Calm My Anxious Heart: A Woman's Guide to Finding Contentment

by Linda Dillow

If you feel like worry is ruling your life or you only trust God when things go right, this twelve-week study and companion journal will help you focus on growing in contentment and faith as you learn to trust God completely.

Genres: Christian, Nonfiction, Christian Living, Christianity, Self Help, Faith, Spirituality

224 pages, Paperback

First published May 1, 1989

About the author

Linda Dillow is no stranger to publishing and adventure. She's the author of Creative Counterpart, Calm My Anxious Heart, and The Blessings Book. Linda and her husband Jody lived in Europe and Asia for 17 years training Christian leaders in closed countries with Biblical Education by Extension, During this time, Linda traveled extensively in Romania, Russia, Hungary, Poland and Asia. She taught women and helped them launch women's ministries. This fire for encouraging and educating others continues as she speaks at women's conferences here and abroad.

Linda's newest adventure is a new ministry that she started with Dr. Juli Slattery- Authentic Intimacy. This ministry focuses on women and their intimacy with their husbands and God.

Linda and Jody Dillow have been married forty years. She is a mother of four children, as well as a grandmother.

Reviews

[Iamthird · Rating 5 out of 5]

pg 13
1. Never picture yourself in any other circumstances or someplace else.
2. Never allow yourself to complain about anything - not even the weather.
3. Never dwell on tomorrow - remember that it is God's, not ours.
4. Never allow yourself to wish this or that had been otherwise.
5. Never compare your lot with another's.

Her eyes were fixed on eternity. Her tomorrows belonged to God. She had given them to Him. And because all her tomorrows were nestled in God's strong arms, she was free to live today.

pg 15 At all times, in all circumstances, Christ is able and willing to provide the strength we need to be content. Contentment occurs when Christ's strength is infused into my weak body, soul, and spirit. As it seeps into our minds, it transforms us.

God is the blessed controller of all things, the king over all kings and the master of all masters. (1 Tim 6:15)

"Contentment is essentially a matter of accepting from God's hand what He sends because we know that He is good and therefore it is good."

Then God fills our cup with our portion, what He determines best. Our portion is our physical and emotional being, our abilities, circumstances, roles, and relationships. We either choose to grasp it by the handle and lift it to Him, saying "I accept my portion: I accept this cup," or we choose to smash our cup to pieces, saying "God, I refuse my portion. This cup is not the right size for me and I don't like what You've put in it. I'll control my life myself."

I entrust my tree to its God. He who made it knows better what it needs that a man like me.

Most of us either try too hard or we quit trying. In both cases, we miss God.

How your perspective of your circumstances, yourself, your roles, and your relationships can change; to see how the barriers of anxiety, greed, and a faulty focus can keep you from possessing a heart of contentment.

Travel to exotic places is exciting but exhausting.

Each of us has a choice about how we look at life: We can focus on the mud or lift our eyes and see the starts.

Tell God your needs and don't forget to thank him for his answers.

Prov 23:7 As he thinketh in his heart, so is he.
Beware of what you dwell on for that you shall surely become.

Our thought life -- not our friends, husband, children, job or anything else -- determines our contentment!

Choose to pray specifically and be thankful.

Thank God for your personality. Almighty God of the universe prepared a purpose for us to walk in.

1 Samuel 16:7 Man looks at the outward appearance, but the Lord looks at the heart.

God is painting a picture on the canvas of our lives. Our bodies are merely the frame. God intends to paint a beautiful picture -- a picture to others of our character and unique expression of Christ's life. It is a lifelong joint project.

"God, how can I glorify You today in my given role?"

As 23, God gave me the gift of singleness. As 27, the gift of marriage. At age 29 the gift of widowhood. Choose to accept our portion.

The women finally decided to dwell on the positive aspects of their roles.

Keep on forgiving; forgive as many times as it takes.

There is no torment like the inner torment of bitterness.

Pray for the person. Seek to do acts of love, acts of kindness.

We can't make choices for others, only for ourselves. Do not let anything stand in the way of offering forgiveness to others.

Possessions are to be used, not loved. Why do we choose to focus on transitory things when God gives us His guarantee that He won't ever leave us?

Drive used cars, seldom buy new clothes. God it is yours, show me what You want me to do with it.

If I don't wear it in a year, some else needs it.

Listen to your heart. Listen to your words. Look at your actions. Are you teaching your children to be grateful for God's blessings? Make a conscious effort to be thankful.

Our giving should not be like an overflow valve on our wealth, only giving the excess of a hoarded supply. Rather, it should be like a loosened drain plug that regularly and continually lets our resources flow to others.

I don't want to be directionless and swiftly propelled by the winds of circumstances.

Live like we KNOW the meaning and purpose of life. Go against my selfish nature. Life loses focus without any effort, determination, or decision on our part.

"When things happened that I didn't like, I thanked Him, even though I didn't understand. I knew the negative circumstances were part of His confronting me."

A women of contentment, of wisdom, and of godliness.

View my today and the problems it held from an eternal perspective. You can mimic goodness, but godliness cannot be imitated.
Her life focus was " HIM "

The beginning of true faith is the end of anxiety. Worry breaks down resistance to disease.
"Worry doesn't empty tomorrow of its sorrow, it empties today of its strength."

Fix our focus on God and His righteousness.

Humble yourselves, therefore, under God's mighty hand, that he may lift you up in due time. Cast all your anxiety on him because he cares for you.

Have an Anxiety Box and put stuff in it.

Through His Word, God willingly reveals much about who He is, what His plans are.

Ask ourselves if we're going to judge God by the circumstances we don't understand or judge the circumstances in light of the character of God. p160

1. Ask yourself what is the worst that can possibly happen.
2. Prepare to accept it if you have to.
3. Then calmly proceed to improve on the worst.

We survive the packages of pain God allows in our lives by remembering who God is and what He has done in the past.

He is your contentment. What does your freedom produce? An ability to concentrate on others and their needs, to encourage others, to love and serve the people God brings into your life. You can reach out because God has reached inside you.

[Trace · Rating 3 out of 5]

I initially wanted to give this book a lower rating because in my mind it makes the same mistake that many Christians make when trying to coach or assist people through anxiety. Simply TELLING people who are suffering from anxiety to trust in God or to have more faith does not work. I find it rather frustrating after a while.

Giving us dozens and dozens of examples of how others kept faith through their TREMENDOUS trials does NOT help either. It just makes those of us with our "less important" trials feel rather dumb and ashamed.

Most people who suffer from constant worry and anxiety need assistance with the actual MECHANICS of how to stop our brains from its endless cycle of worry. Contrary to popular belief, worry is not a comfortable blanket or sweater that I wear because its what I know and it helps me feel secure. No... most of us who struggle with constant worry would love nothing MORE to be rid of it. And many of us have tried many, many different tactics to try and stop the worry and anxiety.

If you can imagine an ENORMOUS train on a circular track, going around and around at a hefty speed and you are asked to stand outside of the train and stop it with your bare hands - you can imagine how seemingly insurmountable this task is, to try and stop the worrisome thoughts that my brain cycles through.

Back to this particular book... I truly did not get the sense that the author really understood how debilitating anxiety and worry can be. Most of the book was spent talking about how if we truly had faith in God then we ought to give all of our anxieties to Him. Which is great... yes I agree that I OUGHT to be able to do this for sure!! But I am not nearly astute enough to grasp and extract the particulars on HOW to do this from all of the reasons you've given me on WHY I need to do this. I already KNOW why I should not worry and obsess...

HOWEVER I decided to give this book three stars because there is a 12 week study at the end that appears to give tangible "what-to-do's" and so I think I will give this a try. I had planned to study the book of Esther (through Beth Moore's bible study resource) next month - but I think I will postpone that study in order to give this one a try.

I may come back to change my rating once I've completed it.

[Rachel · Rating 5 out of 5]

I read this book about 3 years ago - our family was going through some really hard times; I was going through some emotional struggles and feeling unsure of God's plans for my life and future. It's always been difficult for me to battle my fears and worries and this book was a great foundation for beginning to set aside my doubts, fears, and worries and look to Christ as my hope and joy. :) This book inspired me to write out a life-goal,which I have had pinned on my wall as a reminder and encouragement that God's not done with me yet. You can read it below:

"I want to be...

*A woman of Contentment
*A woman of Wisdom
*A woman of Godliness

to be that I need to...

+ Meditate on the things of God
+ Live with passion for Him
+ Pray faithfully
+ Read my Bible daily
+Abound with thanksgiving

"You can mimic goodness, but Godliness cannot be imitated" ~ Calm my Anxious Heart

Colossians 2:6-7 ~ "As ye have therefore received Christ Jesus the Lord, so walk ye in Him: Rooted and built up in Him, and stablished in the faith, as ye have been taught, abounding therein with thanksgiving."

From 22_____________________________________ to 80+ I want to live my life for Him!

[Michelle · Rating 5 out of 5]

This was my second time reading this book in roughly two years, and I would read it again.

The book itself is an easy read. There are discussion questions at the end of the book for each chapter, as well as recommended scriptures for memorization. We did this book for small group, one chapter per week, and found that was about the right amount of work outside of class and enough for discussion one night per week.

I was hesitant to read this book the first time, because "Anxious" seems like such an extreme emotion. To me, anxiety is pacing, it's sleeplessness, it's a pit in the bottom of your stomach and constant distraction. I don't consider myself an "anxious" person in those terms.

But in reading this book, I came to realize that the author is using anxious as the opposite state of contentment. And in that case, it is easy to apply to most lives and most situations. After all, who doesn't wish that their lives were a bit different? Who doesn't wonder "what if?" or "why?" once in a while.

The author makes some excellent arguments for why discontentment is a sin (essentially, discontentment tells God that you don't like the way He has care for you, and doubts his ability to meet your needs) and ways that you can begin to become content within your circumstances.

I enjoyed that the author was very humble. She was willing to admit to her own moments of doubt and discontent, and never came across as preachy or "holier than thou". She has led an interesting life as a missionary and it was interesting to hear bits and pieces from her travels. Each chapter has a one-page story of someone she met while doing her work, that relates to the chapter it is associated with. It was inspiring to hear what some of those women were going through, and how they were able to be content anyway.

Sure makes me feel silly for getting upset sometimes - especially when I realize how truly blessed I am. I am free to believe what I want to believe. I don't have to hide out when I want to read the Bible, or meet with my Christian friends. I don't have to worry I will lose my job if someone discovers my faith. I don't have to wait in long lines for peanut butter, or go without toothpaste. Very blessed indeed.

I would recommend this book for Christian women in all stages of life. It was a great group discussion, although can get a bit personal sometimes. I would say 1-2 hours of work each week if you read the chapter, read the related scripture and answer all the questions and pray/meditate on it for a bit. On average, our discussions lasted about 1.5 hours per chapter.

[Maria Miller · Rating 5 out of 5]

“Yet I will rejoice in the Lord; I will rejoice in the God of my salvation. The Lord God is my strength; he makes my feet like the hinds’ feet; he makes me tread on my high places.”
‭‭Habakkuk‬ ‭3‬:‭18‬-‭19‬ ‭

“Contentment is essentially a matter of accepting from God’s hand what He sends because we know that He is good and therefore it is good.”

“Never dwell on tomorrow - remember that tomorrow is God’s, not ours.”

“What is God's standard of evaluation for you and me in our given roles? Success? Perfection? His Word tells us, "Now it is required that those who have been given a trust must prove faithful" (1 Corinthians 4:2). Faithfulness is God's standard! As His servants we are not required to be perfect or successful - simply faithful. We have been given a trust. We have been entrusted with many things: our natural gifts, our spiritual gifts, our financial resources. Our assigned role is also a trust. In His love He has given each of us the gift of singleness or the gift of marriage or the gift of widowhood. In His sovereignty, He has said it is in this role we can best glorify Him.”

[Chloe Tackett · Rating 4 out of 5]

This Bible study actually helped me be more content, which was the point of the book, so I would say it’s affective. It definitely challenged me and called me out in the best way. I love that it had memory verses for every chapter to help fight worry and remind you that God is the Blessed Controller of your life. I had a few small things I disagreed with, but overall it was a great study and I highly recommend it.

[Janie Thomas · Rating 5 out of 5]

Someone let me borrow this book about ten years ago when I was stressed out about figuring out the next steps of my life. Of course back then, I never read it and also never gave it back. So while I was doing 75 Hard and had to read nonfiction everyday, I picked this book up out of desperation on a day I needed to find a new piece of nonfiction.

This book has changed me. I will forever think about the way this book lays out how and why we live our lives with so much fear and stress and worry and why it’s not productive or helpful. And then how we can change our habits and lean on a hope much sturdier than our own. I hope I never forget the lessons learned from this book.

[Cherie Miller]

A beautiful book with so much depth and truth. Every woman should read this. ♥️

[s0nicfreak · Rating 1 out of 5]

0 stars is what I would give this if I could. I can sum up the secret to contentment as told by this book in one sentence: Read the Bible, pray, and don't worry because God will take care of everything. The Bible already tells me these things; why do I need another book to tell me? I thought this book would explain how to turn that Bible reading and prayer into contentment, but it does not. All it does is tell stories about women that were discontent, read the Bible and prayed, and became content. In real life feelings are not like a faucet that you can turn off because the Bible says you shouldn't have those feelings. What this book should have done is told us *how* to turn off those feelings. Also, I think this author forgot that God helps those who help themselves.

This book may be useful for a bible study that is discussing how to turn the bible reading and prayer into contentment if no one in the study can think up examples of discontent on their own. If you are reading this book you likely have at least one example of discontent (your own life), so other than that the book is pretty much a waste of time. If you must get it, get it while it's free.

[Julie Hyatt · Rating 2 out of 5]

Solid topic, but I just wasn't feeling the overt feminine metaphors, such as we are all works of art, etc. Of course we are. I also felt like it lived too much in the "satisfaction realm." As in, "Shit, I'm a pastor's wife. I have 5 kids and I hate myself. I need to be ok with this." She writes: "1. Never picture yourself in any other circumstances or someplace else." This is also what they told SLAVES. This is what creates passive, shallow, blank pages of women. It's fine and good to be content with your life circumstances. But selling yourself short, just because you're not content, is a lie. Maybe you're anxious because you don't feel valued, or you don't have friends, or whatever. But telling yourself that THIS IS WHAT GOD WANTS is a lie. DO something about it, without turning your back on your family or commitments. This often requires sacrifice, but that doesn't mean we can't be ourselves and pursue our passions. Sometimes we NEED to think about the "what-ifs" and "if onlys." Don't live there, but don't sell yourself short. End of rant.

[Katie Ramsey · Rating 5 out of 5]

I read this whole book within 24 hours of getting it 😂 Such an encouraging and truth-filled read ⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️

I love how Mrs. Dillow really covers a broad spectrum of reasons why we feel anxious and measures them against the truth of God’s Word. Honestly I hadn’t really thought about anxiety and contentment having anything to do with each other before reading this book. I will definitely keeping coming back to this book.

“God... is the blessed controller of all things, the king over all kings and the master of all masters (1 Timothy 6:5). He is the Blessed Controller of our circumstances, gifts, abilities, possessions, roles, and relationships. We acknowledge His sovereign control by trusting Him for everything: what we don’t understand, what we can’t see, and what doesn’t make sense to us. When God becomes our total trust, we humbly accept our portion and our cup (Psalm 16:5). We accept what He has allowed in the past. We accept what He has allowed today. And we give all our tomorrows to Him. A humility grows within us that He is the living controller of all life”

[Kaytlen Tucker · Rating 3 out of 5]

Very mixed feelings about this book. Some parts I loved. But some chapters came across with a “stop worrying, have more faith” vibe which can be frustrating. Page by page it was a fight between enjoying it and then also asking God to soften my heart if there was something I needed to read/hear when I wasn’t feeling it. The last two chapters were really encouraging!!!! And each chapter ended with a story of different women Dillow met throughout her international missionary days which I really enjoyed. Overall.. meh??

[Lāsma Ašme · Rating 5 out of 5]

Excellent! Perfect book for this time! I want to re-read and write those wonderful quotes from book. I would put 6 stars.

[Cora Wickey · Rating 5 out of 5]

One of the best spiritually encouraging books I’ve read-especially if you struggle with worry or anxiety.

[Olivia Nowell · Rating 4 out of 5]

Great Bible/book study especially living in and teaching a very anxious generation. Lots of great takeaways and real life applications from this book as we all work on trusting in His timing and His plan throughout our lives.
A favorite of mine was:
I am here (1) by God’s appointment (2) in His keeping (3) under His training (4) for His time.

[junia · Rating 3 out of 5]

I'm not going to lie - the way the book was written is not my style, and it sometimes felt dry but there are a lot of true, clear points. It took me... almost a year to read it (around 6-8 months?)
I especially loved her discussions on forgiveness, and my favorite part was the end where she finished with discussing the "if diseases" of "What if" and "If Only."

I was also especially encouraged by her closing prayer which is her own personal adaptation of Psalm 23, and her little survey of Habakkuk and personalizing his final words. I was an encouragement for me to do the same.



"We say we want more faith, but really what we want is sight. Sight says, "I see that it's good for me, so God must have sent it," but faith says, "God sent it, so it must be good for me" (143).

"*What If* looks to the future and worries about what God might allow. *If Only* looks to the past and grumbles about what God has given. The first leads to anxiety, the second to anger" (150).

[Brenda · Rating 5 out of 5]

Read it a long time ago. But still remember the golden words and benefits of always being calm in the Presence of God. You just ask for it as you do all other things. Great book.

[Sarah · Rating 4 out of 5]

This book was a big blessing to me. I really needed the message. The only downside is that it was a little choppy in places I highly recommend it.

[R.M. Archer · Rating 4 out of 5]

Overall, the content of this book was really good. The layout could maybe have been improved (not sticking the Bible study at the very end) and there were a couple of tiny annoyances throughout, but the core of the book was encouraging and convicting.

[Kimberlee · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book is a treasure, and one to read again and again. Such a great birthday gift! I hope to share this title with many others!

[Linnea Jane · Rating 3 out of 5]

I debated what to rate this book for a while. I love Linda Dillow and another of her books is one of all time favorite Christian non fiction books of all time
This one did not strike quite the same chord, but I have the feeling that some of the wisdom from this book will come back to me later on.

[Regina · Rating 5 out of 5]

A lot of wisdom in these pages that everyone should be able to relate to. I'm planning to use this book for our next Ladies' Bible study.

[Kayci Salazar · Rating 3 out of 5]

Encouraging read, but not sure how much will stick with me long term. Some parts felt oversimplified.

[Annalise Kraines · Rating 5 out of 5]

I'm usually not a huge fan of gender-specific books (I find that they generalize the struggles of people within that gender and that isn't always helpful), but this book was excellent. Dillow emphasizes the peace of God and reminds her readers that he is the Blessed Controller. She also offers a global perspective from her time as a missionary in Eastern Europe and China, which I felt added authenticity to her argument. I haven't done the Bible study in the back of the book, but I'd like to on my next go-around. All in all, this book helped change my perspective on my circumstances and gently and compassionately guided me towards God's peace.

[Elena · Rating 5 out of 5]

I first read this book about eight years ago and re-read it again, each chapter slowly over the past few months to let the truths sink in. Dillow uses Scripture, her own experiences as a missionary in Europe, as well as stories of different women trusting God amidst incredibly difficult situations in Communist Romania, Poland, and China (I believe in the 1980s?) to show how we can have calm hearts that are content and trusting in God through whatever comes our way. She starts out the book exploring how we can grow in contentment in our circumstances, in our own body, in our roles, and in our relationships. She then moved onto how to avoid a "faulty focus" of worry and instead, growing in faith. She ends with the trusting God with the what ifs, the if onlys, and the whys. The twelve-week study guide at the back of the book was very helpful in processing and cementing the various themes and challenges in the book to grab hold in my heart and mind. It's an older book but still so relevant, practical, and filled with truth from Scripture that encourages me to trust God no matter what the circumstances arise. The only thing I think could have improved the book was mentioning that sometimes people struggling with anxiety can benefit not only from prayer, community, journaling, working through different issues like contentment and faith (all wonderful things!!!), but also the wisdom and experience of a counselor and/or psychiatrist to help along the way. There was not a clear distinction, or even mention, for that matter, of debilitating anxiety disorder as opposed to occasional situational anxiousness or worry, so it could come off as discouraging for women who feel like they are lacking faith or not a "good" Christian if they struggle. I believe that sometimes even when there is a will to work through anxiety, there is a brain activity and psychosomatic symptoms that can sometimes persist and could benefit from collaborating with professionals who are trained in anxiety disorders.

[Carolyn Tackett · Rating 4 out of 5]

I enjoyed reading this and completing the accompanying study questions with my daughters. Life is full of uncertainties, worries, trials and questions to God, which often lead to anxiety. We anticipate outcomes, wonder why things happen, or wish that events could have happened in a different way. This Bible study works through these problems and struggles we all face, giving scriptures to reflect, encourage and memorize.

When we live our lives trusting in our sovereign God whatever our circumstances, casting onto Him all of the cares and things troubling our minds, then we can begin to rest in his care that brings peace and contentment no matter what the outcome. “Humble yourselves, therefore, under the mighty hand of God so that at the proper time he may exalt you, casting all your anxieties on him, because he cares for you.” 1 Peter 5:6-7 When we release our cares back to God, we find contentment in realizing that he “…is the blessed controller of all things, the King of kings, and Lord of lords.” I Timothy 6:15
My own heart’s cry can be summed up in one of the author’s closing statements, “The soul worship of God is to be content with what He gives, to be thankful in all things. When we humbly yield to God’s plan and purpose for our lives, it is an act of worship. I love thinking that my life can literally bring worship to him. “

[Meredith DeVoe · Rating 5 out of 5]

This is a life-changing book, if you really take what it teaches to heart. When a friend presented the book to me (10 years ago), my first thought was "But I'm not really anxious." The book really focuses on contentment-- contentment with your life, yourself, your family, your circumstances. I learned to trust God on a deeper level by working through this book and the Scriptures she uses abundantly. Ten years later, this is still a go-to book for me. As a missionary in Nigeria, opportunities for anxiety and discontent abound! This book returns me to truths of God's sufficiency and faithfulness. I need that. HIGHEST RECOMMENDATION for anyone who is unhappy, irritated, frustrated with their life, as I was (and admittedly still am sometimes. God isn't through with me yet!!).

[Becky · Rating 5 out of 5]

"contentment is essentially a matter or accepting from Gods hand what He sends because we know that He is good and therefore it is good."

A challenge to trust Gods sovereign hand with every detail of my life...knowing that He knows what's best for each one of us. I need to live one day at a time w an eternal perspective and a thankful heart for the portion that he has given to me.

This was an excellent book that spoke to many of my struggles as a woman. I ate up everything that she said because it was so applicable and challenging. I def recommend this to any woman!

[Alexia · Rating 3 out of 5]

I enjoyed listening to this book. I liked how the writer used missionary's hardships as examples of difficult times that can bring on anxiety. However, these people chose to accept God's plan for them in the midst of panic. I'd recommend this to people going through a rough time in their life, even with tragic results. I read this because I struggled with postpartum anxiety after I had my son 3 years ago. I wanted to make sure that I have laid to rest that anxiety once and for all. I don't want to choose worry any longer but hope.

[Rebekah Jones · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book is such an encouraging read. Full of reminders, Scriptures, and Biblical practices to keep your focus where it should be - on the LORD - and to fully trust Him with every aspect of our every day lives. Only then when we have done so, can we have peaceful hearts.