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Start Where You Are: A Guide to Compassionate Living

4.14  ·  Rating details ·  13,120 ratings  ·  439 reviews
Start Where You Are is an indispensable handbook for cultivating fearlessness and awakening a compassionate heart. With insight and humor, Pema Chödrön presents down-to-earth guidance on how we can "start where we are"—embracing rather than denying the painful aspects of our lives. Pema Chödrön frames her teachings on compassion around fifty-nine traditional Tibetan Buddh ...more
Paperback, 176 pages
Published August 21st 2001 by Shambhala (first published 1994)
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Average rating 4.14  · 
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 ·  13,120 ratings  ·  439 reviews

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Nov 14, 2012 rated it it was amazing
I have been (re)reading this book since I bought. Chödrö's presentation of Buddhist teachings is changing my life one moment at a time. From other comments I've seen, Start Where You Are goes better if the reader has some familiarity with Buddhist teachings; it would not be the book to start with if you just want to know about Buddhism.

There are three components to the teaching of this book, all of them traditional Buddhist teachings, and especially tied to Tibetan Buddhism. If you want to know
Jul 05, 2007 rated it it was amazing
Recommends it for: anyone
You don't have to be a Buddhist to appreciate the common sense philosophy in this beautiful book--I found it life-changing. If you want to better live in the present, feel your emotions fully without letting them overwhelm you, and expand your compassion and loving kindness for others, this book is a comforting place to start. ...more
Ren Leaflight
Mar 29, 2008 rated it it was amazing
Shelves: favorite-read
Reading this book is what made me say "hey, this Buddhism thing makes a whole lot of sense to me". Pema is always down to earth and sometimes earthy in her presentation of the ideas and how they relate to our lives. She approaches every subject with compassion and makes you really feel like she understands your struggles and issues because she has gone through them, and because she is still going through them. She lets you know that while the difficulties and the issues will always be there, you ...more
Jan 25, 2021 rated it it was amazing
Pema Chödrön teaches the Tibetan Buddhist tradition of Lojong (mind training, using slogans) and Tonglen (a meditation practice). This is not a book of theory though--it’s a very practical guide. It’s such easy reading on the one hand, but trying to apply it is where the challenge comes in.

I took my time with this. Sometimes I could read a chapter, but sometimes I read a paragraph and it was so intense I’d have to put the book down and digest it a good long while before picking it up again.

Deb (Readerbuzz) Nance
My notes from Start Where You Are:

Lighten up.
It's all a dream.
Make friends with ourselves.
Start where we are.
Follow our breath.
Label our thoughts. Observe.
Be grateful---all situations teach us.
It's practice.
Whatever you meet unexpectedly, rest in it.
Soft heart.
Abandon hope of change.
Loving-kindness for self, for others.
Train whole-heartedly.
Apr 30, 2012 rated it it was amazing  ·  review of another edition
This is a good book overall. A lot of insights into Buddhist teachings, but while they are clearly simplified, they still may be a bit over-our-heads for most readers who don't have any previous experience in the topic.

She explains that we all armor our hearts, our "soft spots" instinctively and that to live well, we have to open that door to others, and that it is one of the most frightening things we will ever do, and that we must do it, like everything we do within ourselves, gently.

I most en
Aug 13, 2012 rated it liked it
First let me start by saying that I really love reading some Pema wisdom. This woman knows how to speak ina way that engages your attention.

About half of this book, or a little more, was brilliant and useful to me. Unfortunately, the title is a little misleading.... there are some things that she talks about very briefly, and the lack of detail or explanation makes it difficult for a new practitioner to access her wisdom. Unlike what you may imagine, this book isn't really for beginners in Buddh
Julie Ehlers
Apr 26, 2014 rated it really liked it
While I would be more inclined to recommend When Things Fall Apart to someone who's completely new to these concepts, this was of course still extremely valuable, and funnier than the others of hers I've read. ...more
Dec 26, 2018 rated it it was amazing
Exceptionally good. Clear and very helpful. I will be re-reading this many times I think
Nov 03, 2009 rated it it was ok
Recommended to Anna by: Nobody...
This book has a few REALLY great statements, such as:
"We work on ourselves in order to help others, but also we help others in order to work on ourselves." Oh, wait a second, that's the only one.

A major part of her instruction is to teach the reader how to work with 'slogans'. I find these extremely annoying, especially when they are not in a meaningful context for me and she begins every single paragraph with "Another slogan says..."

I picked up the book b/c she is said to frame her teachings f
May 12, 2020 rated it it was amazing
This almost turned me into a buddhist.

Pema Chodron’s analysis of the lojong, traditional Tibetan texts with instructions on how to train the mind and develop bodhichitta (enlightened mind).

Such a great resource for spiritual recovery and growth.
Jan 19, 2018 rated it it was amazing
I still have a couple of chapters left to read but here are my key takeaways so far. I would recommend this book to everyone but I think it would be more useful if you already have some introduction to the Buddhist principles. I listened to this book on audible during my morning commute to work or while exercising on the elliptical. It filled me with positive feelings. I read it very slowly, often pausing the audio to reflect upon the teachings and some times even rewinding a whole chapter to un ...more
Anastasiya Mozgovaya
the ideas in this book form a fascinating combination of gentle care and painful challenges.
If I could give this 10 stars I would. This book is a compassionate (though also, in a way, stern) guide to living better, more fully.

Pema Chodron discusses the practice of lojong: breathing in pain, breathing out joy (to oversimplify--and yet actually also exactly that). The core of the teachings is, I believe, the practice of exchanging self for others, for letting go of the illusion that we are separate and embracing the reality of interconnectedness.

Chodron lists and explains a series of "sl
“Don’t seek others’ pain as the limbs of your own happiness”

“Don’t bring things to a painful point” is again saying, “Don’t humiliate people.”

“Keep the three inseparable” is saying that your actions, your speech, and your thoughts should be inseparable from this yearning to communicate from the heart.

[a really lovely book that put into words a lot of things that i want to believe are true about human beings. caveat: i felt that some of her examples rely on false equivalencies, minimization of t
John Stepper
Jan 04, 2017 rated it it was amazing
"I think that all of us are like eagles who have forgotten we know how to fly."

When I read Pema Chödrön's books, I feel I'm looking at long-long instructions for how to make the most of life, how to realize our human potential, how to get along with each other and with everything.

She is a genius of a teacher, able to take the most arcane texts and ideas and make them accessible to me. Even better, she gives me the confidence to try, and fail, and try again. I may never attain what she has atta
Oct 27, 2017 rated it it was ok
Ahhhh, after reading the kinda entertaining 10% Happier that basically said the same thing, but in a normal human person tone this book just reeked of frou frouness. Why are there so many mantras to follow? She describes Metta without calling it Metta, and then proceeds to overcomplicate everything. Maybe I missed the point, and while she made some excellent ones--it felt like a slog of sameness repeated on every page. I do love to meditate and just sit and reflect, but this will not be the book ...more
Nov 17, 2008 rated it it was amazing
Pema Chodron is my hero. She writes about living according to Buddhist doctrine so simply and clearly, so attuned to the difficulties of being a human being on the planet, that she makes enlightenment appear as it really is: a doable process, not an untouchable goal. This book is especially interesting for its treatment of the lojong "slogans" - little kernals of Buddhist teachings like "Abandon any hope of fruition" - and style of meditation practice that encourages compassion. ...more
Iona  Stewart
Aug 09, 2019 rated it it was amazing
The author informs us in the preface that the book is a guide to awakening your genuine compassionate heart.

When we find that “we are closing down on ourselves and to others, here is instruction on how to open”.

These teachings are called the lojong teachings and include a supportive meditation practice called tonglen.

“Lojong” means “mind training”. The Lojong teachings contain 59 slogans that remind us how to awaken our hearts. The crux of the book is working with these slogans, which belong to
Aug 31, 2007 rated it really liked it
Recommends it for: Meditators
Shelves: meditation-yoga
I would have had a difficult time with this book if I had not been meditating and reading up on the subject for a while. It seems to have been derived from a series of talks on mind training "lojong", a certain teaching that incorporates slogans to reflect upon. Despite the jargon, she keeps up a friendly, chatty tone while presenting intense ideas about how to approach the experience of having a brain with thoughts and emotions. It's given me some new tools to work with. Thanks, Pema! ...more
Jan 27, 2008 rated it it was amazing
I learned to dig deep into myself, both the parts I like and the parts I don't like, know them and live with them gracefully. I feel like a new, positive, confident person able to say and do what comes from my genuine self, my genuine open-hearted desires. A must read for anyone feeling lost or troubled. ...more
Priyanka Das
Nov 17, 2018 rated it it was amazing  ·  review of another edition
Fantastic, awe-inspiring and truly humbling

This book forced u to accept those parts of urself which u have been successful hiding for a long time. The words are so simple yet so profound. The practices seem so easy but takes enomorous will power to achieve. Truly mesmerizing. It is like a mirror which tries to show u, your real zelf
Landon Shaw
Jun 02, 2017 rated it it was amazing  ·  review of another edition
This book was a gift when I began my Buddhist practice, and I can't recommend it enough. Being an American, Pema Chödrön's writing is extremely approachable for other western readers. ...more
Jun 13, 2021 rated it it was amazing
This book is packed with practical, actionable wisdom. It helped me accept my emotions and myself more, and at the same time others.

I read it before meditating at times and it helped me with my practice and motivated me to practice kindness and mindfulness outside of my sittings.

I felt the change in my everyday life while I was reading it as I recognised situations described in the book and understand what was going on inside me and inside others.

Unlike self help books that can be dogmatic or s
Dec 26, 2020 rated it it was amazing
Shelves: spirituality
A lovely introduction to Lojong practice and Tonglen. Despite being very comfortable with Zen Buddhism, I must be honest that Tibeten Buddhist practice felt inaccessible to me until I read Ani Pema Chodron’s teachings and heard her lectures. She is so real and ungilded, and her beautiful imperfection makes me feel safe and loved. She has become one of my most beloved teachers.
Ariel Rittenhouse
Dec 11, 2019 rated it it was amazing
Shelves: buddhist
Wow. I found this book profoundly insightful and it stimulated a lot of reflection on my part. It was exactly what I needed to read at this moment in my life. The book is organized into chapters covering various Buddhist slogans, pithy mantras. Pema then elaborates and delves into each one, demonstrating a thorough understanding of each slogan and how it applies to our innate struggle as emotional, complicated beings. Some of my favorite slogans: 1. "three objects, three poisons, and three seeds ...more
Deb in UT
This reminds me of the other book I read by the author. These are Tibetan Buddhist teachings, or dharma. There's a lot about the practice of tonglen which is taking in the negative and giving out positive. She spends a lot of time discussing ways of thinking and being or "lojong" which is "mind training."

I recently learned from another source, that when a person is overwhelmed by feelings of inadequacy it's helpful to look at oneself with compassion and curiosity. Chodron mentions both of those
I've been reading several books about Buddhism, mindfulness, and meditation recently, and this one gets referenced by other self-kindness books that I've read. Pema Chodron is a Mahayana Buddhist (as opposed to a Theravada Buddhist), so this book definitely sticks to the Mahayana belief system in vocabulary and suggestions for practice.

I think the most important messages in this book aren't the slogans per se, but rather the underlying message of self-love and self-acceptance. The catch, really,
N.B. In this case, “i-saw-the-film” (with apologies to Tribe) means that I attended the second dathün (of two) in which these teachings were presented. We were even mentioned in the book; we were the criers who slid boxes of tissues to each other, up and down the aisles of the polished hardwood floors of the shrine room at Gampo Abbey, to mop up our tonglen tears.

Please don’t worry if you have no idea what any of that last paragraph means; it’s only important that you don’t go looking for a movi
Jun 25, 2017 rated it it was ok
A prolific author once said, "I have no written 50 books; I've written one book 50 times." After listening to Pema Chodron and reading several of her books, the message is always the same: compassion and lovingkindness. Don't get me wrong; this is an important message, but there is nothing new in this book: the same methods of tonglen and lojong; the same exercises of breathing in and out.

Even the "Oy Veys," which at first were funny coming from a Buddhist nun are just... the same.
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Ani Pema Chödrön (Deirdre Blomfield-Brown) is an American Buddhist nun in the Tibetan tradition, closely associated with the Kagyu school and the Shambhala lineage.

She attended Miss Porter's School in Connecticut and graduated from the University of California at Berkeley. She taught as an elementary school teacher for many years in both New Mexico and California. Pema has two children and three g

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