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How to Survive a Garden Gnome Attack: Defend Yourself When the Lawn Warriors Strike (And They Will)
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How to Survive a Garden Gnome Attack: Defend Yourself When the Lawn Warriors Strike (And They Will)

3.67  ·  Rating details ·  732 ratings  ·  139 reviews
Move over zombies and adolescent vampires.
 
There’s a new threat in town—and it’s only twelve inches tall. How to Survive a Garden Gnome Attack is the only comprehensive survival guide that will help you prevent, prepare for, and ward off an imminent home invasion by the common garden gnome. Once thought of as harmless yard decorations, evidence is mounting that these smil
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Hardcover, 106 pages
Published September 7th 2010 by Ten Speed Press (first published 2010)
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Average rating 3.67  · 
Rating details
 ·  732 ratings  ·  139 reviews


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Miranda Reads
Jul 20, 2019 rated it liked it
3.5 stars
description
It ended up being a lot of fun...but I wanted a little more pizzazz.

YouTube | Blog | Instagram | Twitter | Facebook | Snapchat @miranda_reads
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Melki
I've tried to read this three times now, and am finding it to be spectacularly unfunny.

No star rating as I didn't finish the book, but SHEESH! I'm sorry I bought this.
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Peter Topside
Aug 17, 2020 rated it it was amazing
I saw this book online and had to have it. What a hilarious, innovative and entertaining read. You'll go through it, not sure whether to laugh or go check your home for possible signs of a hostile gnome invasion. Every time you see one of these feisty little devils on someone's lawn, you will think of this book! ...more
Christine
Jul 19, 2010 rated it really liked it
Amélie and Travelocity paint them to be cultured European world travelers, but as the adage goes: don’t believe everything you see on television. What they actually are are whirling dervishes of death, waiting patiently for the right moment to strike. You think zombies and juvenile vampires keep you up at night, you haven’t seen anything yet. (Did you know that it was actually a wooden gnome that set ancient Rome ablaze? You won’t learn that in any history book, my friends.)

Continue: http://www.
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Benoit Lelièvre
Mar 30, 2011 rated it really liked it

I'm a man. That means I'm born with ninety gigabites of information, theory, philosophy and finger painting .pdf files about how to survive a zombie apocalypse. It's in the DNA, I can't help it. Ladies, try this. Start a discussion about zombies with men around you and they will obey to a primordial instinct and form a circle around you to debate the best practices in dispatching the undead. Therefore, reading tomes like The Zombie Survival Guide is useless to males, because we're ready. Zombies
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Sam
Jun 25, 2012 rated it really liked it
This is an hysterically superb little book on how to prepare yourself and your home for the onslaught of the Gnome hoards (and believe me they will come). Sambuchino has obviously spent many an hour planning and re-planning how and when the Gnomes may attack and how best to defend against such an occurrence. Filled with useful hints and tips and do and don'ts this is a must have for those who wish to survive the Gnome Uprising. ...more
Karissa
Dec 29, 2010 rated it liked it
I got an advanced reading copy of this book through the Amazon Vine program. It was just too funny to pass up. I mean I have read Zombie survival guides, werewolf survival guides; but a guide to survive those vicious garden gnomes!? How cool is that.

This book goes through a step by step process on how to defend yourself from garden gnomes. It starts with how to assess if you are at risk and how to determine if garden gnomes have infested your property. Then it goes on to inform the reader on how
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Stephanie Lorée
Sep 12, 2010 rated it really liked it
Shelves: reviewed, humor
After interviewing Chuck Sambuchino, I had to pick up a copy of this book. Let me tell you now, there is no better survival guide for pointed hat predators available. Sambuchino gives us step-by-step instructions on dealing with these vicious pipsqueaks, and his advice will leave you well informed and clutching your sides. I especially love the section on home defense and am in the process of constructing my own moat. This delightful little tome has a number of laugh-out-loud funny moments and i ...more
Deb
Feb 20, 2018 rated it really liked it
Shelves: humor
I received this as a Christmas present from one of my thoughtful, yet, concerned children. I found it had some pretty useful information for fending off these menacing, bearded, yet deadly, buggers. Yes, I made the mistake of inviting them into my yard because I was influenced by misinformation that they were quite harmless and cute. How WRONG I was! They proved to be very naughty little beings. Through Sambuchino's book, I now know how to look for signs that they are planning to attack, maim, a ...more
Patricia Hamill
Funny little book, especially if you imagine the impression you'd make on the neighbors if you actually followed all the advice it gives on preparing for the lawn warrior invasion.

I particularly enjoyed the image of someone digging a moat around their house and the one where you mount various weapons in every room of your house, beyond the reach of the gnomes, of course.

I bought this a few years back and read it whenever I need a chuckle.
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Ana Mardoll
Feb 18, 2011 rated it did not like it
Shelves: ana-reviewed
How to Survive a Garden Gnome Attack / 978-1-580-08463-5

I'm a big fan of the "Zombie Survival Guide" - I must have read my copy at least three times. It's incredibly funny and incredibly immersive, largely because it takes itself so seriously. Literally, the Zombie Survival Guide handbook is *THE* last word in zombie survival guides. Sure, zombies don't actually exist, but if some misguided soul whipped up a zombie virus in a lab tomorrow, everything in that survival guide would instantly be tru
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Adria Goetz
Such a gloriously, cheeky read that's perfect for a gag gift, a coffee table, but also very fun to read through in its entirety, which I did! I also had the pleasure of having lunch with Chuck Sambuchino last month, which made reading the book all the more entertaining, because I could hear his voice reading the book in my head. I am a huge gnome lover, so the idea that they're dangerous and out to attack as all was very concerning to me, but also humorous. ...more
Michal
Nov 17, 2017 rated it it was ok
It's OK , rather average. It has a lot of great pictures and some bits are entertaining. You can easily go through the book in less than a hour. The humour is very vanilla and didn't do much for me. It can be a fun gag gift but the price on the book $14.99 is shocking. I got my one from a charity shop with 2 other books for €4 and I think that is a much more fair price. ...more
Jessica
Aug 08, 2013 rated it really liked it
Shelves: humor
A funny little book for garden gnome enthusiasts (like myself), casting the little plaster flowerbed-dwellers as crafty little sociopaths bent on murder and mayhem. Sambuchino details the ways they can get into your home and how you can protect yourself and your loved ones.
Anne
Jan 31, 2018 rated it liked it
An amusing bit of fluff - and waaaaaaay easier to get through than the Zombie Survival Guide of yore (though I enjoyed comparing "best practices" in weaponry between the two). I feel pretty safe in my particular location as I don't see many garden gnomes about, but it's still good to be prepared.

All the photos were quite a delight.
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Melissa
Feb 17, 2020 rated it it was ok
Shelves: humor
I really wanted to like this cute little book. The title was clever, the concept was clever, and it had really gorgeous photography. That being said, it was about 80 pages too long for what it was.

In this guide to Garden Gnomes, you'll teach yourself how to prepare for an attack. This includes proper tips for home defense, implements to use, and recognizing the signs that you may have gnomes in your yard or house. This guide aims to keep you alive from the sinister creatures.

It makes for what wo
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Mayda
Jul 31, 2019 rated it liked it
Shelves: humor, fantasy
Beware. They’re out there. And they’re armed. This delightfully humorous book will amuse and charm you, and yet it definitely could be classified as educational, because, really, you don’t know when those pesky garden gnomes will rise up and attack. Be wary. Be ready. Be prepared. But in the meantime, enjoy this clever little book.
Carolyn Page
Mar 20, 2019 rated it liked it
A farcical manual of self-defense. It's completely and utterly useless but it will help you pass away an afternoon with chuckles. ...more
Tom Franklin
Oct 02, 2010 rated it really liked it
Chuck Sambuchino, the man who gives all writers hope with his annual Guild to Literary Agents, has written a fun and clever book that asks the question: How will you survive when (not if) garden gnomes try to kill you?

Sambuchino's book strikes the right level of intense paranoia and tongue-in-cheek with his subject. To be fair, this is one of those "Have I got a great idea for a book!" ideas that could easily have become stale and overdone after the first 10 pages. Sambuchino avoids this by givi
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Sarah Sammis
Sep 05, 2010 rated it really liked it
Recommended to Sarah by: Karissa's Reading Review
How to Survive a Garden Gnome Attack by Chuck Sambuchino offers advice on how to avoid being murdered by those cute and innocent looking garden gnomes. Beneath that painted exterior lies a blood thirsty killer.

Each page contains a full color photograph and some very pointed advice. There are things like recognizing foot prints, knowing your weapons, how to fortify your home, traps for the garden and so forth. After reading this book I'm convinced that it won't be vampires or zombies who will ove
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Jeff Stockett
Jan 12, 2011 rated it liked it
Shelves: humor
This book was a really fun idea. I liked the serious tone coupled with the ridiculous premise. The pictures throughout were pretty funny.

I would say this is probably better as a coffee table book rather than a book to read all the way through. It's fun to leaf through the pages and read excerpts but as I read it all the way through it didn't seem as funny.

Still a fun book though. I recommend it as an excellent book to put on your coffee table and have your guests thumb through when they visit.
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Kent Whitaker
May 03, 2012 rated it it was amazing
First, I'm a humor guy. Second... Gnomes are creepy. I think this book may have saved my life. In fact, I've been in contact with the Chuck about a totally unrelated topic involving our dogs and he took the time to give me some insight about some gnome activity going on in my own backyard.

This is a fun book that was well worth reading. My son gave it to me as a gift and it's proven to be a fun one.

Oh, one last thing. If one of your garden gnome is wearing a shirt or clothes covered with your fav
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Beth K.
Jun 17, 2011 rated it it was ok
Mildly amusing. If you do decide to read or browse this book, beware of page 81! There is a photo of a human foot attempting to immobilize a gnome by stepping on him: why did this person not clean and clip his/her toenails?!?
Gaye Sanders
Dec 18, 2016 rated it it was amazing
It's not every day you read a book like this. HOW TO SUVIVE A GARDEN GNOME ATTACK will give you an afternoon or evening of fun reading.

And to my writer friends, this is a pure example of using tongue-in-cheek humor. Chuck Sambuchino is brilliant!
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Al
Jul 13, 2017 rated it it was amazing
Recommends it for: Anyone who enjoys humor and satire. Or owns Gnomes.
Recommended to Al by: Suzie
Shelves: in-my-library
My daughter bought this for me on Fathers Day. I loved it! What a nice funny little book to read while you enjoy a cold one on your backyard swing under the apple tree.

My small collection of Gnomish Dwarves watched me read the entire book. Or were they? :)
E.Y.E.-D
May 26, 2018 rated it did not like it
Shelves: 2018
I expected this book to be extremely funny. It was not funny at all. It was just boring. I don't have much to say about it other than I am very happy I got this from the library and did not spend any money on it. ...more
Bookfairy
Aug 10, 2017 rated it really liked it
Shelves: fantasy-magic
a wonderful distraction from my back pain, this short guide on home defense is amusing, and practical.
Marie
Jul 31, 2020 rated it it was amazing
How to Survive a Garden Gnome Attack is a must-have guide for anyone who has a garden gnome in their own or a neighboring yard. You just never know when they will attack.

The introduction really sells the book. Here's an excerpt from it: Keep reading if you want to live... Fear not. Now that you know they're planning to strike, you're much safer than you were sixty seconds ago. The next thing to do is learn everything you can about how to protect yourself, your loved ones, and your residence from
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Amber Martin
Apr 10, 2018 rated it really liked it
I stood on my front porch this morning telling my parents how thanks to Chuck Sambuchino I am now prepared to defend us against the coming onslaught of gnomes. However, I had completely forgotten that years ago I had convinced myself that these pointed hat murdering psychopaths were cute and there was one directly behind me. I quickly spun around and the 6 inches of pure evil still had a smile plastered on his face. Most likely because he now knows I am bracing for impact. I suppose it's time to ...more
Nathan Miller
Feb 24, 2021 rated it it was amazing
You thought those cheesy little gnomes were just cute, harmless, garden ornaments, didn't you? Well, you thought wrong! Just when you thought it was safe to go back to weeding the veggies, that's when these little monsters will getcha! After reading this book, you'll never look at those bearded figures the same way ever again.
Written like one of those Prepper in-situ survival guides, this little book has everything you need to equip yourself to deal with the gnomish threat lurking in your neighb
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Kazuo Ishiguro insists he’s an optimist about technology.  “I'm not one of these people who thinks it's going to come and destroy us,” he...
221 likes · 24 comments
“Call them what you want. Garden gnomes. Lawn ornaments. Little evil outdoor statuary hell-bent on world domination. It doesn't matter. What does matter is that, right now, they're hiding in plain sight, pretending to be symbols of merriment and good will.” 4 likes
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