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How to Survive a Garden Gnome Attack: Defend Yourself When the Lawn Warriors Strike (And They Will)
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How to Survive a Garden Gnome Attack: Defend Yourself When the Lawn Warriors Strike (And They Will)

3.68  ·  Rating details ·  644 ratings  ·  128 reviews
Move over zombies and adolescent vampires.
 
There’s a new threat in town—and it’s only twelve inches tall. How to Survive a Garden Gnome Attack is the only comprehensive survival guide that will help you prevent, prepare for, and ward off an imminent home invasion by the common garden gnome. Once thought of as harmless yard decorations, evidence is mounting that these smil
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Hardcover, 106 pages
Published September 7th 2010 by Ten Speed Press (first published 2010)
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3.68  · 
Rating details
 ·  644 ratings  ·  128 reviews


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Miranda Reads
Jul 20, 2019 rated it really liked it
Cute short story.

Review to come!!
Melki
I've tried to read this three times now, and am finding it to be spectacularly unfunny.

No star rating as I didn't finish the book, but SHEESH! I'm sorry I bought this.
Christine
Jul 19, 2010 rated it really liked it
Amélie and Travelocity paint them to be cultured European world travelers, but as the adage goes: don’t believe everything you see on television. What they actually are are whirling dervishes of death, waiting patiently for the right moment to strike. You think zombies and juvenile vampires keep you up at night, you haven’t seen anything yet. (Did you know that it was actually a wooden gnome that set ancient Rome ablaze? You won’t learn that in any history book, my friends.)

Continue: http://www.
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Ana Mardoll
Feb 18, 2011 rated it did not like it
Shelves: ana-reviewed
How to Survive a Garden Gnome Attack / 978-1-580-08463-5

I'm a big fan of the "Zombie Survival Guide" - I must have read my copy at least three times. It's incredibly funny and incredibly immersive, largely because it takes itself so seriously. Literally, the Zombie Survival Guide handbook is *THE* last word in zombie survival guides. Sure, zombies don't actually exist, but if some misguided soul whipped up a zombie virus in a lab tomorrow, everything in that survival guide would instantly be tru
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Benoit Lelièvre
Mar 30, 2011 rated it really liked it

I'm a man. That means I'm born with ninety gigabites of information, theory, philosophy and finger painting .pdf files about how to survive a zombie apocalypse. It's in the DNA, I can't help it. Ladies, try this. Start a discussion about zombies with men around you and they will obey to a primordial instinct and form a circle around you to debate the best practices in dispatching the undead. Therefore, reading tomes like The Zombie Survival Guide is useless to males, because we're ready. Zombies
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Karissa
Dec 29, 2010 rated it liked it
I got an advanced reading copy of this book through the Amazon Vine program. It was just too funny to pass up. I mean I have read Zombie survival guides, werewolf survival guides; but a guide to survive those vicious garden gnomes!? How cool is that.

This book goes through a step by step process on how to defend yourself from garden gnomes. It starts with how to assess if you are at risk and how to determine if garden gnomes have infested your property. Then it goes on to inform the reader on how
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Stephanie Lorée
Sep 12, 2010 rated it really liked it
Shelves: reviewed, humor
After interviewing Chuck Sambuchino, I had to pick up a copy of this book. Let me tell you now, there is no better survival guide for pointed hat predators available. Sambuchino gives us step-by-step instructions on dealing with these vicious pipsqueaks, and his advice will leave you well informed and clutching your sides. I especially love the section on home defense and am in the process of constructing my own moat. This delightful little tome has a number of laugh-out-loud funny moments and i ...more
Sam
Jun 25, 2012 rated it really liked it
This is an hysterically superb little book on how to prepare yourself and your home for the onslaught of the Gnome hoards (and believe me they will come). Sambuchino has obviously spent many an hour planning and re-planning how and when the Gnomes may attack and how best to defend against such an occurrence. Filled with useful hints and tips and do and don'ts this is a must have for those who wish to survive the Gnome Uprising.
Deb
Feb 20, 2018 rated it really liked it
Shelves: humor
I received this as a Christmas present from one of my thoughtful, yet, concerned children. I found it had some pretty useful information for fending off these menacing, bearded, yet deadly, buggers. Yes, I made the mistake of inviting them into my yard because I was influenced by misinformation that they were quite harmless and cute. How WRONG I was! They proved to be very naughty little beings. Through Sambuchino's book, I now know how to look for signs that they are planning to attack, maim, a ...more
Adria Goetz
Such a gloriously, cheeky read that's perfect for a gag gift, a coffee table, but also very fun to read through in its entirety, which I did! I also had the pleasure of having lunch with Chuck Sambuchino last month, which made reading the book all the more entertaining, because I could hear his voice reading the book in my head. I am a huge gnome lover, so the idea that they're dangerous and out to attack as all was very concerning to me, but also humorous.
Patricia Hamill
Funny little book, especially if you imagine the impression you'd make on the neighbors if you actually followed all the advice it gives on preparing for the lawn warrior invasion.

I particularly enjoyed the image of someone digging a moat around their house and the one where you mount various weapons in every room of your house, beyond the reach of the gnomes, of course.

I bought this a few years back and read it whenever I need a chuckle.
Michal
Nov 17, 2017 rated it it was ok
It's OK , rather average. It has a lot of great pictures and some bits are entertaining. You can easily go through the book in less than a hour. The humour is very vanilla and didn't do much for me. It can be a fun gag gift but the price on the book $14.99 is shocking. I got my one from a charity shop with 2 other books for €4 and I think that is a much more fair price.
Jessica
Aug 08, 2013 rated it really liked it
Shelves: humor
A funny little book for garden gnome enthusiasts (like myself), casting the little plaster flowerbed-dwellers as crafty little sociopaths bent on murder and mayhem. Sambuchino details the ways they can get into your home and how you can protect yourself and your loved ones.
Anne
Jan 31, 2018 rated it liked it
An amusing bit of fluff - and waaaaaaay easier to get through than the Zombie Survival Guide of yore (though I enjoyed comparing "best practices" in weaponry between the two). I feel pretty safe in my particular location as I don't see many garden gnomes about, but it's still good to be prepared.

All the photos were quite a delight.
Mayda
Jul 31, 2019 rated it liked it
Shelves: humor, fantasy
Beware. They’re out there. And they’re armed. This delightfully humorous book will amuse and charm you, and yet it definitely could be classified as educational, because, really, you don’t know when those pesky garden gnomes will rise up and attack. Be wary. Be ready. Be prepared. But in the meantime, enjoy this clever little book.
Carolyn Page
Mar 20, 2019 rated it liked it
A farcical manual of self-defense. It's completely and utterly useless but it will help you pass away an afternoon with chuckles.
J.D.
Dec 08, 2015 rated it it was ok
The idea of this is much funnier than the actual execution of it. While there were a couple of parts that I found mildly amusing, most of it was actually kind of boring to me, which a book like this should never be. That wasn't annoying in and of itself, but what was annoying was the use of @!%%# and the like in place of actual curse words like "fuck" and "shit" (etc.) yet near the end of the book we get a full and uncensored "goddamn". Seriously? That's kind of stupid. As in really stupid.

Howev
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Tom Franklin
Oct 02, 2010 rated it really liked it
Chuck Sambuchino, the man who gives all writers hope with his annual Guild to Literary Agents, has written a fun and clever book that asks the question: How will you survive when (not if) garden gnomes try to kill you?

Sambuchino's book strikes the right level of intense paranoia and tongue-in-cheek with his subject. To be fair, this is one of those "Have I got a great idea for a book!" ideas that could easily have become stale and overdone after the first 10 pages. Sambuchino avoids this by givi
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Sarah Sammis
Sep 05, 2010 rated it really liked it
Recommended to Sarah by: Karissa's Reading Review
How to Survive a Garden Gnome Attack by Chuck Sambuchino offers advice on how to avoid being murdered by those cute and innocent looking garden gnomes. Beneath that painted exterior lies a blood thirsty killer.

Each page contains a full color photograph and some very pointed advice. There are things like recognizing foot prints, knowing your weapons, how to fortify your home, traps for the garden and so forth. After reading this book I'm convinced that it won't be vampires or zombies who will ove
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Jeff Stockett
Jan 12, 2011 rated it liked it
Shelves: humor
This book was a really fun idea. I liked the serious tone coupled with the ridiculous premise. The pictures throughout were pretty funny.

I would say this is probably better as a coffee table book rather than a book to read all the way through. It's fun to leaf through the pages and read excerpts but as I read it all the way through it didn't seem as funny.

Still a fun book though. I recommend it as an excellent book to put on your coffee table and have your guests thumb through when they visit.
Kent Whitaker
May 03, 2012 rated it it was amazing
First, I'm a humor guy. Second... Gnomes are creepy. I think this book may have saved my life. In fact, I've been in contact with the Chuck about a totally unrelated topic involving our dogs and he took the time to give me some insight about some gnome activity going on in my own backyard.

This is a fun book that was well worth reading. My son gave it to me as a gift and it's proven to be a fun one.

Oh, one last thing. If one of your garden gnome is wearing a shirt or clothes covered with your fav
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Gaye Sanders
Dec 18, 2016 rated it it was amazing
It's not every day you read a book like this. HOW TO SUVIVE A GARDEN GNOME ATTACK will give you an afternoon or evening of fun reading.

And to my writer friends, this is a pure example of using tongue-in-cheek humor. Chuck Sambuchino is brilliant!
Beth K.
Jun 17, 2011 rated it it was ok
Mildly amusing. If you do decide to read or browse this book, beware of page 81! There is a photo of a human foot attempting to immobilize a gnome by stepping on him: why did this person not clean and clip his/her toenails?!?
E.Y.E.-D
May 26, 2018 rated it did not like it
Shelves: 2018
I expected this book to be extremely funny. It was not funny at all. It was just boring. I don't have much to say about it other than I am very happy I got this from the library and did not spend any money on it.
Al
Jul 13, 2017 rated it it was amazing
Recommends it for: Anyone who enjoys humor and satire. Or owns Gnomes.
Recommended to Al by: Suzie
Shelves: in-my-library
My daughter bought this for me on Fathers Day. I loved it! What a nice funny little book to read while you enjoy a cold one on your backyard swing under the apple tree.

My small collection of Gnomish Dwarves watched me read the entire book. Or were they? :)
Bookfairy
Aug 10, 2017 rated it really liked it
Shelves: fantasy
a wonderful distraction from my back pain, this short guide on home defense is amusing, and practical.
Amber Martin
Apr 10, 2018 rated it really liked it
I stood on my front porch this morning telling my parents how thanks to Chuck Sambuchino I am now prepared to defend us against the coming onslaught of gnomes. However, I had completely forgotten that years ago I had convinced myself that these pointed hat murdering psychopaths were cute and there was one directly behind me. I quickly spun around and the 6 inches of pure evil still had a smile plastered on his face. Most likely because he now knows I am bracing for impact. I suppose it's time to ...more
Mycala
Jul 17, 2018 rated it it was ok
Shelves: 2018
If it were shorter, I'd have given it three stars. It was funny for a while, but then it became tedious. Maybe if you read a little at a time over the course of a few months or something, but reading it straight through like a regular book kinda killed it for me. I was amused by it at first, but now after reading it even the title seems a bit heavy-handed, like he's trying a little too hard to be funny.
Jaden
Jan 10, 2019 rated it really liked it
this book is hilarious and it takes itself very seriously for something so silly. the tips on how to defend yourself would probably be useful if you were attacked by garden gnomes. it makes you laugh at how in depth it is for something that's just made up. the whole book never lets up on the illusion that you could be attacked at anytime and no one is safe. it is funny to the end and you should definitely read it if your looking for a book to give you a good laugh.
Audrey
Jan 28, 2018 rated it liked it
What can I say, it was a gift and I hate having unread books on my shelves, particularly ones as short as this. Kind of stupid, more something to have around to laugh at than to actually read.
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“Call them what you want. Garden gnomes. Lawn ornaments. Little evil outdoor statuary hell-bent on world domination. It doesn't matter. What does matter is that, right now, they're hiding in plain sight, pretending to be symbols of merriment and good will.” 4 likes
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