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Assholes Finish First (Tucker Max, #2)
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Assholes Finish First (Tucker Max #2)

3.64  ·  Rating details ·  21,637 Ratings  ·  785 Reviews
The best gift for the dudes and bros in your life: the fratire New York Times bestseller Assholes Finish First, featuring twenty-five new and exclusive stories by Tucker Max.

What do you do after you write a #1 bestselling book about your drunken, sexual misadventures that makes you rich and famous? Celebrate by getting more drunk and having insane amounts of sex, obviously
ebook, 416 pages
Published September 28th 2010 by Gallery Books (first published February 1st 2008)
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Sep 28, 2010 rated it did not like it  ·  review of another edition
Shelves: 2010, ebooks
The second book just makes Tucker seem like a one-trick pony. While his first was pretty damn hilarious, AFF is just a pitiful look at a middle-aged douche who doesn't quite know how to grow up. While Tucker IS a filthy pig, I feel less disgusted by him than by the hundreds of gutter skanks who have willingly and stupidly chosen to be his cum dumpster. Tucker, for the love of god just stop with the filthy hookers. A little more funny and a lot less about vaginas, please.
Nov 01, 2010 rated it did not like it  ·  review of another edition
Trees died for this? Without question, this is the worst book I've ever read and, if even ten percent of what Max writes about is true, he is one of the worst human beings. I finished this piece of crap only due to the same fascination with which people view an automobile crash.

There is no - repeat no - redeeming social value here. Take a pass on this one, folks.
My first finished book of 2016! Will this book give you inspiration to become a better person and live a better life? No. Will this book provide insightful and thoughtful stories that will change your life? No. Will this book make you laugh out loud for hours at a time? ABSOLUTELY. You can call Tucker Max an ass hole all you want, but he is pretty darn hilarious. Although, I did get mildly annoyed by him by the end of it so I would recommend to read this in small doses.
Oct 23, 2010 rated it it was amazing  ·  review of another edition
If you know me then you know I am a truly good person who doesn't break the law or do drugs. I am not promiscuous, and I don't drink a lot.

Having said all that I love Tucker Max. He is irreverent and honest. Yes, he is that smart and if he were to use his powers for good the world would be a better place but far less interesting. He probably wouldn't even like me because let's face it I don't fit his ideal girl and I'm not a guy. That's fine I don't want to sleep with him or hang with him. I ju
Jan 04, 2011 rated it did not like it  ·  review of another edition
I saw this in the airport and was sucked in my the title. The title is far more literal than you can possibly imagine, although besides wealth, there is nothing "first" about this repugnant prick, except "first hardcover book I'll ever rip up and toss." I won't even recycle it, because the pages could never be bleached enough to eliminate the stench of pathetic tool the weeps from every line.

I am less of a person after reading this trash. I'm ashamed that I gave this douchebag money. He is the
You know what's worse than all the haters dogging out Tucker Max for being a self-proclaimed misogynist skank who gets more action than a toilet seat? It's all the women he sleeps with because of said attitude. Even though I'm sure his stories are exaggerated, I have no doubt that a good portion is true. And you know what else? They're hilarious!! I mean c'mon:

“The baby starts crying. The mom looks worried. I offer to help her make the baby stop. Stydie is skeptical, “Tucker, do you even know w
Dec 16, 2011 rated it did not like it  ·  review of another edition
Shelves: didn-t-finish-it
Shame on this publisher for capitalizing on the bigoted, misogynistic, exaggerated rants of this psuedo story-teller MAN-CHILD.

I really wanted to laugh along with his antics, but by 50 pages in, I was too disgusted with his lack of humanity and immaturity to continue. If his aim was to offend, he succeeded. As I flipped through the rest of the book, I realized that it was just a few hundred more pages of the same without any redeeming chapters that might prove he has a thoughtful reflection in
Dec 12, 2011 rated it did not like it  ·  review of another edition
I picked this up at the airport because I needed some light reading and was in a rush. I couldn't imagine that someone would publish such drivel, so I was expecting irreverence and debauchery with maybe a little something to make it interesting. I was expecting maybe a modern day, lightweight Bukowski.

What I got was party tales of a frat boy (though I'm not sure if he was actually in a fraternity) and heaping helpings of drunken debauchery, but nothing that was actually interesting or funny enou
Mar 28, 2011 rated it really liked it  ·  review of another edition
I'm rating this 4 stars merely because of its genre. Tucker Max made me laugh, inappropriately throughout the entirety of the book, and I must say, for a completely arrogant, entirely narcissistic individual, he is incredibly gifted with intelligence, wit, and literary prowess. It's almost as if he were accidentally blessed.
I should be offended by virtually every word this guy writes...seriously offended...but I can't stop laughing.
Oct 19, 2011 rated it did not like it  ·  review of another edition
Tucker Max is the kind of guy that no father wants his daughter to meet. Ever. He shows no respect for human beings and is very condescending towards everything. That shouldn't come as a surprise, considering this guy is writing about all the sexcapades he's had during the years. Sadly enough, one would think that even guys like him would eventually grow up and mature. Not Tucker Max. He's the epitome of a predator. Taking advantage of girls when they're drunk and even soliciting sex on his webs ...more
Diary of a bully kid. School bullies quite often grow up to get their JD’s from sports-crazed frat schools like Duke University in North Carolina. Less often do such law school graduates forgo the fat paychecks from corporate law for the publish-or-more-likely-perish world of professional writing. This differentiation separates Tucker Max from the herd of the perhaps millions of men who pursue the hedonistic pleasures without personal responsibility that Max so enthusiastically relishes in. One ...more
Dec 23, 2011 rated it did not like it  ·  review of another edition
Shelves: not-finished
I wish I could give it 1 1/2 stars, because I did laugh a couple of times (especially the first chapter, assuming it was true). There I was at B&N, doing last minute shopping, and the title sucked me in. The first couple of pages amused me. Anyone who has been to the B&N in Seattle knows the first floor is below street level and phone service stinks. There was no way to do a quick check of reviews or to Google the author. Had I done so...

At first, Tucker Max reminds me of guys I used to
Not as mortifying/horrifying as I Hope They Serve Beer in Hell and therefore, not as enjoyable. However, I still let out audible gasps at parts and laughed out loud, so I'm not asking for those hours of my life back.

More of the "real" Tucker Max is exposed - he is no longer a one-dimensional, drunk, sex enthusiast. He writes about two relationships and how one day he wishes to get married and have kids. I found myself turned off by all this information. Part of the charm of IHTSBIH was his unap
Peter Knox
A far cry from the writing and stories that made him famous in the first place, there are only 2 really original laughoutloud stories, with the rest being either rehashed reprintings or lazy compilations of paragraph bad jokes or anecdotes without context. You can miss this one.
Huma Rashid
Tucker Max is a very American author. And I mean that as a way to explain why he is so famous. (Despite the fact that I had never heard of him until I saw the trailer for his movie starring Logan from Gilmore Girls, and even then I had no idea who he was and never bothered to find out, until I saw "I Hope They Serve Beer In Heaven" on the floor in front of my friend Lily's bookshelf in the new apartment she was moving into in the UP, and had an aneurysm and read it.)

Tucker Max is pretty amusing.
Nov 01, 2010 rated it really liked it  ·  review of another edition
Wow, this book was hard for me to rate. If I rated it on how much I like Tucker Max as a person, he would get a big fat ZERO stars. However, if I'm honest, the book is hilarious, albeit disgusting, chauvinistic, and many more negative adjectives. Tucker obviously thinks much higher than he ever should, and gets big laughs out of making others feel like crap. On another note, who am I too look down on him too much when I am laughing out loud while reading some of his exploits?
To be honest, I thin
Stewart Tame
Mar 29, 2013 rated it it was amazing  ·  review of another edition
So Tucker Max is, among other things, a self-described asshole. He's been called worse, I'm sure, and he helpfully provides a great deal of evidence to support such a descriptor. As with his fist book, I Hope They Serve Beer In Hell, this is a collection of personal anecdotes, all of them involving drinking and/or sex in some way. I can't say that I condone the Tucker Max lifestyle as presented in this book, nor do I think he should be a role model or anything. But, man, this shit is entertainin ...more
My boyfriend lent me this book (which he hadn't entirely read himself) to give me something not-depressing to read as I tried to fill the time at a boring job. The first account in the book, of the author being an obnoxious college student with a megaphone, made me laugh out loud and gave me a weird sense of nostalgia. Another account involving an RV in Harlem and several early internet fans was really entertaining as well.

But I guess as a fairly mature female with empathy for others--whether t
Jan 16, 2011 rated it did not like it  ·  review of another edition
Shelves: non-fiction, humour, bad
Quite disappointing. The book is full of the author's stories about drinking too much and having so much sex he could have accounted for half the US population had he not been using contraceptives. Max is moronic, myopic and wouldn't know metaphysics if it went up his digestive tract and sat festering in his mouth for week. I actually read through quarter of the book before i started skimming. The stories are meant to be funny but barely hit the smile cracking point. All you are left with is an ...more
Nov 04, 2010 rated it really liked it  ·  review of another edition
I enjoyed this. Though maybe not as funny as his first, I still laughed, and it kept me turning pages. I would recommend Tucker Max's first 2 books to anyone along with another fun book, Permanent Obscurity by Richard Perez.
Jan 12, 2012 rated it liked it  ·  review of another edition
Tucker Max: the Homeric Hero.

I'm not too high-falutin' to admit it: I've been known to pick up an enjoy a Tucker Max book from time to time, and last night I finished his latest, Assholes Finish First. The short review: love him or hate him, the man knows how to tell a story, and he's got a knack for a turn of phrase (one of my favs from the book: he has sex with a thin woman and says it was "like falling into a pile of brooms"), and, as with any bar room flirt, there seems refreshing solidity t
Jenn Flynn-Shon
This review has been hidden because it contains spoilers. To view it, click here.
Elizabeth Atwood
I love Tucker Max for many reasons; his brutal honesty, his hilarious antics, his poignant metaphors, and his ability to make me feel good about my life despite all the stupid shit I've done over the years.
A few of my favorite quotes:
"She was the type that would cockblock endangered pandas at the zoo"
"Ladies, be honest with yourself about who you are and have the courage to be that person. If you want to fuck, then go fuck. If you want to get drunk, get drunk. And there is nothing wrong with suc
Aug 24, 2013 rated it it was ok  ·  review of another edition
This is the second book I read by Tucker Max. The guy is a a complete womanizing asshole who writes "funny" stories about what happens in his life, mostly about sex with random sluts. He's a jerk to everyone, he made a poor drunken college girl pay for a whole new bed for him when she accidentally peed in it (sorry buddy, I would have told you to fuck off and consider it a risk of bringing the drunk girl into your bed and to write it off as a business expense since he put it in the book later), ...more
Mark Muckerman
Sadly, where I Hope They Serve Beer In Hell was a funny compliation of truly hysterical, and well told stories of the drunken misadventures of Tucker & Co, with humorous interludes detailing Tucker's "unique style of transient romance", Assholes Finish First is a disappointing follow up. Far less a compilation of sponteaneous antics and drunken shennanigans, AFF comes across as much more Tucker's narcisstic homage to the self, wrapped in tales of disposable conquests, which, from anyone else ...more
Sarahelizabeth Quintanilla
Hands down, this book is a blast. Of course it's not for everyone. You're either going to love it or absolutely hate it. If you're a feminist or some what of a feminist, run the opposite direction of this book, for it will probably and most likely offend you.

Now, I don't drink at all.. or party.. or sleep-around.. nor do I find these things enjoyable but Tucker Max is such a swell writer that his stories (all involving those three things) just sucked me right-in. His life-style and way-of-think
Sep 13, 2010 rated it liked it  ·  review of another edition
Shelves: humor
After a brief discussion with Doug, the book as a whole was 'alright'. I found most of the first half funny. The majority of "Post-Fame Sex Stories" wasn't anything great. The fact that I can recall about ten stories from Beer in Hell and about five from AFF (Assholes Finish First) should tell you something. I know I hyped this book up for many of you... sorry. I tend to think books (and movies) are better than they really are immediately after reading them. It takes a couple of days for it to a ...more
Rohit Raut
Nov 02, 2010 rated it really liked it  ·  review of another edition
Shelves: reviewed, favorites
If you've Read Tucker Max before, you know what to expect. If you haven't, Tucker Max is

- Violently offensive
- A complete tool
- Bowel-looseningly hilarious.

This book is like all of Tucker's writing. If you are a prude, you won't get through the first 20 pages. If you aren't, you still might not get through them. The contents might make you scream, shout, and repulse you completely.

But I'll be damned if this is just not completely hilarious.

To get a taste of what to expect, visit I
May 06, 2011 rated it liked it  ·  review of another edition
Shelves: non-fiction
The Good: Tucker Max has grown up. A little. Enough that he's sort of over constant random sex and debauchery. This is what makes Assholes Finish First readable. In his previous book, Max was a grating little boy enthralled with his own penis. At least in some of these stories, he's matured enough to realize the ridiculousness he perpetrates isn't always hilarious.

The Bad: Max is still a jerk. He continues to mock women, a large part of what made him famous in the first place. It's expected, but
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Tucker Max's first book I Hope They Serve Beer In Hell, is a #1 New York Times Best Seller, spent five years on the list, and has over 2 million copies in print. His second book, Assholes Finish First, and his third book, Hilarity Ensues, are also NY Times Best Sellers. He co-wrote and produced the movie based on his life/book, also titled “I Hope They Serve Beer In Hell.” He has also been credite ...more
More about Tucker Max...

Other Books in the Series

Tucker Max (3 books)
  • I Hope They Serve Beer in Hell (Tucker Max, #1)
  • Hilarity Ensues (Tucker Max, #3)

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“... the devil doesn't come dressed in a red cape and pointy horns. He comes as everything you've ever wished for ...” 222 likes
“No one has it all figured out, especially not the people who are acting like they do and judging you because of it. Pretending to be something you aren't because you're trying to please a bunch of judgmental hypocrites and shitheads is not the way to be happy. Living the life you want to live is. It really is that simple.” 156 likes
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