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New Moan: The First Book in the Twishite Saga: A Parody (Twishite Saga, #1)
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New Moan: The First Book in the Twishite Saga: A Parody

(Twishite Saga #1)

3.71  ·  Rating details ·  1,349 ratings  ·  101 reviews
Plenty of overwrought prose and melodramatic angst mark this fang-sharp parody of number-one New York Times–bestseller New Moon


"I want to bite you, Heffa. I want to bite you very hard. I'll be gentle, I promise. If you really loved me, you'd let me."
Heffa Lump is just a typical pale 17-year-old who doubts that anyone will ever see her true beauty and needs to grow up and
Paperback, 272 pages
Published July 1st 2010 by Michael O'Mara (first published October 22nd 2009)
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Maine Caulfield
Sep 22, 2017 marked it as did-not-finish  ·  review of another edition
DNF at page 22.
It had some quirky comments, but it was TOO over the top for me to actually enjoy. It did point out a some things that authors do “wrong” like only describing 2 classes when their character is a high school student.

This genre might just not be for me, so I will not rate this.
Jan 12, 2010 rated it it was amazing  ·  review of another edition
I've always loved Parody's whether they be films or books and this book was no exception.
From the first pages I was laughing, sometimes with tears in my eyes! The book follows the story of Heffa Lump whom is so self centered you can't but help note her reactions in the early book to those of Bella in Twilight but for totally different reasons. Teddy was so naive and I loved the 'special' part about vampires not being able to go out in the sunlight and the reason behind it (I shall not add the sp
I liked Twilight for a while in 2008 before i realised truly how awful it is. And now i am quite the Twilight hater. Ok, not so much hater but the extent to which it is obsessed over angers me to the core. The series does not deserve the praise and attention it recieves and Meyer is definitely overrated. So, i bought this book mainly for a laugh and to read someone else's perspective on how utterly ridiculous the whole idea actually is. And, this made me laugh quite a lot. I loved that the write ...more
Wat drinkt een gezonde vampier? DraCOLA Light! Oké, een vampiergrapje, zoiets kan je verwachten in de parodie van Twilight. Wat ik van dit boek vond? Lees mijn recensie hier:
Literary Ames {Against GR Censorship}
Reviewing as I read...

Right from the beginning it rips into Twilight with delightful abandon but it does a good job of pointing out the many flaws in Meyer's writing.

Heffa (aka Bella) is vulger, self-obsessed and I'd like to kill her even more than the original character. Oh and the vamps eat raw meat, weird but some of the character names are apt e.g. Wanda Mensional.

Warning: To be digested in small amounts. I'll probably read a little bit everyday until I finish. It's that full-on.
Oct 16, 2018 rated it really liked it  ·  review of another edition
It's a great parody. It perfectly points out every inconsistency, every loophole, every lack of SM's writing skills or her lack of imagination.
Also, it's hilarious.
Dec 02, 2011 rated it it was amazing  ·  review of another edition
Shelves: favorites
This caught my eye on the returns shelf at the library so I grabbed it thinking I'd read it if I had nothing else on the go. After extending it twice I picked it up and read the first page...

...and kept reading.

This book is outstanding!

Be warned, however, if you love the Twilight Saga, don't do it to yourself - it's like bungy jumping without the rope - you know what the outcome will be and it won't be pretty.

Similarly, if you hate everything Twilight going on the hype alone and haven't actually
Nora Cayetano
"Once a werewolf finds a lady he likes, she may as well just accept that she'll be finding dog hair on her clothes for the rest of her life. Even if she's been hideously scarred, or she's a newborn baby".

Aunque es un libro chistoso que rompe la cuarta pared de maneras ingeniosas, también tiene un humor un poco forzado o pasado de moda (como referencias a Hanna Montana como la más grande estrella pop del momento). Pero creo que si eres una persona que disfruta o tolera las películas de humor gr
Becky Price
Aug 03, 2011 rated it did not like it  ·  review of another edition
This was an awful book. It was cheesy, unoriginal, and not funny. I feel the sole purpose was to make fun of twilight, but not in a good hearted way, but a way to just be a jerk and make fun of something people like. If you are a twilight fan then i would not recommend reading this novel at all. If you hate twilight, like REALLY can't stand it, then you might like it a little more than me, but it was badly written.
Inge (Inge1990)
It is normally not me, to not finish a book. However, I didn't finish this book. Why? Because it is just a bad book. IT had a lot of potential, you know, a parady of twilight, you can make a lot of fun stories with it.. However, when you only focus HEffa beiing a pain in the ass and thinking she is the best the world could offer, is just plain easy writing. Actually it is annoying as hell.. I wonder if Stephofdy actually thought about that. Easy writting is almost never giving a proper book. And ...more
Jen Roberts
Nov 03, 2012 rated it it was amazing  ·  review of another edition
Okay, so yes, this book is completely ridiculous and merely written to take the p**s out of The Twilight Saga, which if you closely read is actually just as cheesy, and no, there is no purpose this book serves but to make you laugh, and I think that people completely underrate that. It is actually a very funny book, a good bit of light reading, and I thoroughly enjoyed it. I'd recommend it to anyone who just wants to sit down and have a little giggle at a silly book.
Feb 18, 2013 rated it did not like it
I held on for 20 pages, and then I just couldn't read anymore. I read and liked Twilight. I read and strongly disliked the last book in the series, but still.. This book is a real jerk. Poorly written and not funny at all. Even if you hated the Twilight-series, you cannot convince me you loved this book.
Nov 01, 2011 rated it did not like it  ·  review of another edition
I bought this book from a secondhand shop more as a joke, just to check if the author had managed to point out exactly how awful Twilight is. He (or she?) indeed managed to do so, however this fact doesn't make New Moan any better. I still never finished it but I do appreciate the efforts. And it's definitely a better love story that Twilight.
As a parody of a shit book: 10
As a book itself: 0. Even below, if possible.
Jul 28, 2011 rated it did not like it
to be quite honest I thought is was stupid, just way too ridiculous to be funny. I do not recommend it. there was so much put in there that did not even have anything relating to twilight at all. I mean I get it is reflecting on pop culture as a whole but if you're gonna write a book like that, don't call it a parody of a book, call it a satire!
Sep 19, 2012 rated it did not like it  ·  review of another edition
Shelves: unfinished
i havent and i wont be finishing this book. i thought it might actually be funny, but i just found it completely silly. i know its meant to mock twilight, but its ridiclous so ive given up. obviously this type of book just isnt for me
Apr 29, 2012 rated it did not like it  ·  review of another edition
This wasn't even funny. Terrible 'humour'.
Jodie Brian
Jul 29, 2016 rated it it was amazing  ·  review of another edition
Loved it. It was hilarious now I want the next book in the series
Maybe I just don't really do parodies in book form, but I kept ending up reading it at face value like it was just a really sh*t story. I suppose that's the point though, it's supposed to be a mirror to Twilight that at least doesn't take itself seriously. Some of the jokes felt forced or tried too hard but the events actually were more unpredictable than the story it parodies so at least it wasn't dull.
I really didn't "get it", but it was fun all the same. And that's all that matters I suppose
Janelle Dazzlepants
It’s a bit difficult to review a parody novel, as I can’t really offer a solid, serious critique on something that’s designed to purely take the piss! New Moan is a hysterical parody of Twilight, and it really leaves no stone unturned - or unparodied.

Stephfordy Mayo perfectly captures Bella Swan’s arrogance and self-absorbedness in the protagonist Heffa Lump, a former child star who transfers to the town of Spatula to attend a show business school designed to take her to stardom as an adult.

You have to be in the right state of mind to enjoy this book, and it may make a LOT of Twilight readers really mad, but if you have a sense of humor, you can see the funny side of it.
Packed with inuendos, double entendres, stupid names, it makes fun of the nature of Twilight Saga characters. All the names of characters seem to be plays on words...such as Wanda Mentional and Joe Cohontas. The book highlights characteristics, like Bella's selflessness, and Edward's perceived perfection, and in som
Charuta Powale
I think the writer put in a lot of efforts into mocking 'The Twilight Saga'. It is a book that can be loved but I didn't love it. I didn't like it either. The characters were so annoying and were never constant.
Many people would like it for a good hearty laugh but barely anything made me laugh. The story kept dragging on and on until the last 50 pages, where the action started. The conclusion left me delirious.
This book just wasn't for me.
Charlotte M.
I must say that this book was better than the Twilight series, and I read it because anything making fun of Twilight is usually humorous. But I could've done without the sexual references on every page. The second half of the book up until the last 50 or so pages is probably the best, because the author got tired or ran out of ideas on sexual references he could add in. I read this book while I was in school, and the constant sexual references made me check over my shoulder to make sure no one w ...more
Dec 02, 2010 rated it it was amazing  ·  review of another edition
This review has been hidden because it contains spoilers. To view it, click here.
Apr 25, 2013 rated it it was ok  ·  review of another edition
In gist, this book is like a concentrated dose of Scary Movie 1-5. Spoof MAX. Funny/amusing in the beginning but becomes dull as the story continues. Not recommended to be read in 1 sitting. For the long review, read on.

Well, this book is a tricky one. If you somewhat like Twilight or is a fan, I would suggest you stay away. The book already says Twishite on its cover. However, if you are a Twilight hater because of the movie, the acting, someone who wouldn't even go near the books after watchi
Jul 24, 2011 rated it it was ok  ·  review of another edition
I got this book as a birthday present. In general, I seriously dislike parodies of any type. There's no point in showing me the latest remake of someone's song with stupid lyrics or even stupider video, another 'The Best' parody of Harry Potter or in this case... Twilight. I don't know what I dislike about this concept. Maybe I just find laughing over something cruel or maybe the parodies I have seen haven't been too good.

This book started out pretty fine - I found myself even sort of enjoying i
Courtney (Storybook Slayers)
Aug 08, 2011 rated it did not like it
Shelves: own
More reviews at Rondo of a Possible World: YA Book Reviews

I'm sorry this book just didn't keep my interested. The only reason I didn't dump it off was because I always finish a book when i start it and this one, half the time I just wanted it to end already. The beginning was funny I'll give it that but towards the middle I just hated the narration, the stupidity, the over-obsessiveness and just everything the book had to offer.

Yes, if I was more in tune with it, i'd have laughed on every pag
Dec 19, 2014 rated it really liked it  ·  review of another edition
This is definitely a good parody book for parody readers; I don't know how the Twilight fans would take this but from my understanding by watching the films, i can totally appreciate this book.

it's brutally hilarious; right from the preface to the very end! it's the preface that won me over to pick up this book and i never regret of owning this.
it is guaranteed to make you laugh out loud. if not, it will still make you giggle inside because it is so stupidly funny.
Like seriously stupid but i get
Kristi Lynn
I was really excited to get this book and to read it. I loved the Twilight books, but as anyone who does, can admit, there are some things you could joke about (although I still do love those books). I had read some reviews on other sites about this book and they said it was hilarious. Great, I could use a chuckle.

Two chapters in, I am SO bored. The main character is a pretentious snot. Not even a funny pretentious snot. Just down right rude and, well, ridiculous. I just could not read anymore.
Loveliest Evaris
Apr 14, 2012 rated it it was amazing  ·  review of another edition
Recommends it for: Twilight haters, parody fans
I don't care what anyone says: I LOVE this book. Sometimes people make parodies go the wrong way and they either end up being unfunny or worse than the original, but to me this hit EVERYTHING dead on with a nail gun at 100 feet.

The Mary-Sueness of 'Bella', the weird thing that the doctor keeps biting people, the fact that 'Bella' keeps trying to pressure 'Edward' into sex, the fact that she's so 'woe-is-me-no-one-likes-me when in reality everyone wants to hang around her... Everything was captur

Okay, I as you can see I started this book in December, and now, five months later, I'm still on chapter 2.

I think the reason I really didn't/don't like it, is that I haven't read the book. New Moan is a parody, but you can normally read it, and still find it funny. I didn't find this funny, and if Bella is just a little like this one, I'm never goign to read to read Twilight. As in ever.

So, New Moan wasn't for me, I'm not gonna give it another try, and, hopefully, never hear about this again.
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“I really like to cook. I used to do it lots for Mom, who's almost as useless as you, and it means I can practice describing all the different dishes. That always makes narratives seem less repetitive - and you can use them as metaphors, too.” 2 likes
“English and Gym. That's it. Look, do you know how difficult it is to write about being at school convincingly? It's been years since Stephfordy graduated, so it'll save us all a lot of time and effort if we just stick to two real subjects...” 0 likes
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