WARNING: THERE BE SPOILERS AHEAD.
THE SECRET HISTORY OF ELIZABETH TUDOR VAMPIRE SLAYER
ACT I
SCENE I. London. An ante-chamber in the palace.
The newly crowned QUEEN sits in her private chamber, still in her coronation regalia.
ELIZABETH
Now I sit on the throne of England, the sceptr’d isle,
Cloak’d in ermine, my sire’s crown on my fiery head.
The sire who killed my mother for the sin of being a woman;
He whose beard was red as fire, and whose terrible temper
Sent too many worthy men and women to the scaffold.
But never mind --- I am Queen Regnant.
England shall be strong and proud;
Free of the Spaniards, the Pope or other menaces foreign and domestic,
And true religion shall hold sway over its abbeys and churches,
Driving away papist superstitions that flourish’d during my sister’s reign.
Enters the POPE.
POPE
I will smash the BITCH!
Exits the POPE.
ELIZABETH
WTF!?
Here come my advisors, wise and noble men I esteem above all others.
Enter DOCTOR JOHN DEE, WILLIAM CECIL, SIR FRANCIS WALSINGHAM and LORD ROBERT DUDLEY, who all curtsy to the QUEEN.
ELIZABETH
Doctor Dee the Magus who foretold the day of my sister’s death
Thus saving my life;
William Cecil my most trusted aide, the one I call my Spirit;
Sir Francis the schoolmaster cloak’d in black, the wiliest of spies; and
Lord Robert, my Robin, him of beauteous countenance,
Tall and limber with the grace of a natural horseman,
Clad in burgundy velvet, his mustache and beard finely oiled.
His legs, which are uniformly acknowledged to be excellent
Well turn’d in black hose, his hot mouth ---
DOCTOR DEE
Majesty!
ELIZABETH
flustered
My good doctor --- ‘tis dead of the night.
What is it that you wish to speak to me about?
DOCTOR DEE
We come on a matter touching on the security of the realm,
A threat so strange and sinister, so defying of all mortal reason
That must now be reveal’d to you.
Now that the conjunction of the planet is favorable,
You must come with us to the Chapel of St. Peter ad Vincula at the Tower.
Trust us and do not tarry,
Time is fleeting and there is much to accomplish!
Exeunt.
SCENE II. Tower of London. Chapel of St. Peter ad Vincula.
ELIZABETH and the GENTLEMEN ADVISORS enter the CHAPEL, and stand before a flagstone slab --- the grave of ANNE BOLEYN.
ELIZABETH
‘Tis my mother’s grave! What is happening?
MIST rises from the GRAVE, and a GHOSTLY VOICE is heard to speak.
THE GHOST OF ANNE BOLEYN
My daughter,
Accept this power and do not fear your duty.
Embrace it that this realm
May be preserved against the scourge of evil that has come upon it!
ELIZABETH shimmers with otherworldly light and then slumps unconscious to the CHAPEL’s floor. DOCTOR DEE and CECIL catch her.
ELIZABETH
Slowly regainining consciousness
What is happening to me?
What magic do you conjure? You know I forbid sorcery in my realm!
DOCTOR DEE
It worked! Her Majesty has awaken’d!
Your Majesty, you are experiencing
The result of a confluence of heavenly alignments,
Occurring only once in each millennium,
That in combination with the unique qualities of your own nature,
And in the presence of your late mother’s mortal remains,
From whose bloodline your calling comes,
Has awakened in you certain hitherto latent powers.
ELIZABETH
HUH?!
WILLIAM CECIL
Your Majesty, you are the one whose coming had been long predicted.
Our realm is under threat from a dread enemy,
More terrible than any you can imagine.
It can only be defeated by the most extraordinary powers, which
Grace to God, we believe you now possess.
ELIZABETH
Of what enemy do you speak?
The Pope, who threatens to excommunicate me?
The Spaniards, who unless I agree to marry their king,
Will turn all their might to my destruction?
The French…the Irish…the Scots…the Welsh?
WILLIAM CECIL
An ancient foe
Come to this kingdom in the time of Arthur.
They go by several names,
But they are known to us as VAMPIRES.
Arthur fell to his son Mordred,
Who chose the path of darkness,
Becoming a vampire to gain the power
To defeat his royal father.
He sought to rule this realm for eternity,
But was stopped by the first of the great vampire slayers
From whom you descend directly.
Morgaine La Fey, who defeated Mordred
Leaving him with only a withered remnant of his revenant kingdom.
Now it falls to you to complete her work
ELIZABETH TUDOR THE VAMPIRE SLAYER!
Exeunt.
ACT II
SCENE I. London. The great hall at Southwark Manor.
Enter MORDRED and his followers.
MORDRED
Here I am, king of the undead
Sulking in my palace, where I was born to my sire a thousand years ago
Amidst spirited dancing, dice playing and blood sucking
Alone I sit, pining for Elizabeth the Queen Regnant.
She who I sought to be my consort.
Together we shall rule over Arthur’s kingdom, the living and the undead,
And drive away all foreign invaders from England’s white cliff’d shores.
Alas, she is unwilling
And with her awesome powers slays my revenant troop.
But I shall subdue and have her
Win her away from that treacherous pretty boy Dudley
My beautiful, stubborn, pale skinned, fiery haired Elizabeth!
Exeunt.
SCENE II. London. The Palace.
Enter ELIZABETH, SIR FRANCIS and LORD ROBERT.
ELIZABETH
Sir Francis! Pray tell us now
Of your discovery
Of our dreadful enemy’s secret!
SIR FRANCIS
The hard-earn’d fruit of many a day skulking around
The vile, monstrous vampire king and his loathsome ilk,
At a great cost to body and soul
I have discovered that they slumber in daylight
A slumber that is like death.
When they lie on their bier in the Manor’s ancient crypt,
Slay them while they sleep their sweet dreamless slumber!
Exits.
LORD ROBERT
Absolutely not!
You shall not go to him
The danger is too great.
As your lover and protector, though not, alas
Your lawfully wedded husband
I shall never allow you to endanger yourself!
ELIZABETH
I am Queen! I will not be controlled
By anyone ---
Man or vampire!
And I shall not suffer a man
To hold the power of a husband over my head
Neither you nor any crown’d prince!
LORD ROBERT
Bows, and then valiantly draws his sword.
Very well, Your Majesty,
But nothing shall keep me from your side.
Exeunt.
SCENE III. The crypt of Soutwark Manor.
Enter ELIZABETH, LORD ROBERT, SIR FRANCIS and DOCTOR DEE.
ELIZABETH
There he is!
The king of vampires that I must slay,
Arthur’s son turned evil
Slumbering on his bier.
Cloak’d entirely in black, not quite unfetching
Quite handsome in his own way.
No --- quite simply the most beautiful being that I have ever seen
He smells of the wind and night…
But no one shall threaten my realm
Queen I am, and I shall rid England of this dangerous fiend!
With all her might, ELIZABETH sends a bolt of lightning toward the sleeping MORDRED. MORDRED abruptly awakens and swiftly leaps away before it hits him.
MORDRED
Elizabeth!
You cannot destroy me!
Join your power to mine instead, and together we shall live eternal
Ruling over England, keeping her safe.
I know that you and I are destined to be together!
They fight. MORDRED suddenly swoops on LORD ROBERT and flies away with him.
ELIZABETH
No! Let go of my Robin , you foul fiend!
I shall find you wherever you hide your sorry vampire behind!
Exeunt.
ACT III.
Scene I. London. An abandoned warehouse by the docks.
Enters ELIZABETH, swooping down into the warehouse.
ELIZABETH
This must be it!
My heightened senses, greater than any hound's
perceived your whereabouts
Guided by the scent of your imported laudanum.
Kicks bolted door open.
Robin! Is that you, my love?
LORD ROBERT
Slowly rises.
Elizabeth --- My God, is it really you?
Enters MORDRED, lifting LORD ROBERT by his throat and dangling him from the roof of the warehouse.
MORDRED
Just when it seemed that you and I are making genuine progress.
ELIZABETH
Only I --- Queen and Slayer both --- can protect this realm from you!
MORDRED
Very well, Your Majesty
You have made your choice.
Drops LORD ROBERT into the THAMES.
ELIZABETH
Nooo!
TO BE CONTINUED IN THE SECRET HISTORY OF ELIZABETH TUDOR VAMPIRE SLAYER PART II.