Goodreads helps you keep track of books you want to read.
Start by marking “Happy Endings: The Tales of a Meaty-Breasted Zilch” as Want to Read:
Happy Endings: The Tales of a Meaty-Breasted Zilch
Enlarge cover
Rate this book
Clear rating
Open Preview

Happy Endings: The Tales of a Meaty-Breasted Zilch

3.72  ·  Rating details ·  1,009 Ratings  ·  86 Reviews
Jim Norton is a pervert

in the truest sense of the word. The physical equivalent of a tall slug, he pays top dollar for massages with happy endings and is fascinated by shitty sitcoms and fat girls. He is also, at times, racially offensive and morally repugnant. He spares no one in his comedy -- least of all himself.

Now, in this outrageous, blisteringly funny collecti
ebook, 240 pages
Published July 10th 2007 by Gallery Books (first published 2007)
More Details... edit details

Friend Reviews

To see what your friends thought of this book, please sign up.

Reader Q&A

To ask other readers questions about Happy Endings, please sign up.

Be the first to ask a question about Happy Endings

This book is not yet featured on Listopia. Add this book to your favorite list »

Community Reviews

(showing 1-30)
Rating details
Sort: Default
Feb 02, 2015 rated it really liked it  ·  review of another edition
Ah gosh, I really must love me them comedic autobios! Why, otherwise, would I think this as great as it really surely isn't, or cannot possibly be.

It's all a mad repetition of bowel movement tableaux, sexual misadventures, a pathetic almost-marginal existence around the rich and famous and talented. But it is so lewd, so irksomely disgusting, as to almost rival early John Waterstype genius. It may almost be art: it's a concentrated repetitive, misogynistic, rude nugget of, well, excrement.
Scarlett B
Jan 15, 2010 rated it it was amazing  ·  review of another edition
If you aren't into potty-humor, why would you read a book that's subtitled "The Tales of Meaty-Breasted Zilch"??
I tried reading this book in public a few times, but it was pretty humiliating to be laughing/crying in front of people. Jimmy rules!
Sep 10, 2017 rated it liked it  ·  review of another edition
Shelves: comedy, memoir
Jim Norton is basically a foul-mouthed Uzi, pummeling his audience with an angry, unrelenting barrage of poop jokes and dick jokes. You really have to be in the mood for this kind of humor, but if you are, it's pretty good stuff.
Nov 09, 2013 rated it liked it  ·  review of another edition
Lil' Jimmy Norton, stand-up comic and official member of SiriusXM's "The Opie and Anthony Show," is a very funny man. He is also a total pervert. A tasteless, self-loathing person with some of the most offensive comedic material imaginable.

Of course, this makes for an entertaining read. Very funny and outrageous essays about Jim's life and self-hatred mixed with rather forced chapters outlining potential TV shows (with a filthy elbow in the ribs, huddla huddla) don't mesh together particularly w
Jim son of Jim (formerly PhotoJim)
I had no idea who Jim Norton was before I picked this up. I don't think I'd like to spend any time with him after reading this. Each chapter is an anecdote where Jim ends up verbally abusing someone, paying someone to have sex with him, or bemoaning how repugnant he is. Sometimes with a combination of these three things. I did laugh a couple of times. Usually because whatever I just read was so patently offensive that I had to step back for a second. Here's a sample paragraph:

"I never quite unde
Jeremy Silver
I am a fan of Jim Norton's as a comedian but this book definitely leaves something to be desired. I definitely had a few laughs, mainly towards the beginning, but after the first 30 pages or so it just felt like filth for the sake of filth. He's overcome adversity in his life being a former alcoholic but it is only mentioned a couple of times, not really talked about at all. When I read a book written by someone like Norton I would expect it to delve a little deeper into his soul. To me this jus ...more
Sep 18, 2008 rated it liked it  ·  review of another edition
Shelves: 2008
I had never heard of Norton, his stand-up was recommended by a friend, but this is definitely a funny collection of barely-essays. It's extremely offensive; in the author's own words, "If it weren't for prostitutes, shit, and fat girls, this book would be eight pages long." But he works hard to find new ways to say dirty things, and I respect that.
Nathan Cosby
Jan 22, 2012 rated it really liked it  ·  review of another edition
I only know the Jim Norton because he is on the Opie and Anthony radio show. I've never seen or heard a single show by him. That said, this book makes me laugh until I cry. It's very crass, it's very vulgar, and it's very genuine.
Jimmy  Janko
Oct 08, 2017 rated it really liked it  ·  review of another edition
How to review this book! All I can say is if you like Little Jimmy then read it. If you don't - or have never heard if him - then its at your own risk! It's basically the diary of a very odd comic. I find him very funny - you may not!
Jack Gattanella
Sep 15, 2013 rated it really liked it  ·  review of another edition
Shelves: audio-yo
I should give it three stars cause it's kinda slapdash-like put together. it's mostly little diary entries and even letters saved from the mid 80s that Norton wrote while in rehab as a teenager and one from an ex girlfriend who wanted to get back together following said rehab. If only he had gone a little more into this period, but on the other hand he does mention in passing that he was a dumb suburban kid and that was that (whether he has substance abuse issues... well, he certainly has his ad ...more
Jim Norton is a funny guy, but he doesn't tend to expound on a wide variety of topics, typically limiting his subject matter to his own worthlessness and paying call girls to defecate on his chest. The fact that all this remains compelling for any length of time is a testament to his uncanny ability to continally devise new and increasingly vile (and generally clever) methods of getting his various messages across. Think of him as George Carlin's undervalued nephew. And under the scatological mi ...more
Jeff Nichols
Nov 09, 2011 rated it really liked it  ·  review of another edition
I had a book of my own coming out around the time of one of Nortons (same publsiher),I am a failed stand up,so,ofcourse, though I love Norton as a comic, it was in my interest that Nortons book sucked. I was hoping it would.It did not. The book is good. Norton is the best at seemlesly passing from subjective(self derpicating humor)to scathing objective humor (celeberties ect). His candid rants are great, but more importantly this book is well written, he might be a better wirer than he is a stan ...more
Apr 25, 2013 rated it it was ok
The humor is gross but i didn't mind it. Actually scratch that, i had to pause this during several meals. After a while, just because something about scat and golden showers is mentioned it doesn't make automatically laugh but i guess it builds his persona for the rest of the book. How many times can you mention protecting your floors from feces with plastic bags in 5 hours?

I didn't like whenever he reads something from the past, whenever the source of laughs was he bashing his past self.

I had s
Mar 30, 2008 rated it really liked it  ·  review of another edition
I gotta give Norton credit for his book. Given the swarm of stand-up books that come out, that are simply re-hashes of old bits the comic has done on stage, Norton has packed his book with stuff written just for the book. Jim's a solid writer, and could make a way in the world if he did only that, I believe.

Not often that I actually laugh out loud when I read something. The book's remarkable for that. But it is especially so because you might have read something two lines earlier that makes me s
Nov 16, 2007 rated it really liked it  ·  review of another edition
Recommends it for: people with a sense of humor
This book was full of filth, debauchery, and love. It gave an inside look into the life and times of one of the funniest comedians out there, Lil' Jimmy Norton. It's not hard to see how he's one of the best comics out there, with his self-hatred, hatred in general, and quick timing. Though he's bashing himself, he gets plenty of great shots in at everyone from airline passengers, flight attendants, and stupid Rich Vos.

If you're not easily offended or want to know what it's like being a comedian
Ken Taylor
Jul 15, 2014 rated it liked it  ·  review of another edition
Shelves: humor, memoir
I think Jim Norton is absolutely hilarious and his rotten, self-loathing style of comedy makes him one of my favorite comedians. I was in tears laughing more than once reading this. I would have given it a higher rating, but the sitcoms he comes up with weren't really funny and seemed so out of place. It would have been much better if he just stuck to the running commentary of his daily life. His many ways of describing taking a shit were probably the funniest parts of this book, and if he wrote ...more
Aug 02, 2007 rated it liked it  ·  review of another edition
Recommends it for: dirty, funny people
This guy is just awful - by which I mean hilarious. Aside from his filthiness the thing I love most about Norton is his extremely open honesty. He bares more than you probably care to see in this book. I have to say though, that I would actually suggest the audio version of this book over the actual book format because the weakness of Norton's writing is that he writes completely in his speaking voice, which doesn't always make for the best reading experience. Besides, with the audio format you ...more
Nov 18, 2010 rated it really liked it  ·  review of another edition
From the day I first heard Jim Norton's sophomoric, filthy, offensive comedy styling, I was a huge fan. I jumped at the opportunity to learn more about him when I saw his book on a Barnes and Noble shelf. Whenever I think it'd be impossible for him to get more 'real', I am proven very wrong. He tells some stories any lesser man would be too embarrassed to ever tell another living soul. There is a lot to be learned about Jim from this yarn.
Nurse Lisa In Ohio (PRN Book Reviews)
Jim Norton, stand-up comic, radio star (satellite radio) & author! Self deprecating, ornery, raunchy at times, but really a sweet, sweet guy; this book is so GOOD. Jim shares many stories from his past; some are sad, most are laugh and disturb those around you funny, but all are honest. I'm so glad I know about this guy and took the time to read his book(s). Funny and talented and SMART. Fun read! :D #monsterrain
Bill Williams
Jim Norton is a deviant with an extremely raunchy sense of humor and a bit of a creep. This is not a value judgement, this is a statement that he makes about himself over and over again in this collection of essays. He talks about his suicide attempt and his constant use of prostitutes in nauseating detail. He is also very funny. At some points, I was laughing so hard I was crying, but then I felt like I needed a shower.
read this over the weekend - on a road trip. - author is somewhat of a sophemoric comedian - would like to see his routine to see if i just didn't "get" the book due to his comedic timing, or if the book really wasn't all that good. This guy has waaaaaay too much time on his hands. If you enjoy reading about a 35+ single male who enjoys oral sex, being defecated upon, and dreaming up lousy sitcom storylines - well, then this book is for you!
Sep 10, 2007 rated it it was amazing  ·  review of another edition
Recommends it for: Anybody who is not easily offended!
Not for the easily offended! If you like 'lil Jimmy Norton (or O&A), you will want to pick up this book. Disgusting, crude, and highly innappropriate, but very funny! Norton spills his guts in this tell-all book about his life, and career. Number 4 on the NY Best Sellers list (how did that happen?!) Do not let your grandma read this book.
Jun 26, 2008 rated it it was amazing  ·  review of another edition
Fun and quick read that brings insight into one of the funniest comedians and the third microphone on the Opie and Anthony show. Raw and exposed...many of these entries are journal entries about self loathing, depression...some times you want to ask Jim to put clothes on from how much he exposes of himself.
Oct 16, 2008 rated it did not like it  ·  review of another edition
Saw this book at the library and thought it might be funny and titalating. Was I ever wrong! I only know Jim Norton from Lucky Louie, the HBO show, which I enjoyed. Sounds like he is trying to be the next Howard Stern, but I found him totally offensive and disgusting. He manages to degrade everyone and himself. Don't waste your time...
Oct 08, 2007 rated it it was amazing  ·  review of another edition
Recommends it for: Conservative Christians and their children.
Happy endings is a gripping tale of a young man from New Jersey who battles diversity and addiction in an attempt to figure out his place in this topsy tervy world. Or it's just the insane ramblings of a pervert with the attention span of a knat and a mouth that could make a dark man blush. Love Lil Jimmy Norton and this book shows why.
May 16, 2013 rated it really liked it  ·  review of another edition
Lil Yimmy is one of my heroes and this book is one of my bibles. Norton is hilarious, insanely honest, and intelligent. I purchased a used hardcover copy that Norton had previously autographed. He wrote "Thanks, Bev!" It is one of the oddest autographs that I own and it is one of my most cherished possessions.

Double guns, cocksucka!
Apr 17, 2009 rated it did not like it  ·  review of another edition
Recommends it for: no one
I listened to this as an audio book, which is the only reason I finished it (though even that took awhile). It's very blue, which doesn't bother me, but it's also basically one joke repeated over and over for 5 hours. It's funny at first, but it quickly becomes tedious. Very tedious. He'd be better off sticking to 20 minute comedy sets in front of drunken audiences.
Andrey Zubkov
I like Norton live and on XM, but this was a total waste of my time. Some parts made me laugh pretty hard in the beginning, but I quickly realized that it's a long book of shit jokes, hookers, uninspiring personal stories and rendezvous that nobody cares about. Too bad you can't return a kindle book.
Aug 05, 2008 rated it it was amazing  ·  review of another edition
Little Jimmy Norton is one of today's hottest comic. His extreme humor is topped only by the pathetic and embarrassing moments of his childhood, adolescence and adulthood, all outlined in this quick read. I hear he is writing another, will definitely be on the top of my list.
Jul 28, 2016 rated it really liked it  ·  review of another edition
Sweet little Jimmy's 2nd book, " I hate your guts" is undoubtedly the better of the two. That being said I still had a number of instances where I was laughing out loud awkwardly on a plane while people stared uncomfortably at me and a half naked sweet boy on the cover.
« previous 1 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 next »
There are no discussion topics on this book yet. Be the first to start one »
  • All the Wrong Moves (Samantha Spade #1)
  • Too Fat to Fish
  • The Will to Whatevs: A Guide to Modern Life
  • Fangs for the Mammaries
  • The Making of Dr. Truelove
  • The John Fante Reader
  • Ellis Island and Other Stories
  • Brutal: The Untold Story of My Life Inside Whitey Bulger's Irish Mob
  • Clerks & Chasing Amy
  • Practically Perfect in Every Way
  • Arc d'X
  • Miss America
  • Tommyland
  • Where Willy Went
  • The Darwin Awards Next Evolution: Chlorinating the Gene Pool (Darwin Awards, #5)
  • I Hate This Place: The Pessimist's Guide to Life
  • You Are Worthless: Depressing Nuggets of Wisdom Sure to Ruin Your Day
  • The Brimstone Journals
Filled with searing honesty and an eye for detail, these essays deal with events both public and private. Jim Norton's stories are raw, revealing and most of all, hilarious."
More about Jim Norton...