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How to Talk So Kids Will Listen & Listen So Kids Will Talk
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How to Talk So Kids Will Listen & Listen So Kids Will Talk

4.27  ·  Rating details ·  21,552 ratings  ·  2,237 reviews
Here is the bestselling book that will give you the know-how you need to be effective with your children. Enthusiastically praised by parents and professionals around the world, the down--to--earth, respectful approach of Faber and Mazlish makes relationships with children of all ages less stressful and more rewarding.
Recently revised and updated with fresh insights and su
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Paperback, 20th Anniversary Edition, 286 pages
Published October 1st 1999 by Collins Living (first published September 3rd 1996)
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 ·  21,552 ratings  ·  2,237 reviews


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Katie
Feb 27, 2009 rated it liked it
Should be subtitled, "Baby Boomer Parents Backlash Against Harsh Old-School Discipline." If you weren't the kind of parent to call your kids names or whup them one on the rear end in the first place, this book has little to offer you but either validation or frustration. I was looking for a book that would help me communicate better with my very stubborn 2.5 year old, and while the cartoons in this book were pretty entertaining, they didn't do much more but revisit the obvious. Don't live throug ...more
Janet
Mar 16, 2008 rated it it was amazing
Shelves: children
A friend, a previous yeller, recommended this book. I found it very helpful, especially since we just had our second child who had colic and the 6 year old and I were no longer communicating well.

It teaches a way to talk that names emotions, and acknowledges the emotions that often a child cannot articulate.

For example, instead of saying "You shouldn't be mad at your brother, he's only three!" you say "I can see that it makes you angry when he messes up your things. But yelling is not allowed
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Vanessa
Apr 19, 2008 rated it it was ok
There is good advice in here if you don't already employ many of the suggestions herein. Since I already do, I didn't find it any sort of revelation. I read it in the hopes of finding a way to make my 4-year-old listen to me on the subject of "DON'T RUN AWAY FROM MOM AND DAD, PARTICULARLY IN A CROWDED PLACE - IT IS NOT A GAME", but was disappointed to find no help on that front. I'm afraid "Sweetie, please don't run away - it makes us worried" and "How do YOU think we can help you to stop runnin ...more
Brian
May 27, 2007 rated it it was amazing  ·  review of another edition
Oh dude this book is awesome! It's intended as a guide for parents and educators to help them communicate with kids, but instead I got my hands on it when I was about nine years old, and it helped me refine my own immature communication skills. A life-changing book for me, for all the wrong reasons.
Alexis
Mar 25, 2009 is currently reading it
I read this book about 5 years ago. At that time the boys were 3 and 1. I appreciated the book then, but absolutely adore this book today. This book was first published in 1982, but when it comes to parenting I think that the really good advice is timeless. In re-reading "How to talk..." I am discovering that many of the times when I am most effective/happy with myslelf as a mom I am using the principals that I read in Faber and Mazlish's wonderful work. The book is an extraordinarily valuable t ...more
Dave
Dec 06, 2008 rated it really liked it
VERY applicable whether you're dealing with a 3-year-old, your spouse, your boss, or your 80-year-old neighbor. This is one of my most recommended books to families doing therapy.

I actually currently use parts of this in group therapy sessions to teach adolescents in a therapeutic boarding school how to handle family conflicts. And we do role-plays based on its comic-strip-style illustrations and draw application to their every-day lives. It's so successful, they want me to tell their therapists
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Ashley Burton
Sep 15, 2018 rated it liked it
Had good info and tips, but not 100% realistic regarding how quickly things would improve. After reading this I'm not sure I would recommend it.

Better you check out Talking to Toddlers program by Chris Thompson to helps you to approach the most effective methods to deal with your kid's behavior. It consists of the easy methods and tricks to involve your kids in listening and doing as you ask. You also can learn what the most common language mistakes parents make which can cause your kids to do
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Fotooh Jarkas
It's more effective than a medical prescription!!
Very simple cards of instructins make you feel better about yourself and your child
It gave me the feeling that everyone can be perfect parent , but we have to keep it in mind :)
HAPPY READING
Colleen
May 03, 2010 rated it it was amazing
Read this. Reading it again. And again. And again.

A powerful tool. Recommended by my pediatrician to help us communicate more effectively with our ADHD twin boys. But this is a great resource for all children and their parents.

Quick and easy to read. Not too dry or preachy. Timeless advice.

Other reviews have suggested this book is for "REALLY bad" parents who don't have "a clue" how to speak to their children. Or that this book will teach you "emotionless parenting" and fails to address how and
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Nick Craske
Apr 13, 2020 rated it it was amazing
Dear God,
This is the first time I've ever prayed to you, being an atheist and all that, but please-please-please, can you help me to convince my wilding-pocket-rocket-fire-cracker-five-year-old-daughter to let me brush her hair and for ONCE, to actually listen to anything I ever say.
Thanks,
Nick

PS. Heeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeellllpp
Brian S
May 20, 2013 rated it liked it
A bit of a mixed bag. It has some useful insights and ideas that I want to try out, but also is heavily in the lets collaborate with our kids to see if we can come to a mutually agreeable solution camp, which I have yet to buy into.

I tried some of the techniques in the book in the following scenario: My 9 year old daughter often leaves the sink a mess after brushing her teeth. I would normally just tell her, "go clean out the sink" and she would, possibly accompanied by a roll of the eyes or at
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Nathalie
Nov 04, 2012 rated it really liked it
Shelves: 2012, woman
Don't believe people reading on their Kindle in the métro are only 50-Shades types, they may simply hide that they are reading self-help or parenting books. I was actually quite ashamed of reading this one, which I got as a Daily Deal on Amazon. It turned out to have extremely ugly cartoons, commonsense principles ("it may not be that good an idea to hit your child") and relatively good advice. As the title suggests it's all about unprejudiced communication between parents and children. You may ...more
Sarah
Jan 21, 2020 marked it as to-read
Damn tiny humans.
Togo Jalika
Sep 08, 2018 rated it it was amazing
Nice book
Hannah Hillam
Sep 15, 2018 rated it liked it
Not bad
Allison Hurd
Mar 17, 2020 rated it really liked it
I enjoyed this. While the examples are aimed at dealing with children, they're very easily applicable to dealing with adults as well.

My favorite takeaways were:

-Focus on the positive, praise the things you like.
-Avoid advice, instead ask questions
-Beware the self-fulfilling prophecy, and instead focus on the positive
-Use descriptors and personal feelings instead of praise or condemnation
Sonya Feher
Oct 06, 2008 rated it it was ok
Shelves: nonfiction, parenting
Philosophically I agree with the discipline practices this book explains, but the examples with parents smacking their kids or labeling them with words like "greedy" felt so extreme that it was sometimes hard to read through it to get to what the authors advocated one should do. I did appreciate the tips pages on helping children deal with their feelings, engaging a child's cooperation, alternatives to punishment, and alternative to "no". The chapter on praise is one of the best explanations I'v ...more
Alex
Feb 20, 2020 rated it it was amazing
As my daughter is beginning to vocalize things with very short sentences and lots of new words, this book felt like good preparation for a child who is going to challenge, frustrate but also fill with pride. I felt I learned a lot, and I will have to focus hard to resist talking to her in ways that don't acknowledge her feelings and give her the space to work her way through problems and challenges, but I feel this book has given me some tips to do so well. I bought the audiobook and I know I'll ...more
Emily
Jun 08, 2009 rated it it was amazing
At some point of desperation I put several books on parenting on hold at my library. Due to varying degrees of popularity they've trickled in one by one and I've been reading a parenting book about every 3 to 4 weeks. I was a little tired of it by the time I got to this one, but because it took me so long to get it on hold I thought I'd go for it.

This long story was to say-I loved it!

It was positive, upbeat and very helpful. I can't identify with the extremes they use in this book but I still c
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Elena
Jun 30, 2016 rated it it was amazing
I honestly grabbed this book because it was on the buy two, get one free shelf at Barnes and Nobles, and I figured, eh, why not? In the end, I think it is one of the best books on basically communication that I have ever read. There are so many good strategies, and frankly you can use them with your kids and with EVERYONE. I think it is especially applicable to elder care as well. I am actually really surprised that as a teacher I had not stumbled on this book yet because I think it is really he ...more
Doc Opp
Dec 26, 2015 rated it really liked it
I was given this book as a gift and I don't have kids. So, I'm probably not the intended audience. That said, the writing was easy to read and get through, and the advice seemed generally sound. If I ever have kids some day, the lessons I learned might be very useful. Hard to know, since I don't have a lot of experience with children.

The advice in the book was derived from counseling sessions helping parents with children who were having serious behavioral problems. While the authors argue that
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Clare Cannon
Aug 27, 2011 rated it it was amazing
This book offers great, common sense advice. It focuses on communication between parents and children, something that is so essential to your relationship. The whole book is great, but I particularly like the cartoons which show you two alternative approaches to a conversation, one where parent and child are talking at each other and end up at odds, and the other where they are listening and responding and end up on the same side. Check out the 'turtle' cartoon - it's priceless.

I also loved its
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John Maxim
Nov 29, 2016 rated it really liked it
One day your kid turns 5 and you think to yourself, "What on earth am I doing, I should probably have some sort of plan, because this little guy is kind of an A-hole?"

This is my first book on parenting and I found it illuminating. My kids are actually people who deserve to be communicated with respectfully??? How novel! This isn't a cure-all solution, but just the many examples shared and the constant reminders this book gives that I'm not the only parent screaming all the time were helpful. Whe
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Shauna
Jun 11, 2008 rated it it was amazing
Recommends it for: Any parent
Recommended to Shauna by: A child psychologist
I love this book! It was recommended to a room of teachers by a child psychologist who said that she recommends this book to any parent who walks through her door. I can see why. It is easy to read and understand. It uses common sense practices -but better help one to see them.

Basically, when I employ these practices -we're a happier family. When I don't -I go re-read the book. This stuff even works on strangers kids. It's really about a way of looking at and talking to children that respects th
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Bloodorange
Jun 19, 2017 marked it as abandoned
I read until about 50% mark. I flatly refuse to write notes from discarded toys and towels, find "I-speak" problematic (IMO, this may teach kids, later teens, to prioritize their emotions, instead of what and why should be done - sorry, I teach/ used to teach high school/ uni students), and shudder at the thought of using therapy-speak to children (it might be effective, but a) I have a moral problem with it, and b) no one will ever talk like that to them for free when they're adults).

On the wh
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Tyas
Aug 27, 2008 rated it really liked it
I translated this book, and was captivated by it. It contains fresh ideas of how to communicate better with our children.

I applied the ideas to my students, and they work well. Punishment just won't work - pushing them to talk won't work. We have to learn the new skills to communicate with children - and with other people in general.

A very liberating book, complete with pictures and examples, including real ones.
Laney
Dec 06, 2016 rated it it was amazing
Best parenting book ever. This all made so much sense to me and it's how I want to parent and be with my kids. Now if only I could do it! I wish I could consult this book and memorize everything before all interactions with my children. :) I think I'm going to force Matt to read this too.

Read again in feb 2019. Such a good book.
Anina
Dec 23, 2008 rated it really liked it
Shelves: nonfiction
Cute cartoon strips make it a non stressful read. A discussion on helping children talk through their problems to come to solutions. This treats interacting with children as an art form and is not a parenting book with hard and fast rules.
Julia (Shakespeare and Such)
5/5 stars, full review to come! It’s a little scary to me that this book has been out since 1996 and yet not every parent uses it. This is one of the ultimate parenting books, period.

Organization : 5/5
Writing: 5/5
Enjoyment of subject/ideas: 5/5
David
May 29, 2018 rated it it was amazing  ·  review of another edition
If I could give this six stars, I would. This is why I try not to over-use five star ratings (and why four and less stars are not an insult to a book or an indication that there is anything wrong with it). Sometimes a book is truly heads-and-shoulders above all others and this is one of those cases.

I often put sticky-notes in the margins of books when I find a really insightful or helpful bit. Halfway through this book, I realized that its side was starting to look like a multi-colored porcupine
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Adele Faber graduated from Queens College with a B.A. in theater and drama, earned her master's degree in education from New York University, and taught in the New York City high schools for eight years before joining the faculty of the New School for Social Research in New York and Family Life Institute of C.W. Post College of Long Island University. She is the mother of three children.

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