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When Will Jesus Bring the Pork Chops?

3.84  ·  Rating details ·  10,739 ratings  ·  568 reviews
Now in paperback, the New York Times bestseller that takes readers on a riotous journey through the mind of one of America's premier comics George Carlin's legendary irreverence and iconoclasm are on full display in When Will Jesus Bring the Pork Chops? as he vainly scours the American landscape for signs of intelligence in his third national bestseller. Ranging from his ...more
Paperback, 295 pages
Published October 19th 2005 by Hachette Books (first published January 1st 2004)
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Steven Walle
Sep 23, 2015 rated it it was amazing
George is one of my favorite commedians. In this book he explains his take on the American culture and Uphamistic language of the yuppy PC class. It is very funny. Nothing is sacred to this man.
I recommend this book to anyone who wants to think and have a good laugh.
Enjoy and Be Blessed.
I have always enjoyed George Carlin's rants and miss him now that he's dead in that way I miss famous people that I never really knew (like Dr. Seuss and Jim Henson and Richard Pryor). So I thought I would read something that Carlin wrote, laugh a bit, lament the loss.


This book kind of stunk. Sure, there were some parts of it that were amusing (especially some of the rants about language), but mostly it was just boring. It was so boring that I couldn't even force myself to read it all.
Sad Sunday (If I say it's bad, it's bad)
DNF at 27%.

It's not George, it's me.


Growing up in a culture that had nothing to do with the stand-up, I feel like I am a little behind with this bussiness. I fairly enjoyed Lous C.K, Sarah Silverman and Ahmed the Dead Terrorist. And before picking up George Carlin, I never saw him performing stand-up before. Yes, I heard he was awesome, the one of the "original" stand-upers, star of the genre. I can say that I fairly enjoyed this book but I kept wondering what impact it would have if I seen
Aug 12, 2017 rated it liked it  ·  review of another edition
Shelves: audible
Warning: when listening to the audiobook, use headphones.

George Carlin is my favorite comedian. I've been watching him since I was eight-years-old, probably not the best decision my father has ever made. And since his death 10 years ago, I've rewatched every standup more times than I can count, and also forced him onto some of my friends who didn't appreciate the humor as much. So when I was looking for my next Audible purchase, I couldn't resist!

While this book made me cry of laughter multiple
Feb 03, 2009 rated it it was amazing
Shelves: q3-2009

What is Carlin's main complaint in this book?
The softening of words to fit a more adverse society.

What was Carlin's ideal way to die?
His head exploding on the crosstown bus.
(Just in case that drives anyone to look up his death like it did to me, he died of heart failure.)


Why is "word softening" so bad?
It takes away the actual meaning of what it's being used to describe. For example, what we now know as Post Traumatic Stress Disorder used to be simply "Shell Shock". Makes sense,
Kaitlyn Henderson
Nov 06, 2011 rated it it was amazing
Shelves: favorites, owned
I have a hard time when people tell me this book was "just okay" or "funny here and there" because I found the entire book to be completely hilarious, insightful, challenging, and satirical. It's Carlin, so there's going to be parts in the book people will disagree with or find politically incorrect, but that's other people. I didn't once disagree with a word Carlin said in the book. In fact, as is usual when I read/watch Carlin, he opened my eyes on some things and made me think. That's what I ...more
Jun 17, 2008 rated it did not like it  ·  review of another edition
George Carlin has long been one of my favorite comedians (although, he kind of lost freshness around the time that "Toledo Windowbox" came out). Until this, I have never read any of his books, though. To call this a funny book would be about 50% correct, as it is, indeed, a book. Mildly comic was his riff on how UFO buffs get a bum rap and people that believe in an invisible God Who demands their love get total respect from the media. But that was fairly early on in the book and after that was ...more
Dec 02, 2017 rated it it was amazing
An entirely biased rating as I have a soft spot for Carlin and love his standup. This book was a great read of some of his routines and other works.

As his standup held a light up against society in a humorous and sometimes dark way, this book also does the same.
Ivonne Rovira
Nov 12, 2017 rated it it was ok
I remembered George Carlin as being a lot more funny.
Jan 31, 2008 rated it really liked it
Shelves: humor
This is pretty much what you expect from Carlin - acerbic, abrasive, disrespectful, challenging language that doesn't give a good goddamn what anyone else thinks. Which means there'll definitely be something in there that you disagree with, and probably something that pisses you off. Not me, of course. When I watched the South Park movie, at the abortion joke from The Mole, the entire theatre was dead silent except for me in the back row, cackling. I have a very broad sense of humor.

Anyway, if
Sean Chick
Apr 16, 2019 rated it it was amazing
Carlin's last book is a preview of sorts to his last, and most nihilistic stand up specials. A lot of this is about euphemisms, and Carlin's growing disgust with sanitized language. The miniature plays really don't work, but the book is generally better than Napalm & Silly Putty but not quite as perfect as Brain Droppings.
I really like George Carlin (R.I.P) but this was... not up to his usual standards. I expected vulgar, irreverent, offensive and abrasive - it wouldn't be Carlin if it wasn't, but I was kind of disappointed with it. It reminded me a lot of I Am America by Stephen Colbert. Truthfully, Colbert probably ganked a lot of his material from this book, because it was so similar. If I had read this one first, I'd have probably liked it better. OK, maybe not. Every time Carlin would get onto a good bashin' ...more
Mina Soare
Oct 06, 2012 rated it it was amazing
Shelves: social, humor, prejudice
I am prejudiced, I'll admit, the title&cover just about made my day. Even if you ignore the fact that it insults the three biggest religions (Christianity, Islam and Judaism), the anachronistic cranky mug of author himself in the middle of "Last Supper" truly gets the message across.

Two stars, this book stars at at two stars plus.

I am thoroughly prejudiced, indeed... but then again, I am in college.

Star number three: get the audiobook.

George Carlin (RIP) was a stand-up comedian and there
Aug 06, 2008 rated it liked it
I wish I could give this one 2 and 1/2 stars, but you can't do halfs so I rounded up because I like George Carlin.

I'm a huge fan of his act, loved him in Bill and Ted's excient adventures. I think he was the first crude comiden I watched outside of Monty Python. The problem I had with this one was that it got old. A lot of what he wrote was just stupid. I would say pointless, but its comedy, not all things funny need to have a point. Really though, a lot of it wasn't even funny so it was
Savvas Katseas
Jul 22, 2011 rated it really liked it  ·  review of another edition
Shelves: humor
I picked this one up because I love Carlin's work. He's as good as it gets if you prefer your stand-up comedy mixed with a bit of clever thinking.

Most reviewers stress two facts:
a) it's not that funny and
b) it's not "a book", it's filled with one-liners

Both of which are true. But then again, if all you're looking for is "fun", why pick up Carlin in the first place? He's mostly known for his subversive, insulting humor. The same seems to be true if you're not looking for one-liners but an actual
Menglong Youk
Jun 29, 2017 rated it it was amazing
In term of Philosophy, I dare say that George Carlin influenced me more than other ancient philosophers. Although I don't use his language, my approach to the problems and the way I view everything around me are similar to George, not because I had them myself in the first place, but because I learned gradually by listening to his talks. This book takes on many taboo subjects, one of which is religion. Many authors advance on this topic in a serious way, but to George, he managed to insert ...more
Apr 02, 2013 rated it really liked it
Hear are some things you should not say if you encounter a comedian. First: If you're with another person at the time, don't say to your friend, "You better watch out, he'll put you in one of his skits." We don't like that. It's not funny. And, by the way, we don't do skits. Second: If you meet him while you're at your job, do not say, "You oughta work here, you'd get a lot of material." It's not true. Just because you work with a bunch of simpletons, doesn't mean it translates into comedy. ...more
C.C. Thomas
Jun 25, 2012 rated it it was ok
Shelves: nonfiction
This was Carlin's third book and while it is terribly funny, this was also biting. I winced in several spots instead of laughing. Carlin is clearly not a fan of organized religion so if you're the least bit religious, you might just get offended. Of course, if you're reading Carlin, that's probably just an expectation!

My favorite sections are always his euphemisms and he doesn't fail to deliver here. This book, though, had a different tone. The focus was less on being funny and more on observing
May 19, 2015 rated it did not like it
After seeing some of George Carlin's shows and liking them I decided to read this book.
The book however is horrible as compared to the live shows. He just keeps on ranting in the whole book. Sometimes the rant is justified but mostly it's just gibberish. I barely made past the half of book and couldn't finish it even after the best of my efforts.
Todd Bristow
Dec 10, 2015 rated it liked it
Carlin at his most nihilistic. His observations are brilliant as always, but his "stories" and characters just don't do it for me.
Gautham Vasan
Mar 31, 2019 rated it really liked it
This review has been hidden because it contains spoilers. To view it, click here.
Prakash Yadav
Jul 08, 2019 rated it it was ok
Its only funny if you read it it in his voice, and then its very funny. I am not a fan of stand-up comedy, neither do i imagine myself in the near-future seeking performances that congratulate me on my superficial knowledge on getting the vague ambiguous references.
Carlin has something for everyone, plain government services and whitecollar jokes to outright coprophilic slapstick. Oddly enough its not the funny that pulled me in into finishing this conflagration of verbal diarrhea. Its the
Miss Kelly
Oct 20, 2018 rated it did not like it  ·  review of another edition
My boyfriend and I took a road trip this fall for our birthdays. We listened to only 3 or four cds of this 6 cd audiobook. Not a fan. There were a few funny parts, but mainly it was just George Carlin bellyaching.
Jul 31, 2019 rated it it was amazing
Not your usual critical realism book. Human behaviour contains so many irrational and humorous aspects, and Carlin is a master for spotting them. Don’t expect argumentative analysis, rather sarcasm and not-politically-correct criticism on human trivialities.
If you don’t mind digging into human filth, this is a fun book to look out for.
Definitely suggest audio rather than reading!
May 22, 2019 rated it it was ok
I don't know if this was really too much and repetitive or maybe I got bored from George's material.
Jul 18, 2017 rated it it was ok
Huge Carlin fan. Loved his baseball/football, airplane and other brilliant monologues. Had high expectations for the book. It is clearly not his best medium. Save your money and watch him on Youtube.
Patrick Gibson
Sep 20, 2010 rated it liked it
Shelves: humorous
Some good Carlin bits in here. Sound zingers on politics, religion, consumerism, language, and the foibles of everyday life. Carlin remains one of the few intellectually honest comedians (pundits? observers?) in that he bashes liberals and conservatives with equal gusto. He don't care if you Red or Blue... if you're a self-important hypocrite, he'll let you know.

Unfortunately, as Carlin got older, he got crankier, more bitter, and less funny. He's still better than most, but sometimes seems so
Nov 26, 2011 rated it it was ok  ·  review of another edition
Shelves: 2-stars
I've read or heard so many pithy, one-sentence George Carlin lines---not what I would call jokes, because they always seemed too substantive to be classified that simply---that I thought now that I'm older I'd have a good chance at really appreciating his humor. And it's very possible that I would still enjoy his stand-up. But I did not enjoy this book.

It started off a little hit or miss, so I thought it just needed to build up its momentum, but by the third disc (of six) it was just dull,
Jan 13, 2009 rated it really liked it
A fun read, and classic Carlin wit. This book is basically a collection of random thoughts, opinions, and observations (i.e. "rants") that drive Carlin mad! I will admit, I had some trouble sticking with the book due to jarring flow of the format (no chapters...random headings which are unidentifiable as main headings, sub headings, etc.,). But reading some of Carlin's rants was enjoyable since so many of them are clearly overlooked by us all--specifically how we all try to make things sound ...more
Oct 08, 2012 rated it liked it  ·  review of another edition
Recommends it for: fun-loving-people
I'm not going to lie, I had a few epileptic fits of laughter whilst listening to the audio version of the book, not to mention these lovely spontaneous fits only seemed to happen on a crowded train at 6A.M. on my way to school. Hell of a way to start the day isn't it?

Now back to the awesomeness that is George Carlin. I've watched a few of his stand-up comedy shows over the years, and I always found him hilarious, but up until recently I had no idea he was a writer. Probably since whenever I walk
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George Denis Patrick Carlin was a Grammy-winning American stand-up comedian, actor, author, and philosopher.

Carlin was especially noted for his political and black humor and his observations on language, psychology, and religion along with many taboo subjects. Carlin and his "Seven Dirty Words" comedy routine were central to the 1978 U.S. Supreme Court case F.C.C. v. Pacifica Foundation, in which
“Here's all you have to know about men and women: women are crazy, men are stupid. And the main reason women are crazy is that men are stupid.” 7339 likes
“I think the warning labels on alcoholic beverages are too bland. They should be more vivid. Here is one I would suggest: "Alcohol will turn you into the same asshole your father was.” 800 likes
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