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Things I Wish I'd Known Before We Got Married

3.99  ·  Rating details ·  4,021 ratings  ·  395 reviews
“Most people spend far more time in preparation for their vocation than they do in preparation for marriage.”

With more than 35 years of experience counseling couples, Gary has found that most marriages suffer due to a lack of preparation and a failure to learn to work together as intimate teammates.

So he put together this practical little book, packed with wisdom and tips
Paperback, 176 pages
Published September 1st 2010 by Northfield Publishing (first published January 1st 2010)
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Jun 21, 2014 rated it it was ok
I read Gary Chapman’s book “Things I Wish I’d Known Before We Got Married” as part of a campus ministry program with my Church. The intent of the book is to provide those considering marriage some issues to reflect on that most dating couples do not think about prior to walking down the aisle. The overriding theme of the book is that during the traditional Western courtship process, people get so focused on being in love and having found “the one” that it is easy to ignore many of the mundane fa ...more
Aug 29, 2015 rated it really liked it
Easy read. Comprehensive.

I agree with most of the points covered in this book.

- Love is NOT enough to build a successful happy marriage.
- There needs to be spiritual intimacy. To ignore those is a sign of immaturity. Do you both believe in God. How do often do you practice? Does it mean much to you that your partner is as dedicated/not dedicated as you? What if you had children?
- Something deep within the human psyche cries for an exclusive relationship. Not all are comfortable with their partne
Nadra Sébbit
لو كان عنوان الكتاب كنت أود أن أعرف هذا قبل أن أقع في الحب ههه
الكتاب مفيد بل و أرى أن هذا النوع من القراءة و المناقشة ضروري لادراك مفهوم الزواج و بناء علاقة على مدى العمر ...خاصة لليافعين المتيمين يؤسفني القول أن الحب كمشاعر غير كافية لانجاح تلك العلاقة لكن الحب الواقعي يستحق أن نبذل جهدا للحفاظ عليه فمرحلة الحب الرومنسي لن تستمر طويلا لتكتسي نضجا وواقعية ففي البداية قد يبدو أن كل شيء على مايرام لكن اذا ظننا أن ذلك الحب سيستمر بدون أن نضحي و نتنازل و نبذل جهدا فالمؤكد أن العلاقة ستؤول للفشل المح
Jul 31, 2012 rated it it was amazing
I guess some might find it odd that someone who's been married for 39 years would read a book writen FOR those who are dating and considering marriag. Well, it was written by a man after he'd been married for quite a few years and there were things he felt were worth knowing, thinking about and talking about BEFORE couples got married; that might actually be useful to know b/c you might just NOT be making the best decision, even though these couples declare they are "in love".
I think a book lik
Aug 13, 2017 rated it it was amazing
Title: Things I Wish I'd Known Before We Got Married
Written By: Gary Chapman
Genre: Relationships/Non-fiction
Recommended Ages: 16 & up

I have read two if Gary Chapman's books before (The Five Love Languages and Five Love Languages for Singles) and enjoyed them. When my friend gave my fiance and I this book, I knew I wanted to read it before our wedding. I'm glad I did. We had already talked about many of the things Gary mentions in his book, but there were a few that I think will
Roman Steven
Jun 02, 2017 rated it really liked it
It is a nice book!
The myth "happy ever after" and scenario we created in our head on what marriage look like only to find out its not what we expected. Why there is a lot of pain and divorce only after marriage? why people want to get out of their marriage? why they seem happy together when dating and suddenly things changed after they get married? and a lot of unanswered question.
The good point is you have to learn about marriage before you commit yourself into it. And the "happy ever after" c
aljouharah altheeyb
Sep 25, 2016 rated it liked it
مثل ماقلت فيه نصايح جميلة وتضع النقاط على الحروف، وفيه أخرى لايمكن تطبيقها في مجتمع مختلف عن مجتمع الكاتب، وفيه نصايح شاطحه وتعمم دون تأكيد.
بشكل عام كتاب جيد.
Jenn Ravey
Jan 07, 2015 rated it it was ok
I think that for young couples, this book could be extremely helpful. As a woman in her 30s, this book felt like it only covered surface material. My boyfriend and I have each lived on our own. We've done all the chores. We've discussed which we like and dislike, but we've been out of our parents' homes for years, and even when I lived at home, my parents split the duties pretty evenly.

Again, I don't think this book is bad. I simply wish I would've known it was geared toward young couples who h
This is the must read book before we get married. Seriously. So practical !!

Kita selalu dengar " No one plan to fail but they fail to plan " - bunyinya ala2 macam tu la kan.

Semua orang kalau boleh nak kawin sekali je seumur hidup tapi masalanya takda sapa yg pnh plan betul2. Kalau pasal bercuti ka bekerja kita plan dari awal kenapa tidak mengenai perkahwinan. Kalau majlis kawin pun kita plan bagai kenapa tidak mengenai kehidupan selepas itu yg pastinya lebih lama.

Dan utk plan itu,saya syorkan p
Arwa Basha
Sep 28, 2013 marked it as to-read
نفسي ألاقيه جدا

Miss Ryoko
Aug 08, 2017 rated it liked it
I have zero plans or desires to ever get married. Ever. Seriously. But I really want to read this to see if I agree with all the things this guy has to say.

So, to fully offer my thoughts on it, I figured I'd have a running review going while I read it and share my thoughts for each chapter :-p So here goes:

I appreciate that Gary himself has had a lot of hardship in his marriage, so at least he can speak from experience. However, I did not appreciate his statement "One conclusion is inevita
Sep 21, 2015 rated it really liked it
This short book about aspects of marriage to consider was really good. It perpetuated some generalizations about gender roles, but nothing too gnarly. Each chapter is a topic to consider before getting married. They are all common sense, but there's nothing wrong with that. It helped me to remember that it's normal to be different from your partner and for the differences to cause friction.
Isaac Abraham
Nov 08, 2015 rated it it was amazing  ·  review of another edition
كتاب أكثر من رائع، عملي، حقيقي، لاغنى عنه لكل من يفكر أو يرغب في الارتباط. أجمل ما في هذا الكتاب هو واقعيته وخروجه عن النمطية الموجودة في معظم الكتب الشبيهة في مجتمعنا الشرقي.
Tony Boyles
Feb 02, 2018 rated it did not like it
Before I start my review, let me preface by saying that I am not Chapman's target audience. I am not single, considering marriage, or newlywed. Accordingly, much of the rubber-meets-the-road advice about how to conduct onesself in a bewildering new domestic arrangement, I learned the hard way.
I made it through almost half of this pile of shit before I gave up. Chapman is a Christian minister, and he can't resist a little bit of proselytizing (in spite of the fact that he's tackling issues applic
Jun 04, 2011 rated it liked it  ·  review of another edition
Shelves: nonfiction
If you like talk radio, then you can listen to this audiobook. Certain genres, for example fantasy, where authors spit names and countries spoken in no known language, don't lend themselves to audiobook form. They require attention to retain important details and follow plot movement. I expect all but the supreme multi-taskers can digest audiobooks only during the most menial chores, e.g. driving and washing dishes.

Things I Wish I'd Known Before We Got Married, subject broad, language and conce
I liked this book, but I didn't love it...I've got a lot of respect for much of what he had to say here, but a good chunk of it is from some of his other books, or is presented better in other books from other authors.

Chapman's written some good books over the years; The Five Love Languages: How to Express Heartfelt Commitment to Your Mate is a classic that's never going away. When Sorry Isn't Enough: Making Things Right with Those You Love was a surprisingly good read on a topic we don't discus
Liza Weichbrodt
Oct 31, 2016 rated it really liked it
I was given this book about 6 years (right around the time my husband and I started dating) but failed to pick it up until recently. (Shame on me!) I had in the past read about The Five Love Languages and found that information to be very beneficial so I wanted to give this a shot.

I have been married for about a year and 6 months now and so I am aware that I am not the typical audience who would read this book, however I found that was not an issue. The number 1 thing i liked about this book was
Sep 06, 2011 rated it liked it
Recommends it for: See my review ;)
Recommended to Brittany by: Gigill
Shelves: nonfiction, self-help
How I Came To Read This Book: My sister had it in her suitcase, and she's currently visiting, so I read it.

The Plot: This book is written by a marriage counselor who himself has been in a long-term marriage - but not without its problems. In 12 short and sweet chapters he details, as the title says, things he wishes he had known before he got married. Each 'issue' is tied back both to conflicts in his own marriage, and to the clients he works with. At the end of each chapter, he provides you wit
Darin Mirante
Essential reading for those not yet married. I was just 3 years late to it...
Aug 29, 2016 rated it really liked it
My friend Michelle gave or loaned me (I'd better clarify with her which of those it is) this book when she found out I was getting married. I got through about half of it before the wedding day, and finished the rest a couple months later. It does bring up some very helpful topics of conversation for engaged people to talk about. Dating and married couples would benefit from talking about these things too though, so it isn't limited to only the engaged. Many of these topics were ones we already ...more
Badriya  Bintuwaih
Things I wish I'd known before we got married
Writer: Gary Chapman
He is the same write of The 5 love languages .
This books helps the couples who are going to get married or engaged.
He talked about:
1- being in love is not an adequate foundation for building a successful marriage
2-the romantic love has two stages
3- that the saying "mother like daughter" and "like father like son"
4-how to solve disagreement without arguing
5-that apologizing is a sign of strength
6-that forgiveness is not a fe
Apr 16, 2012 rated it really liked it  ·  review of another edition
Like many of Gary Chapman's books, this is a fast, easy read filled with useful and practical suggestions. Several of the topics covered in this book at topics I have regularly discussed with people over the last 30 years. My top picks would be How romantic feeling need aren't enough, that you need to work to keep love going. Understanding differences and choosing to love your partner in a way that is meaningful to them. How forgiveness and apologizing are key to making a marriage work. How back ...more
Shahine Ardeshir
Mar 24, 2016 rated it it was ok
Let me start with what I liked:
I did find that from a point of substance, a lot of what Chapman wrote made sense. He spoke of things like remembering that conflict did not mean lack of compatibility, or that the honeymoon period was bound to end one day, or that different people expected to be loved in different ways.

But unfortunately, what I didn't like about it outshined much of what I mentioned above. The challenge I had with this read was that I kept feeling like I was being lectured by some
Sara Sherzad
Jul 22, 2018 rated it liked it
A good book useful for even married couples not just those aiming marriage but I can not help see it too theoretical, with some practical exceptions.
Angela Marie
Apr 25, 2011 rated it it was amazing
it's great! my boyfriend and i read at least one chapter a week. we schedule specific time for us to read this book and go through it together. definitely recommend this for dating couples... or as the book says, even married couples, or single people!
you can learn what to expect, the changes that can happen, wishes and desires. it also brings up great conversation, things you'd most definitely rather know before marriage.

and don't think you don't need it! my boyfriend and i are the most open a
Aug 22, 2011 rated it it was ok
I wasn't very far into this book when I realized that I was probably not Mr. Chapman's target audience. Yes, I'm engaged, and I'm trying to enter into my marriage thoughtfully. But I'm also not 19, religious, and in the throes of a new love affair so passionate it makes me lose all sense of reason and expect love will conquer all. Perhaps for someone in that state, this book would be more of a helpful guide, since it's much more of a basic primer about how to have an adult relationship. But sinc ...more
Hannah Kubas
Jul 30, 2017 rated it it was amazing
Shelves: marriage, dating
I wish I read this book before getting married! We've been married for a year now and as I read this book, over and over there were things that I knew exactly what he was talking about. It was almost as if Gary Chapman had been writing about us in many sections. While we have gotten through most points on our own already, even married couples can take something away from this book. Highly recommend this book to any dating/soon to be married couples.
Feb 07, 2017 rated it liked it
This book is great for young couples, in the first couple years of their relationship, who have not lived together. It is a bit too heavy on the religious side for my tastes. I also think it lacks practical advice in regards to finances, conflict resolution, and children (if they are in the picture). It focuses more on how personality and lifestyle may cause problems in the future of your relationship, and how to face those issues before marriage.
Rachael Marsceau
Dec 17, 2013 rated it liked it
Chapman is more of a psychologist than a Christian mentor, so expect more "feelings" and "intuition" suggestions here than Scripture. Each chapter deals with a different aspect of marriage that took him by surprise, and that he hopes to help new couples deal with. Recommended as a supplement to more solid pre-marital books. ;)
Aaron Torres
Aug 11, 2011 rated it really liked it
Short read that gives singles, couples, or married folks some critical questions to ask themselves and each other. Those questions could lead to ending an unhealthy marriage or strengthening a waning one.
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Married more than 45 years to Karolyn, Dr. Gary Chapman is just the man to turn to for help on improving or healing our most important relationships. His own life experiences, plus over forty years of pastoring and marriage counseling, led him to publish his first book in the Love Language series, The 5 Love Languages®: How to Express Heartfelt Commitment to Your Mate. Millions of readers credit t ...more
“People do not get married planning to divorce. Divorce is the result of a lack of preparation for marriage and the failure to learn the skills of working together as teammates in an intimate relationship.” 24 likes
“I think the tingles are important. They are real, and I am in favor of their survival. But they are not the basis for a satisfactory marriage. I am not suggesting that on should marry without the tingles. Those warm, excited feelings, the chill bumps, that sense of acceptance, the excitement of the touch that make up the tingles serve as the cherry on top of the sundae. But you cannot have a sundae with only the cherry.” 21 likes
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