The Intelligent Design Coloring Book

by Brett Pirkle

A child’s life is full of both joys and challenges—the infinite wonder of learning, the literal and figurative scraped knees of everyday life, and, of course, deep, penetrating theological terror.

That’s why Pastor Brett of the Mega-Pheasant Heights Assembly Church has created an activity book that will divert those long lazy hours of idle youth into a soul-saving good time. Inside are crafty puzzles, mazes of wrath, and connect-the-dots! Also, the mysteries of God’s creation are revealed and explored, including, but not limited why God sometimes does not answer your prayers; why heterosexual monogamy is demanded of us; and why listening to scientists will end with your corporeal destruction and eternal damnation. You will learn the nature of other “religions” as well as how best to crush them. And then there will be juice boxes.

While tradition states that the path to heaven is paved by knowledge of scripture, the doing of good works, and the conversion of heathens, it has recently been revealed that no one can obtain their eternal reward without first obtaining a copy of The Intelligent Design Coloring Book !

64 pages, Paperback

First published January 10, 2011

Reviews

[Melki · Rating 5 out of 5]

If you have faith you can never, ever be proven wrong. And do you know what's better than always being right?

NOTHING!

Here's a coloring book that makes you think...but not TOO MUCH!

When you believe in the Intelligent Designer, there's really no need for thought, because all of life's questions have one simple answer...

BECAUSE GOD SAID SO! THAT'S WHY!!!

While the purpose of this book is to turn a child's idle hours into a soul-saving good time, it also delivers a hefty dose of DEEP, PENETRATING THEOLOGICAL TERROR.

Despite the fact that this tongue-in-cheek tome claims to be 100% FACT FREE, I actually learned a lot from it. For instance, did you know?

- There are many religions, but only one RIGHT ONE. And it's ours.

- We are very different from monkeys. Monkeys fling poo. We fling stones. At adulterers.

- That all BAD THINGS in the world are caused by HOMOSEXUALS. God has to watch them ALL THE TIME. He cannot take his eyes off of them, and it distracts Him from more important matters.

- Even the Intelligent Designer enjoys a cigarette after "relations."

Now you know.

So grab your crayons and color Carrie's breasts. It will keep you from having homosexual thoughts.

Unless you're a girl, I guess. Maybe the Intelligent Designer's okay with that...

[David · Rating 5 out of 5]

It was not the title that made me read this 32-page coloring book. It was the small disclaimer in the upper left hand corner; "100% Fact Free."

Those who believe in Intelligent Design may have a problem with this book from the outset, as Pastor Brett (who believes in corporal punishment when "The Holly Spirit channels God's love into his fists.") tells us of the the Trinity includes "God, the Holy Spirit and the Intelligent Designer."

Fun, quick and very funny to those who can maintain a sense of humor about the science behind Intelligent Design. I looked once and saw nothing back there.

[Helen · Rating 4 out of 5]

This is a great book to give to any scientists, agnostics, or atheists! It has good arguments against Creationism, in a humorous book.

[Michael McCluskey · Rating 4 out of 5]

Horrible! ...And that is why it's so funny.

[Denise · Rating 5 out of 5]

Short and hilarious. This is a silly little coloring book poking fun at I.D.