Hogwarts School of Prayer and Miracles

"Aunt Petunia could only stare at him; her big mouth hung open dumbly. Here she thought she was so educated; and always demanded that Christians prove what they believed in; but she couldn't even prove her own religion.

"No, no, Harry," Aunt Petunia screeched desperately. "I have an idea. You can have a second birthday today. You like birthdays, right?"

"Birthdays are not of God," Harry verbalized knowingly; and looked at his aunt with an innocent wisdom. "You tried to corrupt me; but it did not work. But I forgive you, Aunt Petunia; because of Luke 23:34.

"Why don't you come with us, then!" Dumbledore cried kindly; and then got down on his knees. Everyone else did the same. Raising his large, massive, manly hands up to the heavens, Dumbledore bellowed in a voice even louder than Hagrid's had been, "Lord, please take us to the kitchen!"

"His brain fumbled for the perfect, Christian thing to say; but, before he could even manage a word, Hermione came to a stop in front of a tall, stone tower.

"This is the boys' dormitory," the devout young woman explained kindly; and she gestured to the heavy, oak door beside them. "I would show you inside; but I would hate to cause a scandal."

""But do they really love the Lord?" Harry posited timidly. "If they do; then why do they worship statues?"

"Dark days are coming," Dumbledore replied earnestly. "We need to be inclusive. If there were only Gryffindor Hats at Hogwarts; then there would not be many people left."

"I see," Harry conceded uncertainly as he walked back to Ronald's overcrowded table. He was getting nervous about this Hat business; but he supposed he did have to trust Dumbledore. After all, grownups know best, right?"

"....and he began to eat his oatmeal with his hands.

"Of course I only pray to God! Who else would I pray to?"
"What about Mary?" Ronald posited angrily around a mouthful of oatmeal. "You have to at least worship to her!"
"You mean the mommy of Our Lord?" Harry demanded in scandal; and he chewed his bacon. "I don't worship her?"

"Thank you, Harry," Ronald uttered happily. He may have been sporting a green and black hat with a snake on it; which testified to his Slytherin beliefs; but he could recognize Harry's pure-hearted godliness, generosity, humility, and innocent goodness. He looked around at his siblings, all of them wearing hats identical to his; and he wondered why none of them were like that.

"Welcome to Hogwarts School of Prayer and Miracles," greeted the older but still handsome in a dignified, rugged way amicably."

""Could I come?" Ronald asked tentatively after he had swallowed his brussel sprouts.
Harry, Hermione, and Dean Thomas exchanged a knowing look; and then Harry answered kindly, "Of course you can."

"...the instructor of my new writing class was kind enough to proof-read it-I didn't take all of his suggestions..."

"Harry gritted his teeth. He had had enough of this! So-called feminists these days call everything sexist. A man respecting his woman and providing for her and giving her the children and home that she truly desires is called woman-hating! Such silliness can make us forget what real sexism looks like. The truth is-women are just as smart as men; and God made us as their equals; but equal does not mean the same; and when we treat men and women as being the same and tell women to go to work all day and forget about her true calling as a wife and mother; then that is the real woman-hating! And then there are people like Draco, who think that God messed up and made women worse than men. And neither is okay."

"Harry, Dean Thomas, and Hermione exchanged a knowing look. It wasn't Ronald's fault. It was just how he had been raised. Slytherin Hats do not usually question authority. They think they just need to do what the head Slytherin Hats tell them to do. They never think that maybe the Lord's work is important."

" That's right," Dean Thomas said wisely, and not a single word was mispronounced. He had dressed quite respectably for the occasion. His face was scrubbed quite cleanly. Any mommy would be proud to have him for her son.

"Ronald was next in line. Tears were streaming down his face and his nose was running down to his chin. He wiped his face with a big freckled hand. He stuck out the other one for Harry to shake. Harry generously returned the action.

"Voldemort blinked stupidly again and questioned evilly, "Wait, this is about my Reddit account?"