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But I Love Him

3.76  ·  Rating details ·  6,264 ratings  ·  655 reviews
Sometimes at night, I wake up and stare at the heart for hours. I think of how I collected each piece from the beach, how I glued it all together into one big sculpture. I wonder if Connor realizes what it means, that he'll always have a piece of me no matter what happens. Each piece of glass is another piece of myself that I gave to him.

It's too bad I didn't keep any piec
Paperback, 245 pages
Published May 8th 2011 by Flux (first published May 1st 2011)
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~Akweley♡Mazarae♥~★☆★oblivion★☆★~I CAN'T BREATHE~ Connor went too far, so she gave up on him and called her mom
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Aria ・❥・Biblioaria ˚ · .
“What would you do if the one person you want comfort from is the one who cause you pain? How can you want to desperately for him to wrap me up in his arms but also want so much for him to leave me alone?”

Ann loves Connor.
Connor loves Ann.
Only problem is when Connor’s temper rises, Ann gets hurt.

How does he hurt her?





But why does Ann stay?

Because she loves him.

But I love Him is an emotional story about a girl who was in love with a
Emily May
Apr 20, 2011 rated it really liked it
Shelves: 2011, young-adult

I'm not sure if But I Love Him would have touched me as much if the subject matter wasn't something that has affected someone close to me throughout their life, and therefore, had a huge effect on myself. I'm not going to publicly post details but a person who was very important to me went through a similar ordeal with domestic abuse with even more violent conclusions. I saw first-hand how someone could be so wrapped up in a relationship that they didn't see how much it was harming them. The
Jul 10, 2011 rated it liked it
I love the concept of this book. It is the story of one girl and the boy she loves who abuses her ~ told in reverse chronological order.

As the book begins, Ann is at the height of the abuse, has completely sold out of her previous life to be with Connor, and the relationship has consumed her. As the book continues, it slides back through time, showing the relationship in reverse. (with the exception of the climax/resolution, which is sprinkled through the reverse narrative and saved up for the
Irena BookDustMagic
May 06, 2014 rated it it was amazing
First of all, I have to emphasise how beautifuly written this story was. My copy of this book is full of underlined sentences and parts, and with notes in margins.

Although it is a sad story I really enjoyed reading every single word of it and after finishing that last page I wished there were more of it. But good novel doesn't have to be long, and "But I Love Him" proves that.

Written in reversed chronological order of events, it stends up from other novels with abusive thematic.
It starts while t
Nov 12, 2010 rated it liked it
Intense. Scary. Heartbreaking.

Unlike other book about abusive relationships that I've read, But I Love Him is told in reverse order. When the book begins we seen Anna at her worst possible low, and as the story progresses... or rather regresses we witness how Anna comes to be in this place.

It was brilliant on Amanda's part to tell the story this way, often times it easy to think, why didn't they just walk away, why didn't they move on.... it seems easy until you're there yourself. You see Anna
Jul 18, 2010 rated it really liked it
Rating: 4.5 stars

Favourite Quote: It's nearly dark. How long have I been lying here? The blackness reaches the corners of the room and fills everything. Once that darkness was cocoon, enveloping us and protecting us from everything outside the door. Together, we hid in the dark, hoping the world would leave well enough alone and we could find peace.
But nothing can protect me now, least of all the darkness.

But I Love Him is a completely absorbing tale. When I picked it up I only intended to have
Jul 29, 2011 rated it it was amazing
"But even when I stop crying, even when we fall asleep and I'm nestled in his arms, this will leave another scar. No one will see it. No one will know. But it will be there. And eventually all of the scars will have scars, and that's all I'll be--one big scar of a love gone wrong."
— Amanda Grace (But I Love Him)

After reading "Bitter End" last weekend, I recieved this in the mail and decided to go for it. It was much better than "Bitter End".

The writing in this was amazing. It was just so beauti
May 08, 2011 rated it did not like it
Shelves: gag-worthy-book
But I Love Him by Amanda Grace is one big gimmick that doesn’t work because of poor writing and bad execution. Amanda tried to do something very creative with the storyline by writing it in reverse chronological order. The story begins at the end, over the course of a year for Ann and her abusive relationship with her boyfriend Conner. Ann has been beaten and bloodied and left with a broken wrist by Conner. We then go back over months and the days to the beginning of when Ann first met her unbal ...more
Sarah DiMento
But even when I stop crying, even when we fall asleep and I'm nestled in his arms, this will leave another scar. No one will see it. No one will know. But it will be there. And eventually all of the scars will have scars, and that's all I'll be--one big scar of a love gone wrong.

I really wanted to love this book. The subject matter is important to me and is something that has deeply impacted my own life. I think this book accomplished the most important thing it could: exploring the how/why
Sep 14, 2011 rated it liked it
I'm trying not to judge them her. I'm trying my best not to be disappointed in her choices. And with BUT I LOVE HIM beginning as it did~ at their end, I did have to hold onto my judgments thoughts, and see what led them to where they were.

But having witnessed this reverse mix of start, end, and in between, I'm still not a hundred percent sure about what to think BUT I do know what I feel: pissed off, unsure about my disappointed then finally, relieved.

Pissed off at whom though? Because if we're
talon smith
Sep 02, 2017 rated it really liked it
Amanda Grace is a literary GENIUS.

The structure of But I Love him is written backwards. Yep, backwards. Completely. You get the ending first and then you go all the way up to the first day and to me, that is spectacular. I liked it because if you start at the beginning, you almost always know how it's going to end. So, what better way to start at the end and see how it all began?

"It happened in pieces, tiny little turning points. I'll never figure out when it all turned, because it wasn't a sin
nidah05 (SleepDreamWrite)
May 07, 2015 rated it really liked it
At times I wasn't sure of the dates and of where the story was going. But then the more I read the more I got that it was going backwards, between past and present. I kind of like that actually. Made the book an interesting read. A sad emotional interesting read. The writing I think I liked the most and well that the cover has to do with the story. The kind of writing that makes you want to read the next chapter and wonder what will happen to the characters.

This took a little longer than I thoug
Nov 09, 2009 rated it it was amazing
Shelves: own
Startling, exceptional, and fast-paced, Amanda Grace’s But I Love Him offers a fascinating new look into the world of abusive relationships.

Prior to meeting Connor, Ann was a girl going places. From a track star, to a loyal friend, to a good student, Ann appeared to be the picture perfect girl. However, everything changes the day Connor walks into her life. Connor is a boy with a bad family history, but all Ann can see is a boy who needs someone, a boy who can be loved even if he does not realiz
Shannon Rogers
Wow. I usually try to write my review within 24 hours of reading a book. With this one, I had to wait. It was just impossible for me to do it immediately after reading the book because I was just speechless. I wouldn't have been able to articulate my thoughts on this one at all, as it got to me on so many levels.

First, I'm sure you can see from the opening sentence of the Goodreads summary that this story is about abuse in a relationship. I actually didn't realize that when I picked it up. This
Nov 12, 2010 rated it it was ok
Shelves: on-my-bookshelf
I felt the book read more like a diary than an actual novel. She was telling her story.. and thats pretty much it. The story in general is one we hear all too often both personally and in the media, and I will admit I could relate to a few situations myself. But I couldn't get passed the excuses she kept making for her boyfriends actions. It was a little too annoying for me, and I just plain didn't enjoy reading it. This book gets two stars from me, quick somewhat emotional read, but really lack ...more
Apr 21, 2011 rated it it was amazing
Book 19 for 2011. This is a hugely intense book I was unable to put down. The author chooses to tell the story backwards, and at first this threw me. Yet, when I reached the end, I was sold on the fact that to convey the message, this was exactly the right way to tell the story. Highly recommended for girls seventh grade and up, fans of realistic fiction or not.
Daniella (Reading With Daniella)
Click here to see this review and others on my blog Reading With Daniella

This is the type of book that’s extremely difficult to write a review for. This is the third book I've read about an abusive relationship, and it’s the first time that I’m even attempting to write down my thoughts.
Books like these are some of the scariest that I will ever read. No horror story or thriller filled with monsters or ghosts will ever have anything on a novel like this because these are the horror stories that a
heather - NightlyReading
May 20, 2011 rated it it was amazing
Shelves: favorites
Whew! What a whirlwind of heartbreak this story was! I had my eye on this book for a while now and finally decided to purchase it. It actually arrived yesterday and I was determined to finish it before slumbering last night. This was an easy task since the book held my attention until the very end.

Gosh, as I sit here to write this review, I still cannot wrap my head around it. I have so many emotions and thoughts running through my head, so please just bear with me.

The book starts off in the pre
Angela  M
Jul 12, 2011 rated it it was amazing
Find Full Review at http://www.readingangel.com/2011/07/b...

But I Love Him was a beautiful, dark tale of heartbreak. I knew going into this book that it was about an abusive relationship. This book was surprising though, in that it was wrote in such an original way. But I Love Him was written backwards, starting from the most dramatic, blow-out point (1 year) in the relationship, and then going backwards. In that way you are trying to find that point in the relationship where it turned, the poin
Nov 09, 2009 added it  ·  (Review from the author)
This is my debut under a pen-name, "Amanda Grace." ...more
Allie Tindal
Apr 15, 2020 rated it liked it
Recommended to Allie by: Starr White
Okay. I have never read a book almost all the way and then had the last two chapters completely change how I felt. Throughout this book, I just wanted to scream at the main character, Ann, for thinking the thoughts that she did. The only thing I truly admired was how the author wrote the timeline of the abusive relationship in reverse chronological order aside from some flashfowards (?). The last two chapters really opened my eyes to see what Ann saw, why she felt the way she did, and why things ...more
Apr 17, 2013 rated it really liked it
This review can also be found here on my blog, PaperFantasies

Any avid or long-time follower of my blog or reviews knows how I feel about abusive relationships, and how YA has gotten into the habit of glorifying them. So many popular books play on the “He’s just misunderstood” idea and twist very real signs of danger into a bad-boy angle that is supposed to entice when it should warn away. But I Love Him is chock full of some of these very signs, but unlike so many in the genre, this novel sh
I remember reading this book when I was younger (along with Go Ask Alice) and having it hit me VERY hard in the feels. I couldnt remember the title and had to google search what I remember of the plot and cover just to find this on goodreads. I'm really interested in rereading this. ...more
Reading Teen
Mar 20, 2012 rated it it was amazing
This book is a strong, interesting, disturbing story. It begins at the one year mark of the relationship between Ann and Connor, 17 and 18 years old, respectively. From there the story rewinds showing us the progression of their romance. Connor and Ann are teens who come from very different backgrounds but make an instant connection when they meet. Ann is a senior in high school, captain of the track team and working towards college. Connor is a smart young man who dropped out of high school, go ...more
Oct 29, 2010 rated it it was amazing
Shelves: read-in-2011, i-own
But I Love Him tells a story from a very unique perspective. The story begins in current day, where Ann is at the breaking point of her relationship. It shows how broken she has become due to her relationship with her boyfriend Conner. As the chapters continue, it takes us backwards through their relationship over the past year. It is fascinating to watch Ann in this way because we can see what slowly broke her down. We get to see who she was, whole, at the beginning of her relationship, present ...more
The BookWhisperer
May 01, 2011 rated it really liked it
Amanda Grace created a tragic and terrifying story about a young girl that finds herself in her worst nightmare. Many young girls believe it inconceivable that a situation such as this could happen to them. This realistic and honest truth about how it is easy for a girls to find their selves in such a situation it grab many readers and drag them into this young woman s nightmare. Interestingly, Grace created this story starting with the end and working her way to the beginning. I believe that th ...more
Marta :}
Dec 22, 2013 rated it really liked it
Shelves: ya
“But even when I stop crying, even when we fall asleep and I'm nestled in his arms, this will leave another scar. No one will see it. No one will know. But it will be there. And eventually all of the scars will have scars, and that's all I'll be--one big scar of a love gone wrong.”

I just want to cry and you don't want to hear me. Believe me. I read this book very fast and I got into it, like for real, at the middle of it. I feel like I understood so much more why she hadn't left him before b
Paige  Bookdragon
Mar 01, 2015 marked it as never
Shelves: fuck-no
Changed my mind. I'm not gonna read this. If I do, I'll just get annoyed and pissed. ...more
Fafiliebe ♥ Warner ♥ Raffe ♥
I have mixed feelings about this book, the thing is i really symathized with Conner, but as i said i got bored of his " I'm sorry "
U love someone u don't hurt them, and he promised not too, i felt like she gave him everything, but he gave back nothing..

Now i really can't see myself in such situation, cz i think i would never get involved in such person, but the thing is, what if this happened. From reading i thought i would leave him from the first time he does it, i don't tolerate physical abu
Savannah (Books With Bite)
Mar 16, 2011 rated it really liked it
Domestic abuses is something that is on the rise and not talked about often. People think that when they see someone getting beat up by a spouse, significant other, or a boyfriend/girlfriend, that all you have to do it get out and your done with that person. They are so wrong on so many levels. It is not just about getting out. The emotional stress of the relationship, the devotion to help the person change, its always on the victim. They think it their fault, that there is no way out. It also m ...more
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But I Love Him- an emotional drama 2 4 Apr 20, 2018 02:23PM  
Share your Blogs!: Abusive Realtionship Experiences 1 11 Jan 08, 2015 01:40PM  
Young Adult Conte...: But I Love Him by Amanda Grace - Starting December 29, 2014 34 12 Dec 31, 2014 10:10AM  

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Librarian Note: There is more than one author in the GoodReads database with this name.

Amanda Grace is a pseudonym for young adult author Mandy Hubbard (PRADA AND PREJUDICE, YOU WISH). She lives near Seattle, Washington, with her husband and young daughter.

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“But even when I stop crying, even when we fall asleep and I'm nestled in his arms, this will leave another scar. No one will see it. No one will know. But it will be there. And eventually all of the scars will have scars, and that's all I'll be--one big scar of a love gone wrong.” 581 likes
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