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The Highly Sensitive Person: How to Thrive When the World Overwhelms You

Elaine N. Aron

3.88 · Rating details · 35,409 ratings · 1,785 reviews

Do you have a keen imagination and vivid dreams? Is time alone each day as essential to you as food and water? Are you "too shy" or "too sensitive" according to others? Do noise and confusion quickly overwhelm you? If your answers are yes, you may be a Highly Sensitive Person (HSP).

Most of us feel overstimulated every once in a while, but for the HSP, it's a way of life. I ...more

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Paperback, 251 pages

Published June 2nd 1997 by Harmony (first published January 1st 1996)

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Jan 03, 2011 Edible Tapestry rated it it was amazing

Shelves: favorites

It's a godsend. So nice to know why I am the way I am after a lifetime of "loved ones" telling me I needed to be less shy, have more confidence (that's real doable when someone constantly criticizes your inborn characteristics), be more outgoing, worry less, am too thin-skinned, take everything personally (duh, I do take it personally when I'm being attacked), and my favorite, "You are just like your father!". I am just like my father, it's an inherited trait and he's one of my favorite people. ...more

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Jan 09, 2021 Kalyn Nicholson rated it it was amazing · review of another edition

Shelves: favorites, self-development

I've held off on writing this review because I struggle to find the words to describe how powerful reading this book was. Never has an author reframed such a deep and intrinsic part of myself that I've often felt insecure about into what now feels like one of the most substantial pieces of my being.
This book made me stop hiding my sensitivity away from the world and, most importantly, myself. It halted many of the internal "suck it up" and "don't be so sensitive" mental loops I've been stuck on ...more

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May 01, 2010 Kirsten rated it liked it

Shelves: mental-health, from-library, non-fiction

Ok, I finished it.

First the good: Aron is at her best when she is helping the reader assess real world challenges and come up with concrete solutions. What do you do when your job overwhelms you? How do you work it out with your spouse or friends when activities they find exciting just overwhelm and overstimulate you? That's good stuff, and I think if you're aware that your personal tendencies are causing you to be stuck in unpleasant or untenable situations, this is definitely a helpful book. ...more

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Sep 14, 2008 Connie added it

Shelves: psychology

I'm not really sure how to rate this book (so I won't in terms of a star rating). It's not really what I expected. It’s more of how to get over the stigma of being a Highly Sensitive Person (HSP) which, personally, I've already done. Where the book sort of let me down is that there are a lot of medical reasons - not just depression (which the author does go into in medical terms) - that can cause someone to be HS. A few that I know (because I have them) are:

*Pernicious Anemia – some symptoms are ...more

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Sep 21, 2015 Thomas rated it really liked it

Shelves: nonfiction, own-physical, psychology

Thankful that this book exists to support those who have always felt more sensitive to the world around them. Though I enjoy a party every now and then, I do prefer one-on-one conversations and time spent reading books and listening to Ariana Grande. With the popularity of books like Quiet by Susan Cain, society has started to warm up to those who desire time alone and those who get aroused faster by external stimuli. Still, Elaine Aron's The Highly Sensitive Person contributes to our unders ...more

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Apr 20, 2010 Ruth rated it really liked it

Shelves: other-nonfiction

If you have ever felt like life is too overwhelming and all you want to do is crawl into a cave and hide away from it all, this book might be for you.

This book contains a little too much psychobabble for my taste (too much talk about parenting your inner infant and other wonderful stuff like that - without all of that I would have given it five stars) but I am glad I read it because I finally understand why I am so weird. Now I know why I can be such an introvert even though I love being around If you have ever felt like life is too overwhelming and all you want to do is crawl into a cave and hide away from it all, this book might be for you.

This book contains a little too much psychobabble for my taste (too much talk about parenting your inner infant and other wonderful stuff like that - without all of that I would have given it five stars) but I am glad I read it because I finally understand why I am so weird. Now I know why I can be such an introvert even though I love being around people, why I can't handle people playing with my hair, why I can't remember people's names when I meet them for the first time, why I have such a low tolerance for alcohol, caffeine, and most medications, why I can't stand wearing wool scarves, why I startle so easily.....and many more traits that I thought were just part of my personality - mental quirks that I've developed over the years. Now I know that all of my weirdness is genetic and I'm pretty sure I lovingly passed it onto my oldest child.

The theory is basic: some people (approximately 15 percent) are born with nervous systems that are just more sensitive than average. These people notice, take in, and need time to process EVERYTHING: small details in rooms, people's moods, whether someone or something is touching them, how things smell, how foods they eat make them feel, small noises, the feel of the wind on their cheek, the look someone gave them from across the room, the slight tickly feeling in their throat, etc. Their nervous systems are constantly alerting them to new things, which can be overwhelming after a while. These people need down time, peace and quiet to recover from being around people, doing fun or exciting things, going somewhere loud, even interacting with their immediate family if it involves an activity where there is a lot to process. They need this down time even if these are fun activities that they look forward to and enjoy immensely! They also experience more physical symptoms of stress - their bodies react more to everything from what they eat or drink to what they are thinking about to demands placed on them by other people or their jobs.

Highly sensitive people are prone to anxiety and depression, partially because they are a minority in a world populated mostly with people who aren't quite so sensitive and don't understand why they have a hard time handling the normal demands of life or always seem stressed or unsocial. It can be easy to feel like you are falling short when you are constantly needing to "take a break" or "get some air" or "have some alone time," etc. or when you would rather be by yourself than hanging out with your loved ones. Highly sensitive types pick up on these differences, these nuances, even more than the average person would and take them to heart. There can be a deep feeling of not doing or being enough, or of being high-maintenance or having "issues."

The main advice in the book is to realize that if you happen to be a highly sensitive person, it is part of your genetic makeup and you shouldn't feel like you are less of a person because of it. In fact, most highly sensitive people are smart, thoughtful, and introspective - they have lots of thoughts and they have deep thoughts. So, be proud of your inner sensitivity! Also, realize your limits and plan your life accordingly. If you are going out on Friday night, especially if it is a new or fast-paced, busy experience, fill your Saturday with relaxing activities because you will probably need time to be quiet, rest, and just think and.... be.

...more

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Feb 06, 2012 Catherine rated it really liked it

This is the only source I've found that so clearly separates the "Highly Sensitive" trait from simply being an introvert (which I am not). This book helped me understand my own personality in a way I've been looking for since I was little. I feel empowered by this new knowledge, and more able to adapt and adjust to be a happier person, partner and human.
The only reason I gave this 4 stars and not 5 is because I think the author may lose readers when going in depth into subjects like psychotherap ...more

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May 29, 2008 Amy rated it it was amazing

Recommended to Amy by: Ron and Karen B

Shelves: non-fiction

This, for me, was an amazing book. I will be reading it again eventually, just to remind myself of all the important information that Aron researched and now shares with readers. It has taken me roughly 30 years to learn many things about myself which are clearly explained by Aron's research. I feel more confident about expressing my needs, now that I know I'm not the only one, and now that I have been reminded about the strengths which balance out my weaknesses.

I am definitely a "highly sensiti ...more

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Feb 16, 2013 Bookworm rated it did not like it

Shelves: shyness, introvert, sensitive, psychology

Thoroughly disappointed. As I identify as an introvert, I have become increasingly suspicious that I might be high sensitive (or a HSP) as well.

I felt the book went too much into repeating how different people are HSPs are so at different points of their lives (childhood, adulthood, etc.). I get it already. I had hoped there would be more about how to cope and what HSPs can do.

Others have already gone over the issues in the book, but one part that particularly bothered me and turned me off for Thoroughly disappointed. As I identify as an introvert, I have become increasingly suspicious that I might be high sensitive (or a HSP) as well.

I felt the book went too much into repeating how different people are HSPs are so at different points of their lives (childhood, adulthood, etc.). I get it already. I had hoped there would be more about how to cope and what HSPs can do.

Others have already gone over the issues in the book, but one part that particularly bothered me and turned me off for the rest of the book is one of the early quizzes about being out vs. in. As someone else mentions, the formatting of the book is not conducive for clear organization. This particular quiz (in my version) comes in the middle of the section that she recommends people to read. I'm not sure if that is an editorial decision, but I was annoyed that the quiz was not placed before the section, as I flipped through the pages after to find the section she recommended.

I also take severe issue with the quiz itself. It specifically refers to being "in" or "out" and whether the quiz taker leans too far in one direction or another. According to this quiz I am just on the cusp of being inside too much. But the wording of the question or her decision of how to score it is problematic. I do not see the issue of spending most of my time inside or alone, nor do I see a problem with stopping with my activity if I feel a little too overwhelmed to continue and need a break. Being out more often won't help me be happier or somehow make me less sensitive.

As another reviewer notes, the author discusses a woman who had a history of abuse and assault who finally started her artistic career after ending an abusive marriage. Aron does not note if the woman received therapy or other steps she might have taken and seems to imply that the woman was somehow "blocked" from her artistic abilities. That situation probably had less to do with sensitivity and more about healing from her past.

As yet another reviewer notes, Aron does get into New Age and religion. I won't deny that it probably helps many HSPs in their daily lives, but it went a little too far for me and I definitely just wanted the book to end.

It's unfortunate because it seems Aron is a leading figure when discussing HSPs and I had been very much looking forward to this book. I had also been considering buying the workbook that goes with this, but it looks like I'll be skipping this and any other works by this author. ...more

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Jul 29, 2011 Shélah rated it it was ok

Shelves: non-fiction, female-authors, americana

I probably didn't like this mostly because it's self-help and I was just trying to get some concept of how to explain myself to other people... but way too much in the way of 'you thought there was something wrong with you, but there isn't!' Seriously, as an introverted person, don't you think most of us (70%) would be able to deduce what it is that makes us different (especially when many of us are also gifted)? Even with a rather tormented adolescence, I never thought there was anything 'wrong ...more

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Jan 30, 2014 Sarah rated it did not like it

Shelves: nonfiction

Quiet: The Power of Introverts in a World That Can't Stop Talking was much better. If I hadn't read Quiet before reading this book, I may have given it 2 or 3 stars instead. There were a few helpful discussions of sensitivity and the differences between sensitive and non-sensitive people, but overall.. just.. ugh.

The author sounds very stuck in her way of thinking, and the style of writing was very grating. Everything was about childhood trauma (except for the excerpt that said it wasn't all abo ...more

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Feb 27, 2015 Sarah rated it really liked it · review of another edition

Have you ever thought you were weird because you couldn't stand to watch movies or read books with a lot of violence in them while other people seemed to love that stuff? Have you ever felt completely overwhelmed from being around a lot of noise, strong scents, or bright lights, especially florescent lights? Have you ever been called "too sensitive" or "too shy?" Are you deeply moved by art and music? Are you particularly sensitive to changes in temperature, body language, and your surroundings? Have you ever thought you were weird because you couldn't stand to watch movies or read books with a lot of violence in them while other people seemed to love that stuff? Have you ever felt completely overwhelmed from being around a lot of noise, strong scents, or bright lights, especially florescent lights? Have you ever been called "too sensitive" or "too shy?" Are you deeply moved by art and music? Are you particularly sensitive to changes in temperature, body language, and your surroundings? Do other people's moods affect you? If so, you might be highly sensitive.

No, this is not one of those self-help books written by a quack who is going to try to convince you to eliminate all forms of stress, including family, a job, and bills from your life in order to nourish your soul. But it is a book that will change your life if you think you might be highly sensitive. I know, it sounds silly, but I'm telling you, as soon as I sat down to read this book, I felt like someone finally understood all of the little quirks about me that other people have always thought were weird but have always just been part of who I am. I even talked to a few of my friends who I think might be highly sensitive, and they felt the same way.

I decided to read this after Anne from Modern Mrs. Darcy (modernmrsdarcy.com) recommended it for those of us who would consider ourselves more sensitive than the average person. I remember the blog post distinctly because it was the first time I had ever heard anyone else mention the topic of people who tend to "screen" books with violent content because they prefer to avoid any type of entertainment with it. As someone who has always avoided books, movies and TV shows with violence as well as scary movies in general, this caught my attention. I always thought that my tendency to avoid scary movies was due to my overactive imagination that caused me to have frequent and vivid nightmares after watching these types of movies, which is in part true, but this is also a sign that you might be highly sensitive.

Aron, a licensed psychiatrist, takes readers on a journey through the mind of a highly sensitive person. If you yourself are highly sensitive, you'll learn more about how your mind and body work. You'll learn how to view yourself as someone who is unique and ultimately needed in the universe. I particularly liked Aron's notes on the idea of a warrior-king type of personality and the idea of a more sensitive advisor type of personality and the benefits to society of both. I appreciated that while Aron encourages neither type of personality to view theirs as superior, each does have its own advantages. For example, as a sensitive person, you might be considered shy, sometimes aloof, or even arrogant, since you tend to keep to yourself and find it hard to make friends. You tend to avoid social engagements with a large number of people and lots of noise and sounds, so people sometimes might think of you as a party pooper. But on the flip side, sensitive people are also the most compassionate, the most intuitive, and the most creative of all personality types. If you find yourself reading this book and realizing you are more than likely a highly sensitive person, you'll begin to look at past events in your life with a new understanding, perhaps even realizing why you reacted to certain things and people the way you did.

For some people, this might be a laughable subject. The idea that someone can be "highly sensitive.” Even the word sensitive has a negative connotation in our society today. But if you find you just might belong to this category of rare but unique people, (chances are if you find yourself on a site like GoodReads that encourages one to read as much as you can, you just might be) then I highly suggest giving this a look. I've found a lot of valuable info on working with others, building relationships with others, and having a more stressless environment that allows my highly sensitive self to thrive in this book, and I highly recommend it to others who might be searching for the same peace of mind. ...more

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Apr 16, 2011 Mary rated it really liked it · review of another edition

I actually found this book to be very helpful. The author/psychologist coined the phrase "highly sensitive person"(or "HSP") admittedly in reference to herself and to those whom she has found in her 5 years of research to make up approximately 20% of the human population. Highly sensitive people share many of the same attributes: They are most often introverted (not necessarily “shy”) turning inward for strength and rejuvenation. They are typically highly intelligent, very creative, compassionat I actually found this book to be very helpful. The author/psychologist coined the phrase "highly sensitive person"(or "HSP") admittedly in reference to herself and to those whom she has found in her 5 years of research to make up approximately 20% of the human population. Highly sensitive people share many of the same attributes: They are most often introverted (not necessarily “shy”) turning inward for strength and rejuvenation. They are typically highly intelligent, very creative, compassionate, spiritual, and are deeply affected by the arts. They are sensitive many things both internally and externally that most in the general population overlook, such as slight changes in a room, and the moods of others. They are also very easily over-aroused by various forms of external stimuli (excess noise, chaos, too many people, bright lights, etc) often needing to retreat from the stimuli in order to regain their sanity. (In fact the majority of the book centers on coping with over-arousal, the HSP Achilles' heel). HSP's tend to fall in love hard and form strong attachments to certain individuals, and are significantly affected by traumatic events in their childhoods. Other hallmark traits of HSP's are that they form very close friendships, often have problematic relationships with doctors (who, in order to survive med school, tend to not relate to the highly sensitive), are valued in their vocation for integrity and work ethic, but are not good self-promoters. They often don't do well with transition and change.

These extremely sensitive individuals are not "flawed," as our non-HSP counterparts may lead us to believe (personally, although my sensitivity has challenged me, I don't share the author's defensive viewpoint that I am under-valued because of it). According to the author, Western and Indo-European societies tend to under-value many HSP attributes such as introversion, but HSP's are actually important contributors to a balanced civilization, acting as the advisors, judges, and spiritual leaders to the population majority's "warrior king" tendency to fearlessly expand and conquer. The HSP tendency to "pause and check" is the cautious counterpoint that keeps civilizations in tact.
I highly recommend this book for anyone who thinks they fall under the category of a highly sensitive person. I picked it up because it was recommended to me and although I was a little skeptical because it was one author's research and perspective, I was floored by how much of what she described fit my personality completely - in fact, not only me, but a few of my family members as well (extreme sensitivity is an inherited genetic trait). Aron writes in a manner that helps the HSP not only to cope with, but to celebrate their unique qualities. Society needs a select group of individuals who are creative, docile, and spiritually in tune to effectively function. In some cultures such as China, the HSP personality is the most highly-valued.

Aron repeatedly quotes Carl Jung, an early psychotherapist and (according to her) a fellow HSP, to help with the HSP condition. The chapters of the book focus on HSP’s and realms of everyday life such as in vocation, social relationships, intimate relationships, and vocation. I found the chapters on physical treatment particularly helpful (medications such as SSRI's or anti-anxiety meds may be helpful for HSP's both in the short or long term, but aren't necessarily a good fit for everyone. It should also be pointed out that some of her conclusions about SSRI's may be outdated as more research has been done since this book's publication in '96). My favorite chapter was the final chapter, which focuses on the HSP's tie to the spiritual realm. It was actually very practical, citing examples about how HSP's, religious and non- religious alike, tend to look inward and seek for explanations beyond what can be explained by science.
...more

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Jan 01, 2016 Alexandra marked it as didnt-finish

Shelves: nonfiction, own-on-kindle, self-help, own-on-audible

1/1/16 $2.99 on Kindle.

DNF - Chapter 5 of 15.

I give up. So far not what I was looking for. I know I'm not "flawed" and my self-esteem is fine. What I was hoping to find here are ways to improve interactions with others, including hopefully ways to help them understand and accept I am not like them, but not "broken" or needing to "try harder" to be more like them.

This book so far has been all over the place. It's talking about "highly sensitive" to outside stimuli, but then talks about sensitivit ...more

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Sep 25, 2016 Alicia rated it did not like it · review of another edition

EA hasn't written a book about being more sensitive, but about being a psychologically troubled introvert with an inferiority complex. It's full of crap about spirit guides, religion and dreams as guides which imho has nothing to do with exhaustion and overstimulation from normal experiences. Other than that I got really annoyed with the whole 'society needs us' thing about how 'we' are nurturing society and more HSPs should become leaders. I'm not nurturing society, I'm just trying to figure ou ...more

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Oct 01, 2009 Holly Lindquist rated it it was ok

Shelves: self-help

I remember feeling quite jazzed about this book when I first read it. After all, I was so shy that I didn't really begin to connect with my peers until late middle school. I felt overwhelmed every time I had to leave my house and whenever I was around people I was a tightly wound ball of anxiety and irritation. I always felt I was way more sensitive to nearly everything than most people, and here was a book that seemed to validate my experience and offer solutions.

Except the solutions didn't rea I remember feeling quite jazzed about this book when I first read it. After all, I was so shy that I didn't really begin to connect with my peers until late middle school. I felt overwhelmed every time I had to leave my house and whenever I was around people I was a tightly wound ball of anxiety and irritation. I always felt I was way more sensitive to nearly everything than most people, and here was a book that seemed to validate my experience and offer solutions.

Except the solutions didn't really work. I even went to a Highly-Sensitive People support group for a time. I remember almost everybody in that room spoke very softly and had nervous rumbly stomachs. There was very little eye contact. We were like a bunch of vibrating tuning forks. It was interesting, but oddly unhelpful. I stopped going after awhile. I figured my sensitivity was something I just had to motor on with.

However, my problem was something more complex than just being "highly-sensitive". I have Asperger's Syndrome, which is on the autistic spectrum. A great deal of the sensitivities described in The Highly Sensitive Person could be applied directly to a mildly autistic person.
Do loud noises make you cringe into a quivering ball?
Of course.
Do you sometimes feel antagonized by clothing tags?
Hellz yes.
Do you go into a tailspin when forced to socialize for too long?
Well, duh.
And so on and so on..
I just found about my Asperger's at age 32 and I really can't help thinking I could have used such a discovery a bit earlier in my life.. perhaps 12 years ago when I read The Highly-Sensitive Person. I strongly suspect that other "Aspies" have gone over this book, chalked up their many quirks to just being sensitive, and then been left in the lurch when the one-dimensional approach to a far more complicated issue fails to improve their situation. Looking back, I suspect that several people in that support group I attended had undiagnosed Asperger's and I hope they were able to find assistance that was tailored more specifically to their needs.

So, to sum up, this book may be helpful to people who are a bit more sensitive or naturally shy, but its ambiguity may lead some in entirely the wrong direction.
Finally, if you think you may be something more than just sensitive, if you're often confounded by social situations that don't faze others, or if you find yourself wondering if you're even living in the same sensory world as most people, than there is a fabulous online test for Asperger's called The Aspie Quiz. Google it. ...more

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Mar 04, 2008 Cindy rated it it was amazing

Recommends it for: Those learning about people

Ever wonder why some people perceive almost everything while others seem oblivious? Ever wonder why some folks seem overwhelmed at times while others see to manage through those markets and crowds without a care? Ever wonder why some are told they are just too sensitive, which makes them distance themselves from others?

If you do, this book will help answer those questions about the 10-20% of our population that has the unique gift or curse of being Highly Sensitive People.

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Sep 10, 2013 Alison rated it liked it

Shelves: advice, health, religion, self-help, to-re-read, psychology, non-fiction, american, faith, creativity

First of all, I have to clarify for the record that The World is not, thankfully, (at least at this point in my life), "overwhelming" me.

But I have often been told that I'm being "too sensitive" about a comment someone made about me.

And I got intrigued by this book when I saw it referenced in Oprah magazine. (Well...full disclosure, I didn't just "see" it. I took the quiz "Are You A Highly Sensitive Person?" while I was getting a pedicure. And I got a score that landed me in the Yes zone. So I First of all, I have to clarify for the record that The World is not, thankfully, (at least at this point in my life), "overwhelming" me.

But I have often been told that I'm being "too sensitive" about a comment someone made about me.

And I got intrigued by this book when I saw it referenced in Oprah magazine. (Well...full disclosure, I didn't just "see" it. I took the quiz "Are You A Highly Sensitive Person?" while I was getting a pedicure. And I got a score that landed me in the Yes zone. So I was intrigued and checked out the book.)

Perhaps surprisingly, there's little to no discussion of that emotional sensitivity or touchiness over comments from others. Instead, Elaine Aaron's use of "sensitive" is actually "over arousal" in the nervous system: over-stimulation. Still, much of what she discusses applies to certain aspects of my personality: intuitive, sensitive to others' moods, pulled by inner conflicting voices (difficulty w/ decisions), conscientiousness, cautious, pleasing, worried about making mistakes. If these same traits resonate with you, I think you'd definitely find this book an excellent source of food for thought.

One thing I couldn't help wondering, however, (and maybe it's because I'm one of the more internal consider-ers she talks about, rather than a "warrior king" type) was whether the concept of sensitivity was being used too widely as a kind of blanket cop-out.

In other words, I know I tire easily after being around people too much, and need restorative alone time, (despite the fact that I might seem like a social butterfly on the outside), and I know that I have a low tolerance for doing B.S. jobs that aren't "on the front lines" (Aaron says HSPs often crave meaningful careers).

And I would LOVE to be able to claim that I have a legitimate, neuro-scientific cause for these traits--I could justify needing a nap every day and needing to not hate my job!

But I worried that perhaps there was maybe a little bit too much "feel good about yourself for being a special HSP!" message. Seriously, who does have a high tolerance for doing a job that isn't meaningful?

At the same time, each chapter raised at least one point I either hadn't considered before, or had considered at length but in some other context. So I think it's worth a read if you take the quiz and any of the personality traits apply to you.

Well, now I've been too "aroused" by dealing with all you people and need to go take a nap. (har!) ...more

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Feb 12, 2011 Tripleguess rated it liked it

With a box full of books to read and only so much spare time, I've implemented a new rule of thumb; generally, if the book doesn't hook me by the first few chapters, I stop reading it and try the next one. I am a fast reader, so I don't feel I am asking too much of a book to keep me interested for twenty minutes.

This title kept me engaged for about one third of the book. After that I started skimming, and when I had to force myself to keep going I said "Hey, what's up with that, I might as well ...more

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Jul 03, 2008 Cindy rated it it was amazing

This book helped me realize what I had already suspected.....I was in fact a highly sensitive person. And more importantly....it was ok.....for I had good reason for being that way.

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Nov 25, 2008 Joel rated it really liked it

Shelves: psychology

Aron has caught on to the fact that some of us are more susceptible to stimulation than others. Rather than use standard medical terminologies such as obsessive compulsion, depression, or bipolar disorder, she calls people afflicted/blessed with this frame of mind "Highly Sensitive Persons" or HSPs.

Aron probes the personality of that 10 to 20% of persons who are especially sensitive to stimula. She offers a checklist of characteristics that might indicate that you are highly sensitive including Aron has caught on to the fact that some of us are more susceptible to stimulation than others. Rather than use standard medical terminologies such as obsessive compulsion, depression, or bipolar disorder, she calls people afflicted/blessed with this frame of mind "Highly Sensitive Persons" or HSPs.

Aron probes the personality of that 10 to 20% of persons who are especially sensitive to stimula. She offers a checklist of characteristics that might indicate that you are highly sensitive including awareness of subtleties in your environment, being easily startled, having a rich inner life, being moved by the arts and music, and being sensitive to things like bright lights, loud noises, and caffeine.

Why is it, she asks, that HSPs are revered in China but at the bottom of their classes in Canada? It's a matter of culture, she insists. And her job is to help HSPs see their promise as persons in a civilization that holds the warrior to be of greater value than the scientist.

You're a complicated being, she insists, and you should not reduce yourself to genes and systems. Here I think she has a valid point. Too often we who suffer from depression and bipolar disorder identify ourselves as our disease. If we see our destiny as hard-wired, there's not a lot we can do for ourselves. We become little more than lab rats, testing one medication after another because the results aren't perfect. We may decide that the aim of our therapy is to numb ourselves to all pain -- a goal that we may be surprised to find is not shared by our psychiatrist or therapist.

On the other hand, Aron is a tad too suspicious of medications, especially SSRIs such as Prozac. She believes that there may be a doctor's culture which seems any kind of sensitivity as being a bad thing.

I would remind her that most of us turned to doctors because the world leaned on us too hard, that being totally open and free not only got us in trouble but hurt - bad.

Still, there are things about this book that make it a worthwhile read for those of us suffering from mood disorders. The world does often stimulate us beyond our sensitivities and we need to take steps to lessen that effect. Aron points out that medications need to be seen as a safety net to keep us from going too high or too low. In no way should we see them as the way to introduce dramatic changes in our personality. Drugs or no drugs, we have an obligation to understand ourselves and to take steps to fulfill our promise as persons.
- Joel ...more

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Jul 09, 2010 Meg rated it liked it

3 stars because I found reading this book to be tremendously validating and meaningful, but at the same time I had a lot of criticisms of it. This book describes that percentage of the population whose systems are easily (over)stimulated by sensory information. Wow, do I wish someone had given me this book to read, like, 10 years ago.

The criticisms:
- Wanted more specific techniques and suggestions.

- She's really into how Highly Sensitive People are super important to society and we should all fe ...more

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Apr 07, 2020 susie added it

Shelves: health, fiftyfifty-2020

this book had a lot of helpful info in it. i felt like i was finally understanding my own perpetual feeling of overwhelm. and then at the end — SUDDENLY (not kidding) there was one absolutely random chapter written from a factual perspective in which a woman claims she was benevolently observed by an alien as she slept????? what in the world!!! what. in. the. world. how is this not in every single review??????????

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May 10, 2020 Joy D rated it liked it · review of another edition

Shelves: self-help, non-fiction, psychology, mental-health, zck, science, reviewed, spirituality

The author started studying what she calls the Highly Sensitive Person (HSP) in 1992. She counts herself among HSPs and estimates it pertains to 15 to 20 percent of the population. “Most people ignore sirens, glaring lights, strange odors, clutter and chaos. HSPs are disturbed by them.”

I was interested in this book to find out more about people that experience “sensory overload” in situations with lots of sights and sounds, such as arcades, casinos, and even department stores. They need signifi ...more

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May 29, 2009 Dejana rated it really liked it

I learned that not only nothing is wrong with me because I am "too sensitive", and that I don't need to develop a "thick skin", but that being highly sensitive is a gift that I should be proud of. ...more

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Jul 05, 2016 L rated it it was amazing · review of another edition

Shelves: inspirational

Seeking a sense of self!

[...] Alas, when being watched, timed or evaluated an intuitive-sensitive goes into themselves and the inability to function is lost...

BALANCE is Key!

This illuminating read is full of profound insights, into the mind and experiences of the intuitive-sensitive being. If anyone so desires to feel and experience what it is like to be this --then look no further; for it's all here in front of you.

As a personal side note, having rated 99% HIGH on everything, clearly I knew ...more

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Apr 03, 2015 Sara Shakouri rated it it was ok

Shelves: non-fiction

This book has a soothing tone of an adult talking to a firghtened child. I could understand that. I had been there too: there was that moment when I realized that Poe's "The Tale-Tell Heart" seemed too familiar; that I was about to pass the line and change into those neurotic characters. So when the book started with stories of people terrified about losing their sanity, and the author threw in the nonsense about "royal-adviser class" I thought I can understand why she is doing this, although I This book has a soothing tone of an adult talking to a firghtened child. I could understand that. I had been there too: there was that moment when I realized that Poe's "The Tale-Tell Heart" seemed too familiar; that I was about to pass the line and change into those neurotic characters. So when the book started with stories of people terrified about losing their sanity, and the author threw in the nonsense about "royal-adviser class" I thought I can understand why she is doing this, although I could not stop myself from chuckling.
But that is not the way to write a book, if you want it to have a passable scientific base. Early on, Dr. Aron claims that HSPs are different people, because their nervous systems proceeds input data differently. Nowhere in the book you can find any more explanations: exactly in which part of the brain the difference occurs, does a single "thing" controls all the different sensory receptors, and how, why for some people anxiety intensifies the sensitivity, etc. This lack of scientific approach can be observed in many minor cases (HSP maybe sensitive to coffee, but then they may be not. About 40-50% of people label themselves as HSPs, but then you go to a world which is filled with coarse, insensitive pigs, specially at work and when you go to a doctor for help)
Seems to me that Dr. Aron was having only a fraction of HSPs (IF such label can exist, which should be left to the hands of experts to decide) in mind: I looked forward to use some tips to cope with unpleasant situations (say a co-worker turning pages of his notebook too loudly, making me as irritated as hell), but there seems to be very little fitting with me. I she says about is being overwhelmed by a situation, following a general solution of love yourself, embrace yourself, protect yourself from the world.
I can still have difficulty accepting the analogy between an infant and an HSP, and most of the book is based on this idea. However, it has some good points for raising your children, HSP or not. ...more

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Feb 24, 2015 Lobstergirl rated it it was ok

Recommends it for: Gretl Braun

Recommended to Lobstergirl by: Carole Ibata, NYT

Do you have a keen imagination and vivid dreams?

Yes

Is time alone each day as essential to you as food and water?

Yes

Do noise and confusion quickly overwhelm you?

Not confusion, with noise it depends on the specific noise.

I thought I might be a "Highly Sensitive Person," but after reading quickly through this I don't think I check enough of the boxes. I am very introverted (but like many introverts, capable of switching over to temporary extroversion when needed, for things like job interviews ...more

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Jan 27, 2012 Jen rated it did not like it

i am highly sensitive but i won't think of myself as an infant/body self ever. ...more

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Aug 04, 2017 Alison rated it it was amazing

Shelves: 2017

My therapist recommended this book to me after I mentioned how sensitive I am to sound and light. I was attributing these sensory issues to limbic system impairment, but she asked if they only began when my health/stomach issues began (i.e. when the limbic system impairment started) or if I’d honestly struggled with needing excessive alone time / quiet / dim lighting throughout my childhood, too. I did - as a kid I remember reading books in my parent’s van out in the driveway all the time becaus My therapist recommended this book to me after I mentioned how sensitive I am to sound and light. I was attributing these sensory issues to limbic system impairment, but she asked if they only began when my health/stomach issues began (i.e. when the limbic system impairment started) or if I’d honestly struggled with needing excessive alone time / quiet / dim lighting throughout my childhood, too. I did - as a kid I remember reading books in my parent’s van out in the driveway all the time because I couldn’t stand the sound of the tv being on in the house. The commotion of it enraged me, felt like a personal affront.

But I’ve always known I’m hypersensitive. So honestly I skimmed the first 20 pages or so because what I was reading wasn’t telling me anything I didn’t already know about myself. (Has a deep and rich inner life / deeply moved by the arts and music / easily overwhelmed / difficulty performing tasks when observed / sensitive to caffeine / highly perceptive / extremely affected by others’ moods / extremely intuitive / etc etc)

What I did not realize is how a hyperactive nervous system / sensory processing sensitivity had shaped so much of my life. Getting into the details of how “Highly Sensitive Persons” function in the workplace & social situations and how sleep and health are specifically affected by the biological components of this trait reframed and clarified SO MUCH of what I’ve struggled with throughout my life; including further clarifying how I ended up being so prone to limbic system impairment/health issues.

It was also interesting to read why a small set of the population is born with this trait - the sensitive people are far more intuitive and pick up on acute information faster than the rest of the population, so we’re supposed to serve as society’s watchdogs/advisors, basically (COOL. NOT EXHAUSTING AT ALL.) while the rest of the less sensitive people in society serve as it’s “warriors,” the people who are quick to act.

This book ended up being one of the most important I’ve ever read for my own personal self awareness. Highly highly highly recommend to any and all fellow introverts/empaths. ...more

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About Elaine N. Aron

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Books by Elaine N. Aron

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“We are a package deal, however. Our trait of sensitivity means we will also be cautious, inward, needing extra time alone. Because people without the trait (the majority) do not understand that, they see us as timid, shy, weak, or that greatest sin of all, unsociable. Fearing these labels, we try to be like others. But that leads to our becoming overaroused and distressed. Then that gets us labeled neurotic or crazy, first by others and then by ourselves.” — 41 likes

“All virtues have a shadow.” — 29 likes

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