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Daughters of Britannia: The Lives and Times of Diplomatic Wives

Katie Hickman

3.68 · Rating details · 406 ratings · 58 reviews

"The reverse of stuffy" is how one British reviewer characterized Katie Hickman's portrait of English diplomatic wives. Unstuffy it is.

Hickman, whose writing is graceful and sprightly, describes the unusual and often difficult lives of Foreign Service spouses. Tracking these feisty transplants from the 17th century to the present, she shows how these very significant othe ...more

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Paperback, 352 pages

Published July 8th 2011 by Flamingo (first published 1999)

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Sep 30, 2013 Nandakishore Varma rated it really liked it

In the Indian epic Ramayana, there is a poignant scene: Rama, the prince of Ayodhya, is forced to renounce his kingdom and go to the forest for fourteen years. His young wife Sita insists on accompanying him, against his better counsel. As they step out of the palace, Sita asks: “How much further to the forest?” It is said that at this, Rama’s eyes moistened for the first time.

I think most of the the so-called “Diplomatic Wives” mentioned in Katie Hickman’s Daughters of Britannia would have symp ...more

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Jan 28, 2009 Kelly rated it liked it

Shelves: brit-lit, owned, grande-dames, history-british, history, mawwiageiswhatbringsustogethertoday, history-diplomatic

Katie Hickman seems to have three major points here: trying to redeem the neglected "women's work" that countless female diplomatic partners have done supporting their husband's career, exploring the ways in which the helpmeet role of the spouse has changed (or not), and fighting the perception that diplomacy is just a bunch of overpaid, to-the-manor born snots going to balls. All while, seemingly, trying to give us a sense of the history of the service, and the many different kinds of women and Katie Hickman seems to have three major points here: trying to redeem the neglected "women's work" that countless female diplomatic partners have done supporting their husband's career, exploring the ways in which the helpmeet role of the spouse has changed (or not), and fighting the perception that diplomacy is just a bunch of overpaid, to-the-manor born snots going to balls. All while, seemingly, trying to give us a sense of the history of the service, and the many different kinds of women and families that participated in its way of life.

That's a whole lot to take on.

So perhaps it is no surprise that after starting out with all of that, this book doesn't come out as very fulfilling. It reads more like a collection of notes and stories, organized by a vague theme, and perhaps meant to be read as separate essays in a magazine. It needs some polishing, some editing, and an professor to write in red ink all over this "Focus, focus, focus!"

As the author is herself the child of diplomats and seems to have a lot of contacts with important people in the service and their wives, I wish that she had stuck to what she knew. The best chapter in the book was the one entitled "Children," where she clearly has extensive personal knowledge, knew many people with something to say and/or had a ton of archival research about people with something to say, and could present all sides of the experience of parents and children in a coherent fashion that really made you think about the effect that the diplomatic life had on families. But instead she insisted on wandering all over the place, trying to give us a full historical picture from 1660s Istanbul to what was her present day (1990s), with the result that it just feels rambling and unwieldy, and the audience feels as if they've been gypped with every short, incomplete story that she tells. I wanted her to either introduce me fully to these women, give me a picture of all their lives as much as possible, or treat them completely impersonally as examples, and she didn't really do either. She would tell you this very touching story about a woman who you hadn't heard about before, with no background, then the woman would totally disappear. It was very unsatisfying storytelling and certainly not a very good history, if that's what she meant to do.

What it was, however, was a helpful guide for someone whose family may be entering the foreign service (even if it is based on the British service, one imagines things aren't done too differently over here). It really does present to you the full breadth of problems that you might be likely to encounter, shows you horrible things happening to couples and families and how they dealt with it, and makes you think about the material costs and benefits of living the diplomatic life. As I said, "Children," was the most striking chapter, but it is followed closely by "Contemporary Spouses," and "Rebel Wives," which talk about people who lived (and live) outside of the stereotypical mode of the diplomat and the supportive, smiling, spouse, the very real pressures to conform and the despair of watching your life be completely consumed by someone else. This profession seems to be unique in the modern world in that it is not only considered acceptable, but preferable, for the non-diplomat spouse to not work (especially as one gets more senior at an embassy) and support the work of the diplomat.

This could certainly have been much better. I hardly even think that this qualifies as a book, just a hodgepodge collection of Notes From the Edge. But if you're willing to mine for it and wait for it, there's definitely things to be got out of this.

...more

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Feb 03, 2012 Cassandra Kay Silva rated it really liked it · review of another edition

Shelves: history

The book was very well researched and had some absolutely amazing stories embedded in it. The grandiose moments in court coupled with the desperate hardships of traveling and living in Remote outposts like Persia and Brazil during these times was very compelling. It spanned mostly from the late 1800 up until the present day although the focus was fairly heavily on the early and mid 1900's and had a collection of some of the most fascinating and intriguing stories of the lives of the wives of Amb ...more

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Mar 28, 2012 Dinah Küng rated it it was amazing

Along with a similar book, Women of the Raj, a fantastic tribute to the courage, imagination, energy and sheer perseverance of British diplomatic wives in putting the best face on what were in many cases, impossible situations. In these times, when globalization is the byword, it's hard to appreciate when it was absolutely a question of personal and professional survival to remain true to a particular culture and upbringing in the face of enormous challenges and physical dangers. Loved it. ...more

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Jul 10, 2012 Gail Carriger rated it liked it

Shelves: victorian-primary, historical, non-fic

This is a fun read, and factual, so far as I can tell, but the information is not organized chronologically. More this book talks about the experience of being a diplomat's wife. So a paragraph on packing might include three different women in three different places and times: one 1780s Paris, one 1950s America, one 1870s China.

As a alt-history author, I tend to need information about travel to a specific place at a certain period of history, well organized, and easily assessable. This book is ...more

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Apr 18, 2016 Eloise rated it really liked it · review of another edition

Shelves: reviewed, library-haul, _non-fic, history, biographic

This could be a little dense at times but it's a great anecdotal snapshot of those who've "married in" to the British Diplomatic Service and the social roles and expectations of women, in the Empire and more recently. The narrative focuses on a few key historical figures (who I would be delighted to read more about) and the more recent and emotive topics focused on the correspondence and experience of family, friends and the author herself.
I did feel that the later chapters dealing with what it ...more

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Jan 16, 2018 Romily rated it really liked it

Shelves: history, biography

This is an excellent addition to books about social history, especially those which resurrect the neglected lives of women: in this case the diplomatic wives, who from the seventeenth century, accompanied their menfolk to postings around the world. Katie Hickman, herself the daughter of a diplomat's wife, has written a lively, highly anecdotal account of the experiences of these women: their public and private lives, hardships and amazing experiences. The author has used first hand sources, such ...more

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Apr 30, 2011 Kate Millin rated it really liked it

As the daughter of a diplomat, Katie Hickman is well-situated to write about the lives of the women who, from the 17th century onward, have traversed the globe as partners of Britain's ambassadors. These women are more than simply bored socialites, they are indispensable companions, intrepid travellers and, in many cases, exemplary ambassadors for their country. Hickman details the lives of the female ambassadors, from flamboyant characters such as Vita Sackville-West, Lady Mary Wortley Montagu As the daughter of a diplomat, Katie Hickman is well-situated to write about the lives of the women who, from the 17th century onward, have traversed the globe as partners of Britain's ambassadors. These women are more than simply bored socialites, they are indispensable companions, intrepid travellers and, in many cases, exemplary ambassadors for their country. Hickman details the lives of the female ambassadors, from flamboyant characters such as Vita Sackville-West, Lady Mary Wortley Montagu and the "bolter" Emma Hamilton, to lesser-known contemporary stoics like Jane-Ewart-Biggs, whose husband, the British Ambassador to Eire, was killed by an IRA car bomb in 1976, and Veronica Atkinson and family, who cowered in the basement of the British Embassy in Bucharest during the 1989 uprising that overthrew the Romanian dictator Nicolai Ceaucescu.
What frequently unites Hickman's wildly different subjects is their loneliness--drawing on letters, diaries and memoirs, she portrays women who had to discipline themselves to adapt (often ingeniously) to unfamiliar cultures, far away from friends and family--many, in particular, were separated from their children, who would be sequestered at boarding school back in Britain--while maintaining an unimpeachable public image. "I shall be obliged to travel three or four days between Buda and Essek without finding any house at all, through desert plains covered with snow, where the cold is so violent many have been killed by it", wrote Lady Mary Wortley Montagu of her treacherous journey to Constantinople in 1716. Almost 300 years later, in 1996, Stephanie Hopkinson wryly itemised the "bizarre qualifications" necessary for daily diplomatic life in a Sarajevo under siege: "Ability to ... apply make-up in the dark; aptitude for bathing in a cold teacup and keeping one's hair/self/clothes clean and uncrumpled as long as possible ... vivid imagination which converts tinned frankfurters, bread and rice into smoked salmon/steak and chips...".

I found this a fascinating read - it reminded me of stories my Grandma told me about when she was living in the East with her father who was a military policeman - including her mum finding a servant straining peas through a sock! She also liked curry having been kept quite by her Ayah letting her suck on a finger with curry paste under the nail! ...more

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Feb 03, 2011 Veronica rated it it was ok

Shelves: non-fiction, postal-book-group

Well, this is a far cry from Katie Hickman's Travels With a Mexican Circus, one of the books I most enjoyed reading last year. This one reads rather like something commissioned by the British Foreign Office to hand out to diplomatic spouses so they know what they're letting themselves in for. It would work really well for that situation in fact.

As a daughter of diplomats herself, Hickman obviously finds the details fascinating, but I didn't, apart from a few amusing or scary anecdotes. I just co ...more

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Jul 12, 2010 Redfox5 rated it it was ok

Shelves: non-fiction

I really struggled with the first half of this book. It's taken nearly a week to read becuase it just made me feel so sleepy and yawny. I usally finish books within 3 days! However this book does get a lot more intresting and readable after 'Social life' So best to stick with it. It makes it quiet hard at first becuase there are so many names and dates to remember. At the end of the book Katie Hickman asks the question 'Would you find this kind of life exciting?' I honestly don't think I would. ...more

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Jul 31, 2011 Persephone Abbott rated it it was ok

This book was both entertaining and tedious. However, I came away with an excellent insight into the lives and characters of people who submitted their lives to diplomacy (in sorts) while, in most cases, upholding a solid tradition of British domesticity. And it's the take on the word "domesticity" which comes across quite often as a type of stubborn martyrdom of which the British can be so proud and defensive. ...more

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Sep 12, 2009 Megan Spilker rated it it was amazing

Another book I couldn't put down and one of the biggest inspirations for becoming an Ambassador or someone in the realm of diplomacy. The real-life stories of these incredible women are utterly gripping. The accounts of incidents overseas are completely amazing that one would almost assume that the whole book is a work of fiction. A fantastic read for both genders. ...more

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May 07, 2017 Ape rated it liked it

Shelves: history-fact-fiction, history-1800s, women, biographies-memoirs, history-1700s, history-1600s

Light historical read on the institution of the British embassy wife - that will say women who were married to men employed by male embassy workers. These women were never employed or paid by the embassy, and yet simply because of the marriage, their lives were considered that of the embassy. (Hickman herself points out at the start that women who have worked in embassies are beyond the scope of this book, so they don't come in).Having read this, it's not a life I could have taken to.

This is a h Light historical read on the institution of the British embassy wife - that will say women who were married to men employed by male embassy workers. These women were never employed or paid by the embassy, and yet simply because of the marriage, their lives were considered that of the embassy. (Hickman herself points out at the start that women who have worked in embassies are beyond the scope of this book, so they don't come in).Having read this, it's not a life I could have taken to.

This is a history book/biography of the role rather than individuals, and as Hickman's taking about three centuries worth of experiences from the globe, it won't come as a surprise to say people's experiences were very different. Although all the way through there is the emphasis that every waking moment is to the role and as they are representing Britain, they can't be themselves. In certain countries, there was a lot of pomp and ceremony with elitist types thinking themselves above the rest of the world (I wouldn't have been able to stand that), rules on how to dress, regardless of temperature, that a wife shouldn't speak up with opinions as this would reflect on the husband etc etc... These women made enormous sacrifices without being asked (they were told) and without being thanked. They were away from friends, family and their native land for years if not decades, often had their children sent away to boarding school, had to deal with famines, plague, revolts and revoltions, kidnappings and assinations.

As the book is focused on the role rather than individuals, it's split up thematically into various aspects (travelling to, private life, public life, setting up, children, dangers, husbands etc). During the book I sometimes wondered if I would have preferred it broken up in another way - perhaps per personal experiences (although I think she draws on the lives of too many women for this to have worked), or time period or even country or region of the world. But overall I think it was probably best as it is. Although this does mean I don't remember who experienced what and when in a lot of cases. Some figures stick out, and I'd actually like to read more about them, in particular Ann Fanshawe (swashbuckling heroinne of the early days of embassies), Isobel Burton, Elizabeth McNeill and perhaps the Tullys who were in Algeria during some dreadful plagues. Hickman herself is the daughter of a diplomatic couple, and she's lived all over the world with her parents, sadly including a posting to Ireland during the troubles so the ambassador at the time was assasinated whilst she was living there. This personal experience is included in the book and gives it another angle. There's a few photographs in the centre, including a sweet photo of her mother writing letters with the pet cat curled up asleep in the crook of her arm.

It was good although of Hickman's books I've read so far, I probably enjoyed the history book on Courtesans a bit more. Her fictional book The Aviary Gate is also worth a look. ...more

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Jul 07, 2017 Linda rated it liked it

The level of detail and depiction of hardships were intriguing, but I only made it through half of the book. These women worked as hard as pastors' wives, and with as little support, but their goals in supporting their husband's vocation seemed rather insubstantial. The level of 'why' was missing in the narrative - why should the readers care that the wives had to put up with lack of servants, or the constant juggle of family life mixed with business, or the constant backbiting mixed with intrig ...more

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May 02, 2018 Katharine rated it liked it

Shelves: non-fiction, history

I enjoyed reading this book so it should probably be 3.5 stars but it was in some ways a little unsatisfying. The purpose of the book was to show the role played by the wives of British diplomats from the 17th century until the end of the 20th. These women were unpaid but expected to take a huge part in their husband's jobs. All of this was very interesting and we were introduced to some fascinating and often heroic women, most of whom could have been the subject of a book on their own. The prob ...more

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Aug 16, 2018 Fiorella Mauro rated it really liked it

Ambassador, you spoil us.

3/4 history, 1/4 memoir of a British diplomat's daughter. The historical research and the insight into the lives of British diplomatic wives is entertaining and not at all dull. Some of the anecdotes are laugh-out-loud funny. The memoir aspects are more dependent on your tastes. Overall, a wonderful book to have with some Ferrero Rocher. ...more

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Nov 30, 2020 Eldene Eyssell rated it liked it

Some really interesting anecdotes. However, I found the thematic organisation didn't work (leading to repetition and oh so many transitional paragraphs to compare and contrast). I would have preferred the material to be, for example, organised chronologically and/or according to countries, instead of jumping all over the place. ...more

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Mar 20, 2021 Laura rated it really liked it

Shelves: 18th-century, women, 20th-century, 19th-century, 17th-century, england, foreign-service, wives, diplomats

This was a fun and informative read. Even though this book is written from the point of view of the spouse, I recommend it for anyone considering foreign service or work abroad. There are lessons about representing a nation in a variety of environments and amazing stories. I laughed a lot as well.

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Oct 25, 2020 Karen rated it liked it

A fascinating and entertaining read about the lives of British diplomatic wives from the seveneenth century onwards. It was most interesting to read about the Tullys quarantining themselves for 13 months as plague raged across Tripoli.

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Jun 09, 2017 Caroline Cassell rated it liked it

quite interesting but the book was divided into topics with the same characters appearing again and again. i would have preferred a narrative

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Mar 03, 2018 Jill Schroeder rated it really liked it

Shelves: audible

Interesting and gossipy romp through time of hardships, loneliness, duty, health issues and the difficult path of etiquette and meal plannings. Really enjoyed.

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Mar 09, 2019 Claire Biggs rated it really liked it

The history of the Diplomatic's wife varying from 1600's to the 1990's has changed so much, reading of the varying degrees of how they travelled and lived was an eye opener ...more

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Aug 01, 2020 Lettice rated it it was amazing

Wonderful book about the lives and experiences of historical diplomatic wives. Joyously written and hugely entertaining.

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Aug 12, 2012 Danielle rated it liked it

Shelves: non-fiction, feminism, history, 2012

I picked this book up at the Lafayette Library Sale last month because the copy on the back cover made it sound like a history of British diplomats' wives drawn from their own words in the form of oral histories, letters, journals, autobiographies and the like. I have to say, I did really enjoy reading it, but it was frustrating at times because I still don't know what audience the book is aimed at.

It focuses on a main group of 25ish women with occasional mentions of others, ranging from 1661 t I picked this book up at the Lafayette Library Sale last month because the copy on the back cover made it sound like a history of British diplomats' wives drawn from their own words in the form of oral histories, letters, journals, autobiographies and the like. I have to say, I did really enjoy reading it, but it was frustrating at times because I still don't know what audience the book is aimed at.

It focuses on a main group of 25ish women with occasional mentions of others, ranging from 1661 to 1995 (The book was published in 1999). The chapters are organized by major themes like "Private Life", "Embassy Life", "Hardships", "Children", etc, but the women in question pop up randomly throughout the entire book, often chapters after they were originally introduced, with no reminders for the reader as to who or when they are. I have a good memory and wasn't often confused, but if you were a scholar trying to read this book to get information on just one or two of these people, it would have been impossible. Similarly, when quoting a woman's letters or journals in another language, Eastern languages like Turkish would be translated for the reader, but Latin or French were not - you're just supposed to know it. This is normal in much academic writing (maybe especially in Great Britain?), but for a book aimed at the general audience, not so much (and I have Latin but no French, so a lot of it went over my head). The author Hickman is herself the daughter of a diplomatic couple, and clearly well-educated, which makes the bizarre authorial decisions even more confusing.

If you're looking for a fun, engaging, interesting look at women's lives over the centuries, this is a really cool book. The journals, letters, and memoirs from which Hickman pulls are fascinating, and it's rare to see women's words being put at the forefront of British history. If you're someone with a scholarly interest in women's history, diplomatic history or the like, proceed with caution. You will learn a lot but be annoyed often.

Also, I feel I should mention that, as the daughter of diplomats, Hickman spends a lot of words trying to make her audience sympathize with how difficult it was to be a diplomat's wife, displaced in a foreign country, often without one's children, and forced to be social constantly. Although it's clear from the autobiographical data that that is true enough, Hickman's insistence that it's not all parties and good food and dancing becomes grating after a while. After all, it's not like these people were starving in the streets - they were upper class, well-educated, privileged beyond belief. We can acknowledge that some of their lives were quite difficult, but not at the expense of forgetting that EVERYONE'S lives were difficult in the 17th century. In most cases, these people were still far better off than average. ...more

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Oct 21, 2007 Nicholas Whyte added it

http://nhw.livejournal.com/1127018.html[return][return]I'm probably being rather unfair to this book, but I'm giving up on it not quite half-way through. Hickman, herself a diplomat's daughter, has pulled together an engaging collection of correspondence from the wives (and occasionally other female relatives) of British diplomats posted abroad throughout the last four centuries. The material is amusing and sometimes moving. But I felt that the book lacked a substantial intellectual framework, s ...more

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Mar 05, 2014 Lady Rfc rated it it was amazing

I usually don't read books like this, so I wasn't sure what to expect. But I've always wondered about diplomatic wives and what they've had to endure over the years. Originally I got this book used from a library and thought it might go over wives from further back in history. It didn't quite go as far back as I thought, but it still covers a large range of wives and their experiences over the years.

Although the chapters are by topic, not chronological(thus you hop around eras quite a bit), this ...more

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Dec 16, 2009 Margaret rated it liked it · review of another edition

Shelves: history, authors-gh, british-history

Daughters of Britannia is an entertaining social history of the families (not just wives, but also children, siblings, and in later days, husbands) of British diplomats from the seventeenth century to the present day. Hickman moves adroitly from century to century, linking her subjects by theme rather than by chronology and covering every aspect of diplomatic life, from the postings themselves and how diplomatic families travelled to them, to the details of their lives once they reached their po ...more

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Jan 02, 2014 Ari rated it really liked it · review of another edition

Shelves: read-in-2013

I bought this book in August of my freshman year in college at the library book sale but didn't get around to reading it till this past summer. Anyhoo I'm pleased I finally got around to reading it since it was about an aspect of history that never would have crossed my mind; the lives of diplomatic women. Unfortunately it did not cover British female diplomats but it provided interesting portrayals of British diplomatic wives, daughters and sisters. I wasn't familiar with any of the women menti ...more

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Feb 06, 2017 Delia rated it liked it

I enjoy this book oh so very much but I don’t think many people will appreciate the subject. Sometimes it is hard to follow as it progresses by topic more than chronological but it is engaging nonetheless.

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Nov 04, 2008 Siria rated it liked it

Shelves: british-history, nonfiction, history

Daughters of Britannia is an interesting look at the wives and families of British diplomats from the seventeenth century to the present day—women who often endured hardship and upheaval in order to follow their husbands and brothers and fathers many thousands of miles from home. Hickman writes engagingly, but I thought her work was perhaps a little insular, and too brief for the scope of what she was attempting. There is, however, a useful bibliography which points to further reading.

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About Katie Hickman

Katie Hickman

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Katie Hickman was born into a diplomatic family in 1960 and has spent more than twenty-five years living abroad in Europe, the Far East and Latin America. She is featured in the Oxford University Press guide to women travellers, Wayward Women.