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The Undervalued Self: Restore Your Love/Power Balance, Transform the Inner Voice That Holds You Back, and Find Your True Self-Worth
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The Undervalued Self: Restore Your Love/Power Balance, Transform the Inner Voice That Holds You Back, and Find Your True Self-Worth

3.96  ·  Rating details ·  301 ratings  ·  39 reviews
Elaine Aron follows up her bestsellers on the highly sensitive person with a groundbreaking new book on the undervalued self. She explains that self-esteem results from having a healthy balance of love and power in our lives.

Readers will learn to incorporate love into situations that seem to require power and deal with power struggles that mask themselves as issues of lo
Hardcover, 277 pages
Published March 8th 2010 by Little, Brown Spark (first published 2009)
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Mar 17, 2010 rated it it was amazing
Everyone has a part of them that is undervalued so this can be a valuable book for anyone. However, if you are someone who suffers from low self esteem due to life circumstances or natural disposition, this book may be a great help to you. It is a cognitive behavioral approach that assists with some of the self talk that causes us to undervalue. I recommend it highly.
Mar 12, 2010 rated it liked it
Shelves: self-help, psychology
From my blog...[return]The Undervalued Self by Dr. Elaine N. Aron is written to help people realise everyone has an underlying self, that inner voice that proclaims one is not good enough or worthy and Dr. Aron's book sets out to help readers to identify the causes of the undervalued self and how to combat these causes. Dr. Aron has laid her book out in a very straight forward and easy to follow manner. She has broken the book down into nine chapters. The first two describe the undervalued self ...more
Mar 09, 2010 rated it liked it
What an odd book. I picked it up because I value the author's previous groundbreaking work, "The Highly Sensitive Person," (and "HSP in Love") in which she explores a minority of the population (like me) who are prone to deep reflection and feelings of being overwhelmed by the world. Because she understands these special characteristics, which tend to be misunderstood as shyness and dismissed as signs of weakness in our highly competitive society, I thought for sure she'd have something groundbr ...more
Kevin Orth
Jan 14, 2015 rated it it was amazing
I am a huge fan of Dr. Aron having been introduced to her by her ground breaking work studying and understanding highly sensitive persons.

As with other books by Dr. Aron, this is full of practical, applicable, engaging information that is directly and immediately applicable to daily life. Also in her usual fashion, she includes exercises and work for the reader to take a deeper dive into their own experience of the material and make a deeper connection to the deep meaning, true value, and direct
Nov 24, 2011 rated it really liked it  ·  review of another edition
Recommends it for: everyone
This compelling and simple read of a complex problem makes me want to read Aron's other book entitled, The Highly Sensitive Person. Although, Aron doesn't indicate she is a Jungian, she follows his theory to a T: she calls the inner child, the Innocent; she calls the negative aspects of the archetypes the Protector/Persecutor (btw, Kalshed labeled it the same way); and she describes the awareness and attentiveness to the unconscious as being requisite for a valued self. Very practical, clear and ...more
Feb 14, 2014 rated it it was ok
Shelves: 2014, gave-up-on
I have to admit that I mostly skimmed this book.

The writing was alright, and the book included a lot of interesting ideas, but it was really wordy.

I did, however, really enjoy the chapter about the "six self-protections." Useful information, for sure.

Overall, it was alright. I wouldn't recommend it to people, but it got it thinking about confidence and the things we do that hold us back in order to fit in or impress others.

Wendy Reiersen
Sep 06, 2010 is currently reading it
This book is about linking and ranking. We need to connect with others and be accepted. We do also need to be aware of our place in the pecking order. Usually, we need more linking, and linking generally feels better. Seeking for linking and getting ranking instead doesn't feel good. So far (I've read the first chapter), this book explains a lot, and has the potential to be empowering. ...more
Oct 15, 2016 rated it really liked it
Should return to this one. "Undervalued Self" makes it sound as though one ought to read this book finding oneself in a poor situation mentally and socially- nothing could be further from the truth. Anyone would benefit from this gem. You will see your fellow humans in a new light reading it. A tad self- help'y, but look past that, because wealth of available insight is not to be missed. ...more
Jun 24, 2018 rated it it was amazing
This book was a big life changer for me. If you’ve ever struggled with perceptions of your relationship and struggled to make “links” it could be stemming from an undervalued self. Understanding that our perception of a relationship as a “ranking” when it should be a “linking” as well as how to change that has transformed how I view many of the relationships in my life. Excellent information.
Oct 09, 2018 rated it it was amazing
Shelves: top
Loved this book. Especially Elaines thoughts about competing with people vs making a connection with people where eye-opening to me. Just reading the book made me feel more 'connected' and less fearful. I will definitely read this book again. ...more
Kaydee Carr
Apr 28, 2019 rated it it was amazing
I could not put this one down. Concepts were fascinating and immediately relevant to my life. Really helped me think about my own experiences, view of myself, and relationships with others in a new and healthier way.
Louise Mathewson
Jun 05, 2019 rated it really liked it
Very valuable book!! It was hard to read for me because it challenged my thinking side. I found the concepts of linking and ranking very, very helpful. It has challenged me to think about linking with people instead of undervaluing myself and withdrawing!
Zi Ying
Apr 15, 2015 rated it it was amazing
This could potentially be my personal bible.
Jul 05, 2018 rated it liked it
*want to try the physical copy of this book
Sep 18, 2019 rated it really liked it
I found this book helpful, especially for HSPs and those of us who shy away from power and confrontation.
Mike Psaris
Jul 10, 2020 rated it it was amazing
I've told a number of people how I have learned how to love myself. That's it's an active love. Not love that is earned, but rather given. It was an important step for me. I had always been very hard on myself, and the title of this book strikes me as the perfect description for it - I undervalued myself. This book helped me see what I was doing, and helped me learn concrete steps to handle it. For the first time, I was able to stop trains of thought that in the past would have sent me spiraling ...more
Kya A.
Aug 12, 2017 rated it really liked it
I honestly really enjoyed this book. I love Aron's other book, The Highly Sensitive Person, and while that book was really for HSPs and those living and loving with HSPs, this book is an everyone book. Everyone has an undervalued self and I think this book is helpful in being more self aware.
The only thing I would say was that there were some concepts that could have fleshed out further. There were a lot of new, non-common ideas introduced at what seems like all at once.
Nonetheless, an incredi
Mar 18, 2020 rated it liked it
This is a good book. The writing is in the same vein as Brené Brown, Ester Perell & Gabor Maté. The author does a good job describing our 'inner voice'. A large theme in the book explores how we respond to ranking and defeats in life. The author looks at some common 'self-protection' in ranking and some helpful ‘linking’ strategies people can use. There is a great section exploring the roles of the Inner Critic, ...more
Ben Faulkner
Jan 01, 2021 rated it it was amazing
I think this book is a hidden gem. Unique, strange, insightful, and helpful. At some parts, I was literally reading scenes/descriptions of my own life. A great, difficult read for anyone who’s struggled with balancing love and power. Particularly relevant to highly sensitives or those with trauma.
Lynsea Montanari
Jan 12, 2021 rated it really liked it
Shelves: read-2021
I thoroughly enjoyed this book. The first half more than the second. However as someone who struggles with her self value I found this book helpful. There are concepts I’m already implementing. I think this could potentially be a good read for anyone.
Stephen Long
Aug 12, 2017 rated it it was amazing
Spectacular work. Primary ideas are spot on; the supporting material is very useful, too.
Jun 10, 2018 rated it liked it
I had forgotten that I hadn't finished this one and went back to do so. It's very good but didn't speak to me as deeply as I had hoped it would. ...more
Jennifer James
Nov 24, 2020 rated it really liked it
The information on the differences between linking and ranking were especially helpful in this book. I'd never looked at relationships in that manner before, and found it quite illuminating. ...more
Feb 15, 2021 rated it it was amazing
Might reread this book as it’s really good.
What a major disappointment this was.

I've been introduced to Elaine Aron through her work and explaining on the Highly Sensitive Trait which to me was a major discovery and understanding of this side of myself and others I know, and how and why we are different and sometimes struggle in a world that does not recognize or value this trait.
This book was not about High Sensitivity but on the undervaluing of ourselves that so many of us do and that makes us suffer, and I had expected Aron to also h
Jun 24, 2014 rated it really liked it
I adore Elaine Aron's work. Aron's and Tara Brach's work were my major influence as a therapist. Needless to say I first came across her through the HSP series. I did not have high hope on this seemingly common self help book, but it has very pleasantly exceeded my expectation. The book is a synthesis of various new wave approaches to therapy, one can argue that it is 'just plain old CBT' but it really is not. From what I am seeing, it artfully fulls together techniques and concepts from things ...more
Jul 16, 2014 rated it it was ok
Previously, I had read the Highly Sensitive Person Elaine Aron because I am one, but this book,
The Undervalue Self though I do see myself with some of these qualities, I found myself skimming through parts of the book. As with most self-help books, there are tools that I will be able to use, or tricks of the trade that will help me to steer away from the Undervalued Self. I never found my grove with this book, and there were certain parts that I thought were a little hokey, but overall I liked s
Sep 05, 2014 rated it really liked it
This book is hard for me. She is explaining some words. For example, "Ranking, Power in the Service of Linking.." They are new things for me. Yesterday, I finish read "the book theif". so, I would like to watch the movie~! ...more
Jul 25, 2016 rated it it was ok
Ok, so I skipped good bits of this. Some helpful ideas, but I didn't like the language of "ranking" and "linking" that she used throughout. And the repeated suggestion to have conversations with yourself was just weird. ...more
Feb 15, 2010 marked it as to-read
Shelves: own, first-reads
I won this book through the First Reads giveaway. I received it today!
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