When Your Lover Is a Liar: Healing the Wounds of Deception and Betrayal

by Susan Forward, Donna Frazier

In this powerful and vitally important new book, internationally acclaimed therapist and bestselling author Susan Forward, Ph.D., provides invaluable advice for women whose men betray their confidence and trust with lies. Illustrated with a wealth of true-life stories from women who have survived and thrived despite deceptive relationships, When Your Lover Is a Liar shows you how to maneuver through the labyrinth of lying in love relationships. Based on her many years of practice and her extensive knowledge, Forward profiles the wide variety of liars, tells how to deal with the lies—from the benign to the lethal—that these men spin, and gives you practical strategies to stop them before they ruin your relationship and your life. In straightforward language, Forward examines the lies women tell themselves and paints a vivid picture of the effects lying has on women'including loss of self-respect, withdrawal, self-blame, rage, and the desire for revenge—and how to deal with them effectively. Through practical, proven step-by-step methods for healing the wounds caused by his deception and betrayal, Forward provides all the communication and behavioral techniques you need to deal with a lover's lies. Forward tells you exactly what to say, when and how to respond to his reactions, and how to present your requirements for staying in the relationship. With understanding and compassion, she helps you decide whether your relationship can be saved and shows you how to move beyond doubt and regret if it can't. But whether you stay or go, you can learn to love and trust again. Susan Forward shows you the path to rebuilding your confidence and self-respect as well as experiencing the rebirth of trust, both in yourself and in your partner.

Genres: Self Help, Psychology, Nonfiction, Relationships, Abuse

240 pages, Paperback

First published January 1, 1999

About the author

One of the nation’s leading therapists, as well as a best selling author, dynamic lecturer and frequent talk-show guest. In addition to her private practice, she has served as a therapist, instructor and consultant for many Southern California psychiatric and medical facilities. She is the author of the #1 New York Times best sellers Men Who Hate Women and the Women Who Love Them and Toxic Parents. She also hosted her own nationally syndicated program on ABC Talk Radio for six years.

from http://www.susanforward.com

Reviews

[Michael Andersen-Andrade]

This is one of the books that helped open my eyes after leaving a relationship with a sociopath liar. It is an important book for anyone who is in the healing process and who needs help in understanding the reasons people get entangled in a web of lies and the psychology behind the compulsive liar.

[Holly]

This book was really a ..."good read" (pun intended!) :-) It was very difficult for me to read, but very helpful in realizing some things.

A quote from the book REALLY stuck with me.

"Even if we yell and scream at them when we discover that they lied, once the dust settles, most of us will opt for the comforting territory of rationalization. In fact, many of us are willing to rewire our senses, short-circuit our instincts and intelligence, and accept the seductive comfort of self-delusion.”

I tried to initiate conversations about feeling that something wasn't right, but instead I settled for lame excuses. That was my bad. I was rationalizing...and believed what I was told.
My gut was telling me, something was wrong. Each time I asked, I was told I was being "suspicious", and they were getting tired of ME asking them questions about it. WTH?
I started second guessing myself.!
Maybe I WAS making a big deal out of nothing. Maybe they really hadn't been secretly texting someone, and spending evenings/nights with some one when they were out of town. Maybe all the excuses I was getting....were legitimate. (yeah, they weren't).
The author addresses that in the book, when you start second guessing yourself, and what your gut is telling you, as opposed to what they are telling you. This book has SO much information about different types of liars, how they twist and manipulate , and how SMOOTH and believable they are. Now , of course they are with some one else, and I am made out to be the "crazy" one. The book also addresses how it is easier for them to make the other person a villain, it is easier for them to rationalize the way they treated the person.
The book explains about the different types of lies there are as well.
I am a LOT better educated, but it was a tough book to read. The book has helped me with healing and moving forward. Just about everything I was told by this person was a lie. Hard to believe, but true.

[Marcy Goodfleisch]

Another outstanding book by Susan Forward! If you have been in a relationship with a pathological (or even periodic) liar, you need to read this book. Only someone who had lived with a deceptive or secretive partner knows the feeling of losing your mind at the same time it appears you're losing your relationship.

Forward helps clarify what is true, honest and sane compared to the things that are sham, fraud and simply crazy. She also helps warn those whose partner may be a sociopath to get out, fast.

Highly recommended! If the title fits your situation, buy it, NOW!

[ANNE]

Not a pleasant book at all, but if you have ever taken a tango with a sociopath, this does help restore.

[Michellesuf]

Worth reading for anyone who has been betrayed by someone you thought you loved. Especially, if you thought they loved you. Excellent recovery recommendations, responses, and scripts to remember who you are.

[Rachel Swords]

Some insightful and useful information here that could actually be applied to friendships as well as relationships. I especially enjoyed the chapter on confrontations. I will say that this book is written for women, given how the liar in all of the scenarios is a guy. I would have liked to have seen the author address the possibility of the woman being the liar, just for curiosity's sake. Still it was an excellent read and one I will possibly return to for guidance should any further major conflicts come up in my life.

[Janelle Westfall]

Particularly good chapters regarding recovery from an abusive relationship with a narcissist/socio/psychopath.

[Andrea Vader]

No one ever wants to discover that someone important in their life has been deceptive. But when that happens, it's important to understand why someone might be that way without taking the deception personally. This book was essential in helping me to understand the many reasons behind deceptive behavior, how to spot red flags, and how to ultimately understand that it wasn't about ME. Learning to trust your own judgment after being majorly deceived is difficult, but this book is my number ONE recommendation in working toward that.

[Kayceey Greer]

Very good feedback on emotional toll that having an untruthful mate can take. Provides some insight into identifying differences in lies of commission vs. lies of omission. Decent read, practical tools to understanding patterns of deception.

[Aliki]

Eye opening and poignant. A life saver for me. With real practical advice you can use.

[Kathi]

Very helpful book for anyone who has been betrayed. The author describes the NPD / sociopathic personality and speaks to the victim with next level healing. One of the better books I’ve read on the subject. If you’ve been or are in a deceptive relationship, read this book and get yourself healed.
It’s a long recovery.

Wow! The texting at night and secrets and lies. It’s a sick pattern that they repeat with every woman ! They tell the same sad childhood story to each woman looking for the one it’ll stick with. How about the Madonna / whore complex ? That’s the famous deviant behavior they exhibit. Disgusting mentally sick men.

[Adam]

I feel like every single book in this genre is about women who are hurt by men. It’s very possible for men to be hurt by women. It’s very possible for men, in positions of power, who society would otherwise look at as holding all the cards, to be hurt.
While I found this book helpful in certain ways- it made me feel as if perhaps I wasn’t completely alone in what happened with me- the perspective from which it is written doesn’t align with the reality through which I lived and I’m currently living. Nothing seems to.

[Allan Farmer]

"El corazón sabio sabe que las heridas causadas por el engaño y la traición de una pareja no implican que el daño y el impedimento sean permanentes..."

Un libro fundamental para comprender como las mentiras y el engaño pueden destruir una relación de pareja.

La autora divide el libro en dos partes, en la primera analiza las mentiras, la forma en la que los hombres mienten, como las mujeres se mienten y la mente de los sociópatas. En la segunda parte se analiza como afrontar las mentiras y sanar.

Lo recomiendo ampliamente.

[Rindi Trainer]

This book was so powerful and empowering. I felt very validated by the stories that Dr. Forward told and her step by step plan of what to do when you have been lied to, betrayed and hurt by the person who is supposed to love you the most. This is mostly about marriage relationships but could easily apply to friendships as well. If you are going through a betrayal and are struggling for solid ground, this book could be very helpful to you.

[Ligaya]

Even though this book is more than two decades old, it is very relevant for women dealing with a cheating partner. The author chooses to focus on heterosexual relationships with male cheaters and women victims, which is, obviously, a bit limiting. Nonetheless, her stories of woman dealing with the aftermath of a devastating betrayal is compelling. The writing is simple and easy to digest, so much so that I read the book within two days.

[Vichta]

Bardzo ciekawy poradnik, jak reagować na kłamstwo lub zdradę najbliższej nam osoby. Udawać, że wszystko jest w porządku, czy konfrontować? Zaufać ponownie, kontrolować, a może zakończyć związek?
Autorka twierdzi, że w wielu przypadkach wybaczenie utożsamiamy z udawaniem, że nic się nie stało. A to nie prowadzi do uzdrowienia relacji.
Polecam. Wiadomości przydatne również do wykorzystania w relacjach z innymi osobami z naszego otoczenia.

[Madelyn Dunn]

This book helped me through one of the hardest times in my life. Having examples of unfaithful partners made me feel less alone, and less like it was my fault.
Highly recommend for people who have experienced an unfaithful partner.

[EricheBooks]

It was pretty good but I skipped all the parts of how to make a relationship with a liar work. But in that era, you had to find ways to cope I guess.

[Kevin Trainer]

I believe that this book revealed that I have lied in my own life to my wife and children. It was very eye opening and I will be sure to be honest from now on . I saw myself in some of the men in this book . I hope men will read this and do a mental check up on their own lives. Very much worth the read . Kevin

[✨ Anna ✨ | ReadAllNight]

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