Single Mothers by Choice: A Guidebook for Single Women Who Are Considering or Have Chosen Motherhood

by Jane Mattes

The first handbook for the paoidly growing number of American women choosing single motherhood, written by the director of the national organization, Single Mothers by Choice.

Genres: Parenting, Nonfiction, Self Help, Reference

288 pages, Paperback

First published May 10, 1994

About the author

LCSW

Reviews

[Leena · Rating 3 out of 5]

Good starter book I suppose for single women who are planning to get pregnant on their own. Not a great book for single women who are planning to adopt a child on their own, or who have already done so. Only one chapter addresses adoption; the book's slant really is towards the "goal" of getting pregnant through donor insemination or traditional means. In some ways the book addresses single motherhood as Plan B, which is surprising given that the author should know many single women do not consider it a fall-back choice. If solo pregnancy is Plan B, then solo adoption is really presented as Plan C, which I found annoying and frustrating. I think a better, more up-to-date book on this topic is "Choosing Single Motherhood: The Thinking Woman's Guide" by Mikki Morrissette.

[Jeanne T. · Rating 4 out of 5]

Good book with practical advice. All of it wasn't for me (especially the parts about having to "give up the dream of marriage". I'm gay. That's been gone for a long time.) but it's a great guidebook to navigate the waters of single parentdom.

[Samantha · Rating 2 out of 5]

Good starter book for women thinking about the option of having a child alone.

[Jacki · Rating 2 out of 5]

I thought this would end up being far more revelatory than it was. Honestly, it’s in dire need of an updated edition. Some of the chapters were helpful, but others I felt were more common sense. Or maybe I was already self-assured enough to not need the plethora of reassurances you‘lol find in this book. It is also very heteronormative, especially toward the latter chapters when discussing the need for men in the child’s and SMC’s life and why. There was one line that said, “... it is very important for a little girl to have experienced being loved by a man in her early years so that she has the confidence that boys and men will find her lovable as she matures.” Major cringe and red light there. I have a great relationship with my dad, but that has nothing to do with giving me confidence or lack thereof in romantic relationships. The author also only includes a heterosexual perspective on potential dating/relationships for the SMC after baby is born. If you are already determined to be an SMC and confident in your decision, don’t read this book. If you’re on the fence about being an SMC, sure, the anecdotes and reflection sections might be helpful for you.

[Kristin · Rating 2 out of 5]

First off, this book is from the mid-90s. So it is DATED beyond all belief. The updated version talks about this great thing called the internet! Also outdated is the gender roles and how we should make sure our boy kids have boy things, etc.

But! There is some good information in here. I wish there was more on the questions the kids will ask as they get older as the child of a single mom by choice.

Also, kudos to the women who were single mothers by choice in the mid-90s! Thanks to Jane Mattes for paving the way and making it not so weird.

[Kim · Rating 2 out of 5]

I'm going to have to agree with a lot of people in saying that this is a very outdated book in terms of current single mothers who are in the 2020s TTC. A lot of the references are to names like Murphy Brown that I cannot even understand or relate to. I appreciate that Mattes wrote this and was methodical about situations, but I just couldn't completely relate without holding some sort of suspension of life differences as well. I also appreciate that she coined the term SMC, just...can you update this book for those of us who are Millenials and Generation Xers who are TTC?

[Jess Robinson · Rating 3 out of 5]

There was some good information and things to think about but it’s clear in the writing that this is an older book. I struggled a lot with the gender assumptions in the book. While it makes sense for personal stories/examples to talk about a child’s gender, a lot of the things the author talked about in regards to what children experienced referred to a child as either he or she. It’s a great book for people just starting to think about becoming a mom by choice.

[Ana · Rating 3 out of 5]

This is a good book for a woman who wants to become a single parent.
It is very catered to a mid 30s woman who has a solidifies career and is looking to venture into this journey by herself. Not very relatable at times to someone who does not fit into that category, nonetheless it is still quite interesting and informative.

[Zaz · Rating 3 out of 5]

Although slightly dated, especially with regard to gender and sexuality norms, this is still a useful overview of the experience of being a mother on your own. While not necessarily backed by clinical data and research, the scenarios, decision points and general advice is still valuable food for thought.

[Rose Merritt · Rating 3 out of 5]

Not a bad overview, but the indication that this is an "updated" version is quite an exaggeration. The material seems virtually untouched since the early 90s (including the sensibilities expressed). Only the resources in the appendix are more up to date, and even then only seem to come up through about 2006.

[Shaunie · Rating 3 out of 5]

This was in interesting read. A lot of provisional information for women who are thinking about being single mothers by choice. It's nice to take into consideration what other women experienced, but overall everyone's experience is different.

[Laura Aldridge · Rating 4 out of 5]

Truthfully I skipped huge chunks of this book. But the parts I did read were quite informative and very well handled. Certainly a good book to read for women who are considering the path of single motherhood.

[Christiane · Rating 3 out of 5]

Helpful if you need more Information about SMC

Good resource for women thinking about single motherhood. Helps to consider your options when you’re not 100% certain how or what to do

[Judi · Rating 4 out of 5]

Great read for any future mama who is starting the journey to motherhood solo

[Kelsey Breseman · Rating 3 out of 5]

Starting to get a little outdated re cultural attitudes

[Jenna · Rating 1 out of 5]

This book is 25 years out of date and single women are no longer ashamed of chosing single motherhood. I didn't find this book helpful at all.

[Ashley Errico · Rating 4 out of 5]

Great book, great information, I just wish there was a more updated version.

[jacki artis · Rating 3 out of 5]

A bit outdated morally (‘80s) and repetition was definitely noticeable near the end but it did include some good information.

[DavSchi · Rating 3 out of 5]

A bit dated. Still practical.

[Sarah · Rating 5 out of 5]

So direct and applicable. Nice to see someone finally address the social aspects of a child needing male role models. But I wonder what she thinks of homosexual couples who have children?

[Sandra · Rating 5 out of 5]

Just reading the first chapter of the book helped me decide I wasn't prepare to be a single mother, and I'm very thankful for that.

In case you read the first chapter and still want to be a single mother, this book is amazing because it gives you lots of tips and directions.

So yes, I recommend it to any woman who is thinking to be a single mother by choice because it helps you take a CONSCIOUS decision, whether is yes or not.

[Kendall Womack · Rating 3 out of 5]

I really appreciated the topic and the author's personal experience, but I found a lot of the content to be anecdotal in a way that prevented it from feeling credible in a scientific way. Glad folks are talking about the topic, and feel grateful to be living in an age when being a single mother by choice is not only a viable but welcome reality.

[Julie Brock · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book started me on my journey! Well written and very encompassing - covers social, financial, medical, spiritual aspects of solo parenting. The author started a national organization that has several listservs that were very helpful to me, as well.

[Tamara · Rating 4 out of 5]

Haven't started this one yet. stay tuned.

[Susanna · Rating 5 out of 5]

Another wonderful book for those who's considering single motherhood. This book reveals more about having/raising a child from a legal standpoint.

[Jennie · Rating 5 out of 5]

One of the seminal works that got me to have my kid! Never regretted it.