. It's good to be aware. It helps one be more sensitive when you're talking with or listening to someone who has suffered this type of abuse. ...more
May 20, 2018 rated it it was amazing
This book is mind-blowing;
I'm sure everyone came across a malignant narcissist at some point in life.
If you are stuck with one, run!
If you can't, read this book, then RUN.
Jun 23, 2019 rated it it was amazing
This is an invaluable book for someone who went through a bad break up/abusive relationship or just feels about him/herself. I am going to leave it on my Kindle bookshelf to re-read every time I feel down. Packed with practical advice and real life solutions this book will make you feel so much better and perhaps will give a way more positive outlook on something that was negative before. A must read. Shahida is an excellent (self help book) writer.
Mar 23, 2017 rated it it was amazing
BRILLIANT! As someone who was raised and abused by a narcissist, I saw my mother on every page. It explained what my mother did and why. It explained why I reacted the way I did. It taught me what to look for in people. I think everyone should read this book for the education, especially before they get married.
Pat Jackson
Mar 09, 2018 rated it it was amazing
This is the book to read after leaving your narcissist

This book addresses the characteristics of narcissists as well as their victims. And, offers oodles of resources for reclaiming your life, many of them free. I am 15 years out and dealing with family relationships and this book had so much to offer.
This review has been hidden because it contains spoilers. To view it, click here.
Miguel Moreno
Feb 22, 2019 rated it it was amazing
Thank you!

I found myself starting to highlight a few lines or a paragraph here and there, that really resonated with me, to revisit later. Suddenly, I realized I was highlighting entire pages. Beautifully written, clear, concise and comprehensive, even for those that have not experienced this type of abuse. Thank you!
Jul 31, 2019 rated it it was amazing
A book everyone should read, but an absolutely necessary read if you’re an abuse survivor. I’m immensely grateful to Arabi for writing such powerful, vulnerable, informative, and healing essays. This book isn’t treatment, but it lays everything out on the table and gives you the tools to begin/continue the healing process.
Tiffany Easterly
Nov 24, 2019 rated it it was amazing
This book is full of great information.

Shahida has online essays that were originally recommended to me after I went through a horrible break up which resulted in me having to try for a restraining order. The restraining order didn't work. he abuser laughed. He seemed polite and undisturbed during court. I had six police reports and descriptions of incidents. I also had a letter he left me on my porch copies of emails, messages and texts he left me all with abusive language and wishes for my dea
Jennifer Love
May 17, 2020 rated it it was amazing  ·  review of another edition
Shelves: life-changers, 4-real
I'm only giving this book 5 stars because Goodreads won't allow me to give it 6! This book should have 'New York Times Bestseller' slapped all over the cover! This book was truly life changing for me. It has opened my eyes in ways that I never imagined possible. This book looks at narcissism from every possible angle and somehow manages to not get redundant. Things that are mentioned a number of times are typically things that the reader really needs to hear a number of times.

This book is heavy
Lindsay McMullen
Apr 28, 2020 rated it it was amazing
Shelves: on-my-shelf
I wasn't prepared for so many moments of, "Yes, exactly!" while reading this. It is validating to read affirmations of my thoughts. I will most likely read this again and again, just to remind myself of what I've walked away from. Shahida offers some great insight into healing and knowing yourself. While everyone heals in a different way, it helps to be armed with adequate information during the process. I let this sit in my 'shopping cart' for about a month before purchasing it. I wish I had bo ...more
May 25, 2019 rated it it was amazing
This is a great book on narcissism. Do you think you are in a relationship with a narcissist and experiencing narcissistic abuse? Read this book first.

I was in a long term relationship with a narcissist, maybe a sociopath. This book talks about narcissist, sociopaths and psychopaths. It doesn't focus on telling the difference but rather how to recognize the abuse and how to get out. It's a great overview if you currently don't known much on the subject. I read this as my second book on narcissis
William Bruce Jr.
Nov 20, 2019 rated it it was amazing

I know a woman very close to me who displays these certain traits that relate to PTSD because she was involved with a narcissist and also had a very very hard upbringing. Disassociation from father and mother, not because she wanted to but because they left her as a baby to be raised by her grandmother. I also found several traits and characteristics in there of myself but we are similar in some ways but not entirely the same and I guess that is why we get along so well. I would recomme
Abigail Sobanski
Nov 16, 2020 rated it it was amazing
Sympathetic, factual, and well-researched, I found this book very informative, especially when taken as it is written, a collection of essays. It is not a cohesive book, however I found myself rarely skipping any information. Narcissism is a deep and twisted thing, and many chapters that I thought would have absolutely nothing to do with me had absolutely everything to do with me. I would have given this four stars but the last two chapters alone contained so much encouragement and practical gui ...more
M. Funk
Nov 19, 2020 rated it it was amazing
This book describes several of my past relationship with eerie accuracy. What a relief it was to discover that the traits of malignant narcissist are a REAL and documented pattern and that there are other people out there that understand!

I'll admit, it was difficult to get all the way through this book. It brought up some painful memories and feeling - but reading was healing. This book is absolutely essential for anyone that has experienced narcissistic abuse.
Jul 27, 2019 rated it it was amazing
Amazing. This book was so enlightening. For anyone who feels confused about why a relationship went downhill and feels somehow 100% this book! Narcissists (specifically covert narcissists) are brilliant at manufacturing lies and half truths that will reshape your reality and make themselves the victim. I wish this book had been around 21 years ago.
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“If you think you're going to have a thoughtful discussion with someone who is toxic, be prepared for epic mindfuckery rather than conversational mindfulness. Malignant narcissists and sociopaths use word salad, circular conversations, ad hominem arguments, projection and gas lighting to disorient you and get you off track should you ever disagree with them or challenge them in any way. They do this in order to discredit, confuse and frustrate you, distract you from the main problem and make you feel guilty for being a human being with actual thoughts and feelings that might differ from their own. In their eyes, you are the problem if you happen to exist.” 13 likes
“Covert manipulators are quite gifted at provocation. As they learn more about you, they are investigating your weak spots and catering their comments towards what they know will hurt you the most. Knowing you’re triggered by their comments gives them a sadistic sense of satisfaction that alleviates their secret sense of inferiority and strokes their delusions of grandeur, control and aptitude. Having control over your emotions also gives them the power to effectively manipulate you and convince you that you don’t deserve any better.” 8 likes
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