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My Horizontal Life: A Collection of One-Night Stands
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My Horizontal Life: A Collection of One-Night Stands

3.79  ·  Rating details ·  91,018 Ratings  ·  6,087 Reviews
In this raucous collection of true-life stories, actress and comedian Chelsea Handler recounts her time spent in the social trenches with that wild, strange, irresistible, and often gratifying beast: the one-night stand.
Paperback, 213 pages
Published June 28th 2005 by Bloomsbury Publishing Plc (first published June 6th 2004)
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Oct 04, 2007 rated it did not like it  ·  review of another edition
I couldn't finish this book. I found it distasteful, facile and pandering. It made my skin crawl. Loathsome. I'm certainly a fan of sex in all its consensual forms, so that part didn't squick me a bit, other than it just wasn't written in a fashion that made me like any of the participants. The author blithely trotted out and proudly displayed nearly every flavor of prejudice in the first 80 pages. I'm bewildered by the apparent popularity of this collection.
Jun 02, 2008 rated it really liked it  ·  review of another edition
I about died reading this book. Seriously, I had to put the book down several times because I was crying so hard from laughing. I am not normally the type of reader who laughs out loud at what she is reading. However, I am thankful that I was home alone for most of this book. Having witnesses would have made me appear to be some kind of whack job.

I highly recommend this book unless the following things bother you, offend you, or any other type of negative feelings ensue: sex, body parts, swearin
Petra X
I watch Chelsea Handler's late night show on tv and the disconnect between her professional-young-woman look and foul-mouthed retelling of her sexual expoits is quite funny and I looked forward to more of the same in the book. However, the humour lies in her drunken exploits picking up a myriad of men and then her personal insults against them, whether it be their 'size', personal habits, looks, intelligence or housekeeping ability. There are several side characters, all of whom might have been ...more
May 28, 2007 rated it really liked it  ·  review of another edition
Recommends it for: Any woman who doesn't easily offend
I was embarrassed reading this book in public. I was getting a pedicure while reading parts of it and swore the pedicurist had xray vision, could see what I was reading, and subsequently thought I was a huge perv. This is supported by the crappy pedicure I recieved. Regardless, this book is hilarious. A perfect trashy beach read. I cannot fathom that parts of it were not embelished for hilarity's sake, but hilarious it was. Let this be your guilty, guilty pleasure.
I have never considered myself prudish before - but reading these recollections and seeing how little respect Handler had for the men she encountered really depressed me. I had hoped that the book would be Fun and Liberating - The story of a confident, single woman who took charge of her sexual experiences! What a Let-Down! There were a handful of funny one-liners - but after reading this book, I found that I really didn't like the author and that her exploits left a bad taste in my mouth !!!!
Linda Aull
Jun 10, 2008 rated it liked it  ·  review of another edition
Recommends it for: those who have had "moments"
Recommended to Linda by: Lisa
Shelves: non-fiction
As if I needed more help feeling like a nun.

Wow! Chelsea takes a no-holds barred look back at her sex-capades. There is something in this book to make everyone squirm. It fits into the same category as the movies "American Pie" or "Superbad" - and that category is: I must watch them alone so that I have absolutely no witnesses to which obscenities I find most hilarious. I want no record of what I laughed at.

This was fun to read (and quick) but I don't think it's for everyone. The virtuous girls
Mar 25, 2008 rated it it was amazing  ·  review of another edition
Recommends it for: My friends
OMG! This woman kept me laughing, page by page. I didn't want to stop reading, but I had to get to work. Thank goodness for my rides to and from work in a bus, I get to read rather than pay attention to what's going on on the road. People must've thought I was retarded when they would see me suddenly burst out laughing out loud. I got lost in Chelsea's world. I can't wait to read her other book.

You gotta know her and what she's about before reading this or you might think she's too raunchy for
Sybil aka Lala
Aug 27, 2015 rated it did not like it  ·  review of another edition
I expected the non-PC jokes.

I expected the brash humour.

I expected the mean comments.

I did NOT expect the boredom.

I was expecting a funny book with descriptions of one-night stands. What I got was running commentary on being drunk and stupid. None of which I had a problem with. This book was just fucking boring.
Jun 26, 2008 rated it really liked it  ·  review of another edition
Recommended to Chloe by: K@
Hilarious, as always. Magnificently endowed midgets, an Adonis of a stripper known only as THUNDER, a cruise ship performer- her conquests stack up rather quickly and fortunately for the reader nearly always end in tears and/or vodka. Chelsea is always willing to skewer herself for the cause of a good joke and this book is full of them. Definitely not for the easily offended or delicately sensible.
I hope for the sake of the innocent and guilty that the names in this kiss and tell book were changed. Actually that should be more like--have sex with and tell, but that's beside the point.

Chelesa Handler's memoir of memorable one-night stands is both as racy as you'd expect and not nearly as racy as you'd like to think. Handler's humor is self-deprecating and the fact that she finds such an assortment of one-night stands is an intersting one. The book could definitely be an advertisement for A
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Who loves Chelsea Handler? 11 75 Nov 26, 2015 08:37AM  
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One Night Stands... 22 220 Aug 24, 2012 12:43AM  
Free Book Giveaway: Free giveaway of Chelsea Handler's My Horizontal Life: A Collection of One Night Stands 1 9 Aug 18, 2012 09:39AM  
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Chelsea Handler has become one of entertainment’s most sought after and versatile rising stars. In July 2007, Chelsea broke into the world of late-night talk shows with her E! Entertainment series, Chelsea Lately (airing weeknights at 11:00 p.m.). Consistently the network’s highest-rated program, Chelsea Lately offers a tongue-in-cheek look at entertainment news, celebrity truths, and rumors that ...more
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“There are two kinds of people I don't trust: people who don't drink and people who collect stickers.” 875 likes
“At some point during almost every romantic comedy, the female lead suddenly trips and falls, stumbling helplessly over something ridiculous like a leaf, and then some Matthew McConaughey type either whips around the corner just in the nick of time to save her or is clumsily pulled down along with her. That event predictably leads to the magical moment of their first kiss. Please. I fall ALL the time. You know who comes and gets me? The bouncer.” 519 likes
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