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WHY MEN ARE THE WAY THEY ARE1
Hardcover
Published January 1, 1986
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June 12, 2025
A ‘SEA CHANGE’ FROM HIS FIRST, PRO-FEMINIST BOOK
Warren Farrell (born 1943) is an American author of many books on men's and women's issues. At the time his first book was published in 1974, he was lauded in the media as the male equivalent of Gloria Steinem; unfortunately, his ideas changed radically after his first book (probably for personal reasons described in Susan Faludi's book 'Backlash: The Undeclared War Against American Women'), and he went on to write books such as 'Does Feminism Discriminate Against Men?: A Debate,' 'The Myth of Male Power,' 'Why Men Earn More: The Startling Truth Behind the Pay Gap -- and What Women Can Do About It,' etc. [NOTE: page numbers below refer to the 413-page paperback edition.]
He wrote in an introductory section of this 1986 book, “If we condense women’s questions about men into one question, it might be, ‘Why are men such jerks?’ Women’s questions are often complaints which center around the perception that ‘men can’t see the forest for their egos.’ These complaints are often well articulated. In contrast, men’s questions about women are at the pre-articulation stage: they feel that something’s happening that’s unfair, but they can’t quite put their finger on it. Nor do they try very hard to put their finger on it---they’re more focused on proving themselves. Yet men seem to feel they’re living in an era when women want to ‘have their cake and eat it too.’ For many men, the… question,, ‘What do women really want?’ is still without a clear answer. And the fear of being accused of being a male chauvinist has made them afraid to ask the questions necessary to get the answers. In the process of responding to the questions women have about men, I’ll respond to the questions men have---but rarely articulate---about women.” (Pg. xvii)
He explains in ‘A Personal Introduction,’ “Soon after my mother’s death the women’s movement surfaced… I was surprised when I saw men trivialize the intent of what women were struggling to articulate. I soon found myself at the homes of emerging feminist friends… plopped in front of their husbands with instructions to ‘tell him what you told me.’ The impact of these events was strong enough that I changed my doctoral dissertation topic… and wrote a book called ‘The Liberated Man.’ … [This book] is its complement. It is men’s story. It, too, has evolved from personal experience.” (Pg. xix-xx)
He wrote in Chapter 1, “Men are socialized to want sex as long as only ONE condition is fulfilled---physical attraction… by being cautious until more conditions are met, women gain enormous sexual leverage power over men. They can use this power to get the external rewards of which they feel deprived. An example is ‘marrying up.’” (Pg. 13)
He observes, “As with housework, unshared responsibility for the taking of initiatives can turn a broad-minded human being into an obsessive-compulsive… When women’s consciousness was raised, women ended up seeing housework as their ‘sh-t work’; when men’s consciousness is raised, sexual initiatives will be seen as the male ‘sh-t work.’” (Pg. 123)
He suggests, “The fear of emotional contact with men out of fear of being a ‘sexual suspect’ makes boys, ironically, even more powerless before girls. Homophobia is like telling the United States it will be a ‘sissy nation’ if it doesn’t get all of its oil from OPEC.” (Pg. 128)
He notes, “Fourteen million children in the United States now live with only one parent. Because over 90% of these children live with their mothers, men are approximately nine times more likely to become stepfathers than women are to become stepmothers.” (Pg. 177)
He asserts, “when women are killed, they are recognizable as victims. When men are killed, they appear to deserve it. After all, we say, the men are killing each other in war. We do not acknowledge how they are victimized by being assigned the role of protector and hero in war films, westerns, or space movies. We protect women by not assigning them roles in which they must kill each other; in the process we make violence against their lives more appalling than violence against men’s lives.” (Pg. 228)
He contends, “Women are the only ‘minority’ group to be born into the upper class as frequently as men. The only minority groups whose ‘unpaid labor’ enables them to buy fifty billion dollars worth of cosmetics each year; whose members have time to read more romance novels and watch more television than men during every time category; who members earn one-third what white men earn and outspend them for all personal items combined. Women are the only minority group to systematically grow up having a class of workers (called fathers) in the field working for them; they are the only minority group that is a majority.” (Pg. 235-236)
He describes the ‘Protect His Ego’ Fallacy: “Systematic ego protection (as opposed to well-placed tact) generally backfires. Why? To protect a fragile ego is to preserve it. Anid to preserve fragility is to make it vulnerable to exploitation and ridicule. Just as this ‘fragile, defenseless woman’ men protect is also raped by men, so the ‘fragile male ego,’ which women protect, can be raped by women.” (Pg. 326)
While Farrell sometimes makes valid points, the fact that nearly ALL of his points aim in a single ‘direction’ makes this a seriously ‘unbalanced’ (i.e., biased) book.
Warren Farrell (born 1943) is an American author of many books on men's and women's issues. At the time his first book was published in 1974, he was lauded in the media as the male equivalent of Gloria Steinem; unfortunately, his ideas changed radically after his first book (probably for personal reasons described in Susan Faludi's book 'Backlash: The Undeclared War Against American Women'), and he went on to write books such as 'Does Feminism Discriminate Against Men?: A Debate,' 'The Myth of Male Power,' 'Why Men Earn More: The Startling Truth Behind the Pay Gap -- and What Women Can Do About It,' etc. [NOTE: page numbers below refer to the 413-page paperback edition.]
He wrote in an introductory section of this 1986 book, “If we condense women’s questions about men into one question, it might be, ‘Why are men such jerks?’ Women’s questions are often complaints which center around the perception that ‘men can’t see the forest for their egos.’ These complaints are often well articulated. In contrast, men’s questions about women are at the pre-articulation stage: they feel that something’s happening that’s unfair, but they can’t quite put their finger on it. Nor do they try very hard to put their finger on it---they’re more focused on proving themselves. Yet men seem to feel they’re living in an era when women want to ‘have their cake and eat it too.’ For many men, the… question,, ‘What do women really want?’ is still without a clear answer. And the fear of being accused of being a male chauvinist has made them afraid to ask the questions necessary to get the answers. In the process of responding to the questions women have about men, I’ll respond to the questions men have---but rarely articulate---about women.” (Pg. xvii)
He explains in ‘A Personal Introduction,’ “Soon after my mother’s death the women’s movement surfaced… I was surprised when I saw men trivialize the intent of what women were struggling to articulate. I soon found myself at the homes of emerging feminist friends… plopped in front of their husbands with instructions to ‘tell him what you told me.’ The impact of these events was strong enough that I changed my doctoral dissertation topic… and wrote a book called ‘The Liberated Man.’ … [This book] is its complement. It is men’s story. It, too, has evolved from personal experience.” (Pg. xix-xx)
He wrote in Chapter 1, “Men are socialized to want sex as long as only ONE condition is fulfilled---physical attraction… by being cautious until more conditions are met, women gain enormous sexual leverage power over men. They can use this power to get the external rewards of which they feel deprived. An example is ‘marrying up.’” (Pg. 13)
He observes, “As with housework, unshared responsibility for the taking of initiatives can turn a broad-minded human being into an obsessive-compulsive… When women’s consciousness was raised, women ended up seeing housework as their ‘sh-t work’; when men’s consciousness is raised, sexual initiatives will be seen as the male ‘sh-t work.’” (Pg. 123)
He suggests, “The fear of emotional contact with men out of fear of being a ‘sexual suspect’ makes boys, ironically, even more powerless before girls. Homophobia is like telling the United States it will be a ‘sissy nation’ if it doesn’t get all of its oil from OPEC.” (Pg. 128)
He notes, “Fourteen million children in the United States now live with only one parent. Because over 90% of these children live with their mothers, men are approximately nine times more likely to become stepfathers than women are to become stepmothers.” (Pg. 177)
He asserts, “when women are killed, they are recognizable as victims. When men are killed, they appear to deserve it. After all, we say, the men are killing each other in war. We do not acknowledge how they are victimized by being assigned the role of protector and hero in war films, westerns, or space movies. We protect women by not assigning them roles in which they must kill each other; in the process we make violence against their lives more appalling than violence against men’s lives.” (Pg. 228)
He contends, “Women are the only ‘minority’ group to be born into the upper class as frequently as men. The only minority groups whose ‘unpaid labor’ enables them to buy fifty billion dollars worth of cosmetics each year; whose members have time to read more romance novels and watch more television than men during every time category; who members earn one-third what white men earn and outspend them for all personal items combined. Women are the only minority group to systematically grow up having a class of workers (called fathers) in the field working for them; they are the only minority group that is a majority.” (Pg. 235-236)
He describes the ‘Protect His Ego’ Fallacy: “Systematic ego protection (as opposed to well-placed tact) generally backfires. Why? To protect a fragile ego is to preserve it. Anid to preserve fragility is to make it vulnerable to exploitation and ridicule. Just as this ‘fragile, defenseless woman’ men protect is also raped by men, so the ‘fragile male ego,’ which women protect, can be raped by women.” (Pg. 326)
While Farrell sometimes makes valid points, the fact that nearly ALL of his points aim in a single ‘direction’ makes this a seriously ‘unbalanced’ (i.e., biased) book.
Displaying 1 of 1 review