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Grieving the Child I Never Knew
When the anticipation of your child’s birth turns into the grief of miscarriage, tubal pregnancy, stillbirth, or early infant death, no words on earth can ease your loss. But there is strength and encouragement in the wisdom of others who have been there and found that God’s comfort is real. Having experienced three miscarriages and the death of an infant son, Kathe Wunnenberg knows the deep anguish of losing a child. Grieving the Child I Never Knew was born from her personal journey through sorrow. It is a wise and tender companion for mothers whose hearts have been broken--mothers like you whose dreams have been shattered and who wonder how to go on. This devotional collection will help you grieve honestly and well. With seasoned insights and gentle questions, it invites you to present your hurts before God, and to receive over time the healing that He alone can--and will--provide. Each devotion * Scripture passage and prayer * "Steps Toward Healing" questions * Space for journaling Readings for holidays and special occasions also included
160 pages, Hardcover
First published March 1, 2001
109 people are currently reading
381 people want to read
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Displaying 1 - 30 of 44 reviews
December 18, 2025
We lost our 6th child. I still don’t know how I feel about it. And to be honest, I really didn’t want to read this book, because…was I actually grieving? It’s difficult to put actual words to the war inside me through all of this. My 6th child, I imagine the outer workings of grief may look differently than others. And, well, that’s okay I suppose.
This book really helped me see that whatever I am feeling is wrapped up into a lot of other extraneous circumstances, this is just happened to be the poisoned cherry on top. What immediately drew me to this devotional was her acknowledgement that people react in different ways to finding out they are initially pregnant. I really appreciated this. And therefore, they react to losing a child in different ways, too.
This devotional gives permission for healing, even in areas you didn’t know you needed it.
This devotional is anchored in God’s sovereignty and his humility; and unlike many books on grief, it emphasizes repentance from the tangled web of actions/sin our grief may produce and forgiveness for the people who may be crass, impatient, and harsh with us. This book uncovered some sore spots in my heart and encouraged me to not use my pain as a weapon against others.
This book shares some hard truths, but if you’re willing to approach the book with a soft heart and willingness to be comforted, I think it can help smooth a few paths on grief’s road, even as grief entwines itself in every area of your life. This book helps untangle the strange web.
Strength: •This book is worth it just for the prayers. Honestly, I think that was my favorite part.
•There are questions you can work through if needed.
•It’s short, just 31 days, 1-2 half-pages a day. Enough to chew on for longer if desired.
Weakness: •An unbeliever may be wildly overwhelmed and lost.
•Some believers may be wanting more explanation or a “how-to”, but I found the bite-sized nuggets just enough for the moment.
•Also, (this was big for me, but it was one chapter and everything else was solid) the author says we need to forgive God, and I do understand what she was attempting to articulate, but forgiveness comes after a sin, and God does no wrong. She could have approached the same chapter with keeping contentment amidst unmet expectations while recognizing that this is the path that God did choose for our lives in this season, and God we can trust him even when we are broken, sad, and hurting with the results.
*I was gifted this book by an older, wiser woman who also is a pastor’s wife. I felt immediately cared for and loved through her actions. I will give this as gifts in the future as well.
This book really helped me see that whatever I am feeling is wrapped up into a lot of other extraneous circumstances, this is just happened to be the poisoned cherry on top. What immediately drew me to this devotional was her acknowledgement that people react in different ways to finding out they are initially pregnant. I really appreciated this. And therefore, they react to losing a child in different ways, too.
This devotional gives permission for healing, even in areas you didn’t know you needed it.
This devotional is anchored in God’s sovereignty and his humility; and unlike many books on grief, it emphasizes repentance from the tangled web of actions/sin our grief may produce and forgiveness for the people who may be crass, impatient, and harsh with us. This book uncovered some sore spots in my heart and encouraged me to not use my pain as a weapon against others.
“If we believe that our circumstance is something Satan slipped by God when He wasn’t looking, we will plummet to the depths and drown in despair. But if we view the God of the Bible as sovereign, supreme, and the One who calms the waters, we will be buoyed with hope. We will see purpose even though we may not know what the purpose is” (62).
This book shares some hard truths, but if you’re willing to approach the book with a soft heart and willingness to be comforted, I think it can help smooth a few paths on grief’s road, even as grief entwines itself in every area of your life. This book helps untangle the strange web.
Strength: •This book is worth it just for the prayers. Honestly, I think that was my favorite part.
•There are questions you can work through if needed.
•It’s short, just 31 days, 1-2 half-pages a day. Enough to chew on for longer if desired.
Weakness: •An unbeliever may be wildly overwhelmed and lost.
•Some believers may be wanting more explanation or a “how-to”, but I found the bite-sized nuggets just enough for the moment.
•Also, (this was big for me, but it was one chapter and everything else was solid) the author says we need to forgive God, and I do understand what she was attempting to articulate, but forgiveness comes after a sin, and God does no wrong. She could have approached the same chapter with keeping contentment amidst unmet expectations while recognizing that this is the path that God did choose for our lives in this season, and God we can trust him even when we are broken, sad, and hurting with the results.
*I was gifted this book by an older, wiser woman who also is a pastor’s wife. I felt immediately cared for and loved through her actions. I will give this as gifts in the future as well.
March 1, 2019
Started reading this book about 6 months after our losing our baby Hope at 20 weeks. It’s written by a woman who has suffered miscarriage and stillbirth and feels like a dear friend who’s further down the path of grief sharing the lessons she’s learned from God in her pain and telling you it’s going to be okay. The book is divided into 7 parts (Hiding, Suffering, Questioning, Forgiving, Relating, Seeking and Sharing Your Story) with short daily devotionals starting with a verse and/or quote, sharing a few thoughts on that topic and verse, ending with a suggested prayer and then a “Steps Toward Healing” section with thought-provoking questions about that topic with spaces to write down your thoughts or answers to help process. I also love the few pages at the end with A Prayer Guide for Special Days on days or occasions when specific encouragement is needed (i.e Mother’s Day, Due Date, Baby Showers/Baptisms, Holidays, Someone You Know Has a Baby, etc). I wish there would have been even more scripture and verses, but I would still highly recommend the study to anyone walking through this type of grief.
Some favorites:
P. 157
“Seek God in your darkness, and He will be your light.
Seek God in your questions, and He will be your answer.
Seek God in your anger, and He will be your peace.
Seek God in your sorrow, and He will be your comforter.
Seek God in your uncertainty, and He will be your confidence.
Seek God in your sin, and He will be your redeemer.
Seek God in your forgiveness, and He will be your salvation.
Seek God in your salvation, and He will be your eternity.”
P. 181
“I want to focus on You, not on my loss. You are the Creator of life and death. In my darkness, You are Light. In my fear, You are faithful. When I am confused, You are the way.”
Some favorites:
P. 157
“Seek God in your darkness, and He will be your light.
Seek God in your questions, and He will be your answer.
Seek God in your anger, and He will be your peace.
Seek God in your sorrow, and He will be your comforter.
Seek God in your uncertainty, and He will be your confidence.
Seek God in your sin, and He will be your redeemer.
Seek God in your forgiveness, and He will be your salvation.
Seek God in your salvation, and He will be your eternity.”
P. 181
“I want to focus on You, not on my loss. You are the Creator of life and death. In my darkness, You are Light. In my fear, You are faithful. When I am confused, You are the way.”
December 31, 2018
This book helped me through a lot of emotions and feelings I didn’t even realize I was trying to process. I highly recommend it, but if you’re not ready to open some wounds then wait.
May 1, 2019
Really good and helpful! I know it was written for moms but it even helped me as a dad! ❤️
July 29, 2020
3.5
This book was a wonderful tool to start the long and painful journey of grief with my husband. Good chapters with great questions, review and prayer at the end. Although the chapters noted good content, I wanted a deeper meaning and explanation. I am blinded by grief. I need things laid out for me, step by step instructions. Maybe they dont exist, but I felt I needed more. This was not a quick read, as I dont feel it should be. I read one chapter per day to really think about it and absorb it. Over all good book.
This book was a wonderful tool to start the long and painful journey of grief with my husband. Good chapters with great questions, review and prayer at the end. Although the chapters noted good content, I wanted a deeper meaning and explanation. I am blinded by grief. I need things laid out for me, step by step instructions. Maybe they dont exist, but I felt I needed more. This was not a quick read, as I dont feel it should be. I read one chapter per day to really think about it and absorb it. Over all good book.
January 19, 2023
Great resource especially for those who have just recently experienced loss. I’ll definitely be looking to pass this along to someone one day.
September 29, 2023
Incredible resource for those who are navigating grief after miscarriage or infant loss—includes 31 devotionals and specific prayers for some of those tougher grief days ❤️
March 17, 2025
My husband and I stopped reading it and donated it.
1) Clearly written by a woman, not in a good way. Very fluffy, very repetitive, lots of out-of-context verses, and thus strange conclusions.
2) Discussion questions are repetitive and often don’t make sense with each devotional.
3) The biggest problem and the proverbial nail in the coffin was a chapter was titled “Husbands and Wives Grieve Differently”. They certainly do. But the examples of how they grieve differently were how a man might say something like “well we didn’t even know the baby so why are you so sad…”, or “the baby was so small it’s hard to even feel upset about”, or most egregiously the book mentioned a husband who said something along the lines of “well the baby was just a bunch of cells so it’s not really like we lost much”… It would be a wrong thing to say for a non-Christian, but if that’s an example of how a Christian man might just “grieve differently” then that’s insane. By putting this example in a devotional under examples of men and women just “grieving differently”, the author legitimizes this view of unborn children which is wholly unacceptable, especially for a Christian. A Christian man who sees his baby as a bunch of cells ought to be kindly but strongly corrected.
This was a big enough authorial blunder for us to abandon this book.
1) Clearly written by a woman, not in a good way. Very fluffy, very repetitive, lots of out-of-context verses, and thus strange conclusions.
2) Discussion questions are repetitive and often don’t make sense with each devotional.
3) The biggest problem and the proverbial nail in the coffin was a chapter was titled “Husbands and Wives Grieve Differently”. They certainly do. But the examples of how they grieve differently were how a man might say something like “well we didn’t even know the baby so why are you so sad…”, or “the baby was so small it’s hard to even feel upset about”, or most egregiously the book mentioned a husband who said something along the lines of “well the baby was just a bunch of cells so it’s not really like we lost much”… It would be a wrong thing to say for a non-Christian, but if that’s an example of how a Christian man might just “grieve differently” then that’s insane. By putting this example in a devotional under examples of men and women just “grieving differently”, the author legitimizes this view of unborn children which is wholly unacceptable, especially for a Christian. A Christian man who sees his baby as a bunch of cells ought to be kindly but strongly corrected.
This was a big enough authorial blunder for us to abandon this book.
December 31, 2017
Great tool! Useful, inspiring, and healing.
January 21, 2016
[Note: This book was provided free of charge by BookLook/Zondervan Press in exchange for an honest book review.]
Everything about this book, from its soft pale green palette to the flowers and branches with leaves and bunny rabbits, to its gentle writing [1] about the loss of an unborn or recently born child, is designed to appeal to an audience that is strangely forgotten these days. It seems likely that the lack of compassion many people show towards mothers of unborn children who lose their children to fatal birth defects or miscarriages or tubal pregnancies is because of the rise of the culture of death with regards to abortion and the corresponding lack of concern for those who have yet to draw breath. Yet a lack of unconcern for unborn children, and for their mothers in particular, is all too easily translated to a lack of love and concern and regard for small children, who are equally helpless in the face of the abusiveness and hostility of their parents or others around as those still in the womb. A loving care for all human life is the best way to ensure the best possible treatment of all people, which makes the subject of this book of interest even to those people like myself who have never had any children and lack a womb to bear new life.
As far as its contents, go, this book is about one of the most heartbreaking experiences one can imagine, the sorrow that one suffers because of a life that never got the chance to prove itself. The author, who herself lost four babies to miscarriages and other problems before being able to give birth late in life to two children after having adopted a child previously, is well equipped to write about the pain and suffering and loss that continues for long afterward. She writes movingly about the sadness she feels around the due dates of what would have been a child's birth, about the jealousy she struggled with when seeing children around the age of the children she should have carried to term, and about the sadness of missing faces in a family photograph, as well as the utter lack of compassion others have by calling a precious child "it," as if the missing little one were not fully a person because they had never survived outside of the womb. In light of the darkness of our contemporary society when it comes for being tender and loving towards unborn children, it is little surprise that this book should be part of a small but growing number of books designed to comfort those whose intense grief and longing for family our society cannot fathom or comprehend [2].
In terms of its organization and structure, this book is organized very consistently, and very simply. The whole book consists of two-hundred pages that are not hard to read, but that are filled with discussion questions designed to help the grieving mother (almost certainly a mother) deal successfully with the grieving process. There are thirty-one devotions divided into six sections: hiding, suffering, questioning, forgiving, relating, and seeking. After these come a section on sharing one's story, either through talking with others or, as this author did, writing. There is a prayer guide for special days, a discussion guide with further questions, a scripture index, and a loving note from the author. Each of the thirty-one devotionals has a consistent pattern of structure as well: A title, a verse of the Bible or some other quote, a discussion lasting for several short pages (as this book is a small quarto volume, almost small enough to fit in a pocket and certainly small enough to put inside most purses), followed by a prayer and a fill-in the blank steps for healing that involves bible study or answering questions about one's experiences. The book is written as a devotional that can be profitably obtained for oneself or given as a thoughtful if serious gift to a woman in need.
There is a lot that can be learned from books like this. For one, it appears that many people who have lost children have some sort of belief that their unborn or stillborn children go straight to heaven, and this thought comforts those who reflect upon the brevity of their lives. Likewise, the author spends a lot of time reflecting on divine providence, on the need to honestly open up about one's suffering and experiences and to vocalize in some fashion the frustrated hopes and expectations that were tied up with the lost baby. The author deals thoughtfully with biblical stories, like that of Hannah [3], to show that the longing for children is a way that at least some contemporary women can relate to the intense suffering of the barren that we read in the scriptures. This is by no means a perfect book, but it is an immensely gentle book that ought to serve as encouragement and support for those who have lost a little one far too soon, and who struggle not only with the loss but the fact that the loss is not one that is readily understood by many people in our present evil world.
[1] An example of which includes this tender excerpt:
"Be gentle with yourself. There will always be a part of your heart that holds hands with the child you never fully knew. You may still experience times when you cry, feel angry, or want to hide. That's okay. You lost a child, remember? But your loss has enlarged your life. Maybe you're more compassionate or less serious. Or perhaps you look at children as a gift now and don't take them for granted.
One thing is for certain: You're not the same person you were. You've grown. Maybe it's time to grow some more. Are you ready to hold hands with the future? Look up (175)."
[2] See, for example:
https://edgeinducedcohesion.wordpress...
https://edgeinducedcohesion.wordpress...
https://edgeinducedcohesion.wordpress...
[3] See, for example:
https://edgeinducedcohesion.wordpress...
https://edgeinducedcohesion.wordpress...
https://edgeinducedcohesion.wordpress...
June 26, 2017
This book was hard to finish - but very good for me. I would recommend it to any Christian mother who has lost a child, no matter what age, if they are looking for a book to discuss this sensitive grieving process. The book was very tenderly recommended to me by another mother who had recently had a miscarriage and I'm so thankful she reached out and recommended it to me.
It was set up as a devotional, but I read it here and there throughout the past year or so. Normally each chapter had me in tears, it hit the tender spots each time. But in a good way that helped me grieve the way God designed me to, and direct my thoughts and emotions back to the hope and the future we have in Christ.
Everyone grieves their children differently, but we also all grieve similarly - this book helped me remember this and praise God that this pain is not in vain.
It was set up as a devotional, but I read it here and there throughout the past year or so. Normally each chapter had me in tears, it hit the tender spots each time. But in a good way that helped me grieve the way God designed me to, and direct my thoughts and emotions back to the hope and the future we have in Christ.
Everyone grieves their children differently, but we also all grieve similarly - this book helped me remember this and praise God that this pain is not in vain.
May 17, 2023
This book was tremendously helpful to my husband and I after losing our baby. It walks through a large number of emotions that you may or may not feel, but it forces you to examine yourself to see what you are feeling.
My biggest critique is that it is weak on the scriptural side. Every chapter begins with a few verses, but some are taken out of context. Some of the lessons include scripture to read at the end, but most do not. I was working through this book in the mornings during my Bible study, so I just read the whole chapter of whatever verse was provided at the start of the chapter.
On the whole, I recommend this book (or some resource like it) following the loss of a child. It was incredibly important to me to have something to help me examine what I was feeling and give me some direction of how to progress out of the morass of grief.
My biggest critique is that it is weak on the scriptural side. Every chapter begins with a few verses, but some are taken out of context. Some of the lessons include scripture to read at the end, but most do not. I was working through this book in the mornings during my Bible study, so I just read the whole chapter of whatever verse was provided at the start of the chapter.
On the whole, I recommend this book (or some resource like it) following the loss of a child. It was incredibly important to me to have something to help me examine what I was feeling and give me some direction of how to progress out of the morass of grief.
February 5, 2019
I found this book to give to a friend and I wanted to read it first so I read it in one sitting. I thought it was a wonderful devotional that acknowledges the pain and grief of the loss, and encourages the reader to cry out to God and to ask Him for healing and restoration. There are scriptures that begin each reading, the readings are short but have well-written personal experiences and bible story references, then ends with a beautiful prayer, questions for reflection and a space to write down personal thoughts. Excellent little book.
November 5, 2022
Frankly I hated this devotional. I can't entirely pinpoint it, but I disliked it so much I threw it away in the coffee shop I was in when I got super close to the end. I was just frustrated. It wasn't practical or insightful for me. And it was way too Christianese for any non-believer to even attempt to read, which was sad.
Maybe it was the title - I got to know my daughter for two days before she died. But I know many others don't get that opportunity at all. And I think that is the main audience of this book - miscarriage, stillbirth, or similar situations.
Maybe it was the title - I got to know my daughter for two days before she died. But I know many others don't get that opportunity at all. And I think that is the main audience of this book - miscarriage, stillbirth, or similar situations.
December 8, 2024
Generic Christianese and random scriptural sentiments. For instance, for the story of Jesus asking his disciples who they say he is, the application is to know how you think of yourself as a mom and have an answer ready for when people ask you things like how many children you have. The idea is good, but the need to spiritualize it somehow cheapened it. Possibly a good read for someone brand new to loss or infertility, and thinking about these things for the first time, and who doesn't mind generic devotional speak, but could have been done better.
August 1, 2017
Wow, what an incredible resource after losing my baby girl. It's honest and real and she explores the dark places your mind goes when walk the lonely road of grief. I'm so thankful for the scripture she points to. I cannot recommend this book enough for any Christian after experiencing a miscarriage or stillborn loss.
March 7, 2018
Enjoyed the book so much I’m using it as a guide for a support group that I’m starting. It gently explores the dark and deep pain of pregnancy/child loss and restores with well placed Bible verses. It takes time to process each devotional and I would recommend it after the first couple of months of brute survival have been completed.
Mother of four, three waiting in eternity
Mother of four, three waiting in eternity
February 7, 2024
These short devotionals walks a woman through grief after losing a child and are structured in six different parts.
I read this devotional quickly without doing the questions to see if this author shared new information or shared information in a way that spoke to me. I found the devotional encouraging, but not nearly enough as 'Held'. The devotional also felt a bit fluffy at times.
I read this devotional quickly without doing the questions to see if this author shared new information or shared information in a way that spoke to me. I found the devotional encouraging, but not nearly enough as 'Held'. The devotional also felt a bit fluffy at times.
April 12, 2022
One of my favorite and best devotionals I have read on miscarriage and child loss.
I believe this devotional is especially good for someone who has pushed down grief or hasn't been able to face grief fully for other circumstances.
It has helped me heal tremendously.
I believe this devotional is especially good for someone who has pushed down grief or hasn't been able to face grief fully for other circumstances.
It has helped me heal tremendously.
April 19, 2024
This devotional was amazing. I began it after our second miscarriage in the past 9 months. My heart is broken but this devotional has allowed me to begin healing correctly by showing me how to lean on God.
October 6, 2024
This book really helped guide me through my grieving journey and helped me to process a wide range of emotions, as well as strengthen my faith and relationship with God. I highly recommend this devotional
January 29, 2025
This book really digs deep and surfaces feelings you didn’t even think you had even after a couple of years after a miscarriage. The stories and reflection questions helped me dig out emotions I never knew were coming from what I went through. You will find comfort in knowing you are not alone.
February 9, 2026
Received this from one of our friends at the hospital. Such a great book. Has readings for special days or needs, which has really helped. Loved that it is short devotions, followed by a prayer and thoughtful questions to reflect on after each one
February 5, 2019
This devotional is an excellent resource for anyone who has lost a baby. I read it quickly but will go back through it and complete a lot of the writing prompts.
December 27, 2019
Great help a few years ago when I lost my third baby to miscarriage. I would recommend to anyone suffering from that horrible grief!
December 20, 2023
This has been helpful as i go through my grieving process
March 10, 2024
(4☆ Would recommend)
The author does a great job at pointing the reader to hope. Books like these are hard to read, but well needed.
The author does a great job at pointing the reader to hope. Books like these are hard to read, but well needed.
October 6, 2024
Loved this book so much. There really isn't words. I felt so seen and also so much I really just needed to read. Thankful for this devotional that has helped me with my grief journey
August 15, 2025
Very helpful to work through my feelings after losing my baby. Highly recommend to other stillbirth moms out there.
March 26, 2016
Kathe Wunnenberg offers much needed compassion in her new publication, "Grieving the Child I Never Knew" which describes in depth the enormous heartbreak one experiences after losing a baby to miscarriage, tubal ligation or stillbirth. Long overlooked these mothers suffered in silence because others did not understand their grief and anquish. Ms. Wunnenberg, after suffering three miscarriages, can relate to the scores of women who also anticipated healthy babies and instead go home empty handed. Her words are gentle and kind and will help families and their loved ones realize the same grief that others experience when they lose those they cherish. I
Thank Ms. Wunnenberg for sharing this devotional because I was among those who didn't know where to go or who to speak to after losing eleven children to miscarriage throughout my first 20 years of marriage. This is a much needed book and will aide many in the future. I would like to add, that many of my loved ones felt that it was easier each time I miscarried because of the notion that I had been through this before. There is nothing further from the truth. As time passed it became harder to lose my unborn.
The author shares tools to assist the grieving with prayer and scripture. There is even a space for journalism. It is because of stellar resources like these that I appreciate reviewing for Book Look Bloggers. This would make the perfect sympathy gift for those with recent similar loss.
Thank Ms. Wunnenberg for sharing this devotional because I was among those who didn't know where to go or who to speak to after losing eleven children to miscarriage throughout my first 20 years of marriage. This is a much needed book and will aide many in the future. I would like to add, that many of my loved ones felt that it was easier each time I miscarried because of the notion that I had been through this before. There is nothing further from the truth. As time passed it became harder to lose my unborn.
The author shares tools to assist the grieving with prayer and scripture. There is even a space for journalism. It is because of stellar resources like these that I appreciate reviewing for Book Look Bloggers. This would make the perfect sympathy gift for those with recent similar loss.
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