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Halo #2

Hades

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Heaven Help Her.

Bethany Church is an angel sent to Earth to keep dark forces at bay. Falling in love was never part of her mission, but the bond between Beth and her mortal boyfriend, Xavier Woods, is undeniably strong. But even Xavier’s love, and the care of her archangel siblings, Gabriel and Ivy, can’t keep Beth from being tricked into a motorcycle ride that ends up in Hell. There, the demon Jake Thorn bargains for Beth’s release back to Earth. But what he asks of her will destroy her, and quite possibly, her loved ones, as well.

The story that Alexandra Adornetto built in her New York Times - bestselling debut, Halo, comes alive in action-packed and unexpected ways, as angels battle demons, and the power of love is put to the test.

425 pages, Hardcover

First published August 21, 2011

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About the author

Alexandra Adornetto

12 books3,966 followers
Alexandra Emily Adornetto was born on the 18th of April 1992 in Melbourne, Victoria, Australia. She is the only child of an English Teacher and a Drama Teacher and attended, in her own words, "many" schools including MacRobertson Girls' High School, Ruyton Girls' School and Eltham College. She has loved stories for as long as she can remember. In 2006, she won the State Legacy Public Speaking competition. She began writing a Children's novel when she was only 13, inspired by J.M. Barrie’s Peter Pan. At 14, she sold it to HarperCollins Publishers, that also bought the two next novels of The Strangest Adventures series. The Halo series is her first YA fantasy romance and marks her international debut. She relocated to Oxford, Mississippi, where she divided her time between the USA and Australia, while she studied and wrote. Now she lives in Hollywood, where she hopes to combine novel writing and acting as Alexandra Grace. Her passions include old-school country music, theology, singing and performing.

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Profile Image for Cait.
76 reviews1,657 followers
October 10, 2011
I'm going to start of this review with.....

Story time!

Warning: do not try this at home. You may or may not get injured and some very severe scolding will follow. I also begrudgingly give this book 1.5 stars as a rating.

One day, when I was about 8 or so, my family and I made our yearly trip up to Mackinac Island, Michigan. This island is different in the way that no cars or any kind of automobiles whatsoever are allowed, so everyone rides on their bikes around the 1 1/2 mile island in order to enjoy the sights. My family and I always go a couple times around the island over the course of the day, and let's just say I've never been one of the most..... observant of bike riders that you've ever seen in your life, and the town in Mackinac is always very crowded. Pretty much a disaster waiting to happen.

Everyone knows that once you get anywhere between the ages of 7-9 a weird combination comes into play. You still keep that naïvety of your youth, but you start to think of yourself as a "big boy" or "big girl" and feel like you should be the one in charge and you know everything about anything. Essentially, this is where you get criminally annoying and your parents want to spank your ass like there's no tomorrow. I, at that ripe and annoying age, decided I needed to lead the family through town because if anyone else did it, we'd end up lost and fall into the lake. Now, I thought I was an amazing and highly responsible leader and repeatedly checked back to make sure that my family was following, and it was during one of those times that a five year old boy, chasing a ball, ran right out in front of me and I pretty much plowed over the little guy.

This, for me, was Halo. Except I was the boy chasing the ball, also known as the pretty cover of Halo, and Adornetto was me on that bike, and she just rammed right into me with the horribleness of that book as soon as I opened to the front page.

But oh I wasn't done that day and neither was Adornetto. After a firm scolding from my parents, I dropped back into the middle of my little family pack and tried to watch where I was going. My parents still blame me for this second accident, but I honestly don't think that this one was my fault. There's a rest stop right around one of the corners of the cliffside on the island, and we planned to stop there for a break. We just get around the corner and; well, my brakes on my old bike were pieces of shit, so I looked down to plant my feet on the ground so I'd stop and as soon as I did, I biked my way right into a lady's ass.

Adornetto tried to change it up by " listening" (if you could even say that) to our advice, but she still ended up with a fail of a book and we still get fucked as readers, and people who ride bikes still get fucked up by me (on accident).

Since I started my Halo review with Bethany, I"m going to follow suit here and begin with the royal pain in the ass Bethany again. I'm going to cut to the chase here and say this: she's a pain in the ass. What? I already said that? Well, I'm going to say it again. She's. A. Pain. In. The. Fucking. Ass. Adornetto, in this book, after reading the reaction from people about how stupid we all thought she was in Halo, tries to increase Bethany's brain capacity (like that's even remotely possible) but she just ends up coming across as an even more stupid prick. Thinly veiled as Bethany's thoughts and words, Adornetto keeps on arguing and arguing with us about their relationship; like that she's actually got an IQ and that she can be strong and capable with quotes like this:

""I knew there were people who rolled their eyes at Xavier and me, but if they did, we were too absorbed in each other’s company to notice."
Strike one

“It’s just not healthy for you guys to spend so much time together,” Hallie said.
“ Yeah,” Savannah chimed in. “It’s like you’re joined at the hip or something. I never see you apart. Wherever Xavier is, you’re right behind him. Wherever you are, he’s there … all the frigging time.”
"And that's a problem?"

Strike two

“'Are you okay, Huggie Bear?' I asked, protectively reaching up to fix his hair. I didn’t like it when his friends played rough.
BHAHAHAHA strike......strike whoo.....strike *muffled snort* three

"I could never do the "'sup nod”—it made me feel as if I were in one of those music videos Molly watched on MTV where men in hoods rapped about “homies” and something called “bling.”
Strike three fucking million and seven

First off, if you receive criticism over your book, don't fucking argue with us through your chracter about how you're right and everyone else is wrong. Actually do something about it. And where the hell is Adornetto living? 1993? Nobody has said "bling" or "homies" for years now, and trust me if they still do, it's not on MTV. And don't even get me started on Huggie Bear. That has not and never will be a cute nickname. If anything, it reminds me more of a different kind of bear.....


Huggie Bear pedobear.....

Since we're on the topic of the pedo Xavier, again this book is centered around that looove can seemingly do everything, and Bethany's obsessiveness over said love. No, Bethany, just no. Love can do many things, but there still are limits. Like your spirit can't manifest and become real just by looking at your hubby. You've got to have something else drive your damn story besides love, and I'm not really sorry to say that Hades doesn't. At all. You know you have problems when you believe that the best thing that's happened since Jake's death, even better than tripling your local church's numbers (which should be like a fat man getting free doughnuts to an angel), is that you and Xavier have grown even closer and you guys are now able to synchronize your steps. I'll let the beloved Dwight Schrute wrap this up for me:


Ahhhh dearest Dwight I love you. Even with my enormous amount of adoration of you I will still continue to eat and drink in your honor.

And Bethany, even with all of her posturing, is still a giant idiot! You don't even have to go 30 pages into the book to figure that out when she uses a fucking Ouija board. Oh nononononononono Adornetto. I don't care if this is a fictional story or not; there are still certain rules that still always will apply, and one of those being: an angel who is a celestial being would never, ever use a Ouija board even if oh-so-powerful force that is peer pressure was applied. I cannot even stand the thought of that and to have it written in a story that actually got published is......astonishing. Is this the kind of shit that we're letting get published these days while other undiscovered authors with amazing works are getting denied?! It's just despicable and quite sad, really.

She also has little to no sense of self-preservation whatsoever, or any kind of wits:

"Something was wrong. I could feel it. Every celestial instinct warned me that we needed to get out of here. Fast. I found a weeping willow in the front yard and leaned against its sturdy trunk."

So, let's recap this little quote. If every celestial bone in your body is telling you to get the fuck out of there, what would you do? Run? Yeah, I would, too, but Bethany here decides to go lean against a tree? How, in any, way, shape, or form, is this running? It's not like if you go to a race you hear this:


Ready, set, now everyone go find a tree and stand by it, quick!!

Then there was the whole scene with Jake being able to kidnap Bethany. I mean, how gullible can one person truly be? A boy with whom you have never spoken to before suddenly rides up on a motorcycle and claims that your boyfriend just got drunk and did something totally crazy (both of which you know he'd never do) and isn't breathing,is happy about seeing you in pain, and says you've got to go with him now; which you accept. Then he drives away from the lake and you see Xavier on the side of the road, and he looks perfectly fine, but a horrible look crosses over his face, and you still don't turn around to look at the mysterious guy behind you. Xavier yells at you to get off, you realize you can't and you still don't turn around. You only decide to do the smart thing and turn around to see who it is when the guy speaks and lookie there; it's Jake! Ugh.

And you know what? Nothing bad really ever happens to Bethany throughout the whole book. Sure, she's kidnapped, but she gets to live in a 5-star hotel with servants and she still technically "sees" her family almost every day. Yes, she's sentenced to death, but the flames part and never actually touch her. She's put in a cell afterwards, but she only has to stay for two measly days and is then again back in the opulence of the hotel. Oh, but then you think, Jake's actually going to have sex with her, right? But, no, she gets saved in the nick of time and gets to go back home and graduate. And just to add insult to injury (see if this sounds even the most smidgen familiar *cough cough* Twlight *cough cough*) Xavier asks her to marry her with an old-fashioned cut diamond ring given to him by his grandmother.

There's so many good things happening here I think I might puke. I just wanted even the tiniest bit of character development from her due to a hardship or some kind of calamity happening, but I got absolutely nothing. Everything just has to work out perfectly for little miss perfect-pants, and I just couldn't stand it at all. She shouldn't always get to go home and have a happily ever after in every damn book! Dwight, sum it up for me, will ya?


For now.....

Just like a book that I had read previously, and also reviewed with a great amount of fury, Passion, Adornetto severely fucked up Lucifer. Where Kate's was just a fail in making him look scary, Adornetto's is a total fail through and through. Here's how she described him:

" He wore a white linen suit with a red silk tie and his feet were encased in white cowboy boots. He held an ivory-topped cane that he tapped softly on the cement floor... His skin was tanned and leathery and his eyes were a pellucid blue but devoid of any expression. He was immaculately groomed and wore his silver hair tied back loosely with a gilded clasp."

Sooooo.....he looks like a younger version of Colonel Sanders from KFC?


Fear me; for I make people fat!

And get this: they call him..... Big Daddy. *snorts* and if that's not horrible enough, he pretty much does nothing or; at least, nothing I feel like Lucifer would ever do. You know you're in a sorry state when you get one-upped by Bethany and you can't even kill her royal annoyingness who practically does it herself almost every day. He probably should have just left her alone with herself and she would have done the job by the end of the day.

Adornetto's writing is; once again, horrible. The info-dumps in the first ten pages alone are so gut-wrenchingly awful that if you didn't quit then and there, hell, you deserve a silver star. And they continue through the whole book and slows down the flow so much it's like trying to walk through molasses. She also frequently forgets her writing and either contradicts herself or repeats something that she said only a mere sentence ago:

"Its tall windows were opaque from a fine layer of accumulated dust and grime. The room itself was empty except for an iron bedstead pushed up against a grimy window."

*shakes head* oh Adornetto, Adornetto, Adornetto. You already told us that the windows were grimy, so why tell us yet again with this specific window; why even mention it at all? If she hadn't mentioned it at all, the sentence would have been fine, but she always has to ruin it somehow, now doesn't she? She does it again about ten pages later when Jake's got her on the motorcycle. She goes on for about two paragraphs about how she can't die and that she can survive Armageddon, any natural disaster, etc. but contradicts herself by saying that she won't try to tip over the motorcycle because she'll get "smeared all over the road"



Bethany! Why didn't you do it?! You'll fucking live! You literally cannot die as long as you and your idiot brain is contaminating walking the earth! Stop being a pussy and just do it! I know that this is partly Adornetto's and her editor's fault for not catching the contradiction, but it shouldn't have even been a problem in the first place. Bethany should have done whatever it took to get off of that motorcycle, but instead she just sat there and passed out.

Also, for someone who says she doesn't like writing about dark topics; she certainly did it quite a bit in this book. There were exorcisms, pits of hell with flaying, beating, and burning people alive, weird erotic pain, and all-around dark topics. She just really loves to contradict herself, doesn't she?

And don't even get me started on this whole Gabriel and Molly mess. I'm sorry, Adornetto, but making Gabriel fall in love with someone, that's crossing a major line with me. Whatever Bethany is a lower rank greeter angel so I guess falling in love is......okay (yeah, right). But to have one of the highest arch-angels out there fall in love with a hormonal, idiotic, 18 year old girl didn't work for me before this book and definitely isn't going to work for me now. If it continues....

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The plot is some of the most boring and repetitive stuff I've ever seen. This is how it went (warning this is a little long because the book is so damn long):

Bethany: I love you

Xavier: I love you

Bethany: I love you

Xavier: I love you

Xavier: let's go to a party

Bethany: okay, I'll do whatever you do.

Bethany: wow, these kids look like a bunch of lions in play (no kidding that's what she says)

Molly: let's do a seance!

Bethany: I don't know...

Everyone else: *peer pressure*

Bethany: like alright!

Mysterious boy: get on the motorcycle

Bethany: like okay!

Jake: muhahahahah it's me I'm eeeeeevilll!

Bethany: ahh I had no idea it was you even with all the glaring signs!

Jake: love me

Bethany: no, I hate you!

Jake: *says mean things*

Bethany: *gets sad*

*wash, rinse and repeat about ten times*

Bethany: *creates a butterfly*

Lucifer (sorry I refuse to call him Big Daddy): you must die!

Bethany: noooo! *lives*

Bethany: *magically appears to Xavier* I love you!

Xavier: no I love you!

Bethany: no I lov-

Jake: no you love me. Die, Xavier!

Bethany: Nooo!

Jake: have sex with me!

Bethany: nooo!

Jake: *peer pressure*

Bethany: okay!

Jake: *starts to kiss her in the little grotto*

Gabriel: never fear for I have come to save you!

Xavier: me, too!

Gabriel: whatever. *stabs Jake*

Jake: help me, Bethany!

Bethany: like okay!

Gabriel: *stops her*

Xavier: marry me!

Bethany: okay!

Me: *slaps forehead*

So, why did I rate this book 1.5 stars? Well, because the one exorcism scene was actually well written, so if you want one nice scene, read a ton of shit and you'll get one.

I'm done with this book now with this review being done, and if I ever pick this book up again, so help me God somebody slap me. I wash my hands of this book.
Profile Image for John Egbert.
189 reviews164 followers
October 14, 2011
Before reading Hades

How can you trick someone into getting on a motorcycle? Either they get on, or they don't get on. Motorcycles aren't like cars. And what does angel Bethany want with a motorcycle anyway? SHE CAN FLY. Or, I'm assuming she can. Who knows, maybe Halo angels are just so lame they can't even use their wings to fly. *shudders from pure lameness*

Perhaps the conversation went something like this:

Jake: Hey Bethany. Why don't you get in my van on my motorcycle? I'll give you a lift...
Bethany: No wayz.
Jake: I have...teh ice cream! And kitties!
Bethany: OOOOHHHH KITTIES! *hops on*
Jake: MUAHAHA SILLY GIRL THERE ARE NO KITTIES
Bethany: NOOOOO I HAZ BEEN TRICKED!
Jake: MUAHAHHAHAHAHAHAAAAA

Now that would make a lot of sense.

10/11

I AM GOING TO DO IT.

I'm going to rip this to shreds with my razor teeth! It sounds so bad I cannot resist.

After reading Hades


Warning: There will be heaps of Allie-bashing, lots of cap rage, Hades-bashing, swearing, and SWEARING, and DID I MENTION SWEARING?!

Glossary: Because I won't explain who all of the characters are inbetween my rage outs.

Bethie: The main character.

Xavier: Her boring ass boyfriend.

Jake Thorn: The Prince of Hell















......fuck....


.....FUUUUUCCCCCKKKKKKK.....

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You notice how light and joking I was in my pre-review? Notice how I was poking fun at Bethie, notice how I was...happy....?

I WILL NEVER BE THE SAME WAY AGAIN.

Noah Pukcerman screaming in rage at Hades's terribleness.


I had originally planned on writing a nice, coherent, numerical list of this book's fails but THAT IS IMPOSSIBLE. I WOULD BE HERE ALL FREAKING DAY.

So, I will rant on random things.

Firstly,


ADORNETTO NEEDS TO SHUT. THE FUCK. UP.


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Not a single freaking page goes by without this neurotic, raging bitch (insult courtesy of Hana Joy :D) preaching to us about something or the other. IT'S DISGUSTING. Here are a few examples of Allie dearest reaching her nasty author hand through the pages:

1. Her version of Hell

The way she describes the inhabitants of hell. Miniskirts, piercings, chains, black nail polish -- generally goth. We all know how Christian and conservative Allie dearest is, so it's obvious why she would choose to condemn these things -- they just don't fit in with her idea of what's "moral" and "perfect".

2. Her lectures on sex

While reading that entire part I was essentially doing this:

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I WANTED TO STAB MY EYES OUT WITH A FUCKING PEN.

In Kira's review, which is much, much better than this one and you should in fact read it NOW she says "Bethany is viciously devoid of conscience. You'd think she'd be "all soul", as Xavier once said (BARF) but in fact she's completely devoid of any kind of compassion. She lets Jake bleed to death and die before her, she leaves her friends to rot in Hell (literally), and she says, and I quote, "The purpose of sex is to create life."

Oh, really? You want me to go there? Seriously?

FUCK THIS MOTHERFUCKING SHIT YOU BIG PIECE OF FESTERING MONKEY VOMIT.

This is a disgraceful thing to write. Who the fuck green-lighted this shit? Someone needs to be fired for this. I'm not even kidding.

About two weeks ago, a teenager who featured on Youtube as a strong advocate of the It Gets Better campaign killed himself. He had been so viciously bullied and isolated because of his sexuality that he chose to end his own life. He was so utterly crushed by misery, shame and loneliness that he committed suicide. He was little more than a child.

This comment advertising sex as a way to procreate and nothing more is a violation of so many people's beliefs and lifestyles, and is a complete disgrace in every sense of the word. Not only does it completely exclude homosexuality and indirectly condemn it, but it also reverts back to this fabricated idea of "virginity". Basically, it is a vicious way to shame and attack gay and lesbian peoples for the way that they choose to express perfectly natural attraction to the people they romantically love and/or date. Homosexuality is in no way wrong, it is in no way unnatural, and condemning it borders on a violation of human rights. Quebec had it down when they said, "The state has no place in the bedrooms of the nation."

Amen, sista's.
"

That was a rather long quote, I know, but it all needed to be there because I don't know any other way to express my annoyance. Sure, I had read Kira's review before throwing myself into the pit of shit and vomit that is alternatively known as Hades, but reading the quote in context provided with everything else makes me want to hurt myself.

IT'S JUST SO TERRIBLE.

That, that doesn't even count the heaps of other sex lecturing. JAKE EVEN REFERS TO BETHIES "VIRGINITY" AS HER "VIRTUE". It's fucking disgusting how obsessed Allie is with this.

SHE PUTS A SHAME TO ALL TEENAGERS EVERYWHERE. (She is a teenager still, right? I don't know and I don't give a fuck. SHE PUTS A SHAME TO EVERYONE CONSIDERED NOT AN ADULT YET EVERYWHERE.)

In short, if I ever met Allie in real life and caught her trying to give anyone a fucking lecture on fucking ANYTHING, I'd do this:

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And this:

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And this:

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Gross little bitch...

What else did I want to rant about?


Oh ya. BETHIE DEAREST.

Bethany is so stupid. So yeah, I have an ebook copy of this utter vomit and shit, right? That's bad, very bad, because as long as we're in Bethie's head every few sentences I have the urge to throw the book against the wall with a satisfying thud. BUT IT'S AN EBOOK COPY. So I would end up doing this:

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Which would suck, seeing as how I only gots one computer, yeah.

Her stupidity was SO OFFENSIVE that it made me literally burst out into tears.

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Well...maybe not literally -- BUT I WAS FUCKING CLOSE.

And the worst part, because Bethie is Adornetto's self insert (anyone try to argue with me over this in the comments and I will cuss you the fuck out, just so you know) WE GET DOUBLE THE PREACHING. So while Adornetto is using her author powers to preach through the story, BETHIE IS FUCKING PREACHING IN THE STORY.

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IT MADE ME WANT TO THROW THINGS.

Not to mention that Bethie is A FUCKING MARY SUE.

Even when she goes to Hell, EVEN IN HELL THEY LIKE HER. EVERYBODY LIKES HER. THE PRINCE OF THE FUCKING HELL WANTS HER. IS THERE ONE PERSON THAT DOESN'T LIKE BETHANY WHO ISN'T DEMONIZED?!?!?!?! AND WE WILL FUCKING TALK ABOUT ASIA LATER.

FUCK THAT. WE'LL TALK ABOUT HER RIGHT NOW BEFORE I FUCKING FORGET OR SOMETHING WITH MY GOLDFISH BRAIN, BECAUSE READING HADES HAS FUCKING BRAIN DAMAGED ME WITH IT'S TERRIBLE, HORRIBLE AWFULNESS AND I CAN BARELY REMEMBER MY FUCKING NAME ANYMORE BECAUSE IT IS JUST THAT BAD.

FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCCKKKKKKKK THIISSSSSSS BOOOOOOOKKKKKKKKKKKEEEEEEHHHHHHAAAAAAAAOOOOUUUUSSSSSHHOIFWIAIOFNWA


So, to talk about Asia.

Asia is Jake's bitch, basically. Also, from what I remember she is one of the only minorities in the book, if not the only minority, someone can correct me on this if they want.

How is she portrayed?

Well, even though she's supposed to be a snide, evil bitch (and slut?) I actually quite liked her. She acknowledged Bethany as the stupid, disgusting, waste of space she was, see this quote: I gave the woman a closer look and remembered her instantly as the tattooed barmaid from Pride. It would have been hard to forget the annihilating look she’d given me then. She gave me a fleeting glance this time as if my presence were too immaterial to take up any more of her time. I agree with her. Bethany doesn't deserve anyone's time. She's a gross, nasty, hideous waste of space and she should be burned on the stake, cut in half, erased from this universe forever and ever. AMEN.

Also, Asia gets jealous that Jake likes Bethany more than her. IT'S A VALID COMPLAINT. So you're the head bitch of hell with your psuedo boyfriend, and then some sniveling preachy brat shows up and snatches your honey's attention. Oh, yeah, tell me you wouldn't be bitter. There's also the added fact THAT THEY ARE ALL FUCKING DEMONS SO DUHHHH.

But we're supposed to see Asia as a jealous, evil, bitch. That's great. That's just fucking fantastic. Way to go Allie dear. But you wanna know something? I'd rather be represented by an Asia FIVE THOUSAND FUCKING TIMES OVER than be represented by a Bethie, which is the worse fucking insult ever, in the history of time and space, the worst thing in the whole world ever to exist AMEN.

Anything else?

Well, there's Xavier. He annoys the shit out of me. And Jake is an asshole, as well as a rapist, but once again he's a demon so you know. That's rather accurate for Jake.

Oh! How could I forget?

Xavier and Bethie's relationship.

THAT IS THE MOST...I DON'T EVEN HAVE WORDS FOR IT. It is co-dependent, unhealthy, obsessive, weird, and just NO. NO JUST NO.

How can you write something like this and portray it as being positive? HOW? HOW CAN YOU POSSIBLY PORTRAY THIS AS NORMAL, EVEN A GOOD THING? Another reason why I want to punch Allie in the face, or at least strap her into a chair and viciously re-educate her.

PLEASE GOD. IF YOU DO EXIST, WHICH I DON'T REALLY THINK YOU DO BUT IF YOU DO, PLEASE, DO NOT ALLOW ALEXANDRA ADORNETTO TO PROCREATE UNTIL SHE GAINS AT LEAST AN OUNCE OF FUCKING COMMON SENSE. PLEASE. PLEASE. PLEASE.

Amen.

Here are some examples of how co-dependent and fucked up Xavier and Allie I MEAN BETHIE'S relationship is:

I kept one of Xavier’s Tshirts, dowsed in his cologne, under my pillow so that every night I could imagine he was with me. It was funny how the goofiest behavior could feel perfectly natural when you were in love.

“Okay, don’t take the quiz,” Hallie cut in. “Just answer a few questions, okay?” “Shoot,” I said. “What’s your favorite football team?” “Dallas Cowboys,” I said without hesitation. “And why’s that?” Hallie asked. “Because it’s Xavier’s favorite team.”

“He’s coming over to make barbecue ribs.” “Since when do you like ribs?” The girls raised their eyebrows. “Xavier likes them.”

I was willing to pardon any crime, but one against Xavier, and so help me, God, Jake would get his comeuppance.

Every fiber in my body yearned to return to Xavier. My one true love. The light of my life. (..) My pain was so all consuming that I hardly cared where Jake was taking me to or what horrors awaited.

Had enough? I think so. I know if I type anymore about this shit I will vomit all over my computer, shorting it out. If I do vomit over my computer from Hades induced sickness I WILL sue Adornetto for enough money to get a new one, I swear it.

Is there something else?

Oh yeah!

I DON'T CARE.

The book was so boring, so annoying, so rage inducing, it was so terrible. I WANTED TO DIE.

Top Causes of Death:
Heart disease
Cancer
Stroke
Chronic lower respiratory diseases
Accidents
Alzheimer's disease
Diabetes
Influenza and Pneumonia
Nephritis, nephrotic syndrome, and nephrosis
Septicemia
Hades by Alexandra Adornetto



It's the truth, people.


Oh, and there's one more thing I wanted to mention...

One more thing...

What was it...

That...thing about....

Wait...

It's on the tip of my tongue....

OH!

I remember now!

It was...

THAT GODDAMN FUCKING SHIT VOMIT CREATURE HELL ANGER RAGE RAGE RAGE CAPSLOCK DOLPHIN FUCKING FUCK FUCK FUCKING TITLE!

Many fanidiots have gotten upset about people constantly pointing out that Hades =/= Hell. They say Adornetto can call her books anything she wants. They say Adornetto can do anything she wants. They say that people who point out Hades =/= Hell, lovers of Greek Mythology who hate to see this mixed up, people with general common sense, they say that they need to shut up and worship Allie like they do.

To that I say this:

FUCCCCCCCCKKKKKKKKKK YYYYYYYYYOOOOOOOUUUUUUUUUUU PPPPPPEEEEEEEOOOOOOOPPPPPPLLEEEEEEEEEAAAAHHHHUAISUFNIOSNAOSIPG


Guess what? Guess what? I added this section just because of you, you blithering bleeding dolts! So here I will say it:

HADES IS NOT HELL. HADES IS GREEK MYTHOLOGY FOR THE AFTERLIFE, NOT HELL, NOT EVIL, NOT PAINFUL, JUST THE WHOLE AFTERLIFE. HELL IS CHRISTIAN MYTHOLOGY FOR AN ACTUAL PLACE OF ETERNAL SUFFERING, BAD, PAINFUL, ALL THAT CRAP. YOU CAN NOT MIX THEM UP OR SUBSTITUTE ONE FOR THE OTHER BECAUSE THEY ARE NOT THE SAME THING, THEY DO NOT MEAN THE SAME THING, AND THEY WILL NEVER, EVER, EVER, EVER MEAN THE SAME THING!!

AND FUCK ANYONE ELSE THAT THINKS OTHERWISE. DO A WIKIPEDIA SEARCH YOU JACKASSES.

Wow. That got really aggressive at the end there, actually. (Well this whole review has actually been really aggressive. GOT A PROBLEM WITH IT?)

Sure, Allie has the right to write whatever she wants, AND I HAVE THE RIGHT TO FUCKING RIDICULE AND BELITTLE HER FOR IT. BAHAHAHAHAHA.

That is the end of my review.

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AND NOW FOR A RANDOM TOKKA GIF.

Because I can and I feel like it.

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HAH.

WARNING: TROLL MY REVIEW AND I AM FULLY PREPARED TO AND WILL TROLL YOU THE FUCK BACK. SO BE FOREWARNED, ASSHOLES OF THE INTERNET. YOU HAZ BEEN WARNED.


Note: Everyone that reads this review should rate Hades 1 star, don't care if you have read the book or not, the rating on this pile of shit and vomit is too fucking high and we as human beings need to do something about this.

If you want to you can even read the book to write a bad review of it, which I encourage, this needs as many bad reviews as it can get, seriously. But do not buy the book, Jesus Fucking Christ do not buy the book please. Pirate this thing. Do not waste your money. Do not waste your hard earned dollars on this creature, please, for the life of me, DO NOT.

(Yes I am bitter and angry about Hades and I will continue to be bitter and angry about Hades FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE. AMEN.)
Profile Image for Rebecca.
5 reviews
January 31, 2012
Oh come on girls it is a book about romance and that is why we buy them. If you want to good read, non-fiction is the way to go. Stop complaining about how the writer did this or didn't do that. You brought these books because it is a girl meets boy with a bit of action with it end of story.
Profile Image for Sadia.
102 reviews40 followers
November 17, 2012
So I wonder if I've ever told you people how much I love making lists. Yep. I spend hours on my things to do and other random lists.

Here's one I'm sharing with you.

Things I'd probably do while trying to read HADES

Leaf through the pagesdescription
Endure description
Shake head in disbelief description
Raise my blood pressure description
Grind my molars to dust description
Be stupefied beyond belief description
Kill my brain cells description
Go to sleep description
Watch tv description
Read another book description
Laugh hysterically description
Scream in my pillow description
Have a good time
Enjoy reading

Now that almost all of these have been checked off the list except the last two that somehow evade me EVERY TIME I TRY! I decided I couldn't wait forever to write a review on here.

BEHOLD! The RESULTS OF MY MANY ATTEMPTS TO READ HADES [IN CHRONOLOGICAL ORDER]

Attempt # 1:

“Are you coming over for dinner tonight?” I asked Xavier, linking my arm through his. “Gabriel wants to try making burritos.”

*major eye roll* Get your own gourmet show already Gabriel! Or get a life, whatever comes first. Growing a pair might help too.

Attempt # 2:

“I’m just thinking,” he said. “How come in all the paintings, angels are depicted guarding thrones in Heaven or taking out demons? I wonder why they’re never shown in the kitchen making burritos.”
“Because we have a reputation to uphold,” I said, nudging him. “So are you coming?”


Hmmm, I wonder what reputation she's talking about? Oh I know! the dumb ass, good for nothing angel trio reputation! Lets see how the story goes. Once upon a time, 3 great angels descended from the heavens, each bringing a gift to mankind No, no, no. That is all wrong.

There were these three angels, the elder one liked cooking, the middle one liked partying, the little one made everyone's life miserable.

Oh wait, I think I got my 80 year old neighbors confused with these characters.

Attempt # 3

"He was just as breathtakingly beautiful as ever. His tie hung loose and his blazer was slung casually over one shoulder."

*blinks*
*tries to recall what Xavier looked like*
*an image of a faceless teenager with mouse colored hair pops in mind*
*shakes head sadly*

This girl needs to get some, if she thinks a tie hanging loose and blazer slung casually on one shoulder makes for breathtakingly beautiful.

Attempt # 4

“Gabriel wants to try making burritos.”

Hmmm ¬¬

I'm hungry. I should go get some burritos too. *cheerfully walk to the kitchen*

Attempt # 5

Since the violent encounter with Jake last year, Xavier had hit the gym even harder and thrown himself into sports more vigorously.

*stupefied beyond belief*
a little pause

*laughs hysterically*

I'm sure the occupants of Hell are waiting in agony for Xavier's Ultimate Fitness Show. LIVE.

Attempt # 6

"His face was open and friendly. I was pleased to see that Gabriel was more relaxed these days."

*gasp* Is he?! I tell you! it's those ballet classes, and sewing he's taken up. Isn't he divine! *swoons*

Attempt # 7

"I kept one of Xavier’s T-shirts, dowsed in his cologne, under my pillow so that every night I could imagine he was with me."

description

*PUKES*
Profile Image for Dinjolina.
526 reviews497 followers
Shelved as 'avoid'
March 16, 2012
*Goes around whistling*


Wait!
What?

HADES?????!!!!
Do you know what Hades is?

Let me wikipedia you:

Hades (English pronunciation: /ˈheɪdiːz/; from Greek ᾍδης (older form Ἀϝίδης}, Hadēs, originally Ἅιδης, Haidēs or Άΐδης, Aidēs (Doric Ἀΐδας Aidas), meaning "the unseen"[1]) refers both to the ancient Greek underworld, the abode of Hades, and to the god of the underworld.

So.What does it have to do with Christianity?
The previous book was an insult to believers all over the world for sure, because we read about sissy lame angels that had no point.
But now....Hades?
Really?
Dear Author...what were you thinking?

EDIT:
So I said Christian believers could be horrified by this whole mess. But I was not being church orientated or anything. My point was something else so I will re-phrase The book is an insult to people that like angels. Because her angels are these spineless creatures that i want to pluck like mindless chickens that they are.
Profile Image for Cassandra.
52 reviews25 followers
March 24, 2011
WHAT!? She is tricked in riding a motorcycle? How?

I am sorry, but it ticks me off how stupid and childish she made what's-her-face. I understand she is a angel just "born", but seriously? Can you at least make her a little bad ass? I like bad ass heriones. Not the little crying whinny girls. I understand that there are moments where that it is called for, but through out the whole series of books?

What the hell are you thinking Andornetto? Why don't you grow up a bit before publishing what you think teenage girls and boys are today. We are not idiots, or "sheltered" from the outside world? Be realistic?

UGH! And I hate myself that I am going to go out of my way to read this becuase of my fatal flaw of curiosity, and how I cannot stop reading a series after the first book. Curiosity killed the cat, you know? I swear that if this books SUCKS (which, god, I know it will) I will personally call the Andornetto chick up and scream her freakin ear off. Then e-mail her until she finally realizes the mistakes she made in this series?

And Hades? Really? I thought this was about angels? Oh, wait. No its not, its about religion. Christanity to be exact. She is sooo stupid. She has officially ruined my obession with angels. Thanks a lot, Obession ruiner!!!!!!!!!!
Profile Image for Roohdaar.
165 reviews1,755 followers
Read
May 17, 2012
Okay, what in the world is this cover about?

Is that Bethany on a motorcycle?

description

The absurdity... it burns.

Oh, well. It's a good think she's not an angel or that would have been really stupid. Phew!
Profile Image for Torzilla.
278 reviews131 followers
Want to read
March 24, 2011
Wishing people would stop rating books before they become available.

Also, mildly interested in reading about the potential train wreck... how do you get tricked into a motorcycle ride? Roofies?
Profile Image for hayden.
1,051 reviews732 followers
August 24, 2012
Dear World,
Please do not question my sanity. I promise I have not lost it. I am reading this for the freaking lulz AND THAT'S IT.
Sincerely, Me.

While I'm writing my review, you may entertain yourselves by reading my 46 status updates below. Thank you, come again.

Also, notice the addition of three stars. That means my review is coming
REAL SOON, I promise!

Review: 1.5 stars
First impressions are deceiving.
I have fourteen years’ worth of anecdotal proof that this theory is true, but the one example I want to give you is Alexandra Adornetto’s first book, HALO (which I’m sure everyone and their mom has read or at least seen).

Back when I was an innocent little thirteen-year-old, I was wandering the bottom floor of my Barnes & Noble, looking at the new releases and such, molesting the Nooks, blahblah. Bored of my futile search (I’d never been much of an adult reader, and the bottom floor was where all the mainstream adult books were kept at the time), I headed over toward the escalator that took you to the top floor, with the children’s section; the adult PNR section; the board games section; and the teen/YA section. YA had proved to be a friendly companion in my recent years of extremely frequent reading, and I was itching to get to the top and find some more to read.

When I reached the top of the escalator, I saw a six-shelf display of HALO, and I nearly jizzed my pants.

It was beautiful.

I almost couldn’t tolerate not owning it.

When I was an adult and I was rich and famous and I branched out into the publishing world, I had to get that cover designer on board with me to design my book.

I wouldn’t live if I didn’t.

I stood there for a good minute or so just marveling at the beautiful wonder that was the cover of HALO before I finally couldn’t stand it any longer and I had to touch it. When I picked it up, I could almost hear the angels singing “Alleluia” in my ears (no pun intended, folks). I knew I had to buy it.

And I did. I bought the hell out of it.

I wish I could tell you right now that the contents of that book were as beautiful as the cover was. I wish I could tell you I gave it a no-brainer five stars and recommended it to every single person on the face of the earth, YA fan or not. I wish I could tell you I honed my sculpting skills and made a statue of Adornetto, which I proudly displayed as a centerpiece in my living room. Alas, I cannot tell you any one of those things, because not one of them is true. In fact, they’re pretty much the farthest things from true.

HALO had so many problems: it was waaaaaay too long; the main character was so blatantly dumb, she was deserving of being high-fived in the face with a frying pan, not to mention she was Mary-Sue-perfect; the prose was more purple than my face was while I was reading it; the plot was progressing at the speed of something really slow… That’s only some of its seemingly perpetual list of problems I found. Regardless, I found some moments in the book to be cute and/or funny and/or worthwhile, so I gave it two stars on Goodreads. It’s actually more deserving of one-and-a-half, but who really cares about the semantics?

The gorgeous and wondrous cover of HALO is reason number one I can prove that theory that first impressions are deceiving.

The second one is my first impression of HALO carrying over to its much shorter and frankly much better sequel, HADES. HALO was my first impression of Adornetto’s lack of talent, and honestly I would rather gouge my eyes out with a spoon than have to re-read it. HADES is a major step-up from HALO, because while sometimes the plot is shrouded in the shadows of overtly-dumb characters, at least it’s existent. The concept of Hell that Adornetto creates is, to say the least, an epic fail. [image error]

I mean, seriously, Adornetto. Hell is filled to the brim with clubs non-stop partygoers and fancy hotels? Everything I’ve heard about it describes it as a place of eternal torture and suffering, not a place of fun.

The way she describes the devil is laugh-worthy, and I don’t mean a chuckle, I mean a [image error] kind of laugh. This is what she says to describe him:

”He wore a white linen suit with a red silk tie and his feet were encased in white cowboy boots. He held an ivory-topped cane that he tapped softly on the cement floor... His skin was tanned and leathery and his eyes were a pellucid blue but devoid of any expression. He was immaculately groomed and wore his silver hair tied back loosely with a gilded clasp."


Yes. I am 100% serious. I am not pranking you. You are not being punk’d (which Bethie made a reference to).

This brings me to a whole new point . . . Beth.

Oh, dear Lord, Beth, you are one of the most childish and inexperienced heroines I’ve ever read. You aren’t as bad in this installment as you were in the last one , but you’re still extremely stupid.

You made so many poor decisions over the course of these books, I’m almost tempted to not read the next book.
My first clue you were completely retarded:

"I could never do the "'sup nod”—it made me feel as if I were in one of those music videos Molly watched on MTV where men in hoods rapped about “homies” and something called “bling.”


And believe me, people. It only gets worse.

The only reason I say she’s not as bad in this book as she was in HALO is because in this installment, when she’s trapped in Hell, she offers to help two people she’d met there escape when she gets her opportunity to.

One thing that completely surprised me about this book is when *kind of SPOILERS, but not really??* Molly declares her love for Gabriel. I SERIOUSLY did not expect that to happen. His reaction is what was really surprising to me. You’re just going to have to read it to get more on that.

HADES starts off roughly. On one account, the first thirty-five pages has excessive infodump to the point where one of my progress points was solidly

INFODUMP INFODUMP INFODUMP INFODUMP INFODUMP INFODUMP INFODUMP INFODUMP INFODUMP INFODUMP INFODUMP INFODUMP INFODUMP INFODUMP INFODUMP INFODUMP INFODUMP INFODUMP INFODUMP INFODUMP INFODUMP INFODUMP INFODUMP INFODUMP INFODUMP INFODUMP INFODUMP INFODUMP INFODUMP INFODUMP INFODUMP INFODUMP INFODUMP INFODUMP INFODUMP INFODUMP INFODUMP INFODUMP INFODUMP INFODUMP INFODUMP INFODUMP INFODUMP INFODUMP INFODUMP INFODUMP INFODUMP INFODUMP INFODUMP INFODUMP INFODUMP INFODUMP INFODUMP INFODUMP INFODUMP INFODUMP INFODUMP INFODUMP INFODUMP INFODUMP INFODUMP INFODUMP INFODUMP INFODUMP INFODUMP INFODUMP INFODUMP INFODUMP INFODUMP INFODUMP INFODUMP INFODUMP INFODUMP INFODUMP INFODUMP INFODUMP INFODUMP INFODUMP.


I am not exaggerating.

When Jake introduced the concept of projecting (she could “project” her soul to watch her “loved ones” on Earth while her physical form was still in Hell), I did this:

Seriously. I did. It was such a BLATANTLY INTRODUCED plot device, I had no other options.

Not to mention 's deus ex machina ending.
The cliffhanger at the end had me a bit confused. It was only over the span of one sentence. I have no idea what was going on. Hopefully, HEAVEN (book #3, for those uninformed) will explain what’s goin’ on and what I obviously don’t understand.

Big improvement from HALO, but there were some . . . obvious . . . problems.
Profile Image for Mark.
171 reviews23 followers
Want to read
February 3, 2011
I don't think people should give a book stars before it comes out.
Profile Image for Katie(babs).
1,803 reviews541 followers
July 26, 2011
Hades by Alexandra Adornetto is the sequel to Halo that’s riding the angel train for all its worth. Although I felt Halo was lacking in so many ways, there was some enjoyable moments to it that made me want to pick up Hades. What a big mistake on my end. I feel the only reason Alexandra got published is because of her age. Publishing is giddy when they can find authors under a certain age. They must think they’re sensations, much like pop singers, if the author who’s not of legal age writes a book that can sell like gangbusters. We��ve seen this with Amelia Atwater Rhodes, who was published at fourteen, and recently with Kody Keplinger, where their ages seem to be more important than their writing talent.

Hades is such pop light reading and ridiculously tame and simple. I’m not sure whose Alexandra’s audience is. It has an intriguing promise, just like Halo. Uber innocent Bethany Church is one of three angels who must spread her wholesome light and Kumbaya cheer to combat evil and the darkness on Earth. Along the way she falls in love with the human boy, Xavier Woods, but also catches the eye of demon boy, Jake Thorn. When Hades start, Bethany thought she defeated Jacob, but she was wrong. He tricks her into hopping on his motorcycle where he kidnaps her and takes her down to Hell, aka Hades where she’ll be his demon queen. Now Bethany has to figure out a way to get back to Xavier before she succumbs to wearing black lipstick or Daisy Duke shorts as Jake helps her find the dark side she’s hidden deep down inside of her. Too bad Bethany has the personality of a new born kitten. Very cute, but not much else and doesn’t have a mean thought in her head.

And that’s were Hades is given the good old DOA label. I’m not sure what Alexandra was trying to accomplish with this book and would love to know what the publisher was thinking when they bought it. There’s nothing worthwhile to recommend here. Alexandra is trying to write something that will appeal to the fans of Meyer’s Twilight, but at least Twilight has some a little bit of originality and soul behind it. The Bethany character reminds me of a clown. A clown must act happy go lucky and always smile when on display. Inside, the clown may be angry or upset but can never show it. That’s Bethany. She has a permanent teeth biting grin on her face while all these mundane yet rascally things happen around her thanks to Jake.

Every so often I do like to read about bad boys who show a gentler side when with the heroine. Bad boy suddenly finds a conscience because of the heroine’s love or her magic hoo-haa. (you can blame my romance reading addiction with the rakish hero) But since this is a YA, the heroine’s magic hoo haa doesn’t exist and instead, her magically blinding and optimistic nature is what makes bad boy attracted to her. But alas, Jake is a caricature, a pale vision of what an appealing bad boy should be. Xavier, the good boy, is like one of those cut out cardboard stands you fin at restaurants and in stores.

Alexandra’s version of Hell is where one must watch Barney the Dinosaur for all eternity. Hades is painful read with no substance or reason for the story. I can’t see this book selling well at all even with the massive promo Fiewel and Friends are doing for it. I do hope Alexandra has better guidance in the form of a critique partner(or GASP, how about her editor?) because if not, her publishing career may be very short lived.
Author 3 books484 followers
June 19, 2012
Bethany Church, the perfect little angel from Halo, has forced me to create a new shelf, called “WHO LET YOU BE HEROINE?

Because really, Bethany, who in their right mind would let someone like you be the heroine of their book. Answer: people who have some vendetta against interesting, flawed, and actually likable characters.

Hades sets off on a journey six months after the events of Halo with Xavier and Bethany being murdly in lurve and such. Haha, I’m saying events like something actually happened in Halo outside of the creepy love these two have for each other.

Let’s just continue

We open with Bethany and Xavier being attached at the hip all through Bryce Hamiltion High. Oh golly they’re graduating hurray! Too bad that’ll do nothing to help their intelligence levels, especially since Bethany follows every single thing Xavier enjoys. Seriously, look at this sack of gold right here.

“What’s your favorite football team?”
“Dallas Cowboys,” I said without hesitation.
“And why’s that?” Hallie asked.
“Because it’s Xavier’s favorite team.”

“Must the two of you embody every cliché in the book?”
Xavier and I looked at each other and grinned. “Yes,”.


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Right when I encountered these two twinkling pieces of glorified shit, I knew I was diving deep into the pit of Hell. HELL. IT IS CALLED HELL. You refer to Hell as Hades when you’re following Greek mythology. And Hades, better known as the Underworld, held ALL souls, not just those who sinned. Ugh, I’m just going to move on.

This girl, this Bethany Chruch, is the most idiotic heroine I’ve ever had the misfortune of reading. I mean, she does this laughable nonsensical séance (she’s that AGENT OF LIGHT, remember? From Book the First? Oh wait that stopped being important I forgot whoops), and manages to get tricked into a motorcycle ride.

WHAT. WHY ARE YOU- WHAT. How do you let yourselves get tricked onto a motorcycle? It’s like being tricked into smoking a cigarette! Or being tricked into eating junkfood! Can’t be done nope.

Oh wait best part, Bethany gets MORE helpless once she hits the bottom of Hell, which is…get this, you ready?...full of hotels and nightclubs.
Hotels and nightclubs!

HELL IS SUPPOSED THE LAND OF PUNISHMENT RIGHT? It is all torture and punishment, isn’t it?! I mean, it holds Lucifer and the angels that rebelled with him against God, you know the whole Christianity thing? This should be more demonic rather than full of nightclubs and hotels! RIGHT?!

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…Apparently not. I was Adornetto’d.

OH, but we’re following Bethany! How will we ever find out about what Xavier and the gang are up to?! WE’LL JUST HAVE A PLOT DEVICE. This plot device was found in the *ahem* “Lake of Dreams”. Bethany uses this to send her spirit to Earth and snoopity snoop on Gabe, Ivy, and Xavier. This just forces the book to be so unnecessarily lengthy and STUPID. I would’ve done so much better if Beth’s stay in ‘Hades’ was short-lived. Hell, it might’ve been more interesting that way.

Uggggh.
I don’t feel like writing much more, but I’ll give the specifics for characters.

Bethany: Should not be the heroine. Ever.

Xavier: Without Bethany, it’s painfully evident that he hates women. He talks down to every single one he comes across. Fuck you Xavier. You hateful, slimy bastard. I wish you drove ALL the way off the cliff.

Molly: No development other than trying to get into Gabriel’s pants.

Gabriel and Ivy: Equally robotic and unnecessary.

Lucifer a.k.a. Big Daddy: Is a pimp apparently.

Jake Thorn: Has promise to be a quarter of the way decent then it spurts out just as quickly as it comes up. Jake and his cat-green eyes can die a slow death.

I CAN’T.

These people are all terrible and it managed to be even more painful than Halo. There was a bit more plot here, but it’s so jumbled and sprinkled over top a half-assed storyline, that it really doesn’t count.

I must be out of my mind to need to finish this series.

Fuck this book.
Fuck Bethany and her “purity” garbage.
Fuck everyone in this book.

I've learned my lesson, world.

If I'm to read Heaven, it will come to me on a silver platter with the most glorious aromas coming from it.
Profile Image for Nasty Lady MJ.
1,057 reviews16 followers
June 30, 2012

To See full review with pictures, videos, and Colonel Sanders click here: http://yalbookbriefs.blogspot.com/201...

This piece of sanctimonious shit doesn't even deserve a star.

Let's start off by being nice. Because it's always good to be nice right? Unlike Halo. Hades actually had a plot. Sort of. Things actually happen in Hades. Grant it, the plot is still pretty flimsy but it's there.

Okay, now that's the only good thing I have to say about this piece of shit. I have read a lot of awful books in the day, but nothing has offended me quite like Hades (at least as of recently). It not only suffers from awful characterization, pacing, plot holes, poor writing, but it offended me several times personally as well due to the arcane values it preaches.

Let's start talking about the plot. As I said we actually have one here but it is paced horribly. This book could've easily been at least a hundred and fifty pages shorter. Adornetto tends to over describe (even bit characters are described to a T) and when things actually did happen they happened so rapidly I felt like I had whiplash. Plus, did I mention that it seems like all the conflicts in this book are resolved ridiculously easy with little to no struggle. This would be one thing if Adornetto didn't spend three hundred pages telling the audience how impossible it would be for Gabriel and the gang to get Bethie out of hell.

Speaking of Gabriel and the gang, they're insufferable as ever. There was little character development in this installment. Even moments where Adornetto could've easily done some character exploration-with the whole Molly crush on Gabriel scene- she didn't. I thought, hmm, this is a place where maybe Bethany can think about her poor decision making. But nope, Adornetto just uses this place to reconfirm the obvious: that Bethany is a special snowflake.

Let me be frank authors, no one likes reading about a special snowflake. No one. Good characters have flaws. Take some of my favorite characters in YA literature: Mimi Force, Mia Thermopolis, and Maggie Quinn. All these girls are screwed up a little bit. Mimi can be a bitch, Mia can be neurotic, and Maggie can be stubborn as hell. And the rest of the characters of the book note this and you know what....I like these characters a lot better than Bethany. This really was a moment for you to make your character, who isn't very likable despite what you think, seem a little bit more relatable. Maybe if Bethany was a little bit more realtiable I wouldn't be rooting for Big Daddy to roast her.


Yeah, Big Daddy did I mention that's what they call freaking Lucifer. I kid you not. I kept thinking of that character in Cat on the Hot Tin Roof played by Burl Ives until Adornetto described the big bad as looking like Colonel Sanders. I kid you not.

Oh, and how can one forget about the inconsistencies with the plot. Remember how poor wittle Bethie was a vegetarian in the first book...well, she is no longer anymore. She likes ribs because Xavier (excuse me huggie bear) likes them.

Essentially her likes and dislikes are based on his.

Is this a healthy relationship?

No, but we're constantly told indiscreetly by Adornetto that being codependent on each other in a relationship is healthy. Even though Cosmo and other reasonable people would disagree.

Ah, codependency it's what my parents always wanted for me to be dependent on someone else and have no views of my own...not.

But it's twue love you might say?

Look, twue love or not. Even the best relationships require a little separation otherwise you'll end up being a Buddy Bear.

Anyway, individuality is important in a relationship. Having no separation whatsoever can twist a relationship into becoming unhealthy. And it wasn't only that codependency was being celebrated in the book that bothered me, but the fact that the book told us what sort of love was real and what sort of love wasn't real.

To put it simply one of the characters has a unrequited crush on another character in the book. And we are told that, that love that that character feels isn't real.

What sort of bull shit is that?

I get that unrequited love isn't shared between both parties, but that doesn't change ones feelings for the other. Look at Lily and Snape in the Harry Potter series if you need any further example about how powerful unrequited love can be.

It wasn't only the talk about love that bothered me. There were subliminal messages that Adornetto put in her writing that offended me from a religious purpose as well. Specifically, there was a priest in hell performing a demonic ceremony, whose name was Father Benedict, who was put there because he failed to protect the innocent.

We can all see what Adornetto is alluding to. The Catholic sex scandals. And honestly, when I read this part I wanted to hurt someone. I am a Catholic. I usually only go to mass a few times of the year, but I'm still Catholic and this sort of trash offends me. Let me explain, what happened in the church was deplorable and I think it needs to be talked about, but to be discussed in a YA book like this? No, just no. Furthermore, was it really necessary of Adornetto to name the priest Benedict when the pope's name is Benedict as well. Really? What did she think she was accomplishing with that other than offending a large group of people. The situation with the scandals itself is a complicated one that I really thought was handled quite tastelessly here being scuffed over in a couple of paragraphs. Maybe I am overreacting, but I think such delicate issues should be handled with care.

This also goes into probably my biggest beef with the book how women and sex are handled which I'll talk about briefly here. Not only are the views that Bethany preaches arcane and limited, a lot of them are backwards. I will be disgusting my feelings about this more in the worst feature part of the review.

Look, I get that Ms. Adornetto is young, but it's really no excuse. She is a published author. Not a self published author who doesn't have resources available to her to help with the editing process of this book. But an author with an actual publishing house who is backing her who can supply her with editors to help refine her work. This book really should've been written better. It really shouldn't have been published. I have read fan fictions that read better than this book. That are not offensive as this book. I feel like even if this book went through a couple more drafts it could've been slightly more tolerable. But no, it's clear that her publisher only has one thing in mind....money.

Best Feature: Are you fucking kidding me? There was no redeemable feature about this book. I didn't even care for the cover as much I cared for it's predecessor. I mean, look at that girl's neck on the motorcycle. It looks ridiculously thin. And the wings that looked so beautiful on the Halo cover look very costume shop like here. So yeah, nothing, nothing was good about this book I didn't like one aspect at all about it.

Worst Feature: What about everything...Okay, if I was going to pinpoint what my biggest pet peeve is with this book is the twisted values it preaches. I don't like preachy books in the first place. But it's one thing when the values are actually something you can sort of agree with. In Hades though, I wanted to slap Bethany silly many times for the things she talked about. Let's talk about how women are treated in general in this book. Bethany is almost raped in the book until the calvary comes and rescues her. Xavier is about to throw a temper tantrum too until Gabriel explains that Bethie was being duped by Jake....

Um...I don't have words. The point is a character was almost raped. This should have been handled more delicately and there should've been some psychological side effects attached as well. Like trust issues. But nope, five pages down the road. Bethie decides to be Xavier's teenage bride.


It's not only sexual assault or attempted sexual assault that is handled so tastelessly in this book. It is the nature of sex itself. People have sex for numerous reasons. I didn't like being told by Bethie it's purpose was purely to have children. And yeah, sex can result in pregnancy. But conceiving children isn't the only purpose of sex, as the contraception industry would tell you. I also just loved how sex was referred to by Beth and Jake. Let me just tell you how much I hate the term "make love" by a demon who is preparing to rape his kidnap victim.

No. Rape isn't making love. Rape is rape. It is a violation of ones body. It is usually act of power by some asshole-in this case Jake- who has decided to violate ones personal space in the worse of ways by having coitus. Equating it to making love is atrocious.

It's not just sex and rape that are handled deplorably as well. Morals are also handled horribly. Many of the people who are in hell shouldn't be in hell. They're not evil people. They made mistakes. If Adornetto truly done her research on Christianity she would know that there is a place called purgatory. Where people who have committed sin, but aren't totally sadistically evil go before they're allowed in heaven. Having people who are in hell from merely sinning from omission is the biggest load of bull shit I ever heard. Christ is suppose to be a merciful figure, I don't think he would send children who have sinned a bit but aren't evil to the likes of serial killers and murders to hell just because they failed to report something to the authorities or whatever. Is Though Shall Report/ or Though Shall not be Indirectly Responsible a commandment let alone a mortal sin, I think not.

Appropriateness: Once again, this is a book that tries to present itself as being squeaky clean but I wouldn't let my preteen near it with an eighteen foot pole. The values it preaches are awful. Despite Bethany's stanch to not drinking and cuss, there is drinking and cussing in the book. As I stated before there's lots of sex talk in this book and I don't like the way the author approaches it.


Profile Image for Mel.
84 reviews234 followers
Shelved as 'to-read-for-the-lulz'
February 9, 2012
The cover certainly looks better than the original awkwardly coloured one, but you know what they say. Polish a turd... it's still a turd.
Profile Image for James Tullos.
286 reviews1,297 followers
April 16, 2021
この本がいかに馬鹿げているかを表現するのに必要な単語が英語に含まれていないので、日本語を使ってみます。

この本はとてもばかげて退屈です。
Profile Image for Kat.
43 reviews
June 24, 2011
Ok, this book was wayyy better than Halo. For all you guys who wonder how she got tricked into riding a bicycle, here's a reality check: Jake's a demon. He can do whatever the hell (pun intended) he wants.
Hades had a LOT more action than Halo, so it went by much faster. I think this book actually lived up to its incredible cover. Just give it a shot, okay?
Profile Image for Turquoise.
57 reviews4 followers
May 13, 2012
I live in Hong Kong, and in Hong Kong the first language is Cantonese (quite similar to Chinese). So the English translated books are not sufficient in most bookstores.

Anyways, I went to one in Koon Tong today and I went to the world literature section, where the Chinese translations usually were, and I saw this.

Hades

The Savage Grace

In case you didn't catch the title, they were Hades (Halo #2) and The Savage Grace (The Dark Divine #3). The English translations of their names were Satan's Hostage (Spy Angel #2) and Blood War (Dark Atonement #3).

Why? Isn't it terrifying that these two books were written at all? Why would anyone write a translation? Man, we had enough horrible books written in Chinese as it is, we don't need books like "Satan's Hostage" and "Blood War" adding to the list, thank you very much.
Profile Image for Elle!.
103 reviews49 followers
January 2, 2013
Disclaimer : Rant Rating Level. Off the freaking Charts. Cursing involved. I tried to keep it informative as well. Not working like he misspelled poster below. Yes I know it spelled wrong.


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First Sentence: When the final bell sounded at Bryce Hamiliton , Xavier and I gathered our things and headed out onto the south lawn.

Of course you and Xavier headed to the south lawn. You're freaking Gorilla Glued together.

Summary: Bethany Church is tricked and kidnapped by the evil Jake Thorn and is stuck in “Hades” (Greek Mythology while she is Christian so she meant hell). In Hades you will witness exorcisms, the ghetto, high class hotels, night clubs and Lucifer who goes by the name of “Big Daddy”. For the first time in any of her books you will get to see ethnic people…….who are all portrayed as evil (PREJUDICE ALERT , THAT IS WRONG!). Hell/”Hades” in Adornetto's version of Hell is combined of people with brown skin and the ghetto while her heaven is blond! Anyone with hair darker than Xavier’s nutmeg hair is classified as evil (Jake Thorn). Bethany may be destined in the burning pits of the “Lake of Fire” forever and all she can think about is Xavier, her boyfriend.

This leads into my WTF Segment. WTF?!!! Why don’t you think about people burning next to you in hell or I don’t know try to find a way to get the fuck out?!. For some of you guys who haven’t read the series (lucky you) Xavier is her pathetic cardboard Flat Stanley boyfriend (who is a youth group leader) with azure eyes. In the novel evil Jake Thorn implies that he wants to have “tinky tonk” with Bethany and ruin her innocence (which I was all for because I despised her). That’s the whole point of the story. So WTF…


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Frustration. Yes. Plenty.

WTF is up with the Narration?Seething with purple prose.

Every fiber in my body yearned to return to Xavier. My one true love. The light of my life.


Excuse me? What teenager talks like that? Want to hear it again? No? Okay.

“My one true love. The light of my life.”

Isn’t that ripped from somewhere? Yes reading Halo, you will be subjected to reading narration like this. Bethany also mentions “whassup’” nod, “homies” and “bling”? WTF...

WTF is up the dialogue?

Are you coming for dinner tonight?" I asked linking my arm through Xavier's,"Gabriel wants to try making burritos.".

WTF....I'm sure an archangel has better things to do than I don't know make a delicious mexican dish I love like I don't know save the world. Help starving children. That brings me to....

WTF is wrong with the setting? So god apparently sent angels to sit in mansions with Christians who are already "saved." Why aren't they in Palestine or Africa? Or freaking America helping the kids who DON'T HAVE SHOES BECAUSE THEY DON'T HAVE A HOME.

WTF is up with the pacing? Three hundred pages into the novel, something…………Happens. Finally. WTF? Who edited this pile of (car honks strategically covering up curse word).

WTF is up with the plot? Why hasn’t Bethany crashed from “heaven” yet like she’s supposed to! In the Bible, (Christian views no matter what Adornetto claims) Angels tempted by humans were banished from Heaven by God. Hence the term Fallen EFFIN’ Angels. Their half blood children were evil and always were thought of such. So how Michael and Gabriel, the “sexy blond” archangels okay with this? ………. She’s breaking God’s Law. WHY HASN’T SHE BEEN SENT BACK!

WTF is up with the Protagonist? Bethany Church. Yes you. Reasons why you just love Bethany.

1.Adornetto doesn’t feel its necessary how to describe how she became an angel. Maybe Adornetto doesn’t know how! Gosh darn that makes it even sweeter! We can add our own opinion.

2.Bethany crashed face first off the back of a turnip truck and ended up with wings which makes her a charmster! Not to mention in her first installment Halo she drank alcohol and contemplated having sexual intercourse with a human but when told no by Gabs (he earns a nickname) she never pondered it again.

3.MARY SUE. I just love Mary Sues, they give you a blank canvas to insert your own personality.

4.Nothing happens to her by her choosing. She only nearly dies a hundred times and gets saved. Bethany has no powers what so ever. So basically she’s a human with mutated wings.

5.I also adore how we don’t have to research books to publish them anymore… Thank you dear Adornetto. Mistakes, made it more raw.

6.She gets tricked into getting on a motorcycle. Even Albert Einstein would have wept to have her brain replaced with his.That involves sheer brain power from the other party. Wasn’t there a motorcycle accident in one of the Twilight novels?

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Never mind. I must be imagining things.

WTF is up with the Protagonists? Asia is Asian. Really? Oh and she’s a demon. That would be totally fine if NOT EVER ETHERAL ANGEL PERSON WAS BLOND!!!!! Gabriel’s still sexified. Ivy is still emotionless and boring. Molly is still pining for Gabs attention. Xavier is still being perfect with his azure eyes and nutmeg hair. Next…………………..

So WTF is up with Adornetto’s need to shove her views in everyone’s face?

Now I am fine with people having their own belief system as long as they don’t try to impose it on others. This girl imposes hers on others. Bethany Church is Adornetto. Great parts of this novel should be burned and are pure preachy and nothing more.

*Bitch slaps without hesitation.*


Her opinions...Sex without procreation is apparently blasphemy. You will hear plenty of this and Ardenetto can not disconnect herself from her novels. Her opinion is everywhere. She’s a snare in the woods and of course you can’t get the eff away from her , which is disheartening because you really will want to. Trust me.

Reading the first two books, I know what she thinks is sexy (Gabriel), I know she likes men who cook (Gabriel), naturally, she thinks people who express themselves through clothing style are evil too. Creativity is bad. Clearly she thinks so, it shows in her book. Plus she likes V-necks and dark wash jeans on men (mentioned so in Halo # 1).I shouldn’t know this!

Recommends: 13 - Adult.

I would love to beat Bethany with a sock full of frozen butter for her mental capacity alone. With that being said, I will definitely be reviewing the third Heaven of her spectacular series!


The positive? She's quite pretty.
Profile Image for Melissa.
2,158 reviews204 followers
July 8, 2011
Arrggh! What do I write about this book? Being a religious person it was so hard to read about a heaven and a hell that are so completely not what I believe. I am so glad that this world does not exist and is only trapped in this story. The violence in this book and the references to sex and a couple of almost rape scene had my reeling. In one breath you are reading about God and his goodness and the next about a demon orgee!!! The love story is soooo sappy and over the top,but it does fit in with the context of the characters and who they are. It just gets old reading about how she sees him all the time! We know the color of his hair and how it sparkles you've told us many times! The plot and idea behind the story is very interesting and it did move faster then the first book but the description of everything got so old. I just didn't care what the country side looked like as the drove and drove........ This book is left open for a sequel but the story line in this book does wrap itself up and then there is a twist at the end but I am very done with this book, the series and the author. But hey on the bright side I love the cover of this and Halo.
Profile Image for Nishtha.
52 reviews10 followers
September 25, 2011
2 stars,
Book was entertaining, in all kinda of wrong ways. It was so bad that couldn't put it down.

So predictable, I mean my little cousins would even figure out the ending.

The amount of cliché's used in this book is amazing. Just imagine all the clichés in the world were copy-pasted into this book.



2 stars, for making me laugh you silly book.
Profile Image for Linna.
328 reviews161 followers
Shelved as 'curious-about'
April 20, 2011
I feel kind of bad for lol'ing at the cover...
Profile Image for Thibaut Nicodème.
571 reviews131 followers
July 4, 2016
DNF at 12%. You can find my detailed analysis on my blog, the Snark Theater (part 1part 2)

Well, on the plus side, there's an actual plot in this one. Potentially, at least.

On the minus side, the author is officially out to set feminism back…to nonexistence. And then some.

You win some, you lose some? Except in this case we don't win at all.
Profile Image for ❀ Sabina.
113 reviews38 followers
March 16, 2017
What I find a miss was the characterbuilding of the bad guy. Even though being a demon and all, sometimes we see a part of developing some kindness and now at the end I’m wondering if it was all manipulation from his part. Scrap that, it was well done now in afterthought.

Almost at the end I wondered why there is a part three of the series – except for trilogies being the norm nowadays – but that was well introduced in the epilogue. However, I don’t feel the need to pick up part three anyway time soon, although I will because I want to finish the series.
Profile Image for Cheese.
63 reviews15 followers
Want to read
May 15, 2011
I can't believe I'm actually thinking about reading this. Maybe just for the lulz. The Halo review was ever so much fun.

I want to know how the hell the first one made enough money for them to think that there should be a sequel.

WHY???

November 23, 2022
I was teetering on the edge of 3 and 4 stars because I did enjoy reading this book, but there were some things that I just couldn’t get through.

***I’m changing this review 2 years later because as I sit here explaining the horror of “Big Daddy” to a friend, I realize just how much it revolted me.
Profile Image for Tarra.
185 reviews25 followers
September 20, 2012
0 stars

Anyone observing me as I read this rubbish would have assumed me to be epileptic or otherwise ill with the way my eyes were constantly rolling around while I allowed my head to fall and loll around my neck in pure exasperation. Maybe they would assume I had respiration problems with the way I sighed so heavily my entire body shook and shuddered. Or maybe that I was a straight up lunatic. Hands half curled into claws shaking intently at the empty air in front of me, face frozen in a silent scream, and then my entire body would begin flailing around wildly at the pure absurdity printed on the pages. This book is ridiculous. Absurdly ridiculous.

Bethany , again, how could you, an angel, not know about the demon you were clutching to??? Are you seriously the most idiotic angel out there? Ms. Adornetto, how can you even feel alright about yourself writing that character??? Ugh. I am mystified at how you sleep at night. Completely mystified.

Then as if Heaven itself knew my anguish and took pity in my suffering Chapter 6 came along. Ahhhh Chapter six. Bethany was in Hades and all of the stupid shit I could no longer sit through was gone and the story got good!! Page 76 brought back above's spasms but they were short lived.

I have to say that I enjoyed the rest of the book up until she was rescued (hence the 2 stars, nope took it away. I have to help the rating stay low. I'm not sorry). It's as if close proximity to Xavier makes her brains dumber than a cockeyed squirrel holding a plastic walnut... I don't understand. She was so strong before and then BAM! She wants to reach out to her captor so he could hold her hand as he perished... OMFG. Then she wants to be upset to find out that was his final trick. Just shoot me already. He's a demon Señora Stupid. He lies. *GASP*

To sum up this series thus far: BOO.

I would hand this brain cell serial murderer over to my worst enemy with promises that of they make it through the first hot steaming pile of manure they would be rewarded with a good book series. I would be smiling viciously as they eagerly took the books from my hands all the while knowing the impending pain and suffering they are about to encounter. Take that enemy!!
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