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Transcending Loss

4.04  ·  Rating details ·  268 ratings  ·  40 reviews
"Compassionate, poignant, and practical. . . . Transcending Loss will be a great blessing on your lifetime journey of recovery."--Harold Bloomfield, MD, psychiatrist and author of How to Survive the Loss of Love and How to Heal Depression

Death doesn't end a relationship, it simply forges a new type of relationship--one based not on physical presence but on memory, spirit,
Paperback, 304 pages
Published August 1st 1997 by Berkley
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4.04  · 
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 ·  268 ratings  ·  40 reviews

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Apr 08, 2017 rated it liked it  ·  review of another edition
This is actually good for what it’s intended to be, it does exactly what it wants to do.

Bush is like a spacey hippie and I wish I were the kind of person who felt the world as sincerely as she does.

I especially liked the image of the “morning glories” shortcut, which, as you brush your teeth in the morning, consists of thinking of three things in your day that you will approach with openness and curiosity, “much as a morning glory opens to the sun.” Morning glories, Bush says, “open each morn
Apr 10, 2008 rated it it was amazing
Recommends it for: Anyone grieving, especially those farther out from the death; people supporting someone in grief
This is one of the most compelling, authentic, and affirming grief books I've read in the last almost three years of being a young widow. In all the grief books I've read, few discuss the long-term effects of grief, much to my growing frustration as it gets longer and longer since my husband died. This book does, and does it well. Everything the author describes resonates and feels accurate.

She lays out three initial phases of grief--shock, disorganization, and reconstruction--and then adds two
Dec 02, 2011 rated it really liked it  ·  review of another edition
Recommends it for: People who want to try meditation but are short on time or patience
Shelves: meditation
The aim of this book is to make the benefits of meditation available to people who don't have the time or patience to seriously embark on a meditation practice. Bush has come up with 70 short exercises designed to get you in the habit of thinking more positively and help you de-stress. To make it easier to make them habits, she has linked each exercise—the "shortcuts" of the title—to an everyday activity or experience which acts as a trigger.

For each shortcut, the author gives a suggested trigge
Dec 30, 2017 rated it it was amazing  ·  review of another edition
I highly recommend this for anyone interested in self-care: definitely therapists and psychologists but also anyone who wants to avoid burnout in their career. Quick, user friendly book with excellent ideas and tips.
Aug 24, 2012 rated it really liked it  ·  review of another edition
Shelves: 2012
I normally don't read self-help type books, but because I like Ashley Davis Bush's newsletters (and because I'm a bit of a stress case) I thought I'd give this one a shot!

I found that not only is this a simple and focused book, but it is extremely effective and honest. Not all of the tips appealed to my own personal levels of anxiety, but the ones that did hit home hard.

I bookmarked nine of the shortcuts that stood out the most to me, and since this is a library book and I must return it, I pl
Nov 04, 2011 rated it really liked it  ·  review of another edition
Shelves: first-reads, guides
This was a Goodreads First Reads. I really enjoyed this book! I've been talking to friends about it since I started reading it and am going to lend it to them. There are so many good suggestions, I think I need to put up post-it notes to remember them all. I especially liked how after each shortcut, there was a "purpose" listed. It acted as a "why should you do this?" for the shortcuts. I know I won't use all of them (mostly because I will forget and the one where you first wake up in the mornin ...more
Feb 05, 2012 rated it really liked it  ·  review of another edition
As an individual who is trying to adjust to a new city, new job, and plan a wedding, my stress level has never been higher. Who has the time to do meditation or yoga? With that frame of mind, I went into this book as a very skeptical person. That being said, this book surprised me on many levels. I felt in many of the examples she used, that they were pages out of my own life's story. I not only loved how the shortcuts were outlined and explained, but I was convinced to try a few. They are easy ...more
Apr 20, 2012 rated it really liked it  ·  review of another edition
Shelves: first-reads
If I was to sum up this book as shortly as I could, I would say “self-awareness”. This theme travels through the book and shows that simple self-awareness allows a person to make a choice about their reaction to stressful situations.

While the content isn’t new, the format and approach are refreshing. The author is careful to use a conversational tone. The book feels more like a chat with a friend over coffee than other books of this genre that can be a bit preachy.

The author lists the many dai
Celia Juliano
May 16, 2012 rated it it was amazing  ·  review of another edition
Shelves: personal-growth
I love this book! I've read other self-help and mindfulness books, but this one is the simplest to put into practice and read in bits (which suits my current schedule). The shortcuts are clear and Bush's style is both anecdotal, authoritative (knowledge-based), and easy to read. I have been using the "Catch and Release" shortcut to good anything, this takes effort and time, but the tips are able to be incorporated into daily life and I have already noticed a shift in my attitude an ...more
Ami Jo
Apr 30, 2013 rated it it was amazing
Perfect thing to read at this point in my life. Also, I like her stages of grief (shock, disorganization, reconstruction, synthesis) a lot better than anything else I've read. Synthesis especially makes sense to me - you have to synthesize this loss into your life, because it's never going away.

Her path to making loss meaningful is through Spirituality, Outreach (not necessarily formally volunteering, but just reaching out to others going through a painful time), Attitude (how you approach life)
Dec 14, 2011 rated it really liked it  ·  review of another edition
Shelves: bow, self-improvement
I really liked this book. The author--a NH resident--includes lots of stories about how she uses the shortcuts in her own life and deals head-on with the issue that mindfulness practices don't always seem compatible with actual life. Serenity is much easier in a calm serene place, but it is really valuable in the middle of your daily chaos. This book seems to have some solid tools to help.

Oddly, this book was sitting on my desk waiting to be looked at when I went away for Thanksgiving. The infl
Ashley Bush
Apr 12, 2013 rated it it was amazing  ·  (Review from the author)  ·  review of another edition
My husband, Daniel Arthur Bush, PhD, and I loved writing this book together. It is essentially a handbook for a healthy relationship. Whether you want to speak the right Love Language, decrease the stress levels of your spouse, raise his testosterone levels, or calm the Four Horsemen, this book is packed full of the tools you need to bring your relationship to a higher level of intimacy and connection.
Nov 09, 2011 rated it really liked it  ·  review of another edition
This is an amazing little book full of simple, yet effective, ways to reclaim or maintain inner tranquility. Ms. Bush points out multiple ways of using the book as a guide. The Appendices and Bibliography add enormously to the strength of this work. Would recommend it!
Jul 11, 2012 rated it it was amazing  ·  review of another edition
LOVED this. So many concrete, creative, and simple ways to cultivate inner peace and gratitude. Clears my "worthy of re-reading" hurdle to earn 5 stars.
Emgee Domville
Aug 29, 2013 rated it really liked it  ·  review of another edition
Very helpful and worthy guide. Helped my partner and I to explore what we loved about each other.
Kelly Ballantyne
Great ideas for micro self-care in various situations, such as before work, between clients, and before heading home. The variety offered is helpful as I can see myself doing some of these practices but not others.
Nicole Lane
Jun 24, 2018 rated it it was amazing  ·  review of another edition
Shelves: scribd
great tips in bite sized chunks for a happier marriage and happier self
Zoe Cramer
Jun 27, 2017 rated it it was amazing  ·  review of another edition
I'm currently trying out the tips and tricks this books offers, and they've been helping me indescribably.
Feb 18, 2019 rated it liked it  ·  review of another edition
Shelves: 2019
“We feed our stress by blaming our circumstances for our condition rather than seeing how we participate in creating our stress.”

“Through intentionally summoning a feeling of calm, we literally change the chemistry of our bodies by activating the parasympathetic nervous systems, which, in turn, creates more serenity in our bodies.”

My daughter found this useful—helped her preoperatively due to some of the techniques. I like the idea of pinning them on to every day activities and events.
I really liked this book.

It was written in short digestible vignettes, each one focusing on a different habit to work on. I liked that each of the habits drew on various philosophies on relationships (which the author sketches out shortly in the beginning of the book.)

There was a mix of practical habits and more "new agey" habits and I personally preferred the former to the latter, but it was interesting to see the different perspective.

There were many habits that are applicable and useful and I
Jan 15, 2011 rated it liked it
Shelves: nonfiction, grief
This is the first book on loss that I have read that addresses grief’s on-going impact on life. I found it difficult to read. It took me a long time (months). I think that it was perhaps too soon for me to read it. I have a lot underlined, and I can see that the author was meaning to provide hope, and help you eventually transcend the pain and go on to a meaningful, purposeful, joyful life. And I want to get there, and expect I will, and maybe I’ll use the info in this book, but... I just didn’t ...more
May 10, 2015 rated it it was amazing  ·  review of another edition
I like to read marriage books. I'm not quite three years into a healthy, happy marriage and my partner and I want to keep our marriage strong. This book is a quick survey of small acts of kindness, appreciation, celebration and open communication. Many of them we already do- and it was good to remind me that we want to maintain those habits. Others are an easy, fun addition to life and others aren't relevant or interesting to us. I bet I will re-visit this book throughout our marriage to remind ...more
Jackie Lee
Jul 18, 2014 rated it it was amazing  ·  review of another edition
Shelves: live-happy
AMAZING book. This book is exactly what I've been looking for, for years. I've tried "self help" and "meditation" books, only to find myself feeling peaceful for about 10 minutes after I get off the cushion. This book provides easy to implement ways to continue that feeling of inner peace throughout the day, to the point where feeling peaceful becomes a habit. I love this book, it's absolutely my new "go to" book when it comes to feeling good, and creating inner peace.
Aug 08, 2014 rated it really liked it  ·  review of another edition
Noticed another GR member reading and thought I'd give it a try, very glad I did this is the type of book that allows you to read what's of interest to you you don't need to read the whole thing. It's down to earth and honest. I would recommend it to every couple no matter how happy you are! Some good tips on keeping a strong marriage strong and building up one that's weakened.
One of the books that I borrowed from the library that I ended up purchasing from the bookstore later because it was so helpful. I cherish this book and find it very simple and easy to follow. I actually don't own many self-help books, but this one was a must read/buy! I find myself picking it up from time to time just to remind myself of easy little tactics to make life a bit more enjoyable.
Jan 06, 2008 rated it it was amazing
I love this book. I began to cry just reading the preface. The author gives words to grief that you are sure no one else can understand. The friends I have given it to report the same sense of relief when reading this book...someone understands my loss, my grief, and the never ending lesson of moving forward with the gift of a soul that once was in my life.
This book might be more useful at some point, but the author speaks in such generalities that for now it's not helpful. I'm more in need of the how of the process than to stand in amazement at the results at this point.
Jan 01, 2017 rated it it was amazing
This book really helped me with my long term grief because it had a lot of stories about real people and the different things that they go through over the years as their grief changes but never goes away. I highly recommend it to anyone who has experienced the loss of someone close to them.
Jan 25, 2017 rated it it was ok
After all is said and done, I found it minimally helpful. A large factor is the religion/spirituality piece. If you are not inclined in that way, the book leaves you with large gaps in the healing process.
This was a book that I skimmed. Meaning I would go to the next topic and if it interested me, I would read it. There were some practical tips and I loved that she tied mindfulness to a trigger of something you do in the day.
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I'm so glad to be part of the Goodreads forum!

I am a licensed psychotherapist in private practice in Epping, New Hampshire. I am also the author of seven self-help books. My most recent book, "The Little Book of Inner Peace" is now in 5 languages.

In my clinical work I focus on helping individuals cope with loss, heal from trauma, find inner peace, navigate life's transitions and on helping couple
“Synthesis is the gateway to Transcendence, because once you accept that you are forever changed and that life is forever different, you have to ask, "What are you going to do about that fact? Will the change be for the better or for worse?" It's the loss itself that becomes the catalyst for meaning. (pg 273)” 11 likes
“One griever told me that three years after her twenty-eight-year-old daughter died unexpectedly, she was having a bad day and found herself quite depressed and sad. She called a friend hoping to find a sympathetic ear but instead was assaulted by the friend’s exclamation, ‟You mean you’re still grieving over her, after three three years?” The friend’s question was not meant to be malicious. She honestly didn’t understand that to a grieving mother three years is nothing. She was sadly ignorant that major loss lasts a lifetime. This woman is not alone in her ignorance. I’ve heard educated people tell me that they thought the average length of the grieving process was two to four weeks. Maybe that was just their wishful thinking. We’re an immediate-gratification society that values quick fixes, a generation raised on microwaves and fast foods. We prefer our solutions and emotions conveniently packaged for the swiftest consumption. So we expect grief to be a quick and easy process with no bitter aftertaste. But how can we expect to love someone, lose someone—and not be changed irrevocably? How can we realistically expect this to be a speedy process? Yet time and again grievers tell me they are being asked, “When will you be your old self again?” or “It’s been three months already, shouldn’t you be over this by now?” Perhaps you’ve heard comments like this too, and chances are that as a result, you feel quite confused and isolated in your grief. Maybe you’ve been asking yourself the same questions.” 1 likes
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