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Love and Respect
Emerson Eggerichs
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Love and Respect

4.18  ·  Rating details ·  34,957 Ratings  ·  1,223 Reviews
A Marriage Book with a Difference!
A Revolutionary Message"I've been married 35 years and have not heard this taught."
"This is the key that I have been missing."
"You connected all the dots for me."
"As a counselor, I have never been so excited about any material."
"You're on to something huge here."
A Simple MessageA wife has one driving need--to feel loved. When that need is
Deluxe Featuring Love & Respect and the complete Love & Respect Workbook, 578 pages
Published by Thomas Nelson (first published 2004)
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Joanne Fetzer It's a book that explains the differences in the needs of the husband and the needs of the wife. Wives need to RESPECT their husbands (doesn't come…moreIt's a book that explains the differences in the needs of the husband and the needs of the wife. Wives need to RESPECT their husbands (doesn't come naturally) and husbands need to LOVE their wives (doesn't come naturally). He talks about the dysfunction in so many marriages called the Crazy Cycle that perpetuates poor communication and lack of respect and lack of love. (less)
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Jan 16, 2008 rated it did not like it  ·  review of another edition
Recommends it for: no one
I have to say that I did not enjoy reading this book at all and would not recommend it to anyone. First, it bothers me that he bases the vast majority of the books basis on a single verse. The description for this book says that Dr. Emerson has done extensive biblical research on his proposed idea of men needing respect and women needing love. However, I see very little that verifies this claim. Extensive biblical research would show Dr. Emerson’s thorough and careful exegesis of Ephesians 5:33, ...more
Ash McPerk
Feb 28, 2012 rated it did not like it  ·  review of another edition
I read this book as a part of a small group of friends. I tried to enter into the discussion with an open mind, but I have to be honest: this book is terrible. There's just no easy way to say this: the author is a chauvinist. The basic premise of the book is based on Ephesians 5:33: "However, each one of you also must love his wife as he loves himself, and the wife must respect her husband." It built a case up for why women should always respect their husbands, regardless of his actions, and thu ...more
Jan 05, 2009 rated it it was amazing  ·  review of another edition
Recommends it for: any one who doesn't even know how to talk to their spouse anymore
Recommended to Pink by: my bestie, Kels
The best marriage book I've found so far. Based on the fact that women need love and men need respect. For years that concept turned me off of reading this book, until the wall was so great that I had nowhere else to turn to find out how to talk to my husband again. This book saved my marriage by teaching me how to talk to my hubby in a way that showed him what I was feeling in my heart in a way he understood.

By the way, I don't recommend taking this book from page 1 if you are in dire straights
Amy Lynn
Mar 31, 2013 rated it did not like it  ·  review of another edition
Love & Respect is one of the worst so-called biblical books on marriage that I have ever read which is not an over exaggeration. The writer's egregious exegesis should not be ignored. Dr. Emerson Eggerichs clearly hates women and uses twisted biblical concepts to degrade and humiliate women while promoting male superiority. At no time does he acknowledge that love is God's first priority. His video series is equally demeaning to women and glorifies the male ego to the exclusion of a woman's ...more
Jul 31, 2013 rated it did not like it  ·  review of another edition
My boyfriend's parents bought us this book because they found it so helpful for their own marriage. My boyfriend and I read it together, but we only finished it because we told his parents we'd read it.

As a woman, I found I did not relate *at all* to most of what Eggerichs claims about women. Yes, I desire love, but I desire respect at least as much, possibly more so, and frankly I don't think the two ideas are as separate as this book suggests. Eggerichs fails to clearly define either "love" or
Aug 27, 2011 rated it did not like it  ·  review of another edition
I believe this author has it wrong thinking women are more interested in "FEELING loved" than in BEING respected and treated like intellectual equals. So many women go out of their way to respect (and love) their men to the point of being doormats and yet still feel unloved and disrespected, and are then hit on the head with Bible passages to boot.

It would be beneficial if the author spent equal time showing men healthy ways to communicate what they need in order to feel respected (and loved). I
Sep 28, 2012 rated it it was amazing  ·  review of another edition
Shelves: faith
I don’t know if everyone will view this book with the same ‘Aha’ I did or if it is just the timing in my life.
Some women don’t like this book because they view it as blaming women; my husband hates every sermon on marriage because he views it as blaming men. I think this book is very balanced and contains the proper amount of disclaimers on stereotypes, etc; and gives hundred examples of how both sides can start off the crazy cycle of her disrespect makes him unloving, repeat (though once he sa
Jan 06, 2012 rated it it was ok  ·  review of another edition
Shelves: christian, marriage
I like the idea that women need love and men need respect. When I read this basic statement, a light bulb went off in my head because this is how my husband and I function as people in a relationship. However, I do not think that this concept applies to ALL relationships. Some men value love more than respect, and women value respect more than love. And they all value both. Futhermore, I feel like the point of this book was made within the first few chapters. After that, it just got very repetit ...more
Feb 12, 2011 rated it did not like it  ·  review of another edition
Like many Christian books, the authors have a really insightful point, namely that women need love and men need respect. They make this point really well in about 10 pages. The rest of the book is a broken record containing this same point told over... and over... and over... and over... and over... and over... and... well, you get the point. Some of the stories are humorous, and they definitely help make the point in the beginning. But after about 25 pages there is no new information, just a re ...more
Aug 27, 2009 rated it did not like it  ·  review of another edition

I have always viewed books on relationships to be a little off. They always tend to lean in one direction. But I wanted to give this one a fair shot and I went into it with a clear mind.

This book revolves around the idea that women need to show respect and men need to show love. And it stops there. It left a bad taste in my mouth. I know many women that deserve respect and many men that crave love. However this isn’t explored. It may have worked at some point, but men like women with a soft side
Mar 13, 2009 rated it did not like it  ·  review of another edition
This is just another pop-psychology, appealing-to-the-masses-but-not-the-truth, feel-good book. It is so popular because it is in the same vein as The 5 Love Languages, His Needs/Her Needs, etc. which center on the anti-biblical/humanistic view of people as "love tanks"/"love banks" rather than the biblical understanding of who we really are (Gen 6:5; Jer 2:13; 17:9; Ecc 9:3; Mk 7:20-23; Gal 5:17; Rom 7, 8)

Yes, it does uses some Scripture, and even part of the book is true, yet any truth is shou
My mother bought this book for my then-fiance and I when we announced our engagement, and both of us read it... most of it, anyway. Two years into our marriage, I will rate the advice as "excellent," and I've thus given it four stars. However, like so many "self-help"-type books, there is clear evidence of the author stretching out his material to fill enough pages to justify a solid $25 hardcover. In other words, read the first half of the book (or maybe even less) and you'll have gleaned every ...more
Joseph Louthan
Jun 14, 2012 rated it really liked it  ·  review of another edition
Any book is completely dangerous when you try to make it law. However, the author here is completely careful:

"Most men..."

"Most women..."

Skimming for the gold and letting the impurities burn away, this book is an excellent resource to help in marital communication. I have a difficult time communicating my feelings and this book has helped me in a long ways to communicate with my beautiful wife.

What I appreciate most about the book is the necessity in changing my instincts. Where my instincts tel
Jun 28, 2012 rated it it was amazing  ·  review of another edition
Recommends it for: To Improve Marriage
Ephesians 5:33 has been there of two thousand years! Why do we miss it!

Husbands are to Love their Wives, and Wives are to Respect their Husbands.
Some think this is archic thinking, but it's not
As survy of men who were asked... "For the rest of your life, would you rather be loved or would you rather have respect?" ...Overwhelmingly the men perfered Respect over love.
Our Husbands need our love...But they need our Respect. They need it unconditionally.
God created women to be loving and nurturing..
Clark Goble
In this Focus on the Family book, Dr. Emerson Eggerichs makes a very simple proposition; most of the problems between a man and his wife are communication gaps. Furthermore, these divides can be overcome if the couple can embrace the true meaning of Ephesians 5:33, “Each one of you also must love his wife as he loves himself, and the wife must respect her husband.” While this may seem like easy concepts to understand, Dr. Eggerichs explains the common ways men and women fail to grasp them. Using ...more
Adam Parker
Jul 18, 2012 rated it really liked it  ·  review of another edition
Shelves: christianity
I debated giving this book two or three stars due to the very poor authorship, but the content was so practical and refreshing that I could not help but give it a four. This book is another one on my list that might offend some people out there, specifically women, but in the end speaks truth. Not some abstract personal truth, but hard truth that our modern culture refuses to accept. I think men reading this will relate to this book and recognize their need for the concepts this author represent ...more
Anastasia Rose
Jun 07, 2012 rated it it was amazing  ·  review of another edition
I've read a lot of marriage books, gotten a ton of ideas to try, some that worked, a lot that didn't!

This was the first one that was a big, huge "Ah-hah!" in my marriage. My husband and I listened to the audio version on a long car trip. We kept having to stop it to talk about what he was saying. There were several times my husband said, "That's what I've been wanting to tell you for year, but didn't know how to say it." I can honestly say this book changed our marriage.

We were so impressed, we
Jul 16, 2009 rated it did not like it  ·  review of another edition
This book addresses a tremendous lack in literature and teaching within the church regarding marriage. Dr. Eggerichs is absolutely correct to emphasize the respect that wives are called to give their husbands. The main concept is Scripturally sound: husbands are called to love their wives unconditionally and sacrificially; as Christ loves the church; wives are called to unconditionally respect their husbands with words and actions.

Unfortunately, the manner in which Dr. Eggerichs expounds upon th
Jul 29, 2015 rated it did not like it  ·  review of another edition
If you want your marriage to hold the equality and values of the 1950s agenda of putting women back in their place, then this is the book for you.
Feb 07, 2010 rated it it was ok  ·  review of another edition
Recommends it for: Linda Murray
Recommended to Susan by: Uncle Jerry
This book needs two ratings for me:
on the topic of love and respect in marriage: 4 or 5 stars
on his theology and 110% framing of love and respect by that: 1 or 2 stars

On the love and respect part:
Neat ideas. The premise is that what women need from a relationship is first and foremost love, but what men need first and foremost is respect. When a wife doesn't feel loved, she is likely to act in ways that feel disrespectful. When a husband doesn't feel respected, he is likely to act in ways that f
Aug 01, 2013 rated it it was ok  ·  review of another edition
Shelves: pastoral
Mixed feelings about this book. The central premise was very insightful if not necessarily profound, namely that unconditional respect and love is our duty to God and our spouses. Additionally, he correctly diagnoses a lack of unconditional respect as being the hidden root of much marriage conflict. He notes that the idea of a husband unconditionally loving his wife is universally known if not completely obeyed and therefore spends a lot of time unpacking the idea that a wife should unconditiona ...more
Havebooks Willread
Alan picked this book up off the shelf last month and started reading it. Honestly, I was a little annoyed. I had purchased it nearly ten years ago and we read the first two chapters together, but we hit a bump and never finished it (cough, the bump's name was Alan, cough).

But he was really enjoying it this time and kept wanting to talk about it, so I decided to go ahead and read it too.

There's a lot of good stuff in there. I don't love the book, but when I say that, I have to ask myself why. An
John Ausmus
Jun 18, 2012 rated it it was amazing  ·  review of another edition
If you read nothing else regarding marriage and relationships, read this book!!! I have read many books, and attended many classes, seminars, etc. and nothing compares. This is the best, most interesting, insightful, profound, life-changing resource I have ever come across on this topic. You and your entire family will be blessed by this–even if your spouse does not go through it with you.

Dr. Eggerichs understands the power of habits or cycles, which can perpetuate themselves over long periods o
I appreciated the book - and the message was fantastically necessary and well-stated - but it was well-stated by the end of the third or fourth chapter, and the remainder of the book was actually just restatement and repetition.

Nevertheless, I recommend this book to anyone who is married, engaged, or would like to ever be married. The authors truly do have wise advice and insight to impart on the different needs of men and women, why it is as it is, and how to operate within a marriage to meet t
okay don't misunderstand me.
I think it is important for a wife to respect her husband and a husband to love his wife. That being said I didn't care for the way this book was written. The majority of the book was instered letters and e-mails that Mr. Eggerichs recieved praising what miraculous wonders were done in their marriage once she started respecting her husband or He started loving his wife.
I would have liked to have seen more "research" that was mentioned in the book.
All in all I think th
Crystal Porter
Jan 22, 2010 rated it it was amazing  ·  review of another edition
I recently had the chance to review the book Love and Respect for I was really quite impressed with how Dr. Emerson Eggerichs is reveal the most simple intimate needs of both men and woman in an effort to break the cycle of craziness that many couples endure.

Love and Respect was able to not only place emphasis on the things that we often do to hurt each other. (unintentionally of course...) Eggerichs stresses that when a woman feels unloved she is conditioned to disrespect. When
Allison Anderson Armstrong
I'm so glad I'm reading this before I'm getting married, lol! I think knowing this will save me a couple (thousand) arguments... hehe. I like how the emphasis is on love and respect (not necessarily submission). It just sounds better :) And even though not every human is a cookie-cutter formula, I think it is something God put (at some level) in each female and male. Definitely would recommend this book to any married couple. And if you're not married, still read it, because it will prevent you ...more
Sally Poyzer
Nov 02, 2016 rated it it was amazing  ·  review of another edition
The idea behind this book is taken from Ephesians 5:33. Dr Eggerichs has taken something that I had read so many times in the Bible and explained it in a mind-blowing way. This literally changed the way I viewed my husband and my marriage. I saw for the first time that I was showering love on my husband but at the same time completely disrespecting him. This book showed me how important it is to respect my husband. A must read for everyone who is married.
Kimi Chang
Oct 28, 2017 rated it really liked it  ·  review of another edition
Could have benefitted from an abridged version to avoid some unnecessary repetition and self promotion, but all in all some very useful and enlightening nuggets on love and respect in the biblical marital relationship.
I gotta say, my husband is really amazing at the love side of this.
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Love and Respect, Eggerichs 4 74 May 07, 2014 06:14PM  
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“In your marriage, be the first to “seek peace and pursue it” (1 Peter 3:11).” 7 likes
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