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Svåra samtal: Hur man pratar om det som betyder mest

4.05  ·  Rating details ·  8,171 Ratings  ·  575 Reviews
Alla måste vi ibland genomföra besvärliga eller svåra samtal med kolleger på jobbet eller med våra närmaste. Det kan röra sig om att löneförhandla med chefen, diskutera ett personligt problem med en kollega eller göra slut på ett förhållande. Den här boken visar på olika metoder att följa i dessa situationer och ger konkreta råd om hur du kan agera.
Paperback, 327 pages
Published 2007 by Ica Bokförlag (first published April 1st 1999)
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Slappy
Dec 04, 2012 rated it really liked it  ·  review of another edition
Difficult Conversations is a how-to self-help book on negotiating conflict in emotionally-loaded discussions between two people. Authored by members of the Harvard Negotiation Project (which sounds awfully prestigious), the book is lucid and accessible.

A "difficult conversation," according to Stone et al, is "anything you find it hard to talk about":

Sexuality, race, gender, politics, and religion come quickly to mind as difficult topics to discuss, and for many of us they are. But discomfort and
...more
Otis Chandler
I read this on a recommendation from a friend who gave it to me on a list of business books to read. But it was so much more. It gives you a great framework for thinking through why people have communication issues - whether in personal or professional relationships.

The best piece of advice that stuck with me is to always explain where you are coming from in a discussion. "I did it this way because...". Sometimes we think its obvious and it isn't, and it always helps the conversation when people
...more
Jaclyn
Aug 24, 2014 rated it liked it  ·  review of another edition
My husband and I both have ADHD, and that makes for some major communication challenges. This book will help anyone get a better handle on tricky interactions. It should be required reading for anyone who hasn’t done mediation or communication training (I have, but still learned a lot).

Difficult Conversations separates readers from our own narrative and reveals the reasons underlying others’ hot-headed — and often baffling — reactions.

Buyer beware, though: this isn’t the only book you’ll ever ne
...more
Jessica
Oct 01, 2013 rated it it was amazing  ·  review of another edition
I constantly recommend this book to friends, family and colleagues. It was introduced to me in a negotiations class and I learned the most from this book over any other book I was made to read in my graduate studies.

Although everyone would benefit from this book - I especially recommend this book to women for a particular reason. Female characteristics and emotions such as empathy and sensitivity can be great assets in life (don't let men tell you otherwise). However, especially in the male-dom
...more
Laleh
May 20, 2018 rated it it was amazing  ·  review of another edition
I cannot recommend this book enough. Clear, precise, to the point, it does exactly what it sets out to do.

Although the book comes too late to save many a conversation I wish I'd never had, but hopefully I'll be able to manage my conversations more skillfully in the future.
Ellie
I don't read many self help books any more and apparently (according to Goodreads) I've already read this one before and rated it 3 stars.

This time it goes up to 4 stars. And I found it so interesting and potentially helpful I replaced my library copy with a tree one as soon as I finished.

I'm not good at having "difficult conversations". I do everything the authors say will happen if you avoid them: complain to my family, friends, co-workers. Anything to avoid confronting the object of my discom
...more
Debra
Jul 12, 2007 rated it really liked it  ·  review of another edition
Recommends it for: Anyone!
Although some of the tips may sound a little corny, I think this is a great book for pretty much everyone to read. I definitely noticed a lot of the negative traps I fall into and I want to try some of the new tips suggested in the book.
Kirtida Gautam
Dec 12, 2014 rated it really liked it  ·  review of another edition
Shelves: psychology
It's a brilliant book that tells how humans sometimes fail to create impact in conversation because they fail to see the point of view of other people.
Adam Wiggins
Solid advice, illustrated with copious examples, on how to tackle emotionally-charged conversations in the workplace, romantic life, and family life.

As always, examples are worth a thousand words of exposition. The examples in this book are extremely well-done -- in fact, I suspect if they were extracted to stand on their own without any of the accompanying explanation, the book's thesis still would have come through quite clearly.

My takeaways:

Break down your thoughts (and the conversation) into
...more
Philipp
May 18, 2014 rated it liked it  ·  review of another edition
Shelves: self-help
A good guide to 'difficult conversations' with boss/spouse/people, i.e., clashing stories, themes that endanger your self-image, and emotions, it contains some valuable advice on how to incorporate everyone's and your own feelings in a mature way during a conversation.

But: For the love of all that is holy, do not follow the advice contained in this book with children. I had teachers who went to university in the 'progressive' 70s, so what they talked about all day is your feelings and their feel
...more
Andreea
Jun 25, 2012 rated it it was amazing  ·  review of another edition
This books has a lot of examples and while reading through them it’s impossible not to recognise a situation in which you have been. It’s amazing how much we speak and how bad we are at conversations.

A conversation is affected by the image people have about themselves. People react when a conversation affects their identity. So the way one handles conversations is determined by how much one knows himself.

One of the best advices is to express your feelings. Once you manage to do that during a co
...more
Emad Rojhani
Jul 09, 2017 rated it really liked it  ·  review of another edition
ظاهرا این کتاب محصولی از پروژه مذاکره هاروارد است و به بیان دلایل دشوار بودن برخی گفتگوها برای ما می پردازد.
نکات بسیار کاربردی و جالب توجه، که غفلت نسبت به آنها موانع زیادی در روند مذاکره و گفتگوی سالم و آموزنده ایجاد میکند, در این کتاب بیان و بررسی میشوند.
Mark
Mar 30, 2011 rated it liked it  ·  review of another edition
Read at the insistence of my wife. I think she was trying to tell me something. Not sure what it was. Back to nerd fiction!
Федор Кривов
Книга рассказывает о том, что в трудных беседах мы часто считаем что знаем историю и намерения другой стороны, но это не так. Отсюда все проблемы.

Когда человеку трудно услышать собеседника, это часто связано не с неумением слушать, а, как ни парадоксально это звучит, с неумением выражать собственные мысли и чувства.
Начните трудный разговор с «третьей истории»: признайте обе позиции как законную часть дискуссии. Ваша цель - узнать и понять его точку зрения, поделиться своими взглядами и согласова
...more
Gareth Davies
Apr 15, 2018 rated it it was amazing  ·  review of another edition
Shelves: leadership, career
A very challenging read, in a good way. There's so much to take in and learn from this book if you are already a fairly competent communicator this will take you to the next level if you can absorb and take on board the wisdom contained within.

It deals with the hardest area for us as humans to deal with, conflict, disagreements, emotions and difficult conversations in a very structured way with checklists, sample conversations and strategies to implement the tactics.

It's extremely actionable and
...more
Andrés
Jan 29, 2018 rated it it was amazing  ·  review of another edition
There's no reason why not to recommend this book to everyone. Life has difficult conversations. This is a valuable and sensible set of tools to make them more manageable. It's also a good motivation for introspection: we don't communicate as well as we think we do.

No hay razón para no recomendar este libro a todo el mundo. La vida tiene conversaciones difíciles y este libro presenta una colección de herramientas bastante valiosas y razonables para poder enfrentarlas de mejor manera. También fun
...more
Spicy T AKA Mr. Tea
What a piece of shit book. Ok, so this was touted as THE book to solve the personnel problems at the food coop I used to work at. My boss, being a corporate minded, new-ager, pop-psychology fan, was told by other managers that if she got the workers to read this book, then problems would practically dissolve. We were asked to read it voluntarily. I was disappointed that I had wasted my time to read it.

There are many things I dislike about it. One is that it speaks in the voice of management--not
...more
Suzy
Jan 01, 2012 rated it really liked it  ·  review of another edition
I am very glad that I read this book, and I feel sure that it will have a positive impact on all difficult conversations I have from here on out. I tend to be a conflict avoider who puts off (or stuffs) difficult conversations, but now I feel that I don't necessarily have to view difficult conversations as conflict. In many difficult conversations I have had in the past, I have felt variously that the other people are trying to win by being loud, emotional, interruptive or verbally manipulative. ...more
Ben Christensen
Difficult Conversations is one of those books where I went into it with mediocre expectations, and ended up really liking it.

It wasn't a book fully of one-liner truisms that everyone wants to highlight, but instead more of its merit was in how it built and connected different larger concepts, and used stylized examples to illustrate or cement them in place.

The book focused on a few of the underlying factors that cause the various difficult conversations we face in life (in work, relationships, e
...more
Stacey
In my opinion, this is a must-read for everyone. I've learned so much already and have been flying through it, it's that easy to read.

A big-picture look at all kinds of difficult conversations, it shares a template for preparing for, reframing, thinking clearly about, and having difficult conversations. What's a difficult conversation? Any that you really don't want to have. One that makes you anxious or upset.

It won't give you a template for negotiating a raise, for example, but it gives you
...more
Peter
Jan 18, 2009 rated it it was amazing  ·  review of another edition
Probably one of the most immediately useful books I've read. There are infinite ways that a conversation can go, and this book gives some very helpful ideas on how to approach the difficult or uncomfortable ones.

I actually bought several copies and give them to friends regularly whenever I get the sense that their difficult situations could benefit from a different approach. I've probably given away at least 10 copies of this book.

One of these friends dismissed the book and basically said ever
...more
Courtney
Dec 29, 2006 rated it really liked it  ·  review of another edition
Shelves: guide, nonfiction
Advice and techniques for handling sticky or unpleasant exchanges (with a co-worker, subordinate, friend, significant other-in a manner that accomplishes your objective and diminishes the possibility that anyone will be needlessly hurt.
Sandra
Mar 03, 2017 rated it it was amazing  ·  review of another edition
This is an amazing book. I highly recommend it to anybody who.. talks to other people, basically. The strategies described are very complex and I think it takes quite some time and dedication to get them working.
Paulo Monteiro
Nov 18, 2017 rated it it was amazing  ·  review of another edition
Shelves: neg-cios
One of the best books about people relationships that I've ever read. Very well structured and simple. Really useful for business and personal relationships.
Erik Nygren
This took me ages to get through, I did not find it to be a very gripping read. However, this is not to say I didn’t take lots away from reading it. I was quite blown away by how this book manages to deconstruct the meta-structure of any tough dialogue, and the widely applicable tools it gives you for keeping conversations constructive and on track.

I believe this book gives you a good (with some training) approach for a lot of awkward interpersonal challenges that life throws at you. I was surpr
...more
Travis
Compared to the other 'be-vulnerable-and-have-the-courage-to-talk-about-hard-shit' books I've recently read this one seemed too business-y and dry, the process it outlines too prescribed. Indeed, the (in my opinion) most important discussion of how badly we need to increase our individual and collective capacities to have more difficult conversations these days was unfortunately crammed into a few pages of a bulky appendix to the ten-year anniversary edition.

The light-a-fire-in-your-belly discu
...more
Nico
Jun 18, 2018 rated it liked it  ·  review of another edition
Dopo quasi un anno sono riuscita a terminare questo libro che dormicchiava nella mia libreria e che ho letto con fatica. Grande lode ai contenuti ma meno a scorrevolezza e lunghezza del volume.
Il libro aiuta ad affrontare in modo nuovo le litigate e le discussioni "difficili" con i propri cari e sul posto di lavoro. Ci sono molti esempi ed è piuttosto comprensibile.
Un po' perché questi contenuti devono essere "messi alla prova" e un po' perché devono rimanerti in testa, non è un libro che si le
...more
Angela
Nov 02, 2017 rated it it was amazing  ·  review of another edition
Shelves: work
I read this for a leadership development class and really enjoyed the read. There are lots of good information that can be applied to work conversations as well as personal conversations. This is one book that I read and immediately put into practice at work and home. It was interesting to think about why certain conversations are difficult and be given concrete ways of working through them. Highly recommend this book!
Blundell
May 28, 2018 rated it did not like it  ·  review of another edition
didn't relate to this book at all, I'd get interested by the first point of a chapter then it would seem to meander off and I'd lose interest. I think I put this book on my reading list when I wasn't as mature a person :-) , this book explains how feeling and how people see you matter more than truth or blame. It didn't need to be as long as it did (and to be fair I skipped a few chapters as it was that dry). You may find a it a different experience. who knows!
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Human Resources B...: Book Discussion: Difficult Conversations 6 2 Jan 16, 2018 01:16AM  
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“The single most important thing [you can do] is to shift [your] internal stance from "I understand" to "Help me understand." Everything else follows from that. . . .

Remind yourself that if you think you already understand how someone feels or what they are trying to say, it is a delusion. Remember a time when you were sure you were right and then discovered one little fact that changed everything. There is always more to learn.”
14 likes
“The urge to blame is based . . . on the fear of being blamed.” 6 likes
More quotes…