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The Cheers and the Tears: A Healthy Alternative to the Dark Side of Youth Sports Today
The Cheers and the Tears offers parents and coaches sensible advice and healthy alternative approaches to the competitive and stressful world of youth sports.
"Full of practical and helpful ideas for parents who want their child's youth sports experience to be a success. . . . Refreshing, honest, and down to earth."
--Joan Ryan, author, Little Girls in Pretty Boxes; columnist, San Francisco Chronicle
"Shane Murphy understands parents and helps them help their children. His guidance is immensely practical. This book is essential reading for anyone who works with children in sports."
--Christy Ness, Olympic figure skating coach, coached Kristi Yamaguchi to the 1992 Olympic Gold Medal in Women's Figure Skating
"The Cheer and the Tears is terrific! Shane Murphy provides excellent solutions to tough issues. If your child is involved in organized sports at any level, read this book!"
--Sean McCann, sport psychologist, United States Olympic Committee
"Full of practical and helpful ideas for parents who want their child's youth sports experience to be a success. . . . Refreshing, honest, and down to earth."
--Joan Ryan, author, Little Girls in Pretty Boxes; columnist, San Francisco Chronicle
"Shane Murphy understands parents and helps them help their children. His guidance is immensely practical. This book is essential reading for anyone who works with children in sports."
--Christy Ness, Olympic figure skating coach, coached Kristi Yamaguchi to the 1992 Olympic Gold Medal in Women's Figure Skating
"The Cheer and the Tears is terrific! Shane Murphy provides excellent solutions to tough issues. If your child is involved in organized sports at any level, read this book!"
--Sean McCann, sport psychologist, United States Olympic Committee
240 pages, Paperback
First published January 31, 1999
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Displaying 1 - 4 of 4 reviews
April 14, 2010
Sensible advice and healthy guidelines to approaching the youth sports environment in this book. The central assertion of this book is that youth sports programs do not just exist for the children, particulary as adults are the ones who organize them, run them coach the kids and participate in watching them at events. The case is made that youth sports programs are as much or more for the adults than the children involved and that these programs need to be organized to also meet their needs while still being beneficial to children. Youth sports are a social process that must be tended to for more positive outcomes for the general population as well as individuals (though society tends to naturally reward the few, talented individuals that are able to stay in the youth sports system long enough).
Some thoughts about the kids' participation in sports programs:
* having fun is the main reason (age 5-17), but each child has a different definition of what is fun
* people are happiest when the challenge they are facing is equal to the skills they have (too much and it's anxiety-provoking/too little = boring)
* good athletes remain motivated because they continue to get chances to participate as they climb up the competitive ladder; less skilled athletes have fewer chances and less fun over time
* the desire to be good at something is a powerful motivator; learning new skills keeps children actively involved
* love of a sport is more likely to be a physical thrill for the child and keep him/her involved longer than talent alone
* team friendships, particularly during adolescence, are a huge social benefit and source of identity for children
The Youth Sports Motivation Survey for Parents is a great resource!
Three essential features of personal competence are:
1) ability to do life-planning
2) to be self-reliant
3) to seek the resources of others when needed.
Keeping those points in mind will help one to avoid falling into the parent-trap of pushing their own dreams instead of encouraging those of their child.
"If [one:] enjoys something, it has such intrinsic, personal value for us that we will move mountains to have the chance to do it...we are committed to the things we enjoy." While this seems to be an obvious observation, it's important to keep in mind for the youth athlete so we are able to support them instead of forcing them to play when their passion and desire is no longer present. When the external reasons for playing a sport dominate, the game because a chore and burnout is likely.
As children develop, their ideas and approaches to competition change many times. Children are not little adults, so we need to examine things from their perspective as they don't see sports the same way adults do. Three aspects of a child's perspective on competition change as they develop:
1) the ability to understand effort and ability are distinct concepts (fully differentiated after age 11)
2) their self-perception of how good they are in sports (no doubt is present when they are young)
3) the way they evaluate how good they are in sports (shift from external to internal factors around age 12-13)
If adults can help kids to develop a mastery perspective toward sports rather then an ego orientation, this will make them less vulnerable to drops in self-confidence because they can accept failures better and learn from them as the focus becomes improvement not failure. Good quiz available to help older youth see how strong their goal-setting skills are.
Some thoughts about the kids' participation in sports programs:
* having fun is the main reason (age 5-17), but each child has a different definition of what is fun
* people are happiest when the challenge they are facing is equal to the skills they have (too much and it's anxiety-provoking/too little = boring)
* good athletes remain motivated because they continue to get chances to participate as they climb up the competitive ladder; less skilled athletes have fewer chances and less fun over time
* the desire to be good at something is a powerful motivator; learning new skills keeps children actively involved
* love of a sport is more likely to be a physical thrill for the child and keep him/her involved longer than talent alone
* team friendships, particularly during adolescence, are a huge social benefit and source of identity for children
The Youth Sports Motivation Survey for Parents is a great resource!
Three essential features of personal competence are:
1) ability to do life-planning
2) to be self-reliant
3) to seek the resources of others when needed.
Keeping those points in mind will help one to avoid falling into the parent-trap of pushing their own dreams instead of encouraging those of their child.
"If [one:] enjoys something, it has such intrinsic, personal value for us that we will move mountains to have the chance to do it...we are committed to the things we enjoy." While this seems to be an obvious observation, it's important to keep in mind for the youth athlete so we are able to support them instead of forcing them to play when their passion and desire is no longer present. When the external reasons for playing a sport dominate, the game because a chore and burnout is likely.
As children develop, their ideas and approaches to competition change many times. Children are not little adults, so we need to examine things from their perspective as they don't see sports the same way adults do. Three aspects of a child's perspective on competition change as they develop:
1) the ability to understand effort and ability are distinct concepts (fully differentiated after age 11)
2) their self-perception of how good they are in sports (no doubt is present when they are young)
3) the way they evaluate how good they are in sports (shift from external to internal factors around age 12-13)
If adults can help kids to develop a mastery perspective toward sports rather then an ego orientation, this will make them less vulnerable to drops in self-confidence because they can accept failures better and learn from them as the focus becomes improvement not failure. Good quiz available to help older youth see how strong their goal-setting skills are.
May 2, 2014
I have been navigating the world of youth sports through the children over the past ten years. In that time I have made a lot of mistakes parenting my athletic daughters. This book had helped me take a step back and realize what matters.
May 16, 2012
This book made a lot of sense to me as a beginning coach and parent. It helped me develop new goals for my team next year!
August 23, 2012
Totally agree!
Displaying 1 - 4 of 4 reviews