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Boundaries: Where You End and I Begin (Fireside / Parkside Recovery Book)
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Boundaries: Where You End and I Begin (Fireside / Parkside Recovery Book)

really liked it 4.0  ·  Rating details ·  505 Ratings  ·  63 Reviews
Are Your Boundaries Being Violated?

Boundaries separate us from others physically and emotionally. In fact, they are essential for our mental and physical health as well as for developing healthy relationships. Yet every day, people's boundaries are violated by friends, family, or coworkers. Despite the importance of personal boundaries many people are unaware of how or w

Paperback, 144 pages
Published November 9th 1993 by Touchstone (first published 1991)
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Krysti This is an example of healthy boundaries because the boss neutrally asked first. The employee has a chance to speak up and say no. In the other cases,…moreThis is an example of healthy boundaries because the boss neutrally asked first. The employee has a chance to speak up and say no. In the other cases, there is more assumption that the subject person wants to participate and therefore it takes more skills to say no.(less)
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Community Reviews

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Jan 17, 2011 rated it liked it  ·  review of another edition
Pretty good introduction to the concept of boundaries. It was really high-level but with a lot of examples and real-world stories. I had a little trouble relating to a lot of what was in this book because the examples were so extreme: childhood abuse and rape, physical spousal abuse, and the like. I would have liked to get a little more practical advice for my situation, but I think this book would be really helpful for someone who had experienced some of those scenarios, to get them going down ...more
Greta is Erikasbuddy
I'm not sure how to rate a self help book that hasn't really helped me (as of yet). But it was a good quick read that gave me a couple of ideas.

This book was recommended by my therapist in order to help me understand that I have boundaries. The problems that I found when reading this was it really didn't explain how one explains these boundaries to another. The dialogue they suggested was just like reading a book or having a therapist/teacher explain it in a robotic tone. Because I don't like co
Apr 04, 2012 rated it really liked it  ·  review of another edition
This book has very simple but extremely helpful material for creating healthy physical and emotional boundaries. If you have had problems with relationships, this may be worth taking a look at, as I found that there were so many things I was doing that were unhealthy. Becoming enmeshed with my partner instead of keeping my independence. It also explains a lot why those who have had situations in their childhood may struggle with these things more than others.
May 12, 2011 rated it liked it
My therapist gave me this book to read. I understood the big message - boundaries are important and healthy. However, it was hard to apply some of the more specific messages to my life because all of the examples seemed SO extreme. Abuse, alcoholism, incest - these are things that I have no real experience with. I wish that the author had included a few "tamer" examples. This topic is something that almost everyone could use some help with and I learned a lot of good techniques and exercises to ...more
May 14, 2008 rated it really liked it  ·  review of another edition
A short, powerful book about boundaries - setting them, what constitutes good boundaries and bad boundaries, how development is impacted by boundary violations and the hope of healing and repairing. It shed light on boundaries in professional and personal relationships and provides understanding.
I really like this book. I recommend it to lots of my clients. One must be cautious, however, some of the abuse stories can be disturbing. But it is a great book for teaching one to recognize where boundaries should be drawn in multiple situations.. work, family, friends, etc.
Jul 13, 2011 rated it liked it  ·  review of another edition
about physical and emotional boundaries b/t parents/children, bosses/employees, romantic partners, friends, strangers, etc.
Aparna Zoya
May 24, 2017 rated it really liked it  ·  review of another edition
This book was very helpful for understanding boundaries and identifying boundary violations. It gave me a new perspective to look on things and understand why sometimes people and things seemed wrong even if I couldn't put my finger on it.Its astounding and horrifying the daily boundary violations that occur to you.This book is truly inspiring to change you and make you learn to become a little more stronger.A good addition to anyone who loves self-help books.
David Smith
Jun 15, 2017 rated it really liked it  ·  review of another edition
Good book. Has stories about different life situations and how people have dealt with them or how they failed to deal with them.
Jan 29, 2017 rated it it was amazing  ·  review of another edition
Shelves: boundaries
I nearly did not buy this book. After having read the negative reviews, however, something kept bugging me. Most of the negative reviewers of this book have been turned off by the references to childhood abuse - something they were obviously not familiar with. Because I myself have been subjected to childhood abuse, however, I decided that it was likely going to be profitable, and I was correct.

This has been one of the hardest books I have had to read, and I took it in stages, taking breathers w
Lauren Monsey Nagel
This book has been very helpful to me. It's easy to read and understand. It is written in a clear and concise way that is very easy to understand but yet deals with delicate situations that can get off the track by not being able to see boundaries. I believe this book would be helpful for high school age and up. This is the kind of information that so many of us fail to fully comprehend or even may not have learned. We are living in a dysfunctional world where for one reason or another the simpl ...more
Ritu Anand
Years ago, a therapist of mine gave me this book. I recently dug it out and re-read it. Before reading this book, I did not have language to go with many of the issues I was having in relationships. This book gave me the language to understand problems I was having in close relationships. It is a good book to introduce someone to the concept of boundaries. It contains some exercises in it that I plan on doing this month. I also just ordered another book by this author called "Where to Draw the L ...more
Sep 09, 2016 rated it it was amazing  ·  review of another edition
This is a great book for any adult woman that was the victim of abuse or neglect as a young child or young person. Our identity of ourselves and our own personal boundaries get so skewed when they have been violated so often as children. It's important to be able to know who we are and develop healthy emotional and physical boundaries in every relationship.
May 22, 2013 rated it really liked it  ·  review of another edition
This book is wonderful for explaining what to do when a person in your life crosses a line, especially if t is a boundary that is simply understood and not well defined in the relationship.

It discusses how to form and use boundaries when you were not given healthy ones as a child and how to create boundaries in your current relationships.

At the beginning, there are exercises to complete with another person and my hubby and I thought these were really cool. You really see how other people feel
Jun 15, 2014 rated it liked it
Recommended to Cara by: TC
Shelves: life
Kind of funny to read this on Independence Day...

I've already read a good bit on this subject, including another book by the same name, so I wasn't expecting to learn much from this one. I just read it because it was homework from couple's counseling. It was a good refresher, although the author does seem to really like to say the same thing over and over, which got a little old.

I definitely still let politeness get in the way of stopping people who are crossing boundaries with me. That's somet
Apr 08, 2012 rated it really liked it
This has probably been the best book I've read that focuses only on boundaries. It can easily be read in one sitting, but everything discussed is valuable. The only thing is that, because its so short and only focused on constructing boundaries, it isn't "complete" to give the best understanding. I've felt that books focused on co-dependency and relationship dynamics to be better in this regard cause they help you to better understand the full dynamic to know how boundaries should be constructed ...more
Gavin Patterson
Amazing book on boundaries. Psychology books tend to become formulaic in their attempt to offer solutions. But if you learn best by real world examples and stories then this book is a must have to understanding boundaries.
Learning the concept of boundaries is not a magic fix but it will plant the seed in you and provide some solid understanding of what is and isn't appropriate for you to chew on and practice.

One of my favorites, I've given out several copies of Anne Katherine's insightful book.
Mandy Tewell
Dec 14, 2014 rated it really liked it  ·  review of another edition
I enjoyed this book. As a therapist, the idea of boundaries isn't new to me and this book was relatively intro level to the concept. That makes sense since it was written for the general public. However, I enjoyed the case studies and will definitely use some of the ideas in my own life and with my clients. I think the author places too much emphasis on childhood boundary violations - they can also occur in adulthood and need to be mourned and addressed at all stages of life. Overall, I would re ...more
Oct 16, 2007 rated it it was ok  ·  review of another edition
Shelves: nonfiction
I can't say I really got that much out of it. Most of the stuff I was pretty much aware of, and it seemed heavily oriented toward individuals whose sexual boundaries were violated (which is not why I was reading it). It seemed a bit dated to me, as well. Maybe I was expecting something a little different. Also, does anyone get a little tired of reaing these type books and thinking that the "exercises" are a bit ridiculous? Maybe for some they're not, but I find them silly.
Sep 30, 2015 rated it really liked it  ·  review of another edition
A useful book, but not as actionable or relatable as her other book "Where to Draw the Line". This books deals with more extreme scenarios of neglect and sexual/physical/verbal abuse, whereas her other book addresses more common (and sometimes more widely accepted) types of boundary violations. Still a worthwhile read, though, just for the type of thinking it encourages (being an independent person, not self-erasing to meet others' needs, etc.)
Rose Anderson
I've been working on boundaries for years and years but this is first information I found that really explains them thoroughly: how they develop, what can sidetrack their healthy development, what that can cause and how to get back on track. It also includes writing exercises that provide personal insight. The text is really deep and I will probably read it over and over before I actually take in everything it has to say.
This was my first look into boundaries, so it's hard to compare this to other books on boundaries. However, I can say that this did enlighten me, and make go seeking more books on boundaries. I have not tried the exercises in the book yet, but I will be doing some or all of them. While I do love an example to relate to or illustration for better understanding, I wanted this book to have more explanation. Less examples, more explanation.
Sep 14, 2008 rated it really liked it  ·  review of another edition
good fences make good neighbors. i used to walk away from conversations, meetings or visits feeling violated and i could not figure out why. i had excessive concern for everyone but myself. i needed some serious boundary repair so that rather than feeling defensive or that something was being taken from me, i could feel safe and secure stating my true and real feelings. this book helped me to recognize this character flaw in myself and put me on a path to fixing it.
Rachel Ebner
Sep 21, 2009 rated it it was amazing  ·  review of another edition
Soooo, I hate reading self-helpers, but this one was short and really impactful for me. Though it was short it was heavy reading (difficult subject matter) and took me longer than I would have liked. Regardless, for a person who didn't even know what healthy boudaries look like, mostly cause I didn't even know anything about boundaries conceptually, this was a good primer. Helps you understand how to develop healthier relationships and feel good in your body. Totally worth your time.
Jul 11, 2008 rated it liked it  ·  review of another edition
Recommended to r.b by: participants of Al-anon, NA, and/or AA
Shelves: social-work, 2008
This is a Hazelden publication, which I did not know when I checked it out of the library, so the book seems to be written more toward an audience that has had extreme cases of boundary violations involving substance abuse. However, it is full of useful techniques and tools for others who may need help with forming and maintaining boundaries.
May 10, 2014 rated it really liked it  ·  review of another edition
I read this book about 10 years ago, when I did need the advice that it contains. Many of the points hit home, and the exercises and self-evaluations were quite helpful. The advice is practical and effective, if you are able to enact it :).

Overall, a solid, useful read for someone who is looking to have healthy boundaries in their relationships.
Aug 27, 2011 rated it really liked it  ·  review of another edition
I felt this book gave clear examples of both extremes: boundaries too close and boundaries too far. I found that this then helped me to discern between the subtleties in my own life. I feel it helped me to become a better parent through understanding and not encroaching on my children's boundaries and also when they needed me to provide them.
Jun 27, 2011 rated it it was amazing  ·  review of another edition
this book is classic for a reason, it totally changed my understanding of emotions, relationships, and myself. it should be required reading in high schools everywhere!

basic message: you have emotional needs and you should learn how to pursue them, and protect yourself from the intrusion of abusive or unaware others. but there's so much more to it.
Oct 02, 2010 rated it really liked it  ·  review of another edition
Medium read.
I rated this 4* because it's relevant to me. For others maybe only 3*. This is a very important subject often neglected or not really thought about. Where people have quite dependent relationships or a dominant parent/sibling then this may help to resolve why we can't always keep control in our lives.
Sep 14, 2011 rated it really liked it
Read Oct 2011: This book has rocked my world. I'm looking forward to reading another book by this author regarding building & maintaining boundaries.

This book focuses on the root(s) of boundary problems. Only the last chapter or so discusses how to address these issues. But what an eye opener!!

I truly wish I had stumbled onto this book years & years ago.
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