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After the Tears: Helping Adult Children of Alcoholics Heal Their Childhood Trauma
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After the Tears: Helping Adult Children of Alcoholics Heal Their Childhood Trauma

4.30  ·  Rating details ·  189 ratings  ·  15 reviews
Adult children of alcoholics have learned how to "survive," but often have difficulty "living" their lives. The trauma and grief of childhood losses affect every aspect of the life of an adult child of an alcoholic (ACoA). Now the authors of the bestselling After the Tears offer further insight into the origin and cost of childhood pain for those who grew up in alcoholic ...more
Paperback, 320 pages
Published September 1st 2010 by Health Communications Inc (first published October 1986)
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Average rating 4.30  · 
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 ·  189 ratings  ·  15 reviews

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Dec 04, 2011 rated it it was amazing
Recommends it for: nearly everyone
Recommended to Andrew by: longing
I am hoping this is the beginning of something, for instance, LIFE.
Sep 25, 2012 rated it it was amazing
I thought this was a very well crafted book. It had plenty of real life examples, and it has helped me to start to see more clearly how growing up in a home with an alcoholic has shaped me and shaped how I react to and relate to other people. What I truly appreciate about this book is that it is not about blame or reliving the past, but rather a tool to better understand myself. It has allowed me to see where I am holding onto past experiences and patterns that are negatively affecting my ...more
Nov 23, 2011 rated it really liked it
Shelves: self-care
I don't generally read Self-Help books, but as an ACOA I wondered what the book had to offer. After the Tears provided some valuable insights into the dysfunctionality of the alcoholic family and how the pain is transmitted through the generations. It reminded me of how far I have come in my own "grief work", and where I still need to focus. It's nothing short of a tragedy that there are ACOAs who will live the rest of their lives never coming to terms with their pain. I not only recommend this ...more
Dani Askin
Dec 20, 2012 rated it it was amazing
I wish I had gotten this book as a teenager. It is the best book available for overcoming the challenges of moving past the dysfunction of childhood and a guide for creating a better today and tomorrow. I recommend this book to anyone who grew up in dysfunction or who feels emotionally lacking parental support.
Angie Bigler
Jun 28, 2015 rated it it was amazing
very insightful! I don't usually read self help, but I'm glad I read this one. it was recommended by my therapist and it has helped me understand I'm not alone.
May 18, 2012 rated it liked it
Shelves: psychology
Helpful, but doesn't really break any new ground -- any number of other books on this topic are equally enlightening. I suppose if this is your challenge, the best advice is just to pick a book and dive in. And if you are the spouse of an adult child? Same advice, just pick one and go for it (and accept that your spouse's parent, even if that parent is no longer living, will be one of the most influential persons in your marriage.)
Sep 27, 2014 rated it it was ok
Informative, but a bit redundant.
Jul 27, 2017 rated it really liked it
Fourth time for me. I like to read this every 5 years or so. Still building my cognitive life raft, but I'm getting there.
***What doesn't kill you makes you stronger***
Mar 05, 2018 rated it it was amazing
Sue Campbell
Dec 28, 2019 rated it really liked it
Self-help that's right on target for character development
Travel Writing
Apr 02, 2015 rated it really liked it
Shelves: grief, non-fiction
After the Tears breaks no new ground in the ACoA literature, but it was still extraordinarily helpful.

I appreciated the stories and the connections made in the book. For me, healing always comes back to the grief work we all must undertake. After the Tears speaks eloquently and practically about grief and loss and how it effects every part of our lives until we can face what we lost in our dysfunctional families.

I would highly recommend it to anyone (ACoA or not) who is doing grief work or
Oct 22, 2013 rated it it was amazing
I am not the daughter of alcoholic parents but the dysfunction in our household may have contributed to life long depression. While studying my addiction diploma, my teacher suggested I might get help from this book.

It was an eye-opener to say the least. The same insecurities and trust issues that children of addicts and alcoholics are felt by others who come from dysfunctional homes. I also attended many 12 step programs as part of my studies and found them to be far more helpful than the years
Jul 06, 2012 rated it liked it  ·  review of another edition

A worthwhile read on grief processing and working through alcoholic family issues. It didn't rock my world but did provide plenty of insights and connections.
Jul 22, 2012 rated it really liked it  ·  review of another edition
Great read for anyone. Therapists, friends, family, people who are trying to make the world a better place thought compassionate understanding.
Kyle McElfresh
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Aug 27, 2012 rated it really liked it  ·  review of another edition
A worthwhile read for anyone who has come through this challenge.
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Jane Middelton-Moz is an internationally known speaker and author with more than forty years of experience in consultation, training, and community intervention. She is the director of the Middelton-Moz Institute. Ms. Middelton-Moz has served on the Board of NACOA (National Association of Children of Alcoholics) and the Advisory Board of NANACOA (National Association of Native American Children of ...more
“One of the survival mechanisms of children raised in alcoholic families is an awareness of parental needs and feelings and of changes in parental moods and behavior. The Adult Child often makes a full-time occupation of mind reading with partners, friends, employers, and therapists. As a consequence, they earn a Ph.D. at the age of six in observing the behavior of others and assessing parental needs—but are in elementary school at age thirty, trying to learn to assess, label, or communicate their own needs and feelings.” 4 likes
“Fatalistic Outlook The powerlessness and helplessness of experiencing cumulative trauma is often experienced as a belief that bad times or even death are right around the corner, that one is living on borrowed time, or that feelings of security and success cannot last.” 2 likes
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