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Missed Her

4.28  ·  Rating details ·  560 Ratings  ·  72 Reviews
Ivan E. Coyote is a master storyteller and performer; their beautiful, funny stories about growing up a lesbian butch in the Canadian north have attracted big audiences whether gay, straight, or otherwise. Missed Her is Ivan's fifth story collection, following 2008's Lambda-nominated The Slow Fix and Bow Grip, their novel that was named a Stonewall Honor Book by the Americ ...more
Paperback, 144 pages
Published August 31st 2010 by Arsenal Pulp Press (first published January 10th 2010)
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rating: 4/5

Unfortunately I've never had the pleasure to see Coyote perform her stories live. I heard it is an amazing experience and that if I had seen her perform, I would love her stories even more. Maybe someday I'll be lucky enough to do so. Until then I will stay content reading her stories; some are humorous, others sad, some say something poignant about life while others just entertain. They explore issues of feminism, lesbians, the butch identity, friendships, love, and everything in bet
Apr 25, 2017 rated it it was amazing
Shelves: lgbt
nearly all my favorites of ivan's stories are in this collection. reading it felt like holding a hot bowl of soup up to my face in the winter.
Emerald Emerald
Aug 07, 2013 rated it it was amazing
Shelves: favorites
My unreserved recommendation of Missed Her to anyone who reads is so much a given it almost feels distracting to point it out amidst the desire to somehow convey in words the splendor I experienced among its pages. More than in most instances I've ever observed, this collection exemplifies the capacity to capture moments and preserve them in the pristine purity of seamless prose.

That prose either takes what may seem ordinary moments and infuses them with exquisiteness or perhaps just outlines th
Apr 04, 2016 rated it liked it
So this collection felt a bit flat to me. I think the author is a gifted storyteller whose work I would really enjoy seeing performed, but all of them didn't quite work on the page.

One piece in the collection, however, did melt my heart. It was actually the piece that upon reading it in the store made me buy the rest of the collection. It was titled, "The Rest of Us..." which I hope is a reference to Kate Bornstein's Gender Outlaw: On Men, Women and the Rest of Us. Ivan Coyote goes to their gran
Jul 31, 2011 rated it really liked it
Shelves: queer
I enjoyed this collection of stories immensely. Coyote writes straight from the heart, choosing being genuine over being clever, and it pays off. The only fault I can find is that each piece is frustratingly short, no longer than you can tell over one beer in a Canadian pub.

One side note: one of my favorite books is Leslie Feinberg's "Stone Butch Blues," and I find it heartbreaking that Jess's life was so fraught with challenges while, in counterpoint, Coyote's life seems to be punctuated with s
I really loved this collection of essays that grew out of Coyote's own experience. They were a neat window into their life and I like how they talk about experience. There was a gamut, certainly, and most of them include a couple of encounters that were not always immediately related for me - but someone reading slower might have a different experience.

Will be reading more by this writer!
Aug 10, 2010 rated it it was amazing
Ivan is a masterful storyteller. We just received finished books today but of course I get to read the stories earlier. Damn, Ivan can write and Ivan can tell a story.
Makes me laugh, makes me think and makes me cry.
Ivan E Coyote is it.
Michael Livingston
Feb 25, 2015 rated it really liked it
Short essays based on the authors life as a butch lesbian in small town Canada. Filled with warmth and humour.
Apr 30, 2013 rated it it was amazing
Shelves: lgbtq, biographies
I want to give Ivan a bear hug.
Jane Mulkewich
Jun 26, 2017 rated it it was amazing
Ivan Coyote has such a gift for capturing life's stories... the only problem with this book is that it was over too soon.

I am not going to give a longer review because I am going on to read my next Ivan Coyote book.
Shelley Noland-tomkinson
Jul 14, 2017 rated it really liked it
Loved this book, smart and funny has me heading to the book store for more of Ivan's wit and charm ❤
Joanne Johnson
Jul 08, 2017 rated it really liked it
Interesting stories...I liked the setup, each little chapter was a different story...and they were short...enjoyed reading this book
May 04, 2017 rated it it was amazing
Lovely collection of short stories that are like small memoires: incredibly personal and some poignantly beautiful, particularly when (s)he writes about his/her grandmother.
Mar 07, 2017 rated it it was amazing
Shelves: grsm-books
I really adored this book. Missed Her is an engaging and delightful read into the experiences that Ivan E. Coyote has had not only as a queer and trans person, but also simply as a person. As an proud outdoorsy person from the Yukon, someone whom family is important to, someone who loved the arts. Missed Her is wonderful in that it is an undeniably queer book, that is also so much more than that. The butch queer trans kid I am loved reading about someone to whom I can relate. But, I also believe ...more
May 26, 2017 rated it really liked it
I really enjoyed this book. I had a problem deciding if I should shelve it with short-stories or memoir, but I bought it second hand with a library sticker on it saying FIC, so I trust unto librarians. The same week I read this I read Liz Duck-Chong's profile of Ivan in Kill Your Darlings, and experienced the same dissonance I experienced when I read Halberstam's Female Masculinity alongside a recent Halberstam interview. In both cases some things have shifted in the author's gender presentation ...more
Mar 15, 2013 rated it liked it
Shelves: memoirs, queer
I am very puzzled by the part on the copyright page that says, "This is a work of fiction. Any resemblance of characters to persons either living or deceased is purely coincidental."
But... the main character is Ivan herself and bears what is surely not a coincidental resemblance to Ivan. I found myself wondering throughout the book about whether or not it was fiction.
I googled Boner Preservation Society and came up mostly with references to the book- I guess it is fictional?
On the other hand, th
Dec 27, 2010 rated it it was amazing
Recommended to Trisha by: Amy and Cass
Shelves: borrow
The Short and Sweet of It
Missed Her is a short, but moving, collection of personal stories focused on Coyote's experiences as a queer, butch, storyteller living on Canada's west coast. Each essay is succinct, powerful, and entertaining.

A Bit of a Ramble
Typically when I read a collection of short stories - whether fiction or nonfiction - a few stand out as favorites, a few as giant pieces of yuck, and the rest sort of blend into moderateness. Not so with this book. I really enjoyed every story in
Nov 04, 2012 rated it it was amazing
My first introduction to Ivan E. Coyote came in the form of a Christmas gift from K. when she gave me Bow Grip and Closer to Spiderman (see post of ages ago). I loved Ivan E. then and I love her now.

I love that after finishing an Ivan E. collection I’m left considering not just the subjects of the stories - familial bonds, those expectations about identity and behaviour we carry into any encounter with other people, the obligations we hold to one another, the limits we set, define or negotiate a
Jul 21, 2015 rated it it was ok
Shelves: lgbt
I could not get really into this collection of essays. The writing was good, but I had some trouble relating to the author's experiences because she in some ways was so rigid in her conversation about identities. I also found her tell us how great she is a lot.

In the grand scheme of things, I think I understand why the author does have somewhat rigid discussion of identities- it feels largely because of her own experiences as being a butch predominately estrogen based person in a society that d
Cheyenne Blue
Dec 12, 2014 rated it really liked it
I’m a big fan of Ivan E. Coyote’s work. I love the short, discrete little stories, the precise prose. After being blown away by “Close to Spider Man” I dived into “Missed Her” with gusto.

I admit to being the tiniest bit disappointed. While I still love the writing, the brevity of the pieces, the writing style, I found the stories in Missed Her to be a little too similar, somewhat repetitive when read as a whole. Individually, I enjoyed each and every one, but together? Not so much. There was a s
Anne Mortimer
Sep 15, 2016 rated it it was amazing
Aug 07, 2014 rated it liked it
If I could give this collection 3.5 I would. Firstly, having never heard Ivan tell a story I feel like I'm missing out and I feel like that's part of the reason this collection is getting 3 stars versus 4.
Part of my enjoyment in reading these stories was the emotions and memories they transported me to from my own life. I'm very grateful to the writer for taking me there and for making me look a little deeper into a life I couldn't know.

At times I felt some of the stories should have been voice
Coreena McBurnie
May 19, 2012 rated it really liked it
I'd never heard of Ivan Coyote before I saw her name on the list for the Word on the Lake Festival I'm attending in Salmon Arm, BC next week. I picked up her book, not knowing what to expect and found I tore right through it. Each story is only a few pages long and I found myself reading "just one more," until the book was done.

Coyote is a storyteller and her stories are engaging, entertaining and sometimes challenging. She is a lesbian butch and I haven't read anything like this since my univer
Just A. Bean
Mar 22, 2012 rated it it was amazing
Shelves: lgbt
A collection of Ivan's storytelling circuit stories and expanded Xtra columns. I've heard her tell a lot of them before, and read others in the paper, but found reading them all at once deeply moving. Despite owning multiple pairs of boots that make a satisfying clomping sound and preferring men's scents of deodorant, I'm not especially butch, that's my culture, but it's still a brother culture to mine with all its beauty and insecurities, so the stories – the dangers of not fitting a box, growi ...more
Jul 13, 2011 rated it really liked it
Shelves: canada, vancouver, rainbow
Another excellent series of stories by Ivan. Maybe not my favourite collection, but quite solid on its own.

I was leaning towards giving this three stars, and then Ivan made me cry a bit on pages 104-105, and then laugh more. And the final story, "A Love Story"? I heard her tell this to a packed audience in the WISE hall in East Vancouver, before this book was even published. I heard her tell it with her girlfriend *in the audience*, and her girlfriend noting just how true it all was, even as we
For Books' Sake
Jan 10, 2011 rated it really liked it
As with any short story collection, some are stronger than others, but overall Missed Her is a skilfully-crafted and gorgeous anthology, told with talent, tenderness, warmth and sincerity. Although it’s only early days, it’s a safe bet that it’ll be one of my favourite books of the year.

Although it’s clear why Ivan has such a fiercely loyal LGBT following, her deftness with pace, language and characterisation while addressing wider themes, such as the universality of human heartbreak and the dea
Eliot Fiend
Jan 04, 2013 rated it it was amazing
Shelves: queer, made-me-cry
this book is fucking great. coyote is a queer butch--something of a rarity it sometimes seems in the world of young queers; and her writing, rich with stories of family, young people, place (from the rural Yukon where s/he grew up to Vancouver and other places in Canada they visit on their storytelling tours), pain, love. can't wait to read more of her work and to share it with my transmasculine and butch friends, lovers, brothers, sisters...and maybe my mom, too. well-written and totally beauti ...more
Dec 20, 2012 rated it it was ok
I'm not going to deny Ivan has talent and is a great writer, but did anyone else notice how nearly every story had some cockiness injected into it? For example, if she wrote about being on tour it was always the story of how someone read her books and it changed their lives. How she always happens to run into every queer on earth and makes their day brighter by giving them clothes, or reassurance. It got old pretty quickly. I didn't finish the book.
Feb 01, 2014 rated it liked it
"Do not give your butch friend a hard time about having a ponytail, a Pomeranian, nail polish, or even a smart car. Get over yourself. You are a rare species, not a stereotype."

"I would never say that the world is harder on me than it is you. Sometimes you are invisible. I have no idea what this must feel like, to pass right by your people and not be recognized. To not be seen. I cannot hide, unless I am seen as something I an not. This is not more difficult, it is just different."
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topics  posts  views  last activity Bo...: Missed Her. 1 44 Nov 02, 2013 04:16PM  
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Ivan Coyote was born and raised in Whitehorse, Yukon Territory. An award-winning author of six collections of short stories, one novel, three CD’s, four short films and a renowned performer, Ivan’s first love is live storytelling, and over the last thirteen years they have become an audience favourite at music, poetry, spoken word and writer’s festivals from Anchorage to Amsterdam.
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