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Mars and Venus Starting Over: A Practical Guide for Finding Love Again After a Painful Breakup, Divorce, or the Loss of a Loved One
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Mars and Venus Starting Over: A Practical Guide for Finding Love Again After a Painful Breakup, Divorce, or the Loss of a Loved One

3.88  ·  Rating details ·  796 ratings  ·  74 reviews
Is it possible to find love again after a breakup, death, or divorce?

The end of a relationship can sometimes feel like the end of the world. Devastation, loneliness, and bitterness are some emotions that exist due to a breakup, divorce, or the loss of a loved one. But with the help of this compassionate guide, Dr. John Gray expresses that you will survive and tells you how
Paperback, 368 pages
Published March 1st 2005 by Harper Perennial (first published February 1st 1997)
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Average rating 3.88  · 
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 ·  796 ratings  ·  74 reviews

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Corey Rae
May 20, 2009 rated it it was amazing
This book was terribly personal for me and made me work through the pain of true heartbreak. Once I had truthfully and 100% completed the steps in this books, I felt I had the capability to move on in my life! This is a must read for anyone out there that has had their heart completely and utterly ripped out. For those in this world shattered because they love with all they have and wear their hearts on their sleeve, this is a way to begin living again and preparing yourself for the love dive on ...more
Kristen MacGregor
Apr 26, 2010 rated it it was amazing
I really loved the first section on how to heal your heart- the second and third sections are geared towards the different sexes about how to stop preventing new love in your life- they didn't really apply to my current situation. I do have issues that require for me to heal my broken heart and I plan on implementing several of his techniques to help me with that. The first section is a great read for anyone suffering from a broken heart- from death of a loved one, a break-up or divorce, etc. ...more
Mar 30, 2007 rated it it was amazing
Recommends it for: anyone with a broken heart
This book was so.. therapeutic. It understood exactly what I was going through. The author himself had to endure through such a tramatic tragedy that you can't help but trust him as he eventually got out of his pit. Even though it's a "secular" book, it had profound truths.. and all truths are God's truths. The end. ...more
Aug 17, 2013 rated it it was amazing
Having found Mars and Venus a help in understanding the psyche of men and women more easily and let's face it, we are very different in our practical thinking processes at times, I then found this book whilst seeking to find myself again after a painful marriage breakup.

I have to admit to wholeheartedly weeping from the depths of my soul whilst carrying out some of the tasks here in the recovery process, having said that, they proved invaluable in helping me to move on out of the 'pain and sadne
Aug 28, 2014 rated it it was amazing  ·  review of another edition
This is the BEST book for a break up, divorce, or even a death of a loved one. I have never read a book on these topics until my divorce and a really bad break up afterwards that just completely left me crushed with no where to turn to. Then I stumbled upon this gem. John Gray's look at a broken heart is revolutionary and anyone that is hurting should check it out! ...more
Sep 23, 2008 rated it it was amazing
I highly recommend this book to anyone who is going through a divorce or death of a loved one. It really helped me get my mind straight after my Ex left me.
Aug 13, 2012 rated it really liked it
A good book to work through issues stemming from a breakup. There is much to be said about John Gray's approach to differentiating between the way a man and woman suffer after a breakup. There's also quite a bit of exploration of family-of-origin learned behaviors that can help someone trace why the breakup occurred in the first place and how to rewire faulty thinking that doesn't serve one's search for a healthy relationship.

That said, I am not positive that Dr. Gray's approach in writing from
Robyn26 loid
There are some great ideas and suggestions here. He give you a lot to think about. A book that I have also found helpful in a supportive way is called, " Living Happier After: 20 Women Talk About Life After Divorce" by author Wilma Jones.

"Living Happier After" tells you the real deal regarding what it takes to overcome the demise of a marriage and emerge living happier after. This is the first book to speak from the perspective of a working woman who contributed as much, or more to the househol
Jan 22, 2014 rated it it was amazing
This book is really helpful to those people who thought that there's no hope. This book taught me that to be able to move forward we should remove/unload the baggages that we carry from our past. That everything has an end. Thanks to John Gray because he continue writing such an inspiring books like this which tackles things that is happening in reality and this has been an inspiration to me to be a strong and better person... thanks you help another person to becoming a positive and ready to fa ...more
Otor Zoubi
Nov 01, 2014 rated it it was amazing
One of the most useful books I've ever read
If you just got out of a relationship, you probably have a million thoughts and questions, and you think you are alone, this book will answer your questions and give you back your peace of mind, and help you realize that many people are on the same boat with you (and that's kind of reassuring) its scientific approach and practical examples and exercises are very helpful.
AnnMarie Latimer
Sep 17, 2015 rated it it was amazing
I was surprised with how much sense this book made. It is worth the read to anyone in a relationship, struggling in a relationship or better yet; to read it before getting into a relationship. It helps you get in touch with your own personal hang ups and insight as to why you have such struggles. I really wish I had read this one years ago, it might have made a major difference in my life, it is making a difference from here on and this is good for me.
Nina Richa
Jul 10, 2017 rated it liked it
I was surprised by this book. I have a lot of judgment about the mars/venus dichotomy and how it prescribes certain characteristics and mentalities to men and women. HOWEVER, I found this book to be actually quite interesting. And Gray does do some work to say that men and women are often socialized into these behaviors, that they can learn from all the behaviors and that different behaviors resonate.

Anyway - it was the first book I really read about dealing with breakups. I thought a lot about
Dec 10, 2019 rated it it was amazing
Though this book might be positioned for those who had painful breakup or loss of their love ones, it is relavant to anyone who is emotionally attached to other person.

The author has analysed exhaustively and walks you through the complete recovery journey.

Lovely read to know about the Mars and Venus worlds.!
Suz Davidson
Jan 19, 2018 rated it liked it
Reasonably helpful, especially in leading to more in-depth thinking and discovery.
Reena Rosales
Dec 29, 2019 rated it it was amazing
3rd Mars and Venus book I have read c/o John Gray. Couldn't ask for more. Precise with excellent recommendations. ...more
Thảo Thảo
Oct 03, 2020 rated it really liked it  ·  review of another edition
Yep! This was helpful, because you can aranged your words if you talk with your partner....
Try to write make me memories dont lose
Yoshi C
Jun 07, 2020 rated it it was amazing  ·  review of another edition
Work for every stage of life

I found this book not only to be about relationships, but the human experience with loss overall. Additionally the framework provided can be done at any stage in your life to evaluate the impact earlier losses may have had in your life. You can replace the words partners/spouse/she/him etc with the thing/person you want to address and the work would still apply and help tremendously. This was my first of the Mars & Venus books but I look forward to reading others.
David Smith
Jan 11, 2017 rated it really liked it
I've read most all of the Mars and Venus books. This is one I felt was important for me to start off the year reading and finishing. I read this in two sittings. This is a practical book on grieving lost relationships and starting over when a relationship has ended due to various reasons including death, divorce, and relationship personality problems. It is divided up into sections and gives good advice on how to honor old relationships and start the healing process. As with all Mars and Venus b ...more
Nicole G.
Men and women are soo different, so how they function after a breakup is naturally dissimilar. Men will jump right into another relationship. Women will close off to stop themselves from getting hurt again. The book is separated into three parts. The first is general information about how to heal one's heart and that we must feel all the important emotions equally - fear, anger, sorrow, etc. Otherwise, we don't fully heal and bring hidden issues into our next relationship. The latter two sec
Christine Balaty
Aug 30, 2014 rated it really liked it
As with other Mars and Venus books by John Gray, many points resonate, but some seem off-base. Some traits identified as male or female could easily apply to the other sex, and the book got tedious and repetitive in parts two (Starting over on Venus) and three (Starting over on Mars). However, with any relationship self-help book, if one can glean a few golden nuggets of truth, go a little deeper into the mystery of self, and see life a little more clearly, then the time was well-spent. Overall, ...more
Dec 19, 2016 rated it liked it
There are some good ideas in this book, and the journal exercises are helpful. The exercise at the end where you role play (I just pictured) you ex telling you they don't want to be with you was very painful, but helpful. Overall, Dr. Gray is very black and white in his assigning gender roles across the board. I gained a lot from reading the section geared towards men. It gave me a lot to think about. I took what I could from this book. Not everything was helpful, but I'm glad I read it. ...more
Aug 29, 2011 rated it really liked it  ·  review of another edition
Don't let the Mars and Venus title fool you into thinking this is an arm chair psychology book. Good solid advice accompanied by exercises that can promote healing for the reader. I would reccomend this book to serval friends and think they could actually heal the wounds of the past using this book. ...more
Dayne Myers
Dec 07, 2011 rated it it was amazing
I like John Gray's writing style and agree with his insights almost completely. I feel that there are a lot of good tips and surprising concepts that are somewhat counter-intuitive that most anyone could benefit from in this book. Certainly anyone going through any process mentioned in the title should read this book, I also think that most everyone else should as well. ...more
Jan 20, 2013 rated it it was amazing
this really amazing book, that really helped me after my divorce
Gray has organized all my feelings and told me how to deal with it on right way
he helped me to understand all the vague and undesirable emotions and know the way to get over it
now i am reading it again and again, reading chapters related to my dialy emotions
thanx gray
Jul 05, 2008 added it
Even though I'm a lesbian and the 'Mars' doesn't technically apply here, I'm hoping this will help me move forward. The ex is emotionally retarded, so maybe this will be a better fit than I expect! ...more
May 14, 2009 rated it it was amazing
All I have to say is ladies you need to have this book in your collection of books its a good guide for us as ladies in moving forward espicially after aa painful break up or losing someone we love who has died.
Jan 26, 2010 marked it as abandoned-for-now
I flipped through this at a huge departmental store sometime back and I told myself I had to purchase this one, and just this one. As luck has it, I bought it for eight bucks at a book sale - original price? Perhaps nineteen or, at the very most, twenty seven.
Eric Beaty
Feb 07, 2011 rated it really liked it
Great book with tremendous insight on dealing with the loss of love, letting go, healing, and finding love again. I don't agree with his take on having multiple sexual partners and "good-time sex" though. ...more
Mar 15, 2013 rated it really liked it
Shelves: psychology
Everytime I go to read another John Gray book I keep thinking this will be the one that brings nothing new. He'll be lazy by now and just rehash old mars/venus stuff. And he blows me away again with fresh new specific developments and insights that are incredible ...more
Apr 15, 2015 rated it really liked it
It was concise and helpful. Since I've read it over a long span of time, I have trouble remembering the first half of the book, but I liked how it mentioned a set of issues and perspectives I haven't seen approached anywhere else, namely the differences between the sexes. ...more
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Librarian Note: There is more than one author in the GoodReads database with this name.

John Gray is an American author on relationships and personal growth, best known for his 1992 book Men Are from Mars, Women Are from Venus, and other "pop psychology" books offering relationship advice.

He was previously married to fellow self-help author Barbara De Angelis, but they divorced in 1984. He is now m

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“As this pain comes up also focus on the love you feel for him/her. Focus on the love. Love feels good, love is expansive. Love is open and accepting. This love you feel is healing the pain of your loss. One day soon your pain will go and only the love will remain.” 3 likes
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