Goodreads helps you keep track of books you want to read.
Start by marking “Dear John, I Love Jane: Women Write About Leaving Men for Women” as Want to Read:
Dear John, I Love Jane: Women Write About Leaving Men for Women
Enlarge cover
Rate this book
Clear rating
Open Preview

Dear John, I Love Jane: Women Write About Leaving Men for Women

3.9  ·  Rating details ·  523 Ratings  ·  51 Reviews
The new buzzword in female sexuality is “sexual fluidity”—the idea that for many women, sexual identity can shift over time, often in the direction of same-sex relationships. Examples abound in popular culture, from actress Cynthia Nixon, who left her male partner of 15 years to be with a woman, to writer and comedienne Carol Leifer, who divorced her husband for the same r ...more
Paperback, 272 pages
Published October 19th 2010 by Seal Press (first published April 28th 2009)
More Details... edit details

Friend Reviews

To see what your friends thought of this book, please sign up.

Reader Q&A

To ask other readers questions about Dear John, I Love Jane, please sign up.

Be the first to ask a question about Dear John, I Love Jane

Community Reviews

(showing 1-10)
Rating details
Sort: Default
I had heard a lot of praise for Dear John, I Love Jane: Women Write About Leaving Men for Women (edited by Candace Walsh and Laura Andre) by the time I finally picked it up. So, I was expecting good things. This book, however, managed to actually exceed my expectations. It was so refreshing to read an entire book filled with a different kind of coming out story. I’ve never identified with the “I’ve always known”, or the “I was a gender non-conforming kid so it figures”, or the “I fell in love wi ...more
Loren Olson
Dec 21, 2010 rated it really liked it
Much of what has been written about coming out centers on the struggle of late adolescence and early adulthood. The focus on my research has been men who come out in midlife. I purposely chose to ignore women in order to limit the scope of my work. So when I saw this book, I was curious to know if women who come out in mid-life have experiences similar to men who come out after having lived a heterosexual life.

After reading this book, I found a number of parallels:

1. Many have been married and d
Sep 30, 2011 rated it really liked it
Shelves: read-in-2011
I was very excited to find this book at my library as I was doing one of my routine sweeps of the "homosexual shelf." I'd spent hours there looking for just one book that would speak to what I was going through. I'd read several books about lesbian coming out stories, trying to find myself in them, but repeatedly read stories of young girls knowing they were different from early on. That wasn't my experience and I was starting to think I was crazy or completely unique in my situation. And then I ...more
May 12, 2015 rated it it was amazing  ·  review of another edition
Shelves: kindle, 2015
"I won’t insult my past self by saying I was in denial or confused. I am a textbook example of the fluidity of sexuality." - From the book. I'm someone who was surprised to discover that I fell in love with and desired women. It has been an equally surprising discovery to recognize and admit to myself that I also desire and fall in love with men. I loathe labels but I constantly find myself searching for the right one. So, it was refreshing to read this book of stories on what really amounts to ...more
May 10, 2012 rated it it was amazing
I'm biased because my story is in this book!lol

It's a bit disheartening to read that some found the book boring because these are true stories of people's lives. Everyday is not like a movie. You don't walk down the street with a theme song playing! But, everyone is entitled to their opinion.

That said, I had the great fortune to meet a couple of the authors and they were just fascinating as their essays. This book is a timely look at what is happening for a lot of women - we are starting to feel
May 17, 2015 rated it it was amazing
Shelves: gender-studies, sex, lgbtq
I loved this. It was so affirming.

My one little quibble is that one of the authors refers to herself proudly as a "gold star lesbian" (for those not in the know, it's a somewhat self-aggrandizing term used by lesbians who have never in their lives had sex/relationships with men). Considering that this is a book about women who leave men for other women, which is a demographic that's often shamed and shunned by these so-called "gold star lesbians," the use of that term seems really out of place i
Jun 06, 2012 rated it really liked it
Shelves: 2012
Dear John, I Love Jane was eye-opening but left quite a bit of pain to be desired. Forgive the possibly sadomasochistic oxymoron, as pain rarely falls under the category of desirable. Nevertheless, the book lacks the naturally suggested heartache — even destruction — in the stories of women leaving behind devoted partners and choosing lovers of a completely different orientation, often in addition to leaving children and established families.

Despite the assumed tragedy in such stories, most of t
Lisa M.
Jun 04, 2013 rated it liked it
I have read this before. I also own a few books on this topic, and wrote a research paper on mixed-orientation marriages in college. I feel like I have some academic knowledge in the field.

As far as I know, this is the most contemporary book on this topic. There are books that were published in the 80s and 90s on it. While American culture is not exactly accepting of homosexuality at this point, it's a lot better than it used to be. This book tells drastically different stories than the others d
Emily Rhoads
Jul 02, 2011 rated it it was amazing
I read a review of this book that said it had too many essays in it, that the editors were not editorial enough. I couldn't disagree more. Every single essay in this book resonated with me in some way. The fluidity of sexuality is explored from every point of view in this collection of essays about women realizing later in life that they love women. Some realize they were lesbians all along, and some realize it's not black and white and that maybe its just a particular woman they are in love wit ...more
Sep 28, 2014 rated it it was ok
As in any anthology, some of the essays in this collection are better than others. Some are so full of hateful language toward other lesbians (one author referred to "creatures" with hairy upper lips and "rhombus-shaped bodies") that I was put off. You'd think that people seeking acceptance and understanding from the world would not be so shallow and dismissive of others. Some of these essays really reek of what I can only describe as "femme privilege." Unsettling.
« previous 1 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 next »
  • A Woman Like That: Lesbian And Bisexual Writers Tell Their Coming Out Stories
  • Inseparable: Desire Between Women in Literature
  • Getting Bi: Voices of Bisexuals Around the World
  • Sexual Fluidity: Understanding Women's Love and Desire
  • Look Both Ways: Bisexual Politics
  • To Believe in Women: What Lesbians Have Done For America - A History
  • Out in the Country: Youth, Media, and Queer Visibility in Rural America
  • Bi: Notes for a Bisexual Revolution
  • The Bisexual's Guide to the Universe: Quips, Tips, and Lists for Those Who Go Both Ways
  • Butch Is a Noun
  • Best Sex Writing 2013: The State of Today's Sexual Culture
  • PoMoSexuals: Challenging Assumptions About Gender and Sexuality
  • When We Were Outlaws
  • No Straight Lines: Four Decades of Queer Comics
  • Missed Her
  • Bi Any Other Name: Bisexual People Speak Out
  • Irresistible Revolution
  • My Awesome Place: Autobiography of Cheryl Burke
Candace Walsh is the author of Licking the Spoon: A Memoir of Food, Family, and Identity (Seal Press, 2012). She is also the editor of two anthologies, Dear John, I Love Jane; and Ask Me About My Divorce, both by Seal Press. She writes the Good Taste column at, and is the managing editor at New Mexico Magazine. She was the features editor at Mothering Magazine for 6 years. She lives ...more
More about Candace Walsh...