Keep Your Wives Away from Them: Orthodox Women, Unorthodox Desires

by Miryam Kabakov

***WINNER, 2011 Golden Crown Literary Award - Anthology

Reconciling queerness with religion has always been an enormous challenge. When the religion is Orthodox Judaism, the task is even more daunting. This anthology takes on that challenge by giving voice to genderqueer Jewish women who were once silenced—and effectively rendered invisible—by their faith. Keep Your Wives Away from Them tells the story of those who have come out, who are still closeted, living double lives, or struggling to maintain an integrated "single life" in relationship to traditional Judaism—personal stories that are both enlightening and edifying. While a number of films and books have explored the lives of queer people in Orthodox and observant Judaism, only this one explores in depth what happens after the struggle, when the real work of building integrated lives begins. The candor of these insightful stories in Keep Your Wives Away from Them makes the book appealing to a general audience and students of women’s, gender, and LGBTQ studies, as well as for anyone struggling personally with the same issue. Contributors include musician and writer Temim Fruchter, Professor Joy Ladin, writer Leah Lax, nurse Tamar Prager, and the pseudonymous Ex-Yeshiva Girl.


Keep Your Wives Away from Them official

Genres: Jewish, Judaism, Nonfiction, Queer, LGBT, Religion, Feminism

192 pages, Paperback

First published April 27, 2010

Reviews

[שרה]

should be essential reading for anyone who wants to have an opinion about orthodox dykes

[Abi (The Knights Who Say Book)]

(4.5 stars) I really love this. Only one story was mediocre, with the rest (both fiction and personal nonfiction) being uniformly well-written and moving. The two academic articles are also very interesting ("Women Known for these Acts" is probably the best article to read if you don't know anything about lesbianism in halakha yet, and I can tell you that because I've read many in the past month). Absolutely recommend this.

[Hannah]

Like all anthologies, these essays vary widely in their eloquence and cohesion. Several of the authors were founding members or early participants in the Orthodykes group in Jerusalem, and tell the story of the group's unfolding from a personal as well as a societal perspective.

[Ari]

I don't really know what else to say about this book other than that it made me cry from recognizing myself in it! that's about all I can say. my favourite pieces with Geo Bloom's, Tamar A. Prager's, Mara H. Benjamin's, and Joy Ladin's.

[Alex]

A wonderful Shabbos read, even if many of the essays were a few pages too short or too long for my liking. I would love to read a longer memoir by a gay Orthodox woman - I felt like I got glimpses in many of these essays that elided the parts of their stories I was most interested in.

[Kaiti]

I enjoyed all of this, but especially the personal narratives.

[=^._.^=]

4.5

[Erica]

The essays are uneven, but the final essay by Joy Ladin made the entire volume worth reading. She is an exceptional person, and I am gratified that Yeshiva University has taken the high road and, after careful review, has continued to support her obviously first-class teaching, and make her feel welcome as a trans-gender individual. This is hard reading for any sensitive, religious person from a variety of angles. Once you reach this juncture of religious and lesbian/homosexual, transgender, or queer, you realize that people who locate themselves in both communities could opt out of Orthodoxy but not out of their sexual nature. Therefore, it is in the interests of the Orthodox community to find a way to make the coexistence (of these seemingly contradictory identities for the individuals within Orthodoxy) possible within the individuals, and between them and their community.

[Shira Peterson]

I cried through the first several chapters. The most painful realization was how some communities in the Orthodox tradition continue to deny the existence of LGBT people, which seems like the most cruel form of oppression- making people invisible. The essays are freeing in content and form.

[Rachel]

I read the entire anthology on my flights to and from Florida. Each chapter was very different with a ride range of experiences being gay and Orthodox. I thought I knew so much, but I realized from these stories how many thousands of types of experiences there are. I highly recommend this book.

[Mariah]

Went to Miryam Kabokov's book reading at the St. Paul Jewish Community Center on June 10th, 2010. Looks to be a rare glimpse in an insular culture of lesbian, bisexual and genderqueer experiences.

[Sue]

Contains some really interesting essays.

[Ray]

Really liked the last essay.

[Jonah]

This is an anthology about lesbians (duh) who are Jewish but mostly not Orthodox. Wish it was more about Orthodoxy. Still liked it.

[Rowan]

Really fascinating stories and perspectives.

[Mills College Library]

296.366 K266 2010