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Don't Tell Mum I Work on the Rigs, She Thinks I'm a Piano Player in a Whorehouse
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Don't Tell Mum I Work on the Rigs, She Thinks I'm a Piano Player in a Whorehouse

3.85  ·  Rating details ·  3,428 ratings  ·  367 reviews
A take no prisoners approach to life has seen Paul Carter heading to some of the world's most remote, wild and dangerous places as a contractor in the oil business. Amazingly, he's survived, to tell these stories from the edge of civilization, and reason. ...more
Paperback, 204 pages
Published May 28th 2006 by Allen & Unwin (first published August 1st 2005)
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Average rating 3.85  · 
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 ·  3,428 ratings  ·  367 reviews

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Start your review of Don't Tell Mum I Work on the Rigs, She Thinks I'm a Piano Player in a Whorehouse
Oct 11, 2008 rated it it was ok
David Sederis would kill for this material, thought he'd probably be killed getting it which would mean no book. That would be unfortunate if Sederis was writing it. Carter, meanwhile, demonstrates that great material does not great writing make. Which is too bad, because there is some truly great material in here. ...more
Pat Morris-jones
Feb 13, 2017 rated it liked it
Shelves: 2017-challenge
The author and narrator was irritating and just seemed to be about fighting and macho activities. If you like this you'll love the book. Despite that,towards the end I began to warm to him. Also he is a good storyteller. Hence 3 stars. Otherwise for irritation I would have given him 5 out of 5 ...more
Peter Derk
Aug 21, 2013 rated it liked it
First, know what you're getting here. Not an indictment of the oil industry or anything like that. A series of amusing tales related to working on oil rigs in some pretty wild locations.

It's compulsively readable. Sort of like I Hope They Serve Beer in Hell except you don't get that feeling that the author is trying to explain how awesome he is at any point. There are shit stories, more than one story about a monkey (although if we're going to get picky, one story is about an orangutan, which is
Deborah Ideiosepius
This book was one hell of a lot of fun!

To put it simply it is the story, told in his own words, of a young man who started working on oil rigs when in his 20's and was/is still doing so in his thirties.

Now that sounds like it has the potential to be grim reading, it was the title that drew me to this book. Nothing with that title could lack humour surely?
In this (rare) case, judging a book by it's cover worked really well. The stories span rigs allover Asia, in Russia, Africa and the Middle Eas
Sam Still Reading
Jun 15, 2011 rated it really liked it
Recommends it for: people who like funny books
Recommended to Sam Still Reading by: my mum
My mother laughed uproariously throughout this book, then thrust it into my hands and said, ‘You must read this’. When she saw that I was planning to read it on the train, she was worried. ‘You might laugh too much’.

There are some hilarious points to this book, one of them involving a clever monkey and a key, others involving boyish hijinks on an oil rig. There are serious points too (such as what accidents can happen on a rig) but Carter makes this a light-hearted, fun read. Following the oil a
Forsyth T
Oct 04, 2012 rated it liked it
A hilarious collection of stories you'd want to hear told in the pub. In fact reading it felt more like that than getting immersed in a book. Genuinely laugh out loud funny, I finished it in an afternoon. It's not subtle, cleverly written or a literary masterpiece. What it is though, is funny as fuck. You truly couldn't make up the stories he has to tell. Outrageous. ...more
May 12, 2019 rated it it was amazing  ·  review of another edition
Probably the funniest read I've had all year. Including memes which tickle me exactly right. ...more
Marco Pavan
Dec 15, 2015 rated it it was amazing
Shelves: humor, non-fiction
This review has been hidden because it contains spoilers. To view it, click here.
Dec 24, 2017 rated it it was amazing  ·  review of another edition
Shelves: ebooks
I enjoyed it. I could relate to some of the stuff mentioned in the book.
Jun 19, 2010 rated it really liked it
Shelves: owned, non-fiction
I picked up this book simply because it obviously has an awesome title.

Anyway. Since I was little I read more books than any kid probably should (I would go through approximately 5 per week... hey, I do live in a country where it rains a lot you know) and I always found that reading was an excellent way to go places without, you know, actually going places. This book took me places I most definately would never want to actually go to, even if it's just because, you know, I would actually like to
Dec 31, 2010 rated it really liked it
This book was totally hilarious!! Wonderful holiday reading, I used it as a reward whilst shifting house!! Ok, clean another room - you get to read a chapter, pack a few boxes you get two chapters.....

Paul Carter works in the oil industry, and the book is like a succession of boy's own adventures, or the plot of a Cohen movie where the real becomes the bizarre, and I kept thinking 'did that really happen!"

Just one little taster - this apparently occurred in the jungle in Borneo.

"Nothing in the j
A series of anecdotes, compulsively readable, very funny at times. The reader is just happy to learn about these faraway places and bizarre happenings from the safety of a book. All in all, many LOLs, and never a dull moment. Recommended.

Other reviewers have remarked that 'the author has a lot of material but could've done more with it'. Well, yes and no. The point of the book is not to be a travelogue but rather a glimpse at the author's experiences in various places that most of us won't ever
Jul 23, 2010 rated it liked it
This book has been in my to read list for a while but i cant remember why i added it. I think I heard a radio interview with the author but maybe the title just caught my attention.
This book is an easy read and mildly amusing. I'd recommend it more to men who don't read very often. Lots of fart and poop jokes and stories of getting drunk and into bar fights. Probably not my usual thing. My favorite part was the monkey who smoked a pack a day.
This memoir shares a lot about oil rigs and the cul
Feb 24, 2011 rated it did not like it
Shelves: 2011
This review has been hidden because it contains spoilers. To view it, click here.
Mar 29, 2016 rated it it was amazing  ·  review of another edition
I don't think I've read a book that's ever made me laugh, consistently, like this one did. I picked it up right before a trip and it was a quick and light read that set a nice mood after a couple months of constant serious/horror novels. I recommend this book where I work to everyone. It doesn't matter if you're someone who always likes reading mostly erotica, the bible, or bible erotica, this book is fair paced and will even pick up and brighten a dank atmosphere you may be occupying. Cant wait ...more
John Weeks
Feb 10, 2013 rated it it was ok
A view from the other side: we're all trying to kick the oil habit, what about those who actually work in the industry? Slice of life tales, practically transcribed in a pub. (Not that that's a bad thing.) ...more
It's been a while since I laughed so hard that I rolled on the floor -literally- and cried from reading a book.

The best part of being around the world, in my opinion, is that you meet like a lot of freaking awesome people to a total a**holes out there. In case you haven't realise it, ignorant fools existed in every society.

What I noticed about Pauli, like when he shared the 'mischiefs' of some Saturation divers did when they're bored during a job in Brunei -getting drunk, sneaking into the Mosqu
Nov 23, 2012 rated it liked it
Shelves: nonfiction
This review has been hidden because it contains spoilers. To view it, click here.
Amar Pai
Mar 21, 2014 rated it liked it
"Guns are as common a sight in Nigeria as mobile phones are in Los Angeles. In this respect the Nigerians put even the Americans to shame— but, no wait, guns don't kill people, people kill people right? Oscar de driva always had his mobile phone and his gun on him. I thought Nokia should develop a camera/gun, or a phone/gun, or even a gun/phone/camera. There would be massive sales in west Africa." ...more
Feb 21, 2017 rated it liked it
Rated three stars because there are some truly great stories in here. Despite those vivid and/or horrifying moments, was actually not that interesting. If Paul carter had written a book about the oil industry and the people who work there instead of an autobiography, I think this would have been killer. His life stories actually seemed to get in the way - except for that awful one about his friend Craig which I will never in my whole life forget. Was dry retching along the m4 listening to it.
Holly Anderson
Absolutely hilarious!
So many moments throughout that were truly scary, gruesome, funny, and sad.
I couldn't get enough of this book!!!
Jerms O'Flynn
Feb 15, 2015 rated it really liked it
Got a solid laugh out of this one. Alcohol and danger-fuelled mayhem is one way to describe it.
a l i x
Feb 02, 2021 rated it liked it
This is a very funny, disturbing, riveting, thought provoking read. I thoroughly enjoy these sorts of autobiographies, where people live such extraordinary and mostly unbelievable lives. I found I did like Paul’s fast paced writing style as well, however did find he glossed over a lot of details that seemed to be more personal for him (i.e. anything to do with his relationship with his family). I was left with lots of questions, and did feel the gaps in the story did deter from my overall enjoym ...more
Entertaining stories about the oil industry from the perspective of a jackup rig worker, including Brunei, Nigeria, Russia, SEA, PNG and the North Sea. Quick read, and good explanation of day-rate freelancing and the centrality of Loyang Offshore Supply Base in Singapore to the start of oil contractors journey. His stints writing bad copy for an ad agency and studying marketing at UTS are reminiscent of Les Norton's efforts for Bowen Lager. Let down by a lack of self-reflection and needless crue ...more
An entertaining read - I laughed out loud in parts. Paul Carter tells a great story and he's had some crazy adventures ... so if that is your kind of read, go for it. I can only read material like this when I need a mental break or cheering up. Ninety per cent of the time I'm looking for a more challenging read. No offence to Paul.

A note on the Bolinda Audio Book version: Paul Carter is an excellent narrator of his own material and his accents are impressive. When he's finished working on oil r
Mar 22, 2020 rated it really liked it
Shelves: 2020
An interesting biographical collection of yarns and wild stories from a very eventful life working on oil rigs. I just realised that I don't recall a story inside that actually links to the title of this book... there is a funny inscription inside this second hand copy that links to the title though! ...more
May 09, 2020 rated it liked it  ·  review of another edition
Shelves: non-fiction
A collection of stories from a wild life, some of them probably true. The book is amusing and very readable, but don't expect a narrative or a moral. Chapters are very loosely connected to a timeline of sorts, but a memoir this ain't. The title, while catchy, is misleading - the author's mum also worked in the oil industry. ...more
Jack Adams
Jan 15, 2019 rated it it was amazing
Brilliantly funny. Read it while waiting for my plane. Glad I bought a couple of others as I raced through this book. Really excited to read the others on this trip.

Great stories about this guys time on the Rigs during the 90’s and 00’s.
Jo Gaffney
Jul 03, 2020 rated it it was amazing
One of the funniest ‘travel’ books I have ever read! So many laugh out loud moments! Brilliant!
Jul 03, 2018 rated it really liked it
Shelves: non-fiction, 2018
Hilarious. Not winning a Pulitzer, there's no moral to the story, but it's a cracking yarn. I gave it an extra star for the laughs. ...more
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Paul Carter was born in England in 1969. His father's military career had the family moving all over the world, re-locating every few years. Paul has lived, worked, gotten into trouble and been given a serious talking to in England, Scotland, Germany, France, Holland, Norway, Portugal, Tunisia, Australia, Nigeria, Russia, Singapore, Malaysia, Borneo, Columbia, Vietnam, Thailand, Papua New Guinea, ...more

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