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Ex-Gay No Way: Survival and Recovery from Religious Abuse

Jallen Rix

3.61 · Rating details · 18 ratings · 5 reviews

Bringing to light an extreme fundamentalist Christian view, this insider’s perspective offers hope to people grappling with the aftereffects of a cult-like movement often known as “Reparative Therapy.” The movement assumes that going from gay to straight is easily changeable and change-worthy, despite decades of psycho/sexual research to the contrary. Although it did not s ...more

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Paperback, 256 pages

Published May 1st 2010 by Findhorn Press (first published January 1st 2010)

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Jul 04, 2012 Anthony OAM rated it it was amazing

‘Ex-gay, No Way’ is the ultimate ex-gay survivor guide and so much more. It’s actually a survivor guide for any gay or lesbian person who is in, or come out of a strong biblically-based belief system. Its relevancy will help each individual move through the complexities of the perceived conflict between faith and sexuality.

The term ex-gay survivor is a relatively new invention. In recent years a growing number of us have shared our journeys in autobiographical form. The internet has given anothe ...more

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Jul 23, 2011 Ana Mardoll rated it really liked it

Shelves: ana-reviewed

Ex-Gay, No Way / 1844091872

I want to start by saying that this is an excellent memoir and a very necessary book -- I highly recommend this book to anyone who is gay (or thinks they might be) and is worried about reconciling their sexuality with Christianity, as well as a recovery tool for anyone suffering from the religious abuse that occurs in the name of "turning gays straight". We need to live in a world where books like this are no longer necessary, but until that level of tolerance is found Ex-Gay, No Way / 1844091872

I want to start by saying that this is an excellent memoir and a very necessary book -- I highly recommend this book to anyone who is gay (or thinks they might be) and is worried about reconciling their sexuality with Christianity, as well as a recovery tool for anyone suffering from the religious abuse that occurs in the name of "turning gays straight". We need to live in a world where books like this are no longer necessary, but until that level of tolerance is found for everyone, books like this are crucial in helping people to connect and recover.

"Ex-Gay, No Way" tells the life and trials of gay man Jallen Rix as he struggles with his sexuality within various Christian communities, and as he goes from various Christian "ex-gay" groups that promise to turn gay men and lesbian women into either straight individuals or -- failing that -- eternally celibate ones. Not surprisingly, the promise turns out to be a hollow one, and Rix points out with gentle irony that very few of these programs have any real results to show for their efforts.

What is interesting about Rix's story is that he sought out these groups somewhat voluntarily; by which I mean he went because of social pressure, but not because his parents bundled him off to "ex-gay" camp when he was still a minor and without a legal right to protest. This point of view provides an interesting understanding into the self and why social pressure within, say, a church group can pressure a normal, healthy individual into submitting voluntarily to heart-breaking religious abuse.

If there is a criticism to be leveled at Rix's memoir, it might perhaps be that some stronger editing could have been applied. Several chapters, particularly once we get past Rix's memoirs proper and into the psychology of the "ex-gay" movement, feel like concentrated block-quotes from beginning to end. I understand that Rix is trying to provide a voice for the community that has sent their experiences to them, but the many quotes seemed to break up the flow of writing and made it hard to follow the narrative.

Perhaps this is also an issue of formatting -- for the eBook version I was reading, there was very little to distinguish a quote from Rix's own writings, so often I'd go through a page or two or a quote only to get to the end, see the signature, and realize that I hadn't been reading Rix's experience at all. After a lot of backtracking, I finally got frustrated and laid the book aside until I could read it on a larger screen.

It's worth noting that this isn't going to be the perfect book for everyone -- not even for all LGBT or QUILTBAG peoples. Rix admits in the beginning that his book has fewer experiences of lesbian women than of gay men; he also notes that his book is very pro-Christianity, and that he considers facing (and -- probably -- eventually embracing) a Christian upbringing to be an essential part of understanding one's heritage. I do see his point of view, but not everyone who has been subjected to religious abuse may want to start their road to healing with a very pro-religious memoir like this one -- so be forewarned of that going in.

I'm glad that Rix's book exists, and I'm glad that the people within it were given a chance to share their voice. Though this wasn't quite the novel I was expecting, I'm still very glad that this book exists and that I took the opportunity to add it to my library.

~ Ana Mardoll ...more

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Apr 27, 2013 Sarah rated it really liked it

Through the author's personal testimony and the testimonies of other ex-gay survivors, the reader sees how incredibly destructive ex-gay programs are. There are tales about loss of self-esteem, suicide, self mutilation, etc. – all brought on by the brainwashing of these groups that cause gays to feel bad about themselves and to try to force themselves to change something that cannot be changed. It discussed how the vast majority of gay people who go through these programs fail to remain or becom ...more

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Jul 03, 2010 Pablo Rodriguez rated it it was amazing

This is a fascinating story of one man's journey from oppression to freedom. Jallen grew up in a homophobic environment and went to ex-gay therapy. This is his journey in life,the struggle to be who he authentically is. Though I am more conservative in my views and in my style than he is, I gained much from reading this book. ...more

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Sep 06, 2012 Nhlanhlo rated it did not like it

I bought this book with an expectant heart but I was disappointed I simple did not like the author's style of writing. I have asked my partner to read it too and maybe it will be loved..... ...more

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