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283 pages, Kindle Edition
First published April 5, 2011
When I was a kid there was a TV interstitial during Saturday morning cartoons with a song that went like this: “The most important person in the whole wide world is you, and you hardly even know you." You’re the most important person! Is this not the absolute worst thing you could instill in a child? They’re the most important person? In the world? That’s what they already think. You need to teach them the opposite. They need to be a little afraid of what will happen.I'm with you on this one, sister.
Some people say, “Never let them see you cry.” I say, if you’re so mad you could just cry, then cry. It terrifies everyone.I really appreciated how this memoir had a good mix of heartwarming anecdotes, comedic happenstances and career musings.
Do your thing and don't care if they like it.As a young teen, Tina hung out primarily in the theater department - thus having the pleasure of getting to know all sorts of quirky characters while being a social pariah to the rest of the school.
Gay people don’t actually try to convert people. That’s Jehovah’s Witnesses you’re thinking of.Her early career was sporadic and difficult - breaking into the comedy scene was no easy task but she made it - by being bossy and taking no sh*t from no one.
My ability to turn good news into anxiety is rivaled only by my ability to turn anxiety into chin acne.If you are looking for a light read with great advice - look no further!
Unless one of these men is my boss, which none of them is, it's irrelevant. My hat goes off to them. It is an impressively arrogant move to conclude that just because you don't like something, it is empirically not good. I don't like Chinese food, but I don't write articles trying to prove it doesn't exist.
There are some wonderful Filipinos [in the cruise ship] who fold your towels in the shape of a different animal every night. It might be an elephant wearing your sunglasses, or a duck wearing your sunglasses. It's just fun. Don't overthink it.
My dream for the future is that sketch comedy shows become a gender-blind meritocracy of whoever is really the funniest. You might see four women and two men. You might see five men and a YouTube video of a kitten sneezing. Once we know we're really open to all the options, we can proceed with Whatever's the Funniest… which will probably involve farts.
Science shows that fertility and movie offers drop off steeply for women after forty.
I have one top-notch baby with whom I am in love. It's a head-over-heels "first love" kind of thing, because I pay for everything and all we do is hold hands.
When she says, "I wish I had a baby sister," I am stricken with guilt and panic. When she says, "Mommy, I need Aqua Sand," or "I only want to eat gum!" or "Wipe my butt!" I am less affected.
My dad has visited me at work over the years, and I've noticed that powerful men react to him in a weird way. They "stand down." The first time Lorne Michaels met my dad, he said afterward, "Your father is ... impressive." They meet Don Fey and it rearranges something in their brain about me. Alec Baldwin took a long look at him and gave him a firm handshake. "This is your dad, huh?" What are they realizing? I wonder. That they'd better never mess with me, or Don Fey will yell at them? That I have high expectations for the men in my life because I have a strong father figure? [me: THAT!]
Only Colin Quinn was direct about it. "Your father doesn't fucking play games. You would never come home with a shamrock tattoo in that house."
That's Don Fey.